This, of course, does not stop Jeff from completely ragging on the people he perceives as weak. When Kota scores their second point (both of which were scored by Randy), Jeff calls out Kelly and Ken (who, you will remember, singlehandedly won the immunity challenge last week), despite the fact that everyone but Marcus, Ace, Jacquie, Randy and sometimes Dan are completely unable to go anywhere and are not contributing at all. "How does that happen?" he says to the two of them, as if GC, Crystal, and various others have been playing with cat-like efficiency. Quit trying to look cool by picking on the little people, Jeff. I know you think James is probably watching at home and you want to make him like you, but being an asshole isn't going to make that happen.
Wait, maybe it will.

Anyway, Kota completely dominates Fang thanks to Randy and Marcus, so they will be attending tribal council this evening. Back at camp, Ace calls his tribe "a bunch of legless chickens racing against a bunch of sleek weasels." I had no idea weasels were so sleek. "Aerodynamic" is not an adjective I normally attribute to members of the rodent family. GC does what he does best, which is to stand in the middle of camp doing nothing but being an asshole. "You were terrible, Ken," he laughs, despite the fact that he was about as effective as a Kenley Collins networking event.
He tells us hypocritically that he would like to get rid of Kelly because she was so lame at the immunity challenge. That would be really dumb, even though you have a majority with Matty. Thinking long term, keeping her around can have real benefits, and then you can dump her when she is no longer needed after you have taken everyone else out (including Matty, whom you know to have an alliance with the people on the other tribe). Not that I expect GC to think strategically. He resigned from thinking altogether when he was twelve, I'm guessing.

Of course, in classic lucky fashion, GC puts together the fact that he should keep Kelly. Get this: he's worried about the fact that Sugar might have the idol, and that if she does, she'll share it with Jacque and Ace, instead of just Ace. So, so dumb. All that gets you is an extra tribal council, douchebag. One: you are seriously running on the assumption that you'll continue to lose, which is retarded. Two: if you vote out Jacquie on this basis now, you're actually more likely to get fucked, because there are fewer people, meaning that you have a greater chance of choosing to vote out the person with the idol. Three: Keeping Kelly doesn't hurt you, because they'll probably target her when they actually do use it, since none of the rest of you (besides maybe Matty) are worth a sneak attack.
Of course, GC takes his paranoid delusions to Crystal and Ken, who immediately drink the Kool-Aid. They're doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. It's actually infuriating, because they deserve to do the wrong thing. I'm hoping they get voted out so Ken comes to his senses. He's the brains of this bunch, but clearly easily influenced.
Once Matty (who's the only one who benefits from getting rid of Kelly, since it destroys the idiot majority and he won't have to deal with it at the merge, meaning he just has to sit tight and hope they keep losing so he can reunite with his old homies) hears about the plan to get rid of Kelly, he approaches Jacquie and urges her to start trying to find a way to stay around. Jacquie immediately goes to Crystal, outright begging to replace Kelly in their alliance. She's seriously close to tears, I sort of feel bad for her. She continues to argue that she'll be worth more in challenges and will be just as loyal as Kelly, so why not just get rid of Kelly instead? Jacquie is making several mistakes here: she underestimates Crystal's paranoia, but more importantly she should really be trying to shift the focus to Ace. Crystal actually feels bad for Jacquie. Not bad enough not to vote her out, but still. And isn't a hug the greatest consolation prize of all?
« The Hills: Blahdrina, Feminist Hero. | Main | Top Design: Musical Eco-Office Chairs »


