While JT tells them that they're pretty much taking the food, Debra makes fumbled attempts to redirect their attentions elsewhere, mentioning that they have water cans and other less useful items. It's sad. She's basically going "You guys, I bet you don't have any of these really cool dead trees over at your camp! Why take that smelly old food when you could have this abundant plant life? This stick here could be fashioned into a mighty fine spear." While I appreciate her performance at the reward challenge, in general I am extremely put off by her. She just tries way, way too hard all the time in this way that she clearly thinks is effective but is, in fact, fake and obvious (see also: attempting to fit in with Coach during the Candace vote, the stupid fire-pit fiasco).
JT and Joe are nice enough to let them keep one of their bags of beans, so they take a water can instead. "I'm just being smart," JT says, "because if there's a switch and I end up on Timbira with nothing to eat because I just stole the beans, I'm gonna be pissed." Wait, so you're going to be mad that you have to eat...the same thing you've already been eating for twelve days? I mean yes, you've caught a fish or two, but there's not going to be a whole lot of difference between Jalapao pre-bean and Timbira post-bean.
When JT and Joe get back to Jalapao and explain to the rest of the team that they left Timbira with some provisions, they're unhappy. Sandy, in particular, doesn't understand.
She actually makes a very adequate analogy to that effect. I know! "If your enemy has 100 guns, and you have the opportunity to take them, you don't take 75 guns and leave them with 25 to shoot you with!"
Of course, Sandy then squanders the entirely of the little bit of goodwill she had just built up with me by referring to their new food as "fartin' beans" over and over again, finding it just as hilarious the fifth time that she says the word "fart" as she did the first time. Sandy is the reason why According to Jim still exists.
Spencer and hot, hot Sydney exchange eye-rolls around the twentieth time Sandy says the word "fart", so...word to the both of them.
Sydney wanders over to the fire, where Joe and Spencer are prepared to joke/flirt with her, all "What's up, hottest Survivor chick this season?" Sandy looks on jealously. "Sydney is using all her feminine whiles to seduce the menfolk," Sandy says, ironically conveying jealousy over Sydney's young frame by utilizing language last heard during the California Gold Rush. Watch out, Sydney! Sandy will tie you to the train tracks and stroke her handlebar moustache if you're not careful. It is also worth noting that Sandy is bitching about Sydney flirting with Spencer, who is gay, while Sandy herself shows way too much skin, thanks to a two piece bikini that can only have been purchased along with a Duran Duran album.
While Sydney's like "Sierra's pretty cute though," (Someone's hilarious response: "Well, she's kind of angry." That's just the way her face looks, random person) , Sandy thinks Sydney's going to have to keep upping the ante to stay around: "She'd better be pulling her panties off or something!" which is apparently the most hilarious thing since the phrase "fartin' beans". Oh, go watch Frank TV somewhere.
Exile Island. While Taj and Sierra gather wood to make fire, Taj eyes Sierra cautiously, trying to gauge how much Sierra may or may not know about the alliance. Once it becomes clear that Sierra knows absolutely nothing (no thanks to Brendan), Taj explains all about how no one knows that Taj is cool with Stephen, or that Brendan is cool with Sierra, or that Taj and Brendan are cool, so working this alliance will allow them to secretly control both the idols all the way through the endgame. Taj has clearly worked some different scenarios out, because she points out that they can use the idols to take out other people without their knowledge, and without the participation of anyone else, even if they're in the minority. And she's right: even if the merge is at ten and it's six people against their four, they can still become the final four with very little resistance. That's pretty impressive.
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Comments (44)
Wow, I can't tell you how much it pains me to defend Coach, but the definition of the word "sultry" includes: 1) Very hot and humid; 2) Extremely hot; torrid; 3) Sensual; voluptuous.
So he was using the word correctly. (Ouch! That hurt!)
Isn't he looking more and more like a crazy homeless man every week? His eyes are so weird. He looks a lot older than 37.
1 of 44 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 9, 2009 10:20 PM
As for "sulky," it can mean "Gloomy; dismal" but that is a lot less commonly used.
Sorry!
2 of 44 | Posted by Pixielated | Posted on March 9, 2009 10:22 PM
"The Inverse Property Of Steve-O" LOL! Did anybody else think that Tyson just gave up during the reward challenge? He seems to have taken a page or two from Richard Hatch's original Survivor playbook.
And how big of an idiot is Brendan? Taj must be wondering what sort of loser she hooked up with. Can't wait to see how this secret alliance plays out.
3 of 44 | Posted by xqzmoi | Posted on March 9, 2009 10:25 PM
Yeah, I knew that 'sulky' was used appropriately, but I thought that 'sultry' only had the overt sexual meaning.
