We begin over at Malakal, where Tracy would very much like to eat one of those chickens. Ozzy, however, has different ideas. He starts bitching about how chickens are "a renewable resource" because that's the one thing he remembers from eighth grade biology. Tracy accuses Ozzy of wanting to wait until they get rid of more people so that he can eat more chicken, which is probably more than fifty percent correct. The remaining percentage is bitterness, but she's probably mostly right. Tracy then tells us that "Ozzy will win if we don't take him out of this game." Yeah, that's sort of...how the show works, there.

Over at Airai, the girls talk about what a terrible night they had with the rain, sort of commiserating with each other, as people sometimes do. James, of course, thinks they're big wusses and can't believe he's stuck on a tribe. WITH GIRLS! And they're talking! So unfair. James does tell them to just chill the eff out, because it is called Survivor (what the hell is with the remedial lessons tonight?) and Kathy stands there and crazies out all over the beach, as she does. She keeps asking people for hugs, and she tries to I Dream of Jeannie herself off the island, and I cannot figure out whether she is joking or not, because homey has lost her mind.

Back at Malakal, Erik has fallen in love with Ozzy. He and his Napoleon Dynamite voice talk about how Ozzy is totally awesome and can climb trees and this one time, he threw a football over those mountains, and Babe the Blue Ox was at his side and that's how the Grand Canyon was formed. Cirie makes a comparison to The Lion King, which is pretty on-point, but The Lion King has forever been ruined for me by that awesome Soulja Boy mash-up video. This is a complete tangent, but I cannot tell you how awesome I think Soulja Boy is on this truly fatalist level. I mean, I love a bad pop song as much as the next guy, but it's like music has become of those evolutionary charts where the monkey turns into the human, except backwards. Like, The Beatles are the human figure on one side, and then in between we have Disco and the Eighties (all of which I love, I am so not judging), and then it slowly devolves from there, and then the second to last step (the crazy Neanderthal that has just developed thumbs or whatever) is T-Pain, and then: Soulja Boy. So now we have "Yah Trick Yah", which both rules and sucks at the same time on this truly legendary level, and it's just like this inevitable thing. I don't understand how it could happen, but I'm sure there will be something dumber, and I will hate myself for thinking that is awesome too.

But anyway, Erik is in love with Ozzy. Hey, can you tell this season sucks?

Ozzy then comes up with this plan to paddle out to the reef where he thinks there will be a lot of fish, and Cirie sort of agrees to go along reluctantly. As soon as they get out into the open, Cirie kind of loses her cool and gets all nervous and starts yelling at them. Ozzy tells her to chill out while he, Amanda and Erik relax and swim out in the open and she sits in the boat, pissed. On the one hand, Ozzy is being sort of a douche (as he's been all season), but on the other hand, Cirie has been really full of herself this season, and why the hell did she go if she knew this was what was going to happen? Were Ami and Tracy busy doing something really, really important? I need more information. For now, they both sort of suck.

Reward Challenge! Both tribes will have four people blindfolded, rolling this big "money stone" (called that because it was used as currency in Micronesia, or because they want everything to sound as porny as possible) on an axle while one person gives directions and guides them through these small gates, causing them to smash open some stones that have puzzle pieces inside. When they get to the end they'll work together to solve a puzzle; the first tribe to complete the puzzle wins a getaway at which they will be able to shower and cleanse themselves and eat a little bit.

« American Idol: Dollywood Stock Just Plummeted | | Celebrity Apprentice: British People, Although Prissy, and Ridiculous When Speaking or Attempting To Fabricate Normal Human Facial Expressions, Can Still Serve a Purpose »

Posted in Survivor by Schoonie at 7:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: moasey on Apr 8, 2008 11:14 AM.