I think part of Coach's definition of "strong" is "male."

Like Probst, who seems to think any heavily muscled alpha male is the "strong" player in the group, despite evidence (past winners) to the contrary.

bwahahahahah you kill me every single time. is it time for big bro yet? i miss you schoon! great cappy!

I was literally screaming at the television with the ridiculously easy clues they gave her to find the immunity idol. Especially when the "lone palm tree" was literally right in front of her. What a dolt.

I've already decided Jerry is my favorite.

Thanks for the recap, Schoon.

Oh, and what the heck? I have to ask SOMEONE...
Why is no one recapping FNL this year?!?!?

Between "It is my hope that there is a robust ass kicking coming his way, hopefully from a legion of tiny contestants" and Flipit's man-tiaras, I laughed so loudly I woke up my husband (it's 2:00 a.m., so I'm currently not very popular.)

Will "THIS IS BRUTAL" become this season's "Jeepers!"? I hope so...

Brilliant recap!

Oh yeah, 'Coach' is a complete tool, like all of the coaches I had to deal with during my school days. Can't wait until he's blindsided, because douchebags like that always get blindsided.

Me likey the cute sick chick...although it looks like 'building' the shelter was more like putting together an Ikea box than actually figuring out how to build anything.

And since the clues were so damn obvious, couldn't she have gone to look for the idol AND build the shelter?

Well I'm a voice person and it seems like this is the first time they got rid of someone with an annoying voice right away, which is good for me, but good for the tribe? I guess we'll see.

On another note I wish they had started with a two hour show like they did last season. One hour for the first show doesn't seem long enough to really take it all in.

I'm with Itchy, couldn't the skinny blond girl have looked for the idol later?

I'm soooo glad you're recapping this. You're a riot : ) And, OMFG, I can not stand the douchebag Coach. I may watch this season just to see him take the inevitable fall. I so hope he gets lice and has to shave his head.

Great job.
Hugs,
Yenta

There is a Survivor Casting Call on this page. Who the F is the hottie covered in mud? Is he someone I don't rec from a past season or is he from the new season and I missed him?? WHO IS HE???

What happened to the old Survivor? When they really had to "survive". Like - building shelter out of stuff from nature that they had to find themselves? I mean seriously - I have watched Survivor from the very beginning - and, I'm starting to get disappointed in the turn it's taken. It's not the same game.

That being said - great recap. And, at least I still get a lot of pleasure out of the blind-sides of weinies like Coach.

I missed the show! I didn't even realize a new season was on. Didn't it "just" end like a week ago? WTH?

But thanks for the recap Schoon, because now I know who the douches are before I even see it!

Oh, and I need clarificaiton regarding this quote: "Sandy votes for Carolina, pronouncing it like the state." How else do you say it? Seriously. I know a Carolina and her name is pronounced like the state, so I'm truly curious as to how else it can be pronounced.

Thanks!

You kind of want to see them keep Sandy around for comic relief. "What's a pace?" Um, maybe shoot for the 2nd part of the clue, if you're not sure about the first? Good stuff!
Does the douche wear his hair pulled back or is that a mullet??!! Man I hope he gets duped by some 'weak' people!! LOL
I think the first chick out prounounces her name Carol-eena.

Keep up the good work!

Yup. Caroleena. As in: vageena.

Boom. Roasted!

That was my favorite line of the whole recap, not only because it was true, but because I love Michael Scott's tirade.

What are 10 paces???? Are you kidding me? That's a commercial for staying away from Meth.

Carolina is Latina. In Spanish, the name is pronounced Caroleena.

Itchy:

(Vageena) I shot soda out of my nose! Waaahahahahaha! Oh, (sniff) endless comedy out of only one word!

Schoon:

great recap as usual. You're right, you don't even need a caption under Sandy's faces. They say it all. And how can you get to be 80 years old and not know what a "pace" is? She needs to stay around just for the uncomfortable wackiness that will surely ensue. Coach will fall. Oh yes, he will fall.

