The Wrong Stuff

survivor3-9-06.5Tonight's episode of Survivor will surely go down as one of the most anti-climactic ever, and we can thank in no small part the good people of the CBS Marketing Department for that. I don't want to get into the nitty-gritty, but in the promos for this week's show, CBS promised "A tribal council like never before." Well, guess what? I spent a whole week (okay, maybe the last four or five hours) wondering what sort of crazy shenanigans would be going down tonight. Needless to say, after what had been shaping up to be a stellar episode, things went downhill super fast. Had CBS not hyped up this Tribal Council, chances are I would have finished the hour disappointed, merely shrugging my shoulders. But because of the hyperbolic boasts, I felt bamboozled, I tell you! You led us on, CBS. And you shall pay thoroughly. I don't know how, but it'll happen. Mark my words!

Tonight's episode started off with the always unsettling image of storm clouds gathering. Danger was in the air, and our favorite dysfunctional tribe, Casaya, seemed primed for another round of craziness with a side of bicker. And when it comes to crazy, no one else can hold a candle to Shane and his smorgasbord of psychosis. Sure enough, while everyone was asleep in the shelter, the marketing exec / burgeoning lunatic (the two terms really go hand in hand) was still awake, eyes wide open. I'm pretty sure all of America was about to witness its first mass murder on reality TV. I didn't know who was in charge of the machete, but they had better hide that thing. Yes, Shane was angry, nay, FURIOUS about something. A crab probably looked at him the wrong way. Or maybe there was an unauthorized palm frond on his thinking stump.

Well, Shane turned to his sleeping (or dozing) tribe mates and said, "We made the wrong decision tonight, Danielle. And we made that decision because of your personal feelings. Period. And it's a bad, bad, bad thing." Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it Shane who proposed cutting Bobby first? Wasn't it he who had said something along the lines of "Bobby, period." And wasn't it Shane who had lamented the switch to Bruce, saying that it was a huge mistake? So what was he getting his panties in a bundle over? Maybe it was general paranoia. Or maybe it was nagging regret that he had made a second harebrained pledge on his son's life. Gee, I'm sure Shane Jr. really appreciates being used as go-to leverage on the island. You'd think that after being trapped in his alliance, Shane would realize that maybe swearing on your kid isn't the best strategy. Nevertheless, he was clearly feeling guilty about the whole Bobby ordeal, and as a result, he was blaming everything on Danielle. Well, she had a perfectly appropriate response. "Shane. Shut up."

But if there's anything we can depend on, it's death, taxes, and Shane's inability to ever be silent. He continued to ramble on, saying that Bruce was old and nervous and a detriment to the tribe. Keep in mind that Bruce was RIGHT THERE. As in three feet away and awake and listening. But Shane didn't care. He was in his own world of lunacy. He then announced that he wanted to leave his alliance, but couldn't because he swore on his son (oops!). By the way, is anyone else starting to wonder if his "son" is really just a giant cigarette he's nurtured for eight years? It's highly likely.

Well, Shane then told Danielle that he did not trust the "impulsive" decisions she and Courtney have been making, and he didn't trust that they'd make good decisions down the line (and of course, Cirie lay there silently, taking eeeeeverything in). Because Danielle happens to be one tough cookie, she simply told Shane to go to sleep and stop annoying her -- they'll discuss everything in the morning. To that, Shane sneered, "You're such a victim, Danielle." Uh, you attacked her. That would make her the victim, idiot.

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Comments (44)

stm007 Author Profile Page:

How much did you want Shane's tribe to crash and burn in that challenge? Its truly unfortunate. As mildly amusing as Shane's insane ramblings are, he's really ruining the game - breaking alliances publicly, telling people they're getting voted off, etc. CBS themselves should arrange a slight 'accident' - let's hope its him next week that gets carted off on a stretcher.

And how awesome has Cerie turned out to be? I hated her in the first episode, but bitch has been growin' on me like a fungus.

