Turns out that the two people that earned majority votes are not "making the journey" in the sense that they are riding to camp in a helicopter while everyone else is going to be walking. That should inspire some solidarity with the people who've already been alienated. Sandy, because it's already apparent that she has no clue whatsoever how to deal with other people, is already celebrating about the helicopter ride. This even annoys Jeff, who awesomely goes "Well, I wouldn't be celebrating, Sandy, I'd be thinking about how I can get back into the good graces of the people who just voted for me!" Boom! Roasted.
After a commercial break, we're with Jalapao, who are marching to their camp. They can't seem to figure out how to use the compass, and JT (cattle rancher) saves the day by taking charge and kind of timidly offering to lead them to camp. "I don't want to be pushy or nuthin," he says all Aw Shucks at everyone. Stephen already has a HUGE rip in his pants from carrying the heavy can of water. "This is gonna be nice for all the ladies back home," he says right into the camera, which will be funny the first time but will grate my nerves the next time he does it. You are not Jim Halpert. Stop. The tribe is already joking about how they need to get a move on so they can get to Sandy as soon as possible, and that can't bode well for her.
Over with Timbira, Jerry (US Army Sergeant) talks about how he just got back from Afghanistan (you know, that other war), and commanded over 100 people, so it's going to be tough not to take charge and tell all these people what to do. "Coach", of whom I am already tired, tells us that he wants to create an alliance of strong people and change the game by making sure that "the weak" don't get to the end. When he says weak, he means physically weak, which is stupid. Aren't the "weak" really just the people who get voted out early?
This show is not about actual survival in any sense other than a base one, since you have to contribute around camp to stay around. But even that is really just part of a requirement to fit in, which is what "strong" really is, within the scope of Survivor. People like Parvati might be physically weak, but survived in the wild for 39 days, and some other, stronger people weren't able to do that. What's your definition of strong? If you define that by bringing only the largest, most athletic people, that doesn't make you some noble figure who is revolutionizing Survivor, it makes you a judgmental elitist.
And all of a sudden Coach is on this diatribe about how "other cultures prayed for worthy opponents", and he's talking about ancient Incan tribes and Egyptian battles and whatnot, and it just makes me want to punch him in the solar plexus for being such a pretentious douche. You have bad hair and a terrible shirt. Go read a Dave Eggers novel, jerk. It is my hope that there is a robust ass kicking coming his way, hopefully from a legion of tiny contestants.
Helicopter ride. Sandy arrives at her camp and starts crying almost immediately. She's obviously already hamming it up (she talks about waiting to cry until she was alone, which is dumb, because if you're going to cry in front of a cameraman, you might as well cry in front of a couple of other people). Does she have too much dignity to cry in front of a helicopter pilot?
Sandy discovers a note for her, and it says that she can either start to set up her camp and try to repair her relationship with her other Jalapao tribemates (which she pronounces "Jalapeno", admitting that she has no idea how to pronounce it), or she can take the first hidden idol clue and try to keep it for herself. Before she even finishes reading the clue she decides to go look for the idol. "Why waste my energy trying to endear myself to people who won't like me anyway?" she says, as if there is any sort of logic in that statement. The clue is hilarious, because tells her to look for an actual stick stuck in the sand. That's what it has come to, people: hiding clues in places so obvious that they just decide to bury it and jam a stick on top of it.
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Comments (34)
I think part of Coach's definition of "strong" is "male."
Like Probst, who seems to think any heavily muscled alpha male is the "strong" player in the group, despite evidence (past winners) to the contrary.
1 of 34 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on February 15, 2009 6:44 PM
bwahahahahah you kill me every single time. is it time for big bro yet? i miss you schoon! great cappy!
2 of 34 | Posted by flipit | Posted on February 15, 2009 7:30 PM
I was literally screaming at the television with the ridiculously easy clues they gave her to find the immunity idol. Especially when the "lone palm tree" was literally right in front of her. What a dolt.
3 of 34 | Posted by snarky | Posted on February 15, 2009 7:31 PM
I've already decided Jerry is my favorite.
Thanks for the recap, Schoon.
Oh, and what the heck? I have to ask SOMEONE...
Why is no one recapping FNL this year?!?!?
4 of 34 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on February 15, 2009 10:22 PM
Between "It is my hope that there is a robust ass kicking coming his way, hopefully from a legion of tiny contestants" and Flipit's man-tiaras, I laughed so loudly I woke up my husband (it's 2:00 a.m., so I'm currently not very popular.)
Will "THIS IS BRUTAL" become this season's "Jeepers!"? I hope so...
Brilliant recap!
