Next they show someone named Jerry, and then: Sandy. Of course, they show Sandy being annoying in various and sundry ways, including riding Erinn like a complete idiot and saying "fartin' beans" over and over again. In this age of swine flu, she is like a breath of fresh SARS.
Spencer was Spencer, and he is now dating Todd from a few seasons ago, apparently. Sydney was extremely hot and not much else.
Also, Joe existed. Who knew?
Brendan was the "first dragon slain", according to Stephen. In his interview, he's actually pretty good humored about his defeat, and you can tell that he was pretty much just doing this for fun, since he's already richer than you and I will ever be. It's nice to have that luxury, eh?
Tyson mentions that he was overconfident (ya think?). "IT seems like the more pathetic you look and act, the farther you get. Those people can have their money, I'll keep my awesome personality and fantastic good looks." And creepy porn star moustache, if the reunion is any indication.
The final three try to say that Sierra was a really sweet girl, but the editors apparently do not agree, because there's a whole montage of her looking sad and crying and looking sad some more. I guess when that's pretty much all you do the whole time you're on TV (except towards the end when she completely owned everyone, which was awesome), they don't have much footage of you looking happy. Perhaps someone should get her a balloon, or a sandwich, or a sandwich shaped balloon.
Debbie says that she's not as great at figuring people out as the thought. The eighth graders at her middle school will have to be extra careful when they smoke in the bathroom from now on! Detective Debbie is on the case. And then you will go to jail for one to eleventy years! That's a number, right?
And now: Coach. "I think I did change the game and make it more honest," says Coach. He changed it how, exactly? By integrating more whimsy into the proceedings? Because from where I'm sitting, the two (and maybe even three) most strategic players are sitting at the end having betrayed almost everyone else, just like normal. Way to revolutionize Survivor, Coach! Your effect upon the game will leave ripples for seasons! Future reality TV stars will model their approach after your innovative tactics, which were so effective that they netted you...fifth place, with such stalwart contestants as Erik the floppy-haired kid who gave his immunity away, and Crazy Shane, who spent thirty-three days getting his chemical imbalance all over my television! Your accomplishment will never be matched! THREE CHEERS FOR COACH, EVERYONE! LET US HOIST HIM UPON OUR SHOULDERS! IMMORTALIZE HIM IN BRONZE, I SAY! WHO IS WITH ME?
Coach then quotes Neitzsche, because if there's anything the Vikings and Samurai believed in, it is that God is dead. Speaking of the Vikings: "Just like the Vikings said, how you died determined your position in heaven," says Coach. And at this exact moment, the editors choose to show him collapsing into the fetal position and crying like a girl. Hmm. That's gotta be a coincidence.
Finally, we remember Taj, who was awesome and fun, just like normal. Then the little idols that they've collected along the way are burned and they stand and stare at them for what seems like hours.
Finally, it is time for the final immunity challenge. I know I've been criticizing the challenges this season for being phoned in, but this one is really cool and well thought out. There's an elaborate, winding metal track for each contestant. At first, the remaining Survivors will place one ball at the top of the apparatus, where it will spiral downward, where you will catch it and place it back into the chute. Slowly, more and more balls will be added until there are eight balls going at the same time. When one of your balls hits the ground, you're eliminated, and the last person standing wins. Oh, and also, you have to do this with one hand tied behind your back.
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Comments (12)
Well, I was really hoping that Stephen could have talked his way into the win, but he just seemed to go limp and let JT have it. I'm guessing they already had an agreement worked out there -- after all, Stephen gets the 100k for second place, right?
And the fact that people were falling all over themselves to lick up JT's droppings was part of his strategy -- which he pulled off really well. So he definitely deserves the win.
For once, I'm not dissatisfied with the winner. Although the whole season seemed kind of limp. Hopefully they'll toughen up the challenges for next season.
1 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:13 PM
Although Stephen was a very good player in the game, he missed the essential point... you can't go to the end with the most-liked player in the game, whether you're in an alliance or not. And, if you're going to try and sell yourself to the jury, you can't sell yourself as a floater! You have to point out exactly what moves you made... DUH! He should have pointed out that he found the Idol with Taj, brought JT into their alliance, and protected JT from being voted out at certain points in the game.