Lizardqueen Author Profile Page:

I hate Terry! He's also in my final 3, but whatever. "I had to make an executive decision, blah, blah, blah." I don't even care for Dan. Hopefully Terry's being lulled into a false sense of security and he'll get the ax soon. That way they can get his immunity out of the way. And what about Sally looking for the thing. Did they cover everything up?

Shane is one crazy ass mo fo. When he kissed Cerie? All over her face? Multiple times? I gagged. Did you notice that he didn't drink either time alcohol was available? Definitely a 12 stepper. The cigarrette molestation was unbelieveable. The filter doesn't get you high, dude. Shane's shorts were riding a little too low for comfort. Blessedly there was no need for a fuzz out on his fuzziness.

Here was our teaching moment of the night. 9 y.o. boy "Man, Courtney's ugly." Mother, slightly appalled "Well that's unkind. Appearance isn't what matters. Character is." 9 y.o. boy "I thought you didn't like Coourtney." Mother, on the spot "Well, if anything she's ugly because of her attitude." 9 y.o. boy "Well I think she's ugly because of her face." So much for that.

Wizzard Author Profile Page:

Anti-climactic is an understatement. I could almost see that coming a mile away. I had a feeling he wouldn't last long but at least they had the decency to not stab him in the back. It makes for lousy TV though.

Did anyone else notice that when Shane was talking to Aras his voice said "I really screwed myself" but if you read his lips his mouth says "I really fu**ed myself". A little overdub work there by the producers. I wonder if they actually got Shane back into the studio to re-record that.

zoobabe Author Profile Page:

I think that you're overreacting a bit B-side, but I appreciate your Survivor enthusiam (and the quick recap too)! I was pissed that they showed Sally digging under the "Y" tree, but not what she found. I'm also pissed that I have to wait three weeks for a new episode now. What a buildup they gave! We haven't seen a medical emergency in a long time and I'm jonesin' for one. Maybe God will smite Shane for swaering on his son's life too much.

RealityTV4Me Author Profile Page:

Three weeks for a new episode?! What's THAT about? Oh, yeah. March Crapness.

I must admit, I was thrown off and got a bit verklempt when Dan saluted on his way out. That was cool.

RealityTV4Me Author Profile Page:

Wait a minute, the website says a new Survior episode will be on Wednesday. I think they have done that before.

Wizzard Author Profile Page:

The episode coming up this Wednesday is a "Special Edition" which usually means some sort of recap of how things have gone so far with a bit of never before seen footage.

I also kind of appreciated how Dan saluted on his way out and how the rest of the guys stood up when he left.

Rick D. Author Profile Page:

Take a good look at the picture of Shane sitting on the log. There is sawdust and the end of that log is cut just a little (read a LOT) too cleanly. Did someone bring a chainsaw as their personal belonging? That log was absolutely cut with a chainsaw.

The Wednesday night show next week is going to be a re-cap of events up to now, with some "never before seen footage" thrown in. That's the way that I saw the pro-mo anyway.

Rick D.

ldini79 Author Profile Page:

dan made me mad, he could learn a thing or two from cirie about how to save his ass. it seemed like he was so upset about messing up the puzzle that he didn't even try to save himself at all.

did anyone happen to see what the vote that didn't say "dan fuego" had written on it? it was really long and dan laughed when it came up, but i couldn't make out the words.

Idini79, I think Nick's vote said "Dr. Dan Fuego Ph.D. M.D. love you bro" or something like that.

Poor Dan. I think he lost his puzzle-solving skills when he bumped his head on the bottom of the boat in the last episode, heh.

