This week on Survivor: the reward challenge pretty much dares you to "That's What She Said" your television.
After the tribal council in which we were all relieved of having to watch GC, Ace eyes the other members of the Fang tribe and wonders who will be his "Benedict Arnold". Just like Benedict Arnold, Ace's accent switches sides. Zing!
In the morning, Matt chisels a hole into a rock, hoping to make a ring to remind him of his dog and his girlfriend. Which one is the ring for? Also, the rock he's carving is enormous. I see no situation in which it could become a ring, unless Matty's planning on making one of those rings that pimps wear that go on more than one hand and spell your name or the word "CRUNK" in capital letters or something.
Matty tells us that he's just looking for any opportunity he can at this point. "If somebody approached me with a legitimate plan that might work, for sure I'm on board." Cut to Ace talking to Matty in the forest, suggesting that they use Sugar and Ken to create a majority and eliminate the other players. Matty then swears on his girlfriend and Ace thinks for a moment before swearing on his mother's life. I will never understand the concept of swearing on people's lives, because it means nothing. You break a promise so another person dies? Whatever, idiots. If I swore on my mom's life, and I had to make a decision that meant breaking that oath for a million dollars, my mom would be like, "Nicely done, honey."
Over at Kota, we get an extended montage of Dan eating the shit out of some food. Apparently everyone is getting pretty tired of his constant gluttony. Seriously, that's the whole scene. There is bitching from Corinne and an extended montage of consumption. Oh, filler. You make my job so easy.
Fang, in contrast, is running pretty damn low on food. Like, "let's home the merge comes soon so we don't die" low. That's pretty terrible. Time to go hunting, fools. Ace lies on his back over in the hut, just like he does in every damn shot. He tells Sugar that he's fairly sure that everyone knows she has the idol. Sugar then offers to give it to Ace, for what appears to be no reason whatsoever. If everyone already knows you have it, why does giving it to someone else make any difference? It can't be stolen, that's part of the rules. Whatever, it's Sugar. She tells us that she knows Ace is untrustworthy. "He's kind of a snake, but he's my snake" she episode titles for us. Ace celebrates the fact that he now has the idol and an alliance with Matty, thanks to choice bits of idiocy from both parties. Hey every, let's trust the guy who talks like the every single villain from Die Hard!
Reward Challenge. Today the teams will be carrying a giant snake and chasing each other around a course until one and catch the other one from behind. (That's what she said!) When a player gets tired, they can drop out, but the other Survivors will then be responsible for carrying more of the snake's weight. Chasing ensues, and you will be surprised to hear that Fang is somehow not good even at running in a circle. Kota catches up to them almost immediately until Kelly and a few others drop out, leaving only Ace, Matty and Crystal to drag the giant snake around. The start sprinting and get a little bit of distance, but Crystal eventually tires as well, and when the snake is too large for two people to carry, Kota catches up and wins the reward of breakfast pastries. Crystal starts to cry. I'd feel sorry for her if she weren't so heinous. And guess what? Sugar is going to Exile Island. I never get bored with this show, but we're getting close.
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Comments (14)
I was enjoying Randy this season but his "wah wah wah" comment after the reward challenge was disgusting. Reminded me of that pig Lisi.
1 of 14 | Posted by RugDoctor9 | Posted on October 30, 2008 4:54 AM
Crystal has been bugging me since the beginning. Even more than Ace because he has some game at least. She is just a big pile of hypocrisy. She is a gold medal winning olympic athelete and yet she has not done well in ANY challenge. Ok... I'll give her the one where her and some guy pulled people off of the pole. She was good in that one, but no other. Remember the innertube lacrosse thing? She was so loud in her accusations of how Kelly lost the game for them, but I didn't see that bitch able to move her tube either! I can't figure out why she hasn't been on the block yet. Oh yeah... I remember why. Because Fang are a bunch of morons. My bad.
2 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 30, 2008 5:30 AM
Forgot to mention...
My husband calls them Dong instead of Fang because they are all a bunch of d*cks.
3 of 14 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 30, 2008 5:35 AM
How can everyone not love Fang!
