Ah, the waiting game. You guys are forced to play it with my recaps as of late; and the Apprenti wannabes have had to play it on both versions of the show this year. However, unlike the board/conference room clearing 4-person decimation on Trump's show and last week's 2-person elimination on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, something is coming at the end of your wait - a recap! Yay! As if anyone needed any more proof that the final 3 candidates on Martha's show are morons, the show opened with Bethenny and Dawna pawing around the loft waiting to see who would return - Ryan or Marcella. Ryan, as you'll remember, got hammered during the last task and produced a terrible video with a nonsensical tagline. Marcella, of course, stood by his side like the timid church mouse she is.
After 3 hours of waiting, Jim - who has done an innumerable number of idiotic things on the show - awoke from his nap, stumbled out to the kitchen and announced, "No one is coming back," then stumbled back to bed. In other words, it took the wisdom of the show’s biggest idiot for the two women to see the light. There's no hope for any of them. After Jim's epiphany, Bethenny and Dawna retired for the night.
Alright, listen. I told myself I wouldn't give any more excuses - I'd just post my recaps when I could get to them. I'd love to get these things out the day after I view the show; it would be a hell of a lot easier on me. Unfortunately, life and responsibilities pop up around this time of year creating some difficulties on my part. I try, I really do, believe it or not. I will do my best to get the finale recap up within a day. We shall see. At least I didn't have to interview for this gig - unlike Jim, Dawna, and Bethenny.
Yup, it was time for the mass interview process that Trump has made a staple of his show. This time around, Martha gathered four of her own executives to handle the grueling ordeal. No more teams, no more hiding behind the strong people. We met Susan Line again, along with Jonathan somebody, Gail Somehingorother, and Margaret Whoseywhatsit. Margaret struck me as a bit out of place at Martha's company, as she looked in dire need of a serious makeover. Those of us who have watched this entire series knew for sure that it was time for Jim to finally be sent home. The only question in my mind was whether any of Martha's lackeys would ask her the difficult, yet obvious question: "Ms. Stewart, what the hell did you see in this buffoon to keep him around through the last dozen or so conference rooms?"
We knew Jim would give us what we expected as he left the room with Martha and the execs with such a childish grin along with a weird little dance routine - something you would never do at a "real" interview. Jim, however, still in his own fantastical world declared, "This is the most important day in my life not including my marriage!" Oh Jim, Jim, Jim... I think HE'S even forgotten that his poor wife gave birth to a daughter a few weeks prior - AND HE'S YET TO SEE HER! Jim essentially gave up the chance to see his newborn daughter to act like a clown for several weeks on a very poorly received reality show. And there's NO way he really thought he'd win the job. Let that sink in for a moment – kinda makes you question your whole existence, doesn’t it?
The interviews began (4 for each candidate) in a very strange setting. Each "office" had see-through "walls" and was back to back, so everyone could more or less see everyone else. It was like they were putting on Thornton Wilder's "Our Town" in the context of interviewing for a corporate job. Very, very odd. We first got a glimpse into the mind of Bethenny, the "Natural foods chef." When asked what the Martha brand meant to her she answered, "I mean clean - just clean, y'know." Um, no Bethenny, I don't know. But Bethenny had an excuse - "I've never had a corporate interview! I'm a creative person!" Sigh. Excusing your incompetence because you're "creative?" It's almost like she wears the "creative" badge as a euphemism for "bumbling fool."
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Comments (17)
Any chance Martha will just get up and say: "You're all buffoons. I'll hire you, ________, but you have to be Alexis' valet"?
1 of 17 | Posted by Acton | Posted on December 20, 2005 6:56 PM
Margaret, wasn't she in The Downer Channel and on 24, under the name Mary Lynn Rajskub, 30 years into the future?
2 of 17 | Posted by British | Posted on December 20, 2005 7:19 PM
Love the screencap of the mouths. Seriously wtf was up with that. No offense against the women interviewers, all very accomplished I'm sure, but there's just a certain age past which you don't want to see people's mouths that close up.
Bit sad to see Jim go, come on, that "such a lovely girl" comment to none-more-bitter Carrie was great.
3 of 17 | Posted by chronic | Posted on December 20, 2005 8:33 PM
It has been so long since this episode aired, that I had forgotten their tasks. Of course you are not to blame. I hope that Mark Burnett has learned his lesson.
Does anyone know if he plans to do any more Echo Challenges? Now thats an awesome show.
I feel for Martha, having to go through the motions with this flaming pile of crap.
Now is there any chance that we can get a Project Runway recap?
4 of 17 | Posted by Page | Posted on December 20, 2005 8:55 PM
You know? Jim was on Martha's daytime showed and he got a much better treatment than any of the other dismissed contestants. He brought his family (surprisingly beautiful wife and two kids) and spent time with Martha making some Christmas candy. Martha even asked him about the "many job offers" that he's been getting. All in all he behaved like a decent guy instead of the buffon he acted like on the show.
On another daytime episode Alexis made an appearance and she must have hired a new makeup guy. She looked a lot better than she normally does on the show. Almost, and I mean almost, hot.
