"Dear Martha, Good Show... Corny Ending" - 
by sg-dub
I have a confession to make: I went into the new The Apprentice: Martha Stewart with lower expectations than most. I'm not a Martha hater but after the last season of Trump's Apprentice, I had soured on the show and its concept. Now that I've seen the premiere of Martha's version, I can happily admit I was wrong. I really enjoyed the show - so much so that afterwards I celebrated by whipping up some fresh homemade cream sauce in honor of Martha. And then I cleaned up and went to the kitchen to cook something as well.
The show opened with a quick and dirty review of Martha's rise to the top from her humble beginnings. On one hand, dear Martha is to be admired for her work ethic and business acumen. On the other, she's a bit infamous for being a heavy-handed bitch - and let's not forget that she married rich which certainly helped her at the beginning of her ascent. Another proven tactic was displayed right off the bat; in her review of her life, Martha bragged (rightfully) that she had become one of the most "prestigious and well known brands." Except in Martha-speak, the second syllable of "prestigious" is a short, clipped 'i' vowel sound, rather than the long 'e' sound we all say. As ever, she's not incorrect in her ways, just better than you. (She also says "herbs" without making the 'h' silent. I love that - and I'll watch the whole season hoping to hear it on her Apprentice.)
Martha went on to mention her 1997 contract with Kmart (hardly prestigious or "presteegious") and how she borrowed 85 million dollars to buy back her own name brand and magazine. At this she stated, "I then became the first self-made billionaire woman in the world, and that felt really good." No doubt - now how do I go about borrowing 85 mill? Is there a form to fill out online? Martha did mention her prison term, referred to herself in the 3rd person, and even had a phony little "important phone call from important place" vignette a la The Donald himself. At that, a silly platitude about first impressions being important, I pumped my fist and knew that Mark Burnett was treating this show as I'd hoped. That is, fully acknowledging the original with a playful nod towards some of its quirks.
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