Sorry, I don't know why I keep coming up as anonymous! It's me, Timberwolf

"In ancient Rome, I still would have been a giant turd."

Best screencap caption, ever!!!

msjacqmills: Whether or not they are provided shelter materials is totally dependent upon the location. For example, if they're on an island with a multitude of palm trees they can build a shelter out of the fronds. However, in places like Gabon and Tocantins, the shelter materials need to be provided since the local vegetation doesn't really lend itself to construction (or even if it does, there are all sorts of conservation codes in the national parks where Survivor usually takes place which might hinder what they're allowed to use).

In response to the recap, I actually think Sandy was right to search for the idol, even if her reasoning (as she explained it, and granted, she's limited in that regard) was a bit off. As the older woman, she was likely to be the first target even if she had built a great shelter. Old women do usually go home early even if they're hard workers. Besides, the idol was a one-round only type (like the kind Kathy and Yau-Man found in Micronesia). So the guaranteed safety would definitely be something I went for.

Though I can't believe she didn't see that giant lone palm tree right behind her.

It never said the idol was a round one only type. I'm not sure which it is, but I'm pretty sure it's an actual, valid idol.

Schoonie, Great recap, as always. Have you seen Probst's blog? I can't post a link in the comments but I'm sure you will find it highly entertaining/infuriating.

Sandy is crazy as a shithouse rat. I will love hating her for as long as she stays around, which I hope is only slightly longer than the asshat Coach on the other tribe.

Great recap.

soooo great to have Schoonie and Survivor together again. Coach/Maestro is quite possibly the most annoying survivor ever. Aside from the unfortunate hair choices, anyone with not one but two self-designated nicknames is unequivocally douchey!

My Survivor/Schoonie fix is met and I love it.... Survivor without Schoonie is like sex without an orgasm... ok, raunchy yes, but you get the point... I can't wait to disagree with you about the confounding players as it gets closer to the end.

And, GO TAJ... as a fan of SWV, I love that she doesn't need the money and probably no one even knows who she is. (Not that I would have, either, just by looking at her).

That might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me.

I found a screen-cap of the clue. You're right. It says that Sandy or Sierra could look for an idol that would guarantee their safety at the first Tribal Council, but it doesn't say if the idol is a one-round only type. The way the clue is written, it could go either way. We'll have to see how Exile Island works to find out, I guess.

Also, I don't think Sandy ever said she couldn't change their perceptions of her. Jeff specifically asked at Tribal Council how she could change their perception of her being the "old lady," and she rightly said that nothing she could do would keep her from being the oldest woman. She'd just have to fit into the tribe despite her age.

I can't help it, but I like her. A definite improvement of the "old lady" niche over Gillian from last season.

Remember that pompous ass on Seinfeld who made everyone call him The Maestro even though he just conducted an orchestra that played at nursing homes? He was a cool dude compared to this jackass.

yes, that Seinfeld character's name was Bob Cobb. From now on, I'll be referring to Coach/Maestro as Bob Cobb.

Pretty Good Year, in my opinion (and for what it's worth, LOL), the best Survivor "old lady" by far was Scout, the old ass lesbian from that boys v. girls season that Chris won.

I've been on Jury Duty so I haven't been able to get to your recap till now. It was pretty on the nose. (I like yetapatrols wish. That lice comment was funny stuff.) Coach is probably a dick but I'm not sure yet. That Maestro nickname is too much for me though.
Survivor has changed a lot over the years. The stick in the sand is pretty indicative.
Still liking JT and Spencer.

I have two SWV CDs and watched Taj's reality TV show ("I Married a Baller") and I love her so I'm officially the president of Team Taj cuz [She's] the One For Me (that's for the old school R&B fans). I don't know how she'll do physically but she has a wonderful personality/spirit...very good socially. We'll see if hunger changes that (see Crystal for reference).

Sandy is super annoying. I hate Survivor casting sometimes. It's so obvious that she is this season's version of CrazyEyesKathy.

Oh yeah...Schoonie, you're still just as funny and annoyingly pre-judgy as ever. Good recap.