5 of 34 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on February 15, 2009 10:55 PM
Oh yeah, 'Coach' is a complete tool, like all of the coaches I had to deal with during my school days. Can't wait until he's blindsided, because douchebags like that always get blindsided.
Me likey the cute sick chick...although it looks like 'building' the shelter was more like putting together an Ikea box than actually figuring out how to build anything.
And since the clues were so damn obvious, couldn't she have gone to look for the idol AND build the shelter?
6 of 34 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 16, 2009 12:22 AM
Well I'm a voice person and it seems like this is the first time they got rid of someone with an annoying voice right away, which is good for me, but good for the tribe? I guess we'll see.
On another note I wish they had started with a two hour show like they did last season. One hour for the first show doesn't seem long enough to really take it all in.
7 of 34 | Posted by geewits | Posted on February 16, 2009 12:46 AM
I'm with Itchy, couldn't the skinny blond girl have looked for the idol later?
8 of 34 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on February 16, 2009 6:27 AM
I'm soooo glad you're recapping this. You're a riot : ) And, OMFG, I can not stand the douchebag Coach. I may watch this season just to see him take the inevitable fall. I so hope he gets lice and has to shave his head.
Great job.
Hugs,
Yenta
9 of 34 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on February 16, 2009 7:24 AM
There is a Survivor Casting Call on this page. Who the F is the hottie covered in mud? Is he someone I don't rec from a past season or is he from the new season and I missed him?? WHO IS HE???
10 of 34 | Posted by Quean CeCe | Posted on February 16, 2009 9:15 AM
What happened to the old Survivor? When they really had to "survive". Like - building shelter out of stuff from nature that they had to find themselves? I mean seriously - I have watched Survivor from the very beginning - and, I'm starting to get disappointed in the turn it's taken. It's not the same game.
That being said - great recap. And, at least I still get a lot of pleasure out of the blind-sides of weinies like Coach.
11 of 34 | Posted by msjacqmills | Posted on February 16, 2009 9:37 AM
I missed the show! I didn't even realize a new season was on. Didn't it "just" end like a week ago? WTH?
But thanks for the recap Schoon, because now I know who the douches are before I even see it!
Oh, and I need clarificaiton regarding this quote: "Sandy votes for Carolina, pronouncing it like the state." How else do you say it? Seriously. I know a Carolina and her name is pronounced like the state, so I'm truly curious as to how else it can be pronounced.
Thanks!
12 of 34 | Posted by zbird | Posted on February 16, 2009 10:11 AM
You kind of want to see them keep Sandy around for comic relief. "What's a pace?" Um, maybe shoot for the 2nd part of the clue, if you're not sure about the first? Good stuff!
Does the douche wear his hair pulled back or is that a mullet??!! Man I hope he gets duped by some 'weak' people!! LOL
I think the first chick out prounounces her name Carol-eena.
Keep up the good work!
13 of 34 | Posted by 2muchBravo | Posted on February 16, 2009 11:23 AM
Yup. Caroleena. As in: vageena.
14 of 34 | Posted by itchy | Posted on February 16, 2009 11:52 AM
Boom. Roasted!
That was my favorite line of the whole recap, not only because it was true, but because I love Michael Scott's tirade.
15 of 34 | Posted by leslie_pcc | Posted on February 16, 2009 1:17 PM
What are 10 paces???? Are you kidding me? That's a commercial for staying away from Meth.
16 of 34 | Posted by tikibar | Posted on February 16, 2009 2:31 PM
Carolina is Latina. In Spanish, the name is pronounced Caroleena.
17 of 34 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on February 16, 2009 2:35 PM
Itchy:
(Vageena) I shot soda out of my nose! Waaahahahahaha! Oh, (sniff) endless comedy out of only one word!
Schoon:
great recap as usual. You're right, you don't even need a caption under Sandy's faces. They say it all. And how can you get to be 80 years old and not know what a "pace" is? She needs to stay around just for the uncomfortable wackiness that will surely ensue. Coach will fall. Oh yes, he will fall.
18 of 34 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on February 16, 2009 2:41 PM
Sorry, I don't know why I keep coming up as anonymous! It's me, Timberwolf
19 of 34 | Posted by Anonymous | Posted on February 16, 2009 2:47 PM
"In ancient Rome, I still would have been a giant turd."
Best screencap caption, ever!!!
20 of 34 | Posted by angiemarie | Posted on February 16, 2009 6:56 PM
msjacqmills: Whether or not they are provided shelter materials is totally dependent upon the location. For example, if they're on an island with a multitude of palm trees they can build a shelter out of the fronds. However, in places like Gabon and Tocantins, the shelter materials need to be provided since the local vegetation doesn't really lend itself to construction (or even if it does, there are all sorts of conservation codes in the national parks where Survivor usually takes place which might hinder what they're allowed to use).