Martha did talk about how she and Charles can only listen to Alexis' and Charles' daughter XM radio show for only a few minutes at a time because the topics are so embarrasing. Since Charle's daughter is married it must all be about Alexis' lesbian affairs and sleeping with Apprentice cameramen and so on. Martha mentioned somthing about a landscaper so i assumed Alexis got him layed too.
5 of 17 | Posted by jmchez | Posted on December 20, 2005 9:11 PM
Jim: "These aren't the Apprenti you're looking for."
Jonathan: "These aren't the Apprenti I'm looking for."
Jim: "You will hire me."
Jonathan: "You make no sense. And you're a dick."
6 of 17 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on December 20, 2005 9:46 PM
Flip Flops
need I say more?
The finale will be a beautiful train wreck. I can't wait.
Amanda telling the Liz Claiborne execs that one of their outfits looked "frumpy"= priceless.
7 of 17 | Posted by monkeyboy | Posted on December 20, 2005 10:21 PM
Speaking off the whole teeth thing, that chic with the blond hair (I think she is right under Martha) has the weirdest teeth ever. Her front teeth were transparent or something, very creepy. Am I alone on this?
8 of 17 | Posted by starflyer23 | Posted on December 20, 2005 10:42 PM
Hopefully we will get a "double-firing"....or maybe she will hire Rebecca LOL.
9 of 17 | Posted by Firecat | Posted on December 20, 2005 11:48 PM
That would be brilliant Firecat! lol
sg-dub - amazing recap - you hit every single thing that stuck out to me during the episode. I knew that sideboob would be making an appearance on the 'Gasm.
At one point they showed a reaction shot of Alexis and it dawned on me that it looked like each and every reaction shot she has had all season long. I bet if you were to post photos of them side by side we would realie they were all the same shot with different clothing photoshopped on.
10 of 17 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on December 21, 2005 5:35 AM
oooh - and great title!
11 of 17 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on December 21, 2005 5:36 AM
Jim thinks he's Obi-Wan or something. It reminded me of "Star Wars" (please bear with me here):
TROOPER: Let me see your identification.
Luke becomes very nervous as he fumbles to find his ID while Ben speaks to the Trooper in a very controlled voice.
BEN: You don't need to see his identification.
TROOPER: We don't need to see his identification.
BEN: These are not the droids your looking for.
TROOPER: These are not the droids we're looking for.
BEN: He can go about his business.
TROOPER: You can go about your business.
BEN: (to Luke) Move along.
TROOPER: Move along. Move along.
(www.fortunecity.com)
That was a great "Electric Company" reference! That entire close-up montage was extremely disturbing. Maybe now that the interviewers have had a chance to see their mouths and (lack of) dental work up close and personal on TV, they will take a hint and get some self-maintenance:
"BO," "TOX," "Botox!"
12 of 17 | Posted by Casey
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Posted on December 21, 2005 7:01 AM
Bethenny to me is a quandary. She’s got a pretty smoking body, including an impressive rack, but she has got the biggest butter face I’ve ever seen. Huge dark bags under her eyes, a freakishly cartoony jaw that’s all right angles. It’s like a Hirschfield drawing of Schwarzenegger. Is it weird that I’d still sleep with her?
Jim is just you’re run of the mill reality show poser. HE wants to enter the celebrity substrata of reality show stars (the strata right below porn stars), so he does the Jonathan and Victoria type over the top goofiness so he becomes a “breakout star� on the show. I guarantee that he applied to about a dozen reality shows before this one finally said yes.
Carrie’s booby was nice.
Please do not insult “Mr. Personality.� It was AWESOME.
There is nothing sadder than circus performers with nothing to do.
13 of 17 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on December 21, 2005 7:37 AM
I think it should end with Martha saying that neither of them fit in and then she should fire Alexis and cigar boy for good measure.
14 of 17 | Posted by Brian | Posted on December 21, 2005 9:37 AM
They had a front-page article about Dawna in my newspaper. I almost spit coffee on my paper when I saw it. I mean, come on, this show was a failure: it doesn't really deserve front page. Jan being in third place on Survivor, maybe, but not this.
But it has a nice picture of her husband.
http://sptimes.com/2005/12/20/Floridian/Martha_in_our_midst.shtml
15 of 17 | Posted by Mark | Posted on December 21, 2005 12:07 PM
Seriously. Susan Lyne is RICH! She can't afford to fix those teeth? Damn! I mean, she's pretty good looking, other than the choppers. Can't say the same for Margaret ROACH and company.
Saw the Alexis appearance on Martha. She did look really good. Her sidekick was kind of annoying and everybody was so awkward. According to some other blogs, Alexis said on the Sirius show that she is planning on conceiving a child sometime soon (not with her boyfriend, she said, because he is too young) and Martha phoned into say that news of a conceived child would be the perfect Christmas gift.
Buncha weirdos. THAT kid's going to have an...um... interesting life.
16 of 17 | Posted by RK | Posted on December 21, 2005 12:28 PM
I think Bethanny looks like Sigourney Weaver in the "Alien" movies. It's the set of the jaw and the lack of lips, and a look that says she can face down any monster, cake, or salad dressing without ever blinking. Bring it on.
17 of 17 | Posted by holyterror | Posted on December 21, 2005 12:55 PM