And Danielle's boobs were bulging a bit too much during the challenge. If the puzzle piece was a few pounds heavier, her boobs could have exploded into a million pieces. Scary thought.

jack Author Profile Page:


ACK!! worst survivor promo tease EVER!!

yay for sally, who really deserved (and desperately needed) a break. as for dan, he blew that challenge royally. hey congress, y'all watching this? a NASA engineer just got outsmarted by a nurse and a high school gym teacher. y'all still sure it's a good idea to allocate billions of taxpayer dollars for dan and his pals to play with their robots on mars?

dan's epic choke aside, terry erred in giving him up so easily. sure, the bean-o brothers love him, but they are a tight pair, and with the merge, they could easily pick up aras while sally is absorbed by the estrogen alliance, leaving terry out in the cold, with no one to turn to but crazy shane and a faltering mr. miyagi. repetitive astronaut revelations and puzzle choke aside, dan would never have written terry's name down, and the worst-case scenario if terry had stuck with dan would have been the casper-naut losing a firebuilding contest to austin (an unlikely outcome, to say the least), in which case terry would have been no worse off than he is now.

i must also vent contempt for yet another pitiful rationalization of disloyalty on terry's part. i guess he deserves some credit for being big enough to spare dan from being blindsided, but terry sure doesn't seem to have any qualms about breaking promises.

ACK!! could casaya run the table from here on out? how annoying. does the pleasure of ridiculing shane as he plays arguably the worst, most non-sensical game ever compensate for the delayed satisfaction of watching him go apeshit when his torch is finally snuffed? has there ever been a more clueless, delusional survivor? have you ever seen anyone make smoking a cigarette look dirtier and sleazier than midget porn? was it me, or did shane smoke that thing about half-way through the filter? did anyone else notice shane had a cig in his hand in every shot after he bummed that first one? did he trade his son's life for a pack of stale basics?

shane-anigans. you can't beat 'em.

Sarcasma Author Profile Page:

Can we just say. Worst. Secret. Ever.

Why did Dan think that him being an astronaut was this big secret he had to keep quiet. Like, Oh no, if they no I've been in space, they'll never give me the money. Oooo.

It's almost as bad as last season with Gary lying about being a football player. SO BORING.

Now if one of them was secretly a millionare already, that would be juicy. But enough with these LAME secrets already. No one cares!

Also, how gross did Shane look after his cigarette when he was all lovey dovey with Danielle.

erms Author Profile Page:

ok this was the worst episode ever. holy crap.

i was hoping for the dudes from Casaya (old vs young) would have duked it out more. if terry + dan would force the tiebreak and make one of the young guys to vote their way -- just like how that fireman and dolphin traininer did with katie in the past season. COME ON!!!!! Terry would have a better chance riding it out with another old dude rather than the young bucks PLUS Sally heading into the merge. At least then he can join up with Bruce. It's always those players who they want to vote out during the middle stages (when its close to merging) that plays a key role later on. THey are already down to 4 people heading closer and closer to the merge. Everyone's too honest and boring on survivor nowadays.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

B-Side, I was hoping you would have had a screenshot of crazy Shane hitting himself up with nicotine.

And Cirie is the most cunning character so far, and she hasn't done much.

SNOREfest.

I am not a fan of Shane's, but since he is managing to stick around, I want him on the jury. Guaranteed sanctimonious tirade against the Final 2. And that is worth the Shane-anigans now.

I

mandymax Author Profile Page:

I have to be perfectly honest: Dan was my pick to win. This guy had class, humility, honesty, and integrity unlike anyone else who's ever played the game, except maybe for Rafe last season. Last night's episode, as far as I'm concerned, showed what a great role model he is - he's accomplished things most people can only hope to do in their wildest dreams, and if anyone has a right to brag, he does. Yet he didn't. And when he lost the immunity challenge for the tribe, he didn't make excuses, didn't try to bribe or bargain or talk his way out of being voted off - he certainly didn't want to go, but he did step up and take responsibility.

He refused to write down Ruthann's name after giving her his word, and he was the only one in the alliance who kept that word. And he would never have written down Terry's name.

This guy is a true gentleman. I was really sorry to see him go.

I could be wrong, but when I was younger, a friend of mine moved here from Italy. She taught me how to say "Suck my t!t" in Italian. It was "Sucka La Mina". Every time I hear Probst say "La Mina", I get the chills....

