I have to say, I felt slightly let down by this week's episode of The Apprentice. I mean, it was still fun and entertaining, but NBC had hyped it up to be Chris's big, crazy meltdown episode, and honestly, we'd seen better. Yes, I did appreciate his cursing, and yes, some of the finger pointing and customary teeth-sneering was very exciting, but at the end of the day, he never quite reached the fever pitch of that one time when he sassed off to George. Man, that was great. The good news though is that we still have next week, and maybe even the week after that. There's always room for a Chris breakdown, and if we don't get what we want, I propose that NBC just follow him around with a camera until he just completely loses it and winds up in the looney bin or at least a holding cell.
This week's episode began with Chris in good spirits, however, as he returned successfully from the boardroom. This was no surprise to Stephanie who happily mixed metaphors by saying "You can only use your sex appeal for so far." This, of course, comes from a woman whose sex appeal rides back seat to a supernatural ability to age ten years with the flick of a light switch. Honestly, Stephanie has more hidden muscles and wrinkles than... well, I just don't know. I guess that makes her a freak, right?
Well, Stephanie's not just a freak; she's a tormented freak. Losing Erin last week meant that she'd have to deal with the verbal harassment of Angie and Chris all by herself, and to paraphrase her, shapeshifting facial expressions can only protect you so far. Within minutes of her return, Angie was already lambasting Stephanie for not helping out more during the Home Depot mission. This moment was particularly interesting because as the two girls bickered, Christ simply sat next to them and laughed. But he didn't just laugh. He let out a demented, semi-retarded cackle. It was the sort of sound you'd expect an inmate to make before yelling "Pretty flower!" Up until this point, we'd never actually heard Chris laugh. I mean, we'd seen him laugh with his jaws wide open like a crocodile, but no sound ever seemed to come out. Hearing his actual laugh simply fortified his image as a nut case. I could describe it, but you might as well listen to it here.
Chris finds the girls funny. Also funny to him: string, rocks, and shiny objects.Meanwhile, as Chris chuckled with homicidal glee, Kendra, Alex, and Bren gathered together in their cozy confines and elected Bren to be the next Project Manager. It was important to have a founding member of the team as PM because they've been the backbone of every mission, they noted. The three made a pact to stick together, and as they sealed their agreement with some limp high-fives, we of course knew this group was not going to last more than five minutes.
The next morning everyone descended on the Trump Grill, deep in the bowels of Trump Towers. As usual, we found The Donald chatting it up with a random employee in a wonderfully staged scene. This time, Trump was talking to the head chef of the Trump Grill, Chris. How's the buffet, asked Trump. "It's the finest one on Fifth Avenue!" replied the happy chef. "It's the finest in the city," corrected Donald, noting the need to talk things up. Okay everyone. Just simmer down. It's just a buffet. And besides, this is New York City. The only place where it's cool to brag about a buffet is Vegas.
Anyway, moments later, Trump alerted the two teams that there would be a corporate reshuffling. Net Worth was ordered to pluck someone from Magna, and after some deliberation, they chose Alex. Well, so much for that Magna core. Oddly enough, Alex hugged everyone with tight embraces as he joined his new team. Seemed kind of like an overreaction. Maybe Tana was secretly holding a gun to his side. They saved his life!
With the new teams now in place, Trump launched into a monologue, noting that the Trump Grill was the finest buffet in the United States. Whoa! It's getting better by the minute! In two more minutes, it will be the best in the universe! Take THAT, Saturn Smorgasbord! By the way, in terms of best buffet in the country, Crystal from Wilkes-Barre, PA would like to nominate the HomeTown Buffet for its divine green Jello.
« May and Felton Prevent Roy From Choking | Main | The Apprentice's Kristen Kirchner: A Genius in France »
Comments (23)
Awww, B-Side, you did one of my very favorite typos in one of the early paragraphs--"Christ" instead of Chris. It's special!
And YAY to the screenshot of Steph's Joker mouth! Muscle mustache! yay!
1 of 23 | Posted by Jess | Posted on April 5, 2005 7:38 AM
Jerk! ha!
By the way, did anyone else get annoyed by Chris's constant use of the word "individual"? He won't say "guy," "girl," or even "person"....but "individual". And that long, vowely word coming from his dip n' scar-riddled lips sounds weird.
2 of 23 | Posted by Jess | Posted on April 5, 2005 7:51 AM
How the heck does Stephanie do that with her muscles? It's amazing! (she's still pretty tho)
Wow you do come up with the craziest vidcaps of the apprentice candidates. The Carolyn one(now on the top banner) is priceless.
Getting vidcaps of angry Chris is easy though. His laughter in the audio clip. Wow. He's like a happy little 8 year old, in a 21 year old's body.
3 of 23 | Posted by British | Posted on April 5, 2005 7:54 AM
Did anyone in their area see a Papa John's ad? It was an Apprentice knock-off. Seemed a bit odd a Papa John's ad would be on an ep featuring Domino's. Oh, yeah there was a Dominos' pizza ad as well during the ep.
Conflict of interest?
4 of 23 | Posted by British | Posted on April 5, 2005 7:59 AM
Yeah, I saw that too! And wasn't the Papa John's one for a meatball pizza, no less?
5 of 23 | Posted by Jess | Posted on April 5, 2005 8:04 AM
Papa John's already has the meatball pizza out and advertised - not sure if this came out shortly before the show or right after.
6 of 23 | Posted by Crystal | Posted on April 5, 2005 8:04 AM
I also loved the typo: "as the two girls bickered, Christ simply sat next to them and laughed." Then Christ added: "You people have nothing on me. Did you know that the Christianity is a NINETY EIGHT BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY?"
