***Please welcome your newest recapper, MightyWorm, with Terminator!
The Conner familia reunites, a robot's daughter gets abducted, a different robot fights another robot, and yet another robot searches for his sinister robot brother. Oh yeah, and a main character dies. Plus... robots!
We open on a plaque reading simply "1984." Oo! Are we in store for some Orwellian allegory? Probably not. 1984 was when the events of the original Terminator film took place.
And, yup, turns out the plaque is the shitty tombstone for Kyle Reese - hero of the original movie, father to our "beloved" John Conner and brother to B.A.G.'s (Brian Austin Green) Derek Reese - which rests among a veritable sea of identical looking tombstone plaques. And this is where we join Sarah Conner, looking unhappy and wistful like she always does.
Where all anonymous 80's action heroes are laid to rest.
Then Derek and Cameron the HotBot show up. Derek is being kind of a snarky. Seems he's angry over being ditched in the previous episode. Sarah does not deny the ditching. She thinks she can't trust him because he had a secret girlfriend from the future who ended up killing John's girlfriend, who wasn't a secret but also turned out to be from the future too, which was a secret. But then Derek killed his secret girlfriend, so he thought all was forgiven. Confused? Me too.
"My brother buried out there, I thought... that counted for something between us."
"Well, John counts for more. And you keep too many secrets for my taste."
Meow. Claws are out. But before these two crazy kids can raise their bitch factor further... our "hero" John arrives, fresh off his brave boat escape from the last ep! Seems that he called them all independently to meet here - for a most wicked evening of devious hijinks I hope!
I called you all here so I could make mopey faces at you. Plus... I think I farted.
What John conveniently found was a cell phone that conveniently has a picture opened on its screen - a picture of Savannah, the pretend real daughter of real robot pretend businesswoman, Ms. Weaver! Ruh roh.
What are you wearing? Mmm, I'm unzipping my super computer fly right now.
She's only happy when it rains. Get it?! Cause that's Shirley Manson. From Garbage. The band. No? Am I old?
MS WEAVER: Yes they do.
Oh! Did you see what she did there? Cause she's a robot. But she looks perfectly normal. Well, sorta. Actually she looks kinda like a creepy robot pretending to be a person. But whatever.
Meanwhile, back at Evil Robot Corp: Agent Ellison wanders into the lab to find John Henry staring at himself, wondering if his recently discovered super-computer-brother looks like him. Then Ellison's all, "Duh, computer programs don't have faces." and John Henry's all, "Duh on you, I know computer programs don't have faces. I meant is my brother similar to me."
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Comments (8)
I'm so glad that this show is getting a recap here. I too was shocked as shit that Derek was killed off AND they acted like it was no big deal.
1 of 8 | Posted by SaneN85 | Posted on April 6, 2009 2:46 PM
Despite numerous grammatical errors (the worst of which was "allude" vs. "elude"), I actually created an account solely for the reason of giving credit for a funny damn recap. "Looks like it's gonna be another head-in-the-oven evening at the Green household" is probably the best ending to a recap I've ever seen on this site, and I've been reading since tvgasm covered Crowned... on which my ex-girlfriend was one of the most notable contestants. Thanks for a hysterical recap. I will just have to ignore that you don't believe in editing.
2 of 8 | Posted by sardonical | Posted on April 6, 2009 4:22 PM
A Terminator recap! Has this happened before? Did I miss it? Either way, I enjoyed it.
But...if Derek's dead for real, I can stop watching this show. (Yes, I watch it and pretend to understand a lot of it for BAG.) I'll be sure to check back, though, in case he comes back to life or whatever.
3 of 8 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on April 6, 2009 7:11 PM
At least he's cleared his schedule for the new 90210 (and probably hopping there's a new Freddie Prince Jr Show, too).
4 of 8 | Posted by Poopfloats | Posted on April 6, 2009 10:21 PM
"Yeah, but I'm like seven. What's your excuse?" LOL
Excellent recap. You more than lived up to your prestigeous title, MightyWorm!
Welcome! (BTW - I happen to KNOW that Flip gets paid $1000 per recap (plus tips)... so don't let them con you into working for free!)
(JK)
5 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on April 7, 2009 2:30 PM
If BAG signed onto the new 90210 show, I would watch those episodes. I already watch the episodes with Brenda on them, and if I figure out when Tori Spelling will be on I'll watch those.
And I LOVED Freddie.
6 of 8 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on April 7, 2009 9:31 PM
The prior episode Derek is knocked out or drugged and dragged into a van. Was this ever explained? Is Derek really dead? Is that really Derek?
7 of 8 | Posted by wincha | Posted on April 9, 2009 10:15 PM
It seems that the writer of this posting was unable to successfully follow the story and has got quite a lot of it wrong - Didn't even know that it was Debbie that did the turbo body crunches (sounds a bit like a terminator thing !).
As far as bad acting is implied, "let he who cast the first stone" or "pot calling the kettle".
8 of 8 | Posted by KevinInScotland | Posted on December 10, 2009 6:35 AM