JLove Author Profile Page:

B-side,
Good and fast!

But, for some reason I am taken aback by the knowledge of you watching shows at 'gasm Headquarters. I had the imagery of you at home, alone in the dark snickering to yourself as you scribble furiously on a yellow pad... it just seemed to make your delivery funnier. Now I picture all of your cronnies cowering over your pc screen high fiving over joke edits and such. Please be true.

Anyway... bad show. Big boobs. Does CBS have a boob-o-meter in the casting room or do they make one girl a show go out and see Dr. 90210? They hit her for 3 money shots during the relay. Nice editing.

Thanks B

JLove Author Profile Page:

BTW: The robot IS mopping.

jenny10girl Author Profile Page:

I hate Shane. Why does he always walk like he has a stick up his ass? Very annoying.

CL Author Profile Page:

Could someone please explain to me what these "Febreeze Family Moments" are? I live in Canada and I thinking this must be something done on the American channels. Whatever it is, it sounds like I'm missing some comedic gold.

AbbyAnn Author Profile Page:

CL, the Febreze family moment is a little ad right at the end showing the family of the person who just got voted off saying things about their family member. They usually just say something like, "We're so proud of you. We miss you and can't wait for you to get home. We know you'll do great." They are usually very bland. But sometimes, someone has a crazy or funny family (or a robot.)

Sher Author Profile Page:

And sometimes, the contestants are related to pimps, who show up to do their 'Family Moment' video looking like a cross between an elderly Snoop Dogg and Bootsy Collins, a la 'Bob Dawg's' granddaddy last week. (Or Daddy, maybe? Whatever.)

MrsC Author Profile Page:

I didn't see the CBS promo's or I'd of been pissed too. This tribal council was no surprise at all. When Dan had his "reflecting moment" I knew right there and then that he'd be the one going tonight.

I thought it was good of Terry to be upfront to Dan and let him know it was his time (to go.) And Dan handled it well too.

I was kinda hoping Sally would go just so I wouldn't have to see those fugly socks of hers.

Ash Author Profile Page:

Lizardqueen (#2): that conversation is awsome! I've been amazed every week at how Courtney grows slightly more repulsive, and its getting pretty bad!
I don't know if it's just the underdog thing, but I really am rooting for La Mina! The people on Casaya are all psycho, which is good for TV, but not for the winner at the end.

Lizardqueen Author Profile Page:

Well said, mandymax. Dan may have been too much of a good guy for this game. Or as we like to call it a "fo real ass dude."

Lizardqueen Author Profile Page:

PS to Ash- I swear if MTV got a hold of this kid I'd be a millionaire. My life with him is Jackass Jr. He is making elaborate plans to host a "Survivor Kids" session. He is developing a video game called "Resikid Evil". Throwing caution to the wind regarding copyright laws. These are just 2 of the grandiose projects he's working on at the moment. We're talking about a very intense, very bright, very foul mouthed, zany, unrestrained creature. That sounds like comic gold, no?

grits Author Profile Page:

Any smaller, and he would have been poking around for Sea-Monkeys

Thanks -- my diet coke just blasted through my nasal cavities and ont my screen. Glad I didn't see the episode -- great recap though!

holyterror Author Profile Page:

I'm waiting for this series to go all "Lord Of The Flies" -- let's eat Shane and get a good buzz from the nicotine in the meat.

I hope Cirie wins -- she slayed at mud wrestling.

What's with all the "hiding of your true profession"? The football player last time and now the space cadet? That scene on the raft was like two 14-year-old girls confiding that they'd lost their cherry.

JasonR Author Profile Page:

Danielle's boobs deserve their own message board. They look great now, but after a couple more weeks of starvation, her implants will start to resemble beached jellyfish, a la Tina from the Outback season.

carol Author Profile Page:

from "Survivor Live"

-the robots name is Neil.

