Hi there Gasmii. I'm HayHor and I'm here to welcome you to a bizzare study in walking talking stereotypes, what raging whores will do when cameras are rolling, and what happens when cokeheads run MTV's programming department. Other subjects will include Biology (the phermones of a stinky ho), Sociology (the conflicts between passive girls and agressive girls), Psychology (mostly due to a glut of psychotic hoes), and last but not least, the chemistry of Domenico Nesci. So what are you waiting for? Let's get dumber at the University of That's Amore!
One part Cousin Balki, one part Roberto Benigni, one part Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Thom Filicia, and one part every guy in Daytona Beach spring break circa 1994 = every woman's fantasy
Domenico tells us that now that he has this show he's gone from being heartbroken to being a very lucky guy. We run through a preview of the season, and we see that Domenico's version of "Your Time is Up" is Ciao Bella. One girl, who's smart enough to speak Italian and bullshit, says that Ciao Bella means get the eff out of my house. But if were in a house that was lit to look like an Italian flag, I wouldn't mind leaving, would you?
Big deal. Have you been to Staten Island?
The girls all come up in a big limo with a police escort, but it's probably because they should be quarantined and kept away from the public. Luckily, Domenico's been on Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, so his immunity can withstand any strain, from ebola to crabs. Kristen, an accountant from Long Beach, is the first girl we meet. She says that when she saw Domenico on TV she said he was like an ice cream flavor she's never had before. Probably because Overacting Bullshitter doesn't exactly fly off the gelatto shelves.
The girls arrive all dressed in bikinis with sashes, looking like contestants out of a wet t-shirt contest. Domenico is clearly pleased, as he starts shouting "I Love Ameirca" maniacally. The girls are gathered into the main foyer as Domenico stands on the balcony. He introduces the girls to Ashley, who was Domenico's buddy during Shot at Love. Ashely says that it'll be tough because he's also looking for love (read: pussy, white trash or otherwise). I have a feeling if the reject for the week sticks around for a night before returning to her full time strip club work, Ashely might get lucky. Speaking of strippers, we next meet Kim, an obnoxious blonde club hostess from Vegas who could potentially be sent from hell to annoy the rest of us. She calls out either Ashley or Domenico for staring at her expensive funbags. Hunter, a private investigator from San Francisco, says that everyone in here looks good, so the boys have got lots to look at. Clearly, this small struggle for attention will escalate into more than mere shittalkery.
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your tops
Hunter's comments created a blood fued with Kim, as she overreacts to crave attention and makes Hunter her number one target. Unfortunately, Kim is about as as smart as a bronze medalist in special olympic curling, so her best dis on Hunter is to make fun of her name, form a fake gun with her hands, and start saying "bang bang". Kim is one of those girls who also talks about how great she is when feeling threatened, so she begins to blab on that she looks like a playmate. After they lead the girls into another room, Hunter is shown asking the other girls, "Where's the girl that was like, 'Oh my god my boobs are so fake'." Which basically means this show is a melting pot for insecurity. We know the girls with boob jobs are insecure because why would they have boob jobs in the first place? But we know the girls without boob jobs are insecure because they keep focusing on talking shit about the girls with boob jobs. In other words, the casting director on this show is f'ing brilliant.
"What's that smell? It's like insecurity and a toxic amount of Vicotira's Secret body sprays all rolled up into one."
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Comments (7)
My bambino-maker shudders at the thought of Wilmer Valderrama anywhere hear it.
1 of 7 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on March 7, 2008 7:39 PM
Or Domenico, for that matter.
2 of 7 | Posted by VegasDarling | Posted on March 7, 2008 7:41 PM
I have to admit, I was a little disappointed and hesitant that Lolo wasn't doing the TA recaps, but I really did enjoy reading this one!
You pretty much captured all the hos in the mansion perfectly.
I was a little disappointed in Dom that most the girls he picked were the bigger ho-bags in the house, but then I remembered that he wanted to be with TILA, so may the best whore win!
3 of 7 | Posted by kellyhp12 | Posted on March 8, 2008 3:02 AM
I noticed that when Kim was being aggresso-bitch and trying to shove Hunter out of the house, Domenico turned around and saw what she was doing. I'm hoping that comes to bite her in the ass and gets her sent home. What sucks about the situation is that I bet Dom and Hunter would have gotten along well. She seemed kind of laid back and quirky which is just his type. There is no way Kim and her funbags are there for Dom. She knows that the biggest bitch gets the most camera time so that is why she was overacting so much. Let's hope he realizes that and gets that ho off of our TVs asap. I don't want her to stick around long enough for her to get her own show.
4 of 7 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on March 8, 2008 3:35 AM
Oh man, this show is going to be so amazingly bad. Great recap!
Here's Domenico.
Who gives a fucking shit? That's
Crazy talk. I'm out.
5 of 7 | Posted by grannyapple | Posted on March 9, 2008 10:09 PM
I totally sided with Hunter the whole episode even though she was really weird and dorky. I think Kim does have a mustache cause the area over her upper lip is a little darker than the rest of her face but I dunno. Domenico disappointed me with his choices cause he cut some of the girls that seemed to be the nicest of the bunch and kept the crazy skanks, I hope it bites him in the ass later. God did anyone see the aftershow More Amore with Hunter and Ashley? God this show is bad, I really don't think I'll be watching past this episode. Great recap :)
6 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on March 10, 2008 3:19 AM
I was totally disappointed that he kept Kim around
7 of 7 | Posted by LisaMay | Posted on March 10, 2008 6:15 PM