In response to the recap, I actually think Sandy was right to search for the idol, even if her reasoning (as she explained it, and granted, she's limited in that regard) was a bit off. As the older woman, she was likely to be the first target even if she had built a great shelter. Old women do usually go home early even if they're hard workers. Besides, the idol was a one-round only type (like the kind Kathy and Yau-Man found in Micronesia). So the guaranteed safety would definitely be something I went for.
Though I can't believe she didn't see that giant lone palm tree right behind her.
21 of 34 | Posted by pretty good year | Posted on February 16, 2009 9:01 PM
It never said the idol was a round one only type. I'm not sure which it is, but I'm pretty sure it's an actual, valid idol.
22 of 34 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on February 16, 2009 10:55 PM
Schoonie, Great recap, as always. Have you seen Probst's blog? I can't post a link in the comments but I'm sure you will find it highly entertaining/infuriating.
23 of 34 | Posted by RugDoctor9 | Posted on February 17, 2009 12:18 PM
Sandy is crazy as a shithouse rat. I will love hating her for as long as she stays around, which I hope is only slightly longer than the asshat Coach on the other tribe.
Great recap.
24 of 34 | Posted by Liberal Wag | Posted on February 17, 2009 12:23 PM
soooo great to have Schoonie and Survivor together again. Coach/Maestro is quite possibly the most annoying survivor ever. Aside from the unfortunate hair choices, anyone with not one but two self-designated nicknames is unequivocally douchey!
25 of 34 | Posted by real_atlanta_girl | Posted on February 17, 2009 1:55 PM
My Survivor/Schoonie fix is met and I love it.... Survivor without Schoonie is like sex without an orgasm... ok, raunchy yes, but you get the point... I can't wait to disagree with you about the confounding players as it gets closer to the end.
And, GO TAJ... as a fan of SWV, I love that she doesn't need the money and probably no one even knows who she is. (Not that I would have, either, just by looking at her).
26 of 34 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on February 17, 2009 2:44 PM
That might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me.
27 of 34 | Posted by schoonie | Posted on February 17, 2009 3:12 PM
I found a screen-cap of the clue. You're right. It says that Sandy or Sierra could look for an idol that would guarantee their safety at the first Tribal Council, but it doesn't say if the idol is a one-round only type. The way the clue is written, it could go either way. We'll have to see how Exile Island works to find out, I guess.
Also, I don't think Sandy ever said she couldn't change their perceptions of her. Jeff specifically asked at Tribal Council how she could change their perception of her being the "old lady," and she rightly said that nothing she could do would keep her from being the oldest woman. She'd just have to fit into the tribe despite her age.
I can't help it, but I like her. A definite improvement of the "old lady" niche over Gillian from last season.
28 of 34 | Posted by pretty good year | Posted on February 17, 2009 4:03 PM
Remember that pompous ass on Seinfeld who made everyone call him The Maestro even though he just conducted an orchestra that played at nursing homes? He was a cool dude compared to this jackass.
29 of 34 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on February 17, 2009 6:29 PM
yes, that Seinfeld character's name was Bob Cobb. From now on, I'll be referring to Coach/Maestro as Bob Cobb.
30 of 34 | Posted by real_atlanta_girl | Posted on February 18, 2009 7:32 AM
Pretty Good Year, in my opinion (and for what it's worth, LOL), the best Survivor "old lady" by far was Scout, the old ass lesbian from that boys v. girls season that Chris won.
31 of 34 | Posted by slutty_whore | Posted on February 18, 2009 6:10 PM
I've been on Jury Duty so I haven't been able to get to your recap till now. It was pretty on the nose. (I like yetapatrols wish. That lice comment was funny stuff.) Coach is probably a dick but I'm not sure yet. That Maestro nickname is too much for me though.
Survivor has changed a lot over the years. The stick in the sand is pretty indicative.
Still liking JT and Spencer.
32 of 34 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on February 20, 2009 7:45 AM
I have two SWV CDs and watched Taj's reality TV show ("I Married a Baller") and I love her so I'm officially the president of Team Taj cuz [She's] the One For Me (that's for the old school R&B fans). I don't know how she'll do physically but she has a wonderful personality/spirit...very good socially. We'll see if hunger changes that (see Crystal for reference).
Sandy is super annoying. I hate Survivor casting sometimes. It's so obvious that she is this season's version of CrazyEyesKathy.
33 of 34 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on February 23, 2009 4:17 AM
Oh yeah...Schoonie, you're still just as funny and annoyingly pre-judgy as ever. Good recap.
34 of 34 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on February 23, 2009 4:19 AM