-Dan knew Terry had the immunity idol b/c Terry made them take their bags to tribal council every time

-the drinking water was fresh and was filled from a tank on the other side of the island

-dan did not hide his profession, he just wanted people know get to know him as Dan

-dan and terry found out they had friends in common

-the reason dan was so pale was a couple of years ago he had some skin cancer spots and his doctor told him he should never get sun burned again.

-shane had his son when he was 20/21

Sher Author Profile Page:

Terry made them take their bags to TC every time?

Interesting. They probably ALL know he's got it (La Mina, that is).

c-rock Author Profile Page:

Interesting post, Carol! During tribal council, it did sound like Dan knew Terry had the idol. I forgot exactly what he said -- something about how one of us cannot go.
Here's hoping next week's filler show has lots of exile island clips -- they've shown so little of it. And more Bruce!

stacyrocks Author Profile Page:

Yeah, CBS totally played me with their 'tribal council like NEVER before' promo. Kinda like ABC and their Paris season of the Bachelor... 'THE MOST ROMANTIC SEASON EVER', my ass.

Anyways, I loved the first half of the episode until it turned into the 'departing hero show' with the very special music for council. I can admit that I will miss Dan a little bit, but now Terry is in a tighter position. I wish he could have used his immunity idol before the merge but it will make the episode where he gets the most votes THAT much crazier. MERGE IS COMING!! If all of La Mina knows Terry has the idol (Sally should be sure of it now, after her trip to Exile Island), I hope Sally tells the other girls that Terry has it so they can be smart about their votes after the merge. I don't think Bruce will align with Terry because Terry & Dan kept Bruce out when they were the 'old men tribe'.

Oh and, I kept going back on the 'medical emergency' preview to see if any features were shown, all I could pick up on was some womanly leg, so it could be practically all of them, except maybe Austin. Damn night vision. It better not be Cirie. She is playing hard and is doing awesome.

-Great recap, B-Side and a quick one too :)

Ash Author Profile Page:

I thought they all had to take their bags to tribal council in case they were the one sent home? It seems like someone is always carrying something around...

mangos Author Profile Page:

shane had his son when he was 20/21

Holy cow, that means hes only 30 at the most! I thought he was a lot older. I guess its true that cigarettes age your skin!

Im so happy Sally got saved, I feel bad for her being stuck on that team with the Boy's Club.

Cerie is my fave on this season, she's playing good. I hope Shane goes far, just because he is so entertaining. Courtney needs to go NOW, I cant stand her.

KatiesHole Author Profile Page:

Terry is evil and most be stopped, but its going to take some work since he found the hidden immunity idol.

Is it just me, or does too hot Nick make all your holes quivver? Hmmmm...gimme some of that Nick!

KH

zoobabe Author Profile Page:

It's not just you Katie. :)

suebee Author Profile Page:

What if it had gone 2 v 2 in the tribal council? I thought the ones not voted for would pull a rock from a bag or build a fire or something. Or maybe it's the ones who did get the vote. I agree with the other poster who said Terry should have figured out a way to keep Dan. Austin and Nick may realign with Aras. Terry has the idol but possibly no alliance.

stacyrocks Author Profile Page:

-KatiesHole,

Oh yeah. Nick is looking DAMN good. :)

chick110 Author Profile Page:

I can't believe no one else has mentioned that Danielle is Heidi Fleiss' long lost twin...

gillian Author Profile Page:

Ugghh...Who died and elected Terry king of the freaking universe? I just don't get why Dan let himself be voted out because Terry had to make an executive decision.

LQ: Great conversation with the kiddo. He sounds smart and fun...a great combo.

chief113 Author Profile Page:

Shane is only 31? That is the funniest thing I have ever read! His skin looks about 25 years older, like Kramer's from that one Seinfeld episode.

zoobabe Author Profile Page:

The Survivor website lists Shane's age as 35.

Gah. I will never believe promos again. That was the most boring episode ever.

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