Damn, and now my life has been made better because of Coach. If anyone needs me, I'll just be over in the corner committing hara-kiri.
4 of 44 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on March 9, 2009 10:40 PM
Hmmm, no mention of Taj talking too much at tribal council? I was worried about that and think it will come back to haunt her. She was basically saing "I have NO worries, I AM SAFE." I like her so I hope this doesn't get her in trouble.
5 of 44 | Posted by geewits | Posted on March 9, 2009 11:52 PM
Tyson is one nasty piece of work...a true snake. At least when he's talking to the camera. I'm looking forward to finding out if he really can walk the walk. For the moment, he does not much.
I'm more a fan of the Sierra type of beauty --and have you noticed there's always a blurred spot between her legs? What do you think she's showing to the others?
Taj seems to be the only one really playing a smart game-- the jury's still out on Stephen, who clearly has to be much brighter and less naive than he's pretending.
And each week Brendan confirms a little more that he just got lucky with the granola business. What a pothead.
6 of 44 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 10, 2009 12:51 AM
Anyone else notice Coach hanging back in the immunuty challenge? He only made one run while everyone else made several. He loves to talk the talk but he sure as hell can't walk the walk. I hate him.
7 of 44 | Posted by briar | Posted on March 10, 2009 3:30 AM
I believe JT meant that it would be stupid of him to steal of the other tribe's beans only to find out he has to switch to that tribe later and be beanless, aka without food.
8 of 44 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 10, 2009 4:27 AM
schoonie, great recap as always!! I, too, was confused by Taj's vote for Joe. She's overconfident if she doesn't think that's going to come back to haunt her later.
Coach is the most loathesome person ever to appear on TV, and I watched the OJ trial, watched Lisa fall many times (and laughed each and every sweet, sweet time) AND I watched the entire Flavor of Love series, so I feel I'm highly qualified to make that statement.
9 of 44 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 10, 2009 6:44 AM
"Sandy is the reason 'According to Jim' still exists."
Ah yes... now we know the culprit! Makes perfect sense.
Great recap, Schoonie! Love the Exile Island alliance as a concept - not sure these people can pull it off. But we'll see.
10 of 44 | Posted by ChiGal1962 | Posted on March 10, 2009 7:11 AM
As a gay man it's hard for me to tell the difference between Sandy and who? There's somebody named Sydney on the show? They look the same to me but if you say one's hotter I'll take your word for it. My question is, "When did it start to matter, to straight men, what a lady looked like?" I thought the question was always, "Will she do me?"
I don't hate coach. I tend to pity him. He wants to be something he's not and never will be. That's just sad. I DO wonder why he doesn't participate more in these "mano y mano" challenges. Why is Tyson doing the weight challenge? Shouldn't Coach be doing it? Maybe, Coach is waiting for a musical challenge? Could that be it?
Tyson needs to keep his clothes on. He's really unattractive. The only guys who can take their clothes off are JT, Brendan, Smitten guy and Spencer. Everybody else on this island needs to keep covered up at all times and some of them (the ladies in particular) need to put MORE clothes on. (And let me tell you something I don't even want to think about the blurred spot between Sierra's legs. She needs to cover that thing up! Oy.)
11 of 44 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 10, 2009 8:42 AM
This was the most boring lame Survivor episode ever. I don't care about any of the contestants this season but at least I do hate Coach. With so many players kind of the same age and attractiveness, it reminds me a bit of Big Brother, only Big Brother does it better. Your recaps are a thousand percent better than the show this season so I think I might quit watching and just read about it here.
12 of 44 | Posted by NegativeNancy | Posted on March 10, 2009 9:30 AM
Now, now, Mr. Dangerous, most straight guys will show a definite preference for nubile young models of prime breeding age over a crinkly old popeyed hillbilly who's old enough to be someone's grandma.
Although there's a fetish for everyone, it seems.
But yeah, we do think a lot about that blurred spot between their legs...ah the sweet mysteries of life...
I agree, Coach is definitely more pathetic than hateful. I'm reserving the hate for Tyson--from everything he says (considering he doesn't actually do anything either) he's a true scumbag.
13 of 44 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 10, 2009 10:29 AM
Mr. Dangerous: itchy stole some of my thunder, but how long have you been living on planet Gay (said in love, really!)? I totally can't relate to liking men, but even I can tell the difference between a James and a Chet. Sydney is total hotness, and they already voted off the other two hotnesses (looks can only get you so far!). Please, oh please don't make us watch an all-homely cast of critters!
All in all, my favorite so far is Taj.
14 of 44 | Posted by Timberwolf | Posted on March 10, 2009 10:48 AM
Itchy: "crinkly old popeyed hillbilly"
Hahahaha!
