The family's take a look at their digs and realize they all have to sleep together. Which is great, since that means everyone will get to hear Christina's mom puke into her purse in the middle of the night. After taking a look at their quarters, Domenico takes everyone downstairs to dinner, where tables are set up with all the families, and he gets ready to hop from group to group. As everyone arrives, The General is standing there in a tuxedo shirt with the sleeves cut off. Smelling cougar blood, he goes right to Christina's mom and godmother and asks if they are single - they say they are, and the man has a twinkle in his eye we haven't seen all season.
"Better than my five-fingered-lady."
He goes to Kathleen's table first, and her dad starts acting like a strange bum who doesn't want money, he just wants to tell you a story. A depressing story about how he lost everything and needs money. Seriously, he waxes poetic about how everyone has two hands, two feet, blah blah blah, and Kathleen is looking increasingly embarrassed and uncomfortable. But listening to her weirdo dad, I can understand the sentiment. As a matter of fact, haven't I seen her dad outside Letterman on 53rd and broadway before, wearing a radio around his neck?
The Papa and the pauper
During this entire time, Christina and her wicked stepmothers have been talking shit about everyone there. Christina thinks she's the coolest bitch there and her crazy mother asks, "Where do you think you got that from?" Couldn't have been from her though, since turning tricks doesn't work during school hours.
"Johns want this shit 24/7"
Talor's family actually seems pretty blase and normal. Domenico mentions how she makes him laugh and she has a cartoon face. Instead of rolling with the punches, she's playing the insecure pretty girl and acts hurt by it. Her stepdad, on the other hand, despite being a complete dork, is an alright guy and amused by Domenico. Her mom doesn't seem to speak english, I don't think, either that or she's mute. Maybe the stepdad keeps her in check - that Hitler moustache is pretty intimidating.
"You remind me of my friend Benito..."
Domenico next hangs out with Kim's family, and her dad gets all serious about how important his daughter is to him. He starts to get tears in his eyes as does his daughter, who appreciates the show of love from her father. To Domenico, he sees this side of Kim and her family and it changes his mind about her. Her father and mother, meanwhile give Domenico some hugs and he moves on to Megan.
Domenico comes over assuming Megan's uncle is her father, and her mother corrects him that Megan's father died and this is her uncle. I feel bad for any family that loses someone like that, but it's no excuse for your undeniable blandness. Domenico thinks that she's simply not putting herself out there enough, and he tells her this at dinner. Still after meeting Megan's family, it's gotta be genetic.
"Hahahahahahahhaha...well isn't this painfully boring."
Domenico gets to Christina and her Wino mother who, after 4 bottles of wine, is looking like Ileanna Douglas became a lipstick lesbian from South Philly. Dom admits to the ladies that they all scare the shit out of him, and frankly, who can blame him. They've literally knocked down 4 bottles of Dom's tastes-like-ass wine, and are totally starting to slur their speech.
"I dyked out at a 76'ers game the other night."
After meeting with everyone, Domenico asks if everyone is ready for dessert - that being a ridiculous contest involving cannolis. Basically, the first family to fill up a bucket with creme sucked out of a cannoli and spit into the bucket, wins. No one is happy about this competition except for Christina's mom, who makes a nonsensical comment once more about yagerbombs (how can anyone not despise this woman?) and then pukes and rallys off camera.
"Hooray, fate has finally given our sluticity skills a purpose!"
John, Talor's stepdad, admits the obvious and says that he's "reached a new low," while Kathleen's dad begs to just "sit this one out." That being said, everyone participates (reluctantly), alienating any future chances at legitimate employment. Of course, the three with the unfair advantage of life experience, Christina and her family, win the prize. The most hilarious part about it is that after doing something so ridiculous, everyone looks like they just had sex for money or something equally shameful.
Whores.
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Comments (5)
Ha, so there IS someone else in the world watching this show! Just when you think it can't get any worse, they come up with....a cannoli challenge?
I agree with almost everything you wrote Hayhor, but as I posted in the forum, I completely changed my opinion of Kim during this episode--all of a sudden I started to like her ... Of course, that might have been the editing (Dom and I agree!)...but with her family (bet Mom and Dad did lots of drugs in the 70s) around she just became this kind of sweet, wounded, weirdly unsexy but otherwise okay kid. And the only girl whose family isn't dysfunctional. My take (because I'm a sucker for a happy ending): with her family around, she feels less insecure and doesn't have to pull all that nasty (although fun) stuff on the others. Can't wait until she has a show of her own!
Time will tell...we're almost at the end of this trainwreck...I'm going to miss it.
1 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 28, 2008 12:10 AM
Kim lowered our expectations in the first place when she acted like a total c-word to every other girl in the house. The fact that she's acting somewhat normal because her parents are around means that she's typically not this pleasant, and despite how genuine she looked this week, is still deep down inside, a pain in the ass. That being said, she was really sweet this week and it was a welcome change from her typical shrewiness - before saying Kim's made a change for the better, I'd like to see how she's gonna do in the coming episodes. I think she'll go far and might even win, but trust me she will find a way to be a bitch again.
Either way, who gives a shit? This is a 10th tier reality dating show on MTV. If Domenico can sleep with Kim (at some point another) and get her to shut up during the fornicating, he's already a winner.
2 of 5 | Posted by Hayhor | Posted on March 28, 2008 8:31 AM
Love the "Whores." screencap.
3 of 5 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on March 28, 2008 1:51 PM
I cannot watch this show at all, because Domenico is a douchebag.
4 of 5 | Posted by nerrawllehctim | Posted on March 28, 2008 2:16 PM
Oh this show just boggles the mind alright...
I have the feeling that this show is what television has ALWAYS been about. It's just taken 50 years to get here, that's all.
Can't wait until Kim gets her own show. That has to be one of the signs of the Apocalypse.
5 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on March 28, 2008 5:13 PM