Pssst, hey! Martha Stewart Apprentice fans! The show is still on and I'm still recapping it. I just think it's funny that a week has gone by and there's barely been a peep about the missing recap. Yeah, I take that somewhat personally, but I'll survive. Truth be told, I watched this show when it was on (a week ago now) and I can't even remember if it was a good episode or not. I do remember it was hyped as another "Jim gone wild" show, but in reality he was more normal than ever. In fact, as each week goes by, he seems to get more and more normal - if not conniving. Perhaps he really has this whole thing figured out? Perhaps he's been right all along? Nah, perhaps everyone else on the show is just dumb.
There were only six candidates left at the beginning of the show - Marcela, Leslie, and Ryan on Team Matchstick and Jim, Bethenny, and Dawna on Team Primarius. aMANda was just given the hook in the last conference room when we joined Jim discussing things over with Dawna.
Jim is still stuck on the whole reality show strategy thing of The Apprentice rather than the job interview process we're supposed to pretend it is. (Y'know, that kind of job interview that takes several months, goes to several locations, depends on the efficacy of other people, and is filmed 24-7... Yeah, that kind of job interview.) To Jim's credit (and remember I do hate the man), he's cut through that fluff and is simply trying to "Win the game." But Dawna wasn't having it.
Awww, ain't she sweet? The last of the true idealists on reality TV. She merely wanted to keep plugging along, and win out against the "best competition possible." Yes, Virginia, there really is a Reality Claus!
Jim went on to explain his tactics - culled straight from Sun Tzu's "The Art of War." "Everyone observes the victory, but no one observes the strategy." That may have been true in the 5th century BC, but in 21st century reality television, I don't think that's the case. And besides, Jim, your platitudes notwithstanding, you're still on this show to act like a jackass, not to wow us with your Bazooka Joe witticisms. So start acting like an idiot already! The show is almost 3 minutes old!
After Dawna enjoyed the biggest bowl of magical cereal/salad I've ever witnessed (see pics above), a triumphant little Marcela bounded through the door fresh from the conference room. In case we forgot about Marcela's humble Mexican background, the show's editors grabbed some Tijuana Brass for the background music of her little scene. Ole! Upon her appearance, someone said, "Jim is a mastermind of strategy." Oh, wait. That was Jim speaking - so just in case I was beginning to respect him, he made sure I hated him all over again. Sg-dub thanks Jim!
Martha called the loft and instructed everyone to meet with her at her Turkey Hill estate to learn about the next challenge. They edited out the scenes where I'm sure someone complained about Martha's house arrest and how ridiculous it is that they had to drive up to the burbs from Manhattan to film 5 minutes with some GM marketing executives. Alas, someone said that her house was "Paradise," and they all seemed overly excited at the sound of every word from Martha's mouth.
Or perhaps they were just excited to have Velma from "Scooby Doo" there repping General Motors, I don't know. Each team of three would be given $65,000 (Damn!) to design and create a marketing launch and display for the new Buick Lucerne to be set up in a car dealership in New Jersey. The "Buick Lucerne?" As if any Swiss person would be caught dead in a Buick. Charles (who was also unnecessarily there) quipped, "Start your engines," and off they went designing. And, of course, the zombie Alexis was there and said not a word. AleXUCKS!
The Matchstickers put their feeble heads together and once again Ryan was the one who came up with most of the ideas. Editing? Sure, but until proven otherwise, he certainly seems like the man with the plan. Too bad Project Manager Leslie didn't like his plans this time around; which were to show the Lucerne driving up to a 5-star restaurant and "eating" at the ritzy table to show how classy and important the car is. Call me crazy, but that could just work if done right.
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Comments (25)
I'll tell you a little story, when Lost and or Veronica Mars is a repeat I am all over the Martha Apprentice, but I think you inadvertently hit the nail on the head for me. I think Martha's apprentice is in the crapper because everyone expected it to be a really great version of Wickedly Perfect. The tasks in the MSO Apprentice are too business and not enough about why women love Martha. I would almost guarantee the wedding cake episode was the highest rated... Burnett just doesn't understand... He ruined everything!!!
1 of 25 | Posted by smithie | Posted on December 7, 2005 4:16 PM
PS Crazy catch on the bowl of cereal/salad. What the Heck!
2 of 25 | Posted by smithie | Posted on December 7, 2005 4:17 PM
More on that weird "cereal/salad bowl" thing. I watched that scene like 4 times to determine just what happened. On the show, it was totally seamless. One second, Jim was talking to Dawna about to chow on some serious cereal. Then they showed Jim again for a second, then Dawna was eating a massive salad.
Nothing in the background changed, her hair stayed the same, etc. This conundrum plagued me for an entire week and is the reason why this recap took so long.
Seriously.
3 of 25 | Posted by sg-dub
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Posted on December 7, 2005 4:21 PM
Do we think they superimposed a salad or vice versa for some reason or another? If you look at the bite she's about to take over the salad, it looks like the cereal...
4 of 25 | Posted by Tony B! | Posted on December 7, 2005 5:30 PM
For what it's worth, I was kind of wondering where the Martha recap was. But the episode was so boring, I just figured maybe you bailed for the week. Glad to see you're hanging in there until the bitter end.
5 of 25 | Posted by Aries | Posted on December 7, 2005 5:53 PM
"efficacy" You use you're mouth prettier than a 2 dollar whore (With apologies to Slim Pickens).
Taht sald bowl cereal thing is amazing. I didnt even notice it at the time. And if you look even the crumpled up napkin is in the same exact spot, with the same exact wrinkles. thats f'ed up. What was the point if digitally adding a salad? I dont get it. Leave it to us to examine this like the Zapruder film.