Every time I see Sandy, all I can think of is Schoonie's first couple of recaps this season and "This Is Brutal!!"
15 of 44 | Posted by Timberwolf | Posted on March 10, 2009 10:58 AM
Timberwolf:
Well, I admit to being in my mid-30s. That means I've been on Planet Gay for 30-some years. BTW; we live on the same planet so, uh, you're on Planet Gay too. (It's alright. You can stay. We need a few straight-ees.)
Itchy:
You should have used that "crinkly old popeyed hillbilly" phrase earlier. Schoonie would have stole it cause that's WAY TOO GOOD not to steal.
16 of 44 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 10, 2009 11:16 AM
Dangerous: Touche!
17 of 44 | Posted by Timberwolf | Posted on March 10, 2009 11:39 AM
Yeah, I agree with a couple of you that Sandy's Sydney comments came out of nowhere. I hadn't even really noticed her (or her drawers). But, who wears jeans to the Amazon, or where ever they are? OTOH, they could machete the legs off. But, I think Sydney looks cute in Jockey shorts.
The only redeeming quality I can find in Tyson is that he seems to be letting Coach think he's all that and that Tyson is into his 'asst coach' BS. Since everyone must know that Coach is all talk and no action by now, why doesn't someone say, "YOU'RE the cancer in the tribe, Dude! Maybe if you had worked alittle harder we wouldn't have lost that challenge!"
And, am I the only person who isn't familiar with Taj's pop fame from her previous life? I've got no idea who SWV are. Did have hits? What kind of music did they sing?
Oh,well. Looking forward to a more exciting episode next week.
18 of 44 | Posted by 2muchbravo | Posted on March 10, 2009 12:28 PM
I think Coach stopped being a villain last week when he lost it at tribal council and all the other tribe members laughed at his pathetic need to be the leader. He's a wimp. A real villain needs to be stronger.
Tyson is trying hard to be Richard Hatch, from the nudity to the "games-manship." It was his alliances that won it for him, though. And I don't think he would win today.
Sydney's more seductive behavior could have been edited out. We'll see what happens from now on.
19 of 44 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on March 10, 2009 7:40 PM
Yes, 2muchbravo, you're the only one who doesn't know.
Youtube SWV. Taj used to be the hot one! lol
They had several hits in the early to late 90's (and 4 non-greatest hits albums) although the MAINSTREAM audience (*cough* Schoonie *cough*) only seem to know about the song "Weak", probably their biggest pop hit.
20 of 44 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 11, 2009 12:05 PM
Sweet, sweet trivia:
They have also gone on to sell over 15 million albums worldwide and 27 million including singles.[citation needed] SWV is also the third highest selling R&B girl group in the world.
They didn't sell all of those albums off of one song, SCHOONIE.
21 of 44 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 11, 2009 12:07 PM
Sorry, I'm upset that SWV doesn't get enough credit. They were awesome! And I love Taj. She's one of the nicest celebs I have ever met (and I've met many). She was nice during the SWV heyday and still seems just as nice.
Quite a few current artists have sampled/covered SWV's music without much tribute.
Leona Lewis
JoJo
Chingy
Tyrese
And more...
22 of 44 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 11, 2009 12:15 PM
Geez, I had no idea people were so defensive about the music of SWV!
Don't get all weak in the knees about it.
God, I'm hilarious.
23 of 44 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on March 11, 2009 12:16 PM
Uh, I never heard of them (SWV) either but in the early 90s I was listening to Madonna and other BIG ARTISTS but Taj seems very nice.
24 of 44 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 11, 2009 12:30 PM
Oh, I liked that Prince in the early 90s too. Can you imagine Madonna and Prince on SURVIVOR. I would watch that season.
25 of 44 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on March 11, 2009 12:44 PM
Thank you Schoonie--you are so prompt! Oh I just realized that I taped this on my DVR and just watched it last night! Doesn't change my opinion of your excellent recap.
This will earn me no fans, but I LOVE coach. He is too funny. Look, you've got to have characters on this show to make it fun--and he fits the bill to a T!
I will also miss Sandy and her big personality--oops just farted, must be the beans, anyway sure that other chick looks good, but personality-0.
Personally, I am still mourning the loss of Jerry.
Thanks for giving a long time lurker and a first time poster a place to be me. XOXO
26 of 44 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on March 11, 2009 2:25 PM
Hi again,
Sorry to post so soon, but you guys seem to have great insight. I have a slight problem/situation.
