This week's episode began with Tarek, Lenny, and Lee returning to the suite as if they'd just braved the rice patties of Vietnam. Tarek looked absolutely destroyed and traumatized, forever doomed to wake up with night terrors for the rest of his life (perhaps set to the theme to Platoon). Surely, I thought there'd be massive fallout from last week's turbulent, finger-pointing Boardroom, but instead, the show merely focused on all the raucous good times as the rest of the contestants welcomed their buddies back into the fold. And by the way, I think it's been quite some time since we've seen such an outpouring of pure joy from fellow Apprentice-ites. There were hugs, cheers, and smiles everywhere. It was like Crash winning all over again (minus a red-haired, big breasted woman with mouth agape and dress on the verge of wardrobe malfunction. You know which one I'm talking about).

The next morning, the teams gathered on the sidewalk to meet Trump, who stepped out of his limo not with George and Carolyn, but with the ultimate JV squad of Bill Rancic and, yes, dearest Ivanka. Lovely, blank-faced Ivanka. I didn't know how to feel about this. Over the past two seasons, Bill has proven himself to be a non-entity in the Boardroom, and Ivanka, well, who knew what she had to offer beyond a disturbingly female version of The Donald's face. Anyway, Trump soon outlined this week's task, which had to do with text messaging. "This is new technology to me. It's old technology to you. But to me, what the hell do I know about text messaging?" he laughed (causing all his supplicants to roar with undeserved laughter as well). I found it surprising that The Donald so easily 'fessed up to not knowing much about text messaging. Surely, he must know something about it. For starters, I think it's abundantly clear that text messaging is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!! Sorry, I do that every time. Tell me if it's getting old. I can't help myself. I'm addicted. Being addicted is a THIRTY BILL-- okay, okay, I'll stop myself.