Hi there Gasmii. You know, with the recent festivities around St. Patrick, the patron saint of beer, I was thinking, what saints we would find this week on THAT'S AMORE!? Luckily, we have a house chock full of them, starting with,Kathleen, the patron saint of fake virgins, Rebecca, the patron saint of obnoxious hoes, and Missy, the patron saint of bitches who just like to break shit. Oh, and let us not forget Ashley, the patron saint of hoes who love steroids (sorry Debbie Clemens).
Love me Domenico, or I will destroy you!
We start off another holy day in the That's Amore tack-mansion with Talor scheming like Mary Magdalene at a bachelor party (Last biblical reference, promise). She wants to find a way to get some time with Domenico, since she hasn't had too many opportunities. She waits until all the other girls have gone downstairs, and pounces. Dom is somewhat happy to see her, considering she's somewhat attractive and his eyes are a little glassy. Oh, and she smacks her ass on the way our showing Dom an American custom he had yet to discover.
It's like an American arrivederci.
For the challenge today, Domenico is asking the girls to make him a meal. He says the main ingredient is in the closet and all the girls look at one another in complete confusion. Not exactly a Phi Beta Kappa meeting here, though. Nonetheless, the closet is holding General (Ash)Lee and a group of chickens, something that's probably been said by someone south of the mason Dixon line at some point or another.
"Mama told me to study how they communicate, so they don't take our society in a chicken coup. Git it!?" (Banjo medley in background)
The girls of course freak out when General Lee opens up the door and the birds come flying out. But once they quit cluckling and calm down, the chickens do too. The General tells them that they'll be cookin' up some of these chickens, which makes Rebecca give the ugly face again - in other words, she starts crying (again!). Meanwhile, Ashley is laughing at her, and wondering if the blood will stain her outfit while she's drinking it.
"Good thing I didn't wear white, cause I'm gonna tear this bird up."
The girls go upstairs to change into their outfits for this competition, and this must've been filmed after November 1st, since they bought out some Halloween superstore's inventory of "Sexy Maid" costumes. Ashley, overestimating her middling kinda alright-ness, says Domenico's eyes are going to fall out of his head when he sees them. She's mostly right, considering this is the first thing he does when he sees them.
"Mama."
Domenico asks the girls to make his favorite dish, Chicken Parm because he's homesick and he loves his mama's. He says that it's important for a girl with an Italian guy to be able to cook, "other wise, mmm mmm." Well, that and tolerate his smell. Assuaging any fears she had before, the General tells Rebecca and the girls that "ya on't be usin' no lyyyyve chikins." (banjo music) Ashley, living up to her Bondsonian standard, growls, "I would've killed that chicken..."
"...with my teeth...vagina dentata...small side effect of the human growth hormone."
Christina's concerned because she doesn't know anything about cooking. She says she's basically "fucked" but I'm not sure if she's saying that because of the cooking she'll have to do or if she's talking about how she looks in the jacket she stole from Neneh Cherry's closet.
Buffalo Stance
The girls get to work and it's basically like an episode of Top Chef, only instead of brilliant culinary artists, legally retarded strippers are the contestants. Talor is a vegetarian, and has no idea what she's doing, but that could be said for most of the girls. Rebecca, in particular, is acting like a baby in a minefield, crashing into everything and yelling for no reason. Kim and Missy feel pretty confident, however, as both have experience cooking, which they probably learned from the Mexican line cook at the Hooters they work at/their lover.
"I learned so much from you, Guillermo....about love...and buffalo wings"
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Comments (3)
I have to say...it's interesting that there are three shows of this type running these days. It's amusing to watch how disgusted all the girls appear to be by Flava (whatever) Flav ...everyone seems to cringe at kissing him, even Flav himself--but at least he probably has money, and if nothing else a supply of big clocks. Ditto with Bret Michaels, although I can understand the groupie thing, sort of. But everyone seems bored shitless on that show, Bret most of all. At least he probably has money too, although the 'dates' are all pretty low-budget this time out.
But Guiseppe? This guy has nothing--no money (presumably), no looks, no charm...which makes this the most fun of all three. I spend most of the time gasping at how low a show can go. It's like vintage John Waters Television. In fact, it's the best of this type of show I've seen so far (I haven't seen I love New York though). The blatant humiliation of the girls, the low-budget charm of those 'dates'...I love the Kim character--how strangely un-sexy she is, that happy smile of hers, the fact the Guido obviously is completely turned off by her. Definitely a hired gun. Funny how the other girls don't seem to call her on it.
1 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 20, 2008 12:55 AM
Itchy,
I think there's a tramp factory where these girls are being mass produced. It's like the flavor of love girls are the ghetto queen model, the rock of love girls are the highway stripper model, and the That's Amore girls are the hottest girl in the Iowa school system model - bored, good looking enough, and crazy (from the boredom).
I agree with most of what you wrote - I'm enjoying this as much as Rock of Love and more than Flavor of Love.
2 of 3 | Posted by hayhor | Posted on March 20, 2008 7:40 AM
A tramp factory? Well, that makes perfect sense...but have you noticed that the quality of the contestants on ALL the reality shows seems to be getting lower and lower? I mean, I thought things couldn't get much worse than Tila Tequila, but I really think they're scraping the bottom of the barrel these days. Look at Big Brother. I mean, jeez. Maybe the factory's gone out of business and all the jobs were shipped off to China and no one told us?
3 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 20, 2008 11:06 AM