I do agree that no matter what, what it comes to is that the juries (in the majority of seasons) only value physical brawn, no matter how strategic a game was played. If you're not the physical player, you have to actually make moves within the game that people will recognize as game-changing. Getting the people to vote out Tyson, while still keeping Sierra isolated was a master stroke and Stephen should have taken credit for it (since it WAS HIS IDEA!).
It was almost as if Stephen was playing for second place, which was my main problem with Sugar last season. If you really want to win Survivor, you have to play wire to wire. JT did, Stephen didn't.
2 of 12 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on May 20, 2009 5:46 PM
This was the first time in a long time I would have been satisfied with either person winning...until Stephen revealed he wouldn't have kept his word to JT. Then I was firmly in JT's corner.
3 of 12 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on May 20, 2009 8:37 PM
Cattyfan, I don't think that is what Stephen said. He mostly said he wasn't sure. He only said he would go against JT when pressed because that was clearly the answer that they wanted to hear. I'm not sure why everyone gets down on Stephen for saying he would have to think about whether he would bring JT to the end. JT clearly had to think about whether he would bring Stephen to the end. The only difference is that we got to see what decision JT finally ended with but we will never know what Stephen would have done.
(I've not read the recap yet only the comments. :p)
4 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 21, 2009 5:29 AM
Cattyfan, I don't think that is what Stephen said. He mostly said he wasn't sure. He only said he would go against JT when pressed because that was clearly the answer that they wanted to hear. I'm not sure why everyone gets down on Stephen for saying he would have to think about whether he would bring JT to the end. JT clearly had to think about whether he would bring Stephen to the end. The only difference is that we got to see what decision JT finally ended with but we will never know what Stephen would have done.
(I've not read the recap yet only the comments. :p)
5 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 21, 2009 5:33 AM
Erm... that was weird.
6 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on May 21, 2009 5:35 AM
congrats JT! and thanks for the recaps!
stephen was really portrayed as a whiney little byatch there at the end, which i'm not sure is off the mark. such a strange relationship he and JT have. bromance, fo sho.
pretty good season. sierra definitely acted like a 12 year-old all the way, proving why they hated her (b/c i had been wondering). coach was fun to watch.
looking forward to the recap of the reunion!
dax
7 of 12 | Posted by idax | Posted on May 21, 2009 9:03 AM
Schoonie - Great Recaps (again) all season. Always made my day.
On the forum side I have been plugging the Ponderosa videos. If you haven't checked it out, they actually did one with Stephen and JT showing up at Ponderosa after the final tribal council. It's worth watching because it gives a different perspective than the editing on the tribal council. Stephen and JT seemed pretty cool about the whole thing - not the drama that you might expect. It was a weird, but satisfying, "conclusion."
Thanks for all the recaps and look forward to next fall.
8 of 12 | Posted by Channel Dasher | Posted on May 21, 2009 9:16 AM
Thanks for the entertaining recaps. I always read them at ew.com and then head over hear for your vastly superior take.
9 of 12 | Posted by Emmyloo | Posted on May 21, 2009 10:07 AM
"The part of Debbie will be played by Paula . . . " BRAVO!
10 of 12 | Posted by willintherace | Posted on May 22, 2009 11:07 AM
Great, spot-on recap. I hope that Debbie and Sierra see this recap and realize how stupid their questions were.
11 of 12 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on May 22, 2009 1:57 PM
I just finished reading this. (I was on vacation.)
okay, okay, I wanted the whole thing to end in a big wedding under a tree. I didn't get that but this was almost as good.
First, Smitten and JT pledge their loyalty to each other. Then they have a fight. Then one feels betrayed. How is it resolved? In the end they end up together, side by side, [one in black and one in white (okay, yellow)]. The two of them looked like the top of a big gay wedding cake.
P.S. uh, the reason why Jeff seemingly hates Stephen is cause Jeff's jealous of Stephen and JT's "relationship."
I really enjoyed your recaps Schoonie and I look forward to the ones in the fall.
12 of 12 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on June 4, 2009 7:49 AM