OK here it is. I need help naming my puppy. We had 3 morkies and decided to keep one. The boy we name Elvis--born on his b-day--easy choice. The two girls were called Sassy and Sweetie based on personality traits. We kept Sweetie--but she is more playful and destructive than sweet. Anyway, never meant to keep one, but feel in love. Do not feel the same way about the name. Can you guys (please, please, please) suggest another name. I love old movies if that helps--the mom is named
Vivian after Vivian Leigh and she has some serious mental problems.
Thanks so much,
XOXO
27 of 44 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on March 11, 2009 3:04 PM
Oooh! I have inane SWV trivia! Initially the three members of the group (Taj, LeLe & Coko) were going to call their group TLC, but Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins, Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes and Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas had already taken that name for their group, so Taj & Co were stuck thinking up something just as catchy... and that's how we wound up with SWV, which at first I thought was pronounced "Swuvv".
Anyhow, Schoonie, great job on this recap, I'm so happy that I can follow what's going on with a show I don't even watch (for a change!) I'm so into you!
love will be right here,
J-Mo :)
28 of 44 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on March 11, 2009 3:27 PM
Was anyone else suprised that Taj went ahead and told Sierra about the alliance?
For all she knew something had happened and Brendan had changed his mind about Sierra.
29 of 44 | Posted by miss tint | Posted on March 11, 2009 5:27 PM
JMo, you're the only one I've heard share that random SWV trivia. My opinion of you just went up lots of notches because of your ability to cleverly work in non-Weak SWV HITS into your comment. I guess it's human nature for people to dismiss what they don't know much about. Or they'd rather rain on the parade with their triflin comments. Those types of people can go downtown and kiss where there's no sunshine. They're not always on my mind, so...until the next episode.
*This comment is dedicated to those people with eclectic musical tastes who are able to count all of the SWV-related references.*
30 of 44 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 11, 2009 7:53 PM
nyc cookie - what about Lucy as in Lucielle Ball?
Here's hoping Taj and her secret alliance go all the way.
31 of 44 | Posted by itsCleo | Posted on March 11, 2009 8:02 PM
Blahblah, that was so well put, I can hardly speak!
Kidding, of course. BTW, my musical tastes are fairly eclectic. And I can prove it!
last.fm/user/schoonie
32 of 44 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on March 11, 2009 9:27 PM
Another little known fact about SWV: When Taj, LeLe & Coko fought bravely in World War II, they violated The Geneva Convention several times and were not punished.
33 of 44 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on March 11, 2009 9:56 PM
One! More! Thing! About SWV:
Did you know that SWV wrote the scripts for the final episodes of Mash, Seinfeld, AND Cheers, using only lyrics from their lesser known songs? It's true.
34 of 44 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on March 11, 2009 9:58 PM
itsCleo
Thank you so much! I love Lucy! That name is so perfect because she always has some splaining to do!
I also am rooting for the Taj alliance!
XOXO
35 of 44 | Posted by nyc cookie | Posted on March 11, 2009 11:42 PM
Well known fact:
Schoonie can kiss my ass.
36 of 44 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 12, 2009 12:10 AM
And while you're down there, I hope you find some more sh*tty jokes to match the other crap you've been writing.
37 of 44 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on March 12, 2009 12:13 AM
blahblah you might want to think about changing your name to wahwah. Or maybe just get a life. Schoonie rules.
38 of 44 | Posted by briar | Posted on March 12, 2009 3:18 AM
nyc cookie - So glad you liked my suggestion! Let's hope your Lucy gets in a little less trouble than her namesake! :)
39 of 44 | Posted by itscleo | Posted on March 12, 2009 4:55 AM
WHOA! I think "someone" hit a nerve.
Blahblah must be a former member of this group. Who else would get so upset over this?
40 of 44 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on March 12, 2009 6:31 AM
Did you know that in 1994, SWV rerecorded the Thriller Album, in it's entirety, note for note? Due to copyright violations, it could not be released in North America, but it went on to sell twice the number of copies that the original sold, except only in Yugoslavian countries. Seriously, look that shit up!
41 of 44 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on March 12, 2009 8:05 AM
*gasp* I think I remember when SWV did that... was it before they cured polio and after they ReUnified Germany? Or vice-versa?
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. I still buy the SWV Health Tonic! Chock full 'o' vitamins and minerals, and it tastes just like candy! Mmmmmm!
42 of 44 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on March 12, 2009 8:55 AM
J-Mo, you're getting confused about the polio thing because Marie Curie used to be a member of SWV, and she cured several diseases (well, not polio, but still). It's kind of like Destiny's Child, where they kicked her out after the first album.
43 of 44 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on March 12, 2009 10:07 AM
All these facts are lost on me.
Until Taj joined "Survivor," I'd never even HEARD of SWV.
44 of 44 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on March 12, 2009 3:37 PM