Ace: Looks and sounds like a villian, but noone hardly thinks of getting rid of him!
Crystal: Let me tell you, after years of training non-stop for the olympics, I'd win one gold metal and never run again. AND! She's unstable... who doesnt love unstable people!
Ken: Smart and Dorky! He's precious.
Sugar: I guess I have a soft spot for dumb people.. that arent doctors.
Matty: Hes the closest thing this tribe has ever had to a leader.
Maybe I'm a sucker for the underdogs... but I need the onion alliance to go.
4 of 14 | Posted by goosegg1001 | Posted on October 30, 2008 6:52 AM
Ace is just awful!
How is he never on the chopping block?
I can remember at least 2 instances where he has lost the immunity challenge for his team...but no one ever seems to notice.
You add that to the fact that he's just a jerk, and he just needs to be cut.
And Crystal? Major disappointment! When I heard there was going to be an Olympic athlete in the mix, and then I saw the size of this woman - I thought she was going to be a slam dunk. Instead, she just plains sucks.
5 of 14 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on October 30, 2008 8:45 AM
Given her erratic, paranoid behavior, I would like to nickname Crystal "Meth."
And I really wish they would get rid of The Man Of A Thousand Accents.
6 of 14 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on October 30, 2008 9:13 AM
If I had been on Fang's team when Ace told everyone to back off and let HIM put together the pole I would only have been able to take it for like 3 minutes. Then I would have picked up one of the sections and beat him to death with it. He never even got one section together. Gotta have a villian tho and he is fun to hate. I liked Sugar at first. I'm usually put off by women who make money off their looks but she seemed kind of cherubic. I have since realized there is a thin line between looking cherubic and actual stupidity and Sugar definitely crosses that line. I like Ken because I've been a gamer since pong and space invaders. Sugar is so dumb Ken needs to get the idol from her then make her sleep with him to get it back. Ken gettin' some from a pin up girl? That would be the best Survivor EVER!
7 of 14 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on October 30, 2008 10:23 AM
See, I don't think Sugar is dumb. I'm thinking there was probably good strategy giving the idol to Ace, then letting people know that she did that, then taking it back again...keeps 'em guessing where it actually is.
Dunno if that really was her plan...remember, they edit the show a lot.
And, surprise, surprise, of course I like Ace...only one in the entire show with any kind of personality at all. Feel kind of bad for him, being on Dong and all.
8 of 14 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 30, 2008 12:05 PM
Uh, if you read Randy's CBS profile you would know that he's a bitter, angry old man who's not gettin' any.
(He's probably gay too.)
That's why I like him. The WAH, WAH, WAH is completely in character. Now, if Randy wants to win SURVIVOR he needs to stop being himself and start acting like somebody else.
Ace is such a loser. He's a loser from Loserville. I wish one those elephants would step on his head and we could all watch his brains squish out. Now that would be great TV! It would even be better than watching Marcus's dick flop around.
9 of 14 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 30, 2008 12:23 PM
sorry i usually love these re-caps but this one seemed pretty weak! you missed all kinds of good stuff, it just seemed like you were trying to get it over with. am i the only one who noticed this?
10 of 14 | Posted by trivial | Posted on October 30, 2008 12:55 PM
Trivial:
If you remember what he said last week, he was going out of town for some straight-ee event (a marriage)-- so the recap would be late and short.
I think we all agreed to cut him some slack since, uh, we get this for free.
11 of 14 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 30, 2008 4:36 PM
Well said Mr. uh, Dangerous.
12 of 14 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on October 31, 2008 1:23 AM
oh that's right, sorry i suck!
13 of 14 | Posted by trivial | Posted on October 31, 2008 8:06 AM
"Um, I never said she was weak, but when somebody cries, it's just like why are you crying, and something's like, um...you're just not stable." I'm not sure, but I think that sentence is the title of a Fiona Apple album."
That's one of the funniest things I think I've ever read!
Fantastic recap!
14 of 14 | Posted by lavenderincense | Posted on October 31, 2008 8:35 PM