7 of 23 | Posted by Brian | Posted on April 5, 2005 8:14 AM
Thanks B-side for totally making my day with this recap.
We can only hope that this week we get some full on Chris rage. Oh, and by the way, you are genius for pulling out the old noid ad campaign. Maybe Chris could get a job with Dominos being the new noid.
8 of 23 | Posted by Betsy | Posted on April 5, 2005 8:54 AM
I could picture Chris in a noid outfit, throwing temper tantrums.
I still wanna see the Maria Boren commercial that aired in some other market during last week's airing. You would think she would have it on her website for glamour. I guess I'll check www.reallyhugecorsage.com.
9 of 23 | Posted by British | Posted on April 5, 2005 9:03 AM
How about:
Looks like this was one meatball masterpiece that wound up... a counterfeit calzone.
10 of 23 | Posted by garyp | Posted on April 5, 2005 9:59 AM
Thank goodness Stephanie is gone! And take those wrinkles with you! She's got more lines than Whitney Houstin in a bathroom stall! Dang!
11 of 23 | Posted by jaded | Posted on April 5, 2005 10:07 AM
I love how when Trump was explaining the task, he said something like, "....design a new pizza. I like meatball" and then both teams just happened to amazingly make meatball pizzas.
Did anyone else notice that?
As far as Chris and Alex are concerned, I mean in most workplaces, it's not OK to point a finger in someone's face and say get the F out of my face, the average person would be fired, or at least written up or something, so Chris' time will come soon. On the other hand, the way it looked on the show, Chris was working hard, sweating, and making like three pizzas at a time while Alex was spittin' the lamest game ever and standing on his hip. That would piss anybody off, and when you are dealing with a psycho-watch out! So I think Chris was dead wrong, but Alex brought the verbal beatdown upon himself, then acted like a punk and made more of the situation than what it actually was by saying that he felt "threatened".
12 of 23 | Posted by joslyn | Posted on April 5, 2005 10:10 AM
Wow was Tana getting booted from Net Worth a blessing. She ends up winning over and over. Heck, Net Worth does so bad they have to throw Alex at them, and still it doesn't help.
Angie's on thin ice, sadly.
13 of 23 | Posted by British | Posted on April 5, 2005 10:41 AM
Normally I like to fix my typos, but in this case, I'll let everyone enjoy the random "Christ" references. After all, what is TVgasm if not a religious sanctuary?
14 of 23 | Posted by B-Side | Posted on April 5, 2005 10:46 AM
Three things:
1. Chris (and Christ, for that matter) scares the bejeezus outta me.
2. The Trump-apartment-decorating business must be a 10-BILLION DOLLAR industry (damn, that place is ugly in a pilfer-the-rich-guy-for-all-he's-got kinda way!)
3. After all the hype at breakfast with Trump telling them that Domino's was going to market their meatball pizza, the commercial we saw was for ... Cheeseburger Pizza! What the?
15 of 23 | Posted by iTurnedOutTV | Posted on April 5, 2005 11:38 AM
chris must of been the one caught snorting a line of coke?
16 of 23 | Posted by fiction | Posted on April 5, 2005 11:44 AM
And I had that Cheeseburger Pizza over the weekend.
It smelled like feet, looked like puke and tasted vile.
17 of 23 | Posted by Ed | Posted on April 5, 2005 5:20 PM
I loved when Tana said, "it's not like this is rocket scientist." She said something else funny later in the episode but I can't remember it now.
18 of 23 | Posted by suebee | Posted on April 5, 2005 8:14 PM
Yes, so who was the one busted snorting coke? Our clue was supposed to be whoever (in this episode) said "I'm not hungry".
Did anyone catch who said that?
19 of 23 | Posted by B-Rock | Posted on April 6, 2005 10:12 AM
Chris is a lunatic. He has to see the writing on the wall and know that the only reason he's still around is because someone else has always sucked as much or more and because he's good tv (incentive to get rid of the other people who have sucked equal to him.) But there's no way he can win at this point.
20 of 23 | Posted by Ashes | Posted on April 6, 2005 2:29 PM
I tivoed the Apprentice specifically to find out who said, "I'm not hungry," and nobody said it during the task. Then I watched the breakfast scene hoping someone would say it then, but still no dice. Maybe the illegal alien maid of Donald's is the coke fiend. Or maybe it's Carolyn. Don't forget, she is Teaneck's Miss Titties '84...
I dont know what all the fuss about Stephanie is. She is supposedly the daughter of a billionaire yet she still has that fucken MOLE on her nose. Looks like someone squashed a roach on her. Probably climbed out of Angie's twat.
Chris is just nasty. Definitely a power bottom.
21 of 23 | Posted by doodiehead jones | Posted on April 6, 2005 11:51 PM
I tivoed the Apprentice specifically to find out who said, "I'm not hungry," and nobody said it during the task. Then I watched the breakfast scene hoping someone would say it then, but still no dice. Maybe the illegal alien maid of Donald's is the coke fiend. Or maybe it's Carolyn. Don't forget, she is Teaneck's Miss Ta Tas '84...
I dont know what all the fuss about Stephanie is. She is supposedly the daughter of a billionaire yet she still has that freakin MOLE on her nose. Looks like someone squashed a roach on her. Probably climbed out of Angie's twat.
Chris is just nasty. Definitely a power bottom.
22 of 23 | Posted by doodiehead jones | Posted on April 6, 2005 11:52 PM
versus cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Very classy review... I think you may have forgotten Count Chocolitious as well.
23 of 23 | Posted by Ct. Chocolia | Posted on April 7, 2005 12:30 AM