Back on the premiere episode of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart they did something I found pretty cool; they acknowledged the original Trump version in different, funny, and cheeky ways. This week, Martha acknowledged Trump's show in a completely annoying, boring, and insulting way: Directly copying a previous Trump Apprentice task. Yes, I know the shows share a producer and I would assume many creative folks. It's not that the task was identical to Trump's; it's that they didn't even acknowledge that fact. Touchy semantics I know, but didn't Martha go to prison for an equally picayune detail?
As always, before we got to the task description, we had to endure "Jim's Hyperbole Corner." Jim has been on the losing team every single week save for one (I think - really, do you expect me to care enough to do the research?) so almost every show begins with his triumphant return from the conference room.
This week, however, I found myself begrudgingly agreeing with the idiot as he breathlessly described the inane "Tide to Go" rant as, "The most horrible botchery of a task." I don't think "botchery" is a word, yet I like it anyway. But I like it more as an Olde World English word as in, "I say Jeeves, after a spot of tea, let's amble to Ye Olde Botchery for some bloody right fine times." Ok, I'm getting a little too "Clockwork Orange," eh droogs?
Mark Burnett beat us over the head with some more of his trademarked foreshadowing, as Dawna was shown bemoaning Jim and Bethenny as "crazy" and stating that the thought of working with them was horrifying. So, of course, the next morning Martha evened up the teams by sending Dawna over to crazy Jim and Bethenny's beleaguered Primarius team (which also has Howie). This left Ryan, Amanda, Marcella, and Leslie remaining on Matchstick. Also, for the record, a cardboard cut-out of Alexis Stewart was placed by Martha's and Charles' side.
Once the teams were set, the task was outlined by Martha. At this point, it would have been cool if she popped in a tape of The Donald outlining the same task a couple years ago; Go to QVC in West Chester, PA, pick a product, and sell it on air for 10 minutes. Most revenue = winner. The product would have to be outdoorsy somehow, because Martha Stewart sells outdoor stuff. Get it? (I don't.) The winner would be "Congratulated," said Martha. Uh-oh, sounds like another non-reward reward. Or at least another totally crappy reward. How's that, Burnett? Foreshadowey enough?
Nah, not for Mark Burnett. On the way down to the lovely West Chester area (home of such luminaries as Phil and Bam Margera), Jim was telling his team (and the camera), "This is NOT a hard task. Easy." Would it ruin this recap for you to know that Jim and his Team Primarimotherofgod lose later on? Actually, since it's Jim's team, of course they lose - no heavy-handed foreshadowing needed. Bethenny was assigned as Project Manager by Martha and she was doing her best to reign in Jim and his childish antics - if only to keep Dawna from jumping out of the moving bus. Despite her best efforts, every now and then Jim would spout imaginary marketing pitches like, "If you're one of those fat bastards who can't stop stuffing your mouth..." Then he'd make another monkey face and display more heroin withdrawal symptoms.
Over on the Matchstick bus, calm order prevailed as Project Manager Ryan held court. They discussed who would be the on-air talent and some cogent strategies. Unfortunately, they were saddled with jabberjaw Amanda who has a penchant for rude interruptions and talking over the others. Over and over and over again - what is wrong with these people? Were they raised by wolves? Oh, that's right... This is a reality show and on reality shows it's sometimes advantageous to act like a complete fool. Not that Trump or Martha would ever hire such fools, but they'll keep you around long enough to score a few more viewers. Yup, I learned that in Professor Omarosa's "Acting for unscripted television 101" course.
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Comments (17)
And did you ever wonder why Martha sits so close to Charles in the conference room while Alexis is seemingly miles away at another end of the table ?
1 of 17 | Posted by Shoe-In | Posted on November 11, 2005 4:45 PM
Did anyone notice Howie's 'mamel toe' while sitting in front of the water? Fascinating.