You're right about Bethennys butter face. her body is kinda hot but she has a cartoon jaw thats all sharp angles.
6 of 25 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on December 7, 2005 6:00 PM
That was one booooring show. Recap was way more entertaining (sorry to state the bleedin' obvious), so thanks.
It's staggering to see such a discrepancy in style, tone and quality between this show and Apprentice classic.
As I have only caught it once or twice this season, I doubt I'll bother again.
7 of 25 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on December 7, 2005 6:57 PM
I'm completely smitten over Alexis.
8 of 25 | Posted by pc | Posted on December 7, 2005 8:27 PM
back and to the left.
back.
and to the left.
9 of 25 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on December 7, 2005 9:01 PM
The concept of the car at the table was great, but they couldn't make it happen.
"Jim, fresh from a battle between his lower lip and Gillette razor" I, too, noticed this little shaving project gone awry, and had to chortle at this one.
Leslie could have been the Wickedly Perfect Apprentice if only she had worked ribbon flowers into the task somehow.
I am so invested in this train wreck that now I have to ride it until the end.
10 of 25 | Posted by Kellogg's Side Salad | Posted on December 7, 2005 9:11 PM
Ugh, looks like the ugly boring dawna is gonna get the job
11 of 25 | Posted by Zharak | Posted on December 7, 2005 9:29 PM
Leslie's nodding = Maria's blinking.
How funny was it to watch Leslie furiously nodding away even as Martha and Charles were eviscerating her? She looked like one of those toy dogs in the back window of a car.
12 of 25 | Posted by Mike | Posted on December 8, 2005 5:33 AM
i love that you reference fellini in this recap, and fellini was mentioned in last night's Martha Apprentice. little bit psychic, sg-dub?
13 of 25 | Posted by ams | Posted on December 8, 2005 5:40 AM
I am so excited you had a picture of Gilligan in the showroom!!!
14 of 25 | Posted by I_lurve_Ryan | Posted on December 8, 2005 6:27 AM
well we did miss you, but thank god we learned from the past not to complain or where do we complain about it?????
I enjoyed the way they chopped up Leslie and she just couldnt do anything but smile, and Martha was cruel, "she talks alot about nothing" WOW!
and the SIT UP MARCELA thing ...
15 of 25 | Posted by its a good thing | Posted on December 8, 2005 7:03 AM
I don't know why, but I really like Marcela. I can't even tell what the rest of them would do for Martha, she is the only one with a real skill and passion for a home related product! I think it is too bad she was fired. But, I bet she will end up on the food network, she is so photogenic and likeable.
16 of 25 | Posted by Emmy | Posted on December 8, 2005 7:53 AM
I think huge bowls of salad and cereal are a staple on both Apprenti -- Clay's bowl of orange slices was even more enormous.
17 of 25 | Posted by holyterror | Posted on December 8, 2005 8:09 AM
Re: Mutating bowl of salereal. Could the "cereal" be the salad with croutons or something on top and then when it's mixed you see the salad underneath. Just a thought. Either that or there is a grassy knoll behind the refrigerator.
18 of 25 | Posted by Paulie | Posted on December 8, 2005 9:32 AM
The reason this show is in the tank is because it has nothing to do with Martha Stewart. It's like they took all the rejected ideas for competitions from the Trump show and just used them here, then tacked 5 minutes of Martha at the end. None of the challenges have involved that insane kind of domestic super-perfection that Martha is known for. They should have had all the teams do things like run a "high tea" for some society ladies in NYC or something.
C'mon, Buick? When was the last time Martha did anything with a Buick? I've seen her demonstrate how to correctly fold a napkin about a dozen times, but have never seen her even mention a car. Absurd.
19 of 25 | Posted by Dave J. | Posted on December 8, 2005 9:56 AM
Actually, sg-dub, I find the timing of the recaps tend to fit my viewing habits, since I rarely watch a show on the same night it's aired. And I don't always check here until a few days later so...
I just figured "Martha" had fallen to the bottom of your TIVO list too! :-)
Nice catch on the cereal/salad. I remember realizing *something* was different or odd (really!) but I was too bored to run it back and check.
20 of 25 | Posted by Amber | Posted on December 8, 2005 10:48 AM
Dave J. - you couldn't be more right... Martha is an uber woman, but people don't really care about the behind the scenes business stuff. Show me how to fold a tshirt, now you have something I'll watch...
21 of 25 | Posted by smithie | Posted on December 8, 2005 10:53 AM
Dave J: Bull's eye. I also think they should have staggered the shows, so you don't go from Apprentice famine to Roman Orgy overload.
22 of 25 | Posted by holyterror | Posted on December 8, 2005 3:10 PM
Alexis is a train wreck. She is devoid of thought and personality. She better be happy she hit the genetic jackpot with Martha as a mother. When Martha drops dead, back up the brinx truck and cash it all in Alexis!
I am shocked that Martha Stewart STILL has no screen presence, she has been on TV for at least 10 years. You would think by now, she'd be more interesting to watch and got better hosting skills, but guess again!
KH
23 of 25 | Posted by katieshole | Posted on December 8, 2005 4:30 PM
Please do not be remiss in the next SUBLIMINAL! recap -- with the veritable Bacchanalia of liquor SUBLIMINAL!, it was a fantastic "why not to get drunk on the job" object SUBLIMINAL! lesson. I wait with bated SUBLIMINAL! breath.
24 of 25 | Posted by Mary | Posted on December 8, 2005 5:32 PM
just lettin you know I was a little irked the recap took so long :)
gotta have my tvgasm recaps!
25 of 25 | Posted by painterface | Posted on December 9, 2005 8:17 PM