Comments (18)
Congratulations on the New job!
Great recap as always. But have you noticed when Ace gets angry or really frustrated, he loses his accent all together?
All Fang must go...
1 of 18 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on October 14, 2008 8:20 PM
Great recap, as always, Schoon.
One note on the raft challenge...I think the whole key was the Hah-uge rudder on the bottom of the circular tube...I think those who figured out how to position themselves and point the rudder in the direction they wanted to go (as opposed to trying to row "sideways" against it) were the successful ones... and dare I say, the smart ones.
2 of 18 | Posted by Carawatches2muchTV | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:17 PM
Funny ass recap! Thanks!
I also noted that Ace's accent went in and out throughout the episode...you'd just think that if he was faking, he'd let the cameras know in private, right??
I want to see a bit more of the physics guy. He was an early favorite of mine...perhaps being low on the radar is a good thing.
Crystal needs to go.
3 of 18 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on October 14, 2008 9:36 PM
Speaking of Bob the physics guy, I would like to see a bit more of him too. The poor man is positively skeletal!
I can't beleive they let someone that thin on this show, where you eat practically nothing for up to a month. Even though I like him, I almost hope he goes soon, before he starves to death.
Great recap, Schoon. But please, consider reranking your mother. After all, she did tie your shoes!
4 of 18 | Posted by AnnieO | Posted on October 14, 2008 10:02 PM
Usually when you don't see a lot of someone in the beginning, that's a good sign. It means they make it pretty far, in general. There are exceptions (Jenn from Palau), but for the most part, if you like the guy, you want to have no idea who the hell he is until ep 6 or so.
5 of 18 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on October 14, 2008 10:08 PM
I'm thinking 'Ace' is South African...like when he's calm, he's able to maintain the more British pronunciation, but when he's agitated, it clips into the Afrikaner pronunciation. Could be possible that he's Dutch or Scandinavian too.
Huge disappointment so far this season. On any other reality show, I like the contestants when they're utter losers. But for Survivor, I like to see actual smart people.
I think Ken's playing it close to the vest, but is actually quite shrewd and that the spinless follower thing is an act. He's a gamer-- picking Kelly was great strategy.
And Sugar should continue to reinforce to people that she's dumb and not a threat-- too bad for her she's rejoining Ace's tribe.
Schoonie-- where did the turkey rank? Hee hee!
6 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 15, 2008 1:22 AM
Spineless, not 'spinless'.
Damn, I wish this site had an edit function. Difficult to type straight while I'm waiting for the coffee to kick in.
7 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 15, 2008 1:39 AM
Yeah, Ace TOTALLY dropped the accent in the confessional where he was bitching about Kelly! He is such a poser!!
Oh and I was waiting for one of the new Fang members to make a comment like, "Man, you guys ate all of your rice!" lol That would have been classic.
8 of 18 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on October 15, 2008 4:45 AM
schoonie, I live for your recaps. Hilarious and spot on, as usual.
@ itchy- no way is Ace S African. That old lady who got booted second had a very distinct SA accent, and Ace sounds nothing like her. I think he is just an American who's lived abroad a while so he thinks he has the right to talk like a Brit, which he forgets to do consistently. He is the most unlikeable Survivor since Lisa IMO.
9 of 18 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on October 15, 2008 6:34 AM
Thanks for the awesome recap! Although I disagree, Ken picked Kelly because he thought she was hot. And if he is going to get a kiss from a girl, he knows the odds of it happening on a remote location is better than his real life. Ah, one can dream right?
I really think you should try out for Survivor Schoonie. Your game play rocks! I appreciate you're sharing it, I am just not that good.
10 of 18 | Posted by mrsc | Posted on October 15, 2008 7:46 AM
Hey Carawatches2muchTV I didn't even notice the rudder thingy but I would like to think I would have noticed it if I was ON the raft. That makes alot more sense to me now though how some of the peeps were able to manuever and others just twirled like Cheerios in milk. LOL at "I quit,brain!" Thanks for that one Schoon. I don't really remember much from my wisdom teeth removal, they were all impacted and the total Percodan count was 60. Actually I lost a whole month there HAHA. Since these contestants couldn't find the rudders on their rafts does that make them eligible as future non-clue reading Amazing Race contestants? Oh yeah and Ace only speaks Doucheonian. He's from the land of Douche where he is not king but is actually considered a douche bag by all the other douches.
11 of 18 | Posted by soapboxx | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:23 AM
Well, he's definitely not British, at least we can all agree on that.
Interesting character though, if he can somehow manage not to get voted out soon (which seems unlikely given the boobs he's with).
Yeah, they should do a Survivor season featuring all the various recappers from around the 'net. Schoonie would kick some serious ass.
12 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 15, 2008 11:25 AM
AnnieO: Do you not remember Courtney from Survivor China? She was RIDICULOUSLY thin and she made it to the very end of the game...
And as far as Ace's "accent" goes, it made me think of another show that I watch. Kevin on "Brothers and Sisters" does not have an accent on the show, but when I watched a special about the show itself, he was speaking with a very strong accent... Why would he do that if we all know on the show he doesn't speak with an accent? Just something that's puzzling to me...
13 of 18 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on October 15, 2008 4:15 PM
Off-topic from Survivor - but JustJesse...what do you mean about a "special about the show". If you mean when he wasn't playing a character, then of course he has an accent. Matthew Rhys (the actor who plays "Kevin") is from the UK, his first language was Welsh, not English, especially not American English...
Technically, that would mean he's faking an accent every time he plays "Kevin".
14 of 18 | Posted by lonebutterfly | Posted on October 15, 2008 5:49 PM
Lonebutterfly,
When I said a special about the show, I meant a special about the show. It was like a behind the scenes thing that aired before the start of last season. I thought it was interesting because on that, he had an accent, but on the show, he doesn't. I guess that just goes to show how easy it is to fake an accent, which everyone seems to think Ace is doing. That's all I was getting at...
15 of 18 | Posted by JustJesse | Posted on October 15, 2008 6:44 PM
Plenty of actors adopt an American accent for the US market -- Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, that hot South African actress (can't remember the name, too dazzled by the way she looks) plenty more. And Brits have been singing with American accents for decades. It's probably easier to flatten out a British/Australian/South African accent than it is for us to adopt a convincing British accent. Although I do a mean Southern drawl when I'm not speaking like a Jersey dockworker.
Oh and that old lady had an Anglo South African accent -- much different from an Afrikaaner accent. That's why I still think Ace might be from there.
16 of 18 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 16, 2008 12:05 AM
Well, this is what Ace claims according to his insufferable Survivor bio: "Born in New York but raised in London, Ace attended the prestigious Hill House School in Knightsbridge. His privileged background and world travels lead Gordon to mockingly state, "I'm probably better than you and highly more [sic] educated." It seems that most of the bios this year are equally obnoxious, for example, Corinne. I was thinking she was all right, except for the strange business suit attire decision, but after reading her bio, I'm no longer a fan. Also, this might be one of the first years where I think most of them are lying about their ages.
17 of 18 | Posted by fycin | Posted on October 16, 2008 2:42 PM
I miss James. This season of SURVIVOR needs some MEN like him.
As for GC. HATE that bitch.
Crystal: She's got an attitude.
Ken: He's an idiot. Like any girl is ever going to give him the time of day or a fluffing.
Randy: He's turning out to be a pretty good player. I'm still on TEAM RANDY but I like that Dan too.
18 of 18 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 18, 2008 10:31 AM