We begin at Fang on Day 19, where they are running so low on food that they're actually eating six spoonfuls a day, total. That is some shit, right there. I had a steak sandwich and a giant beer for dinner five hours ago, and I'm starving. With six spoonfuls of rice, I would have trouble sustaining a pulse. However, I'm willing to wager that I could probably muster up enough energy to actively hate most of these people.

Matty (who has pretty much become your high school's sad over Mascara'd emo kid over the past few episodes) confesses that he's eating so little that he's "starting to lose spirit". But what will he survive on? Soon, he will have to sustain himself only on his questionable judgment.

While Fang sits around and eats pathetically, we hear Crystal make some noise off camera and the shot pans over to catch her frantically scooping the remainder of Fang's rice back into their box. You can tell that everyone is really frustrated with her and tired of her constant stream of bullshit, but that they just have absolutely no energy to protest. I mean, haven't we all lived in this moment at some point throughout our lives?

So later, when everyone is eating, Crystal lies prostrate in the hut and refuses to eat anything. The rest of Fang tries over and over again to get her to eat, repeatedly telling her that they're not mad, but she just lays there like a baby and tries to look as pathetic as possible. You see, this is one of my things: I have absolutely no patience for people who are passive-aggressive. I'm just like "Hey! Take your guilt and shove it up your ass" anytime people act like this, because it is the only way to deal with them: to let them know that their retarded efforts to make you feel bad have no effect. They can just fuck right off. Oh, you want to try and play with my emotions? That's cool. I'll just be over here eating the shit out of your portion of the rice.

I could seriously write an entire term paper on this phenomenon as it manifests solely through the advent of the Facebook Status. Is there anything worse than logging onto Facebook and seeing something like "Jane wishes her boyfriend loved her, but nothing is ever enough!" and like four of the words are spelled wrong? I'm constantly reading shit like this and thinking about how this person's life would be much easier if they communicated this to the person involved, instead of to everyone in the entire world save the one person that actually needs to know. It's both revoltingly pathetic and sadly tragic in its own uniquely 21st century way.

Anyway, tangent! Crystal is still laying in the hut after the rest of them have abandoned their attempts to lure her out. Since Crystal is now regretting her decision to prostrate herself before them, she can't stop running her mouth about how mad at her they must be, despite the fact that not a single one of them can muster up the energy to give a shit. "You say you're not mad, but your faces say a thousand words. That's the difference between you and me." Obviously Crystal has a face that reveals absolutely nothing. Well, except for her eyes. That's where the sadness come out.

There's an awesome little scene before the Reward Challenge that provides a little montage of Dan's increasingly problematic insecurity, which is notable only because Corinne hilariously suggests that Dan is so insecure because he was probably fat as a little kid. Zing! Jerry O'Connell does not approve, Corinne.

Reward Challenge. Today the teams are playing keepaway, with three people from one team trying to keep a ball away from a member of the other team, who is trying to break it. The first team to break three balls wins the reward, which is a helicopter ride and a picnic on the African countryside, where you give the ants your picnic basket if you don't want to lose an appendage.

So anyway, Kota wins in blowout fashion, but you knew that before we all got to this point, didn't you? The only remotely interesting thing that happens is that Randy spends most of his time growling at members of the other team. Oooh, he's growling! Way to get inside their heads, McLobotomy the Crime Dog.

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Posted in Survivor by Schoonie at 10:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Last Comment: snootchy bootches on Nov 7, 2008 11:47 AM.