2 of 17 | Posted by pc | Posted on November 11, 2005 4:54 PM
Glad you caught the taxidermy weirdness. I wonder if Martha dresses up as her dead mother and slashes her visitors to death in the guesthouse shower.
I liked the way she slowly said the names of all three people she wanted Julia to send back in the boardroom -- like there was anyone else on the fake set she could send in by mistake.
3 of 17 | Posted by holyterror | Posted on November 11, 2005 6:03 PM
I love it when they put people in a tree.
4 of 17 | Posted by stevo | Posted on November 11, 2005 7:50 PM
Thanks for the recap. I only caught a couple minutes of this show because I was busy luxuriating in the heaven that was the Trading Spouses meltdown. Oh, the drama! The hypocrisy! The two tons of ass! Any chance of a recap of what was assuredly 2 of the finest hours of TV ever? I don't know what you guys could do to improve on the actual experience itself - but I'd sure like to see you try. Pretty please, with sprinkles on top.
PS - I did see the part of this show where the decorator walked them through the house. Did you catch the part where the decorator said all the colours of the house were based on the dead fish? For some reason that cracked me up.
5 of 17 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on November 11, 2005 8:35 PM
Well botchery is certainly preferable to bitchery. And speaking of, that's Professor MANIGAULT-STALLWORTH to you, sir.
6 of 17 | Posted by m_ruv | Posted on November 11, 2005 8:48 PM
Primerichristmas! LMAO. Best new Primarius name yet!
7 of 17 | Posted by kj | Posted on November 11, 2005 8:54 PM
Wow. I think this was my favorite recap EVER! I can't believe you talked about Teddy Ruxpin. That freakin' rules, man.
And... Jim hasn't been on the losing team every time. He won when he was PM. No doubt you'll hear him say that when he really is on the block.
(#5-Bdos88)- I agree. The trading spouses meltdown was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I caught it because I was in Canada and saw a later showing. Definitely the best hour of TV I've seen in a long time.
8 of 17 | Posted by Brett | Posted on November 11, 2005 11:01 PM
Did anyone see Howie race over to Alexis to shake her hand and give her something (his business card i think) after he got fired?
9 of 17 | Posted by RK | Posted on November 11, 2005 11:19 PM
1. Botchery is a perfectly cromulent word.
2. If you told me that a TV personality had dead fish affixed to every single wall of their house, I don't think Martha would have been on the top of my list. Larry the Cable Guy, maybe.
3. I'm not sure if Martha works with any straight guys. If that's the case, Ryan should win. Then again, the only male alternative is Jim.
10 of 17 | Posted by The Dogg Pound | Posted on November 12, 2005 3:56 AM
Love the Julia pic.
And would Martha really hire a tatooed Ryan? I really can't see who out of the remaning contestants would be chosen.
11 of 17 | Posted by XETMOT | Posted on November 12, 2005 4:29 AM
Why did the show play a clip of Marcella saying goodbye next week?
12 of 17 | Posted by DickDaley | Posted on November 12, 2005 7:14 AM
"Picayune" - A+ for vocabulary!!!
13 of 17 | Posted by happy_gal | Posted on November 12, 2005 8:08 PM
It's time, for, Tide to Go, It's time for Tide to Go.
Why do I get that stupid song stuck in my head?
14 of 17 | Posted by fenn | Posted on November 12, 2005 10:05 PM
I don't know what's funnier...My mis-hearing Martha's instruction as "make sure you sell to the WHITEST possible audience, or the fact that it didn't even faze me one bit.
15 of 17 | Posted by Mike | Posted on November 13, 2005 6:27 PM
Well it looks like this show is in the can. Finally!
http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/11/14/television.stewart.reut/index.html
16 of 17 | Posted by RealityTV4Me | Posted on November 14, 2005 8:27 AM
Alexis knows she was lame on the show:
http://www.businessweek.com/the_thread/brandnewday/archives/2005/11/alexis_stewart.html
17 of 17 | Posted by RK | Posted on November 16, 2005 12:23 PM