I'm not gonna lie to you, kids. I'm not happy with the final challenge for this season of The Apprentice. Back in the days of yore, the feisty contestants had to manage an Event. These Events have included concerts, sports events, charity functions, and other such Big Deals. There were always so many balls up in the air, and so much at stake. They had to please not only The Donald, but also the event coordinators, the sponsors, the talent, the entertainment, and the charity representatives. There were so many opportunities for failure, and failure always abounded. So imagine my disappointment this year when it was revealed that the final challenge is to film a stupid little commercial for an air freshener. Are you kidding me with this shit?
The candidates return to the mansion with all sorts of relieved sighs and congratulations to each other. Stefani notes that they're all Arrow, which, if you had told me a few weeks ago that the final four would be comprised of all Arrow team members, I would have spit in your face and stolen your wallet. James screams some more in his interview about how meaningful this whole thing is. So along with Frank and Nicole, the final four contains the triple threat of horrendously annoying voices. Fantastic.
"It's okay, guys! Our dinosaur egg fossil is still here!"
Nicole oddly tells Stefani how surprised she was that she did so well (thanks, NICOLE) and Stefani starts to blab on about how the most important thing is to impress Trump, when who should walk in but the man himself and his doughy spawn. He rounds up his minions and tells them that he's very happy with the four of them. I laugh out loud at this, and I suspect Trump later chuckled about it to himself as well. He informs them that they're going to be attending a cocktail party at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel with the five previous apprenti! NICE! Ooh, the thoughts of seeing Kelly in all his bland glory sends shivers down my spine. And I certainly hope Randall will bringing one of his famed megaphones.
"I HATE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PLACE."
The overly excited candidates arrive at the hotel. Meanwhile, inside, Kelly is bragging to Randall about how his record of wins was 12-3. I really hope to see some sort of fistfight erupt out of this, but sadly they keep their composure. The kids arrive and gush over the mighty Apprenti. But...where's my precious Rancic? Apparently Bill was called away on business, and couldn't attend the party. He's probably picking up the Donald's dry cleaning or something. The rest of them look pretty much the same. Kendra looks smashing, and I still want to slap Sean across the face.
Get off my television.
The minions ask for advice, and the Apprenti spout all manner of clichés, such as "now or never", "pedal to the metal", "get your second wind", and "stay true to yourself and put your best foot forward!'". Eh, I guess they weren't hired for their originality. The whole thing is somehow quite boring, and they all toast and it's over before we know it. Oh come on! Where's the dish? The competitive, snide comments? The drinks thrown in each other's faces? Tana popping up out of a garbage can wielding a Bedazzler and hooting like Arsenio? I feel cheated, Mark Burnett. I'd like to slap you across the face as well.
Kelly is apparently in charge of giving them their next challenge. Oh, this should be exciting. At least Sean would have utilized some outrageous hand gestures or facial expressions or possibly finger puppets. Kelly robotically tells them that this is their final challenge, that they will be doing it in teams, and that they need to decide who they want to bring back to help them in the next thirty seconds. Panicked looks everywhere, including probably Sean. The candidates scuttle off to opposite corners to strategize, WITHOUT the aid of Precious Memories photo albums! What the HELL is going on here?!
They return to the Apprenti, who are trying their damnedest to get hammered, to reveal the names of the Chosen. Frank and Nicole yell for Tim, while James and Stefani shout out Aaron. Oh great, the Chin Donut is back. Then Fricole scream for Surya, and Jamfani demand Angela. They both do this in a way that would suggest that they believed they got the better deal, but seriously? Surya? You guys totally hated him. And Angela was never even on your team. Guess those little screwdrivers they were drinking were more potent than I thought.
Maybe there's a reason Kelly never shows his personality.
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Comments (10)
SP, awesome job on the recap--it was the first one to make me laugh out loud in the post-B-Side/J-Unit TvGasm world...
Yeah, this season's contestants blow. Stefani is far and away the only one who is remotely qualified to win this. Nicole needs no explanation, James micromanages and is too detail oriented and Frank has no professional presence (seriously, who speaks from notes on his hand--I haven't seen that since grade school).
Stefani actually knows how to manage a project, deliver a presentation (she was the only articulate speaker in that Trump Las Vegas condo project) and balance attention to detail with the scope of the project.
Frank and Nicole's commercial was absolutley awful. Why did they even have the smoking/client meeting thing to begin with? It made no sense and ate up a lot of their time. Anyone could tell that a woman in a suit sitting in an office is obviously a businesswoman.
The whole hospital idea was stupid, and I thought that spraying the homeless man was really obnoxious.
I thought the James and Stefani's choice to bring back Angela--in this season of losers, she was one of the few capable ones (good team player, not a strong leader). Frank and Nicole's decision to bring back the Indian guy (sorry, forget his name) was a horrible decision.
I also think that he'll pick both James and Stefani to win.
1 of 10 | Posted by TheEmancipationofGigi![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 9:11 AM
I totally LOLd. Very funny recap. Better than the show! You do great work, hopefully if this train wreck gets canceled you'll be out on another show :)
So will we find out next week what team was better? Is that the catch - that he'll hire a "team" I do miss the huge events too. More exciting and all. And of course, who could forget Trump flying in on his helicopter?
2 of 10 | Posted by CrazyTrain![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 10:25 AM
This recap was hysterical - thanks! I wonder if this show will return with the "doughy spawn" -- soo funny!
Also props for the Kermit reference! Muah!
3 of 10 | Posted by KermitGirl22![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 12:22 PM
This recap was about 6000 times better than that crappy episode. I, too, think Trump is looking to hire a team this year.
Scream- I hope you'll be recapping something else soon? I always laugh my ass off at your stuff. Especially the recaps. :)
4 of 10 | Posted by here4beer![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 12:24 PM
Oh, $*!#@$^. I meant the screencaps. LOL.
5 of 10 | Posted by here4beer![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 12:45 PM
Great recap of a lame show!
I didn't understand why the BBDO ad exec (with the goofy glasses) was laughing at the Francole disaster - until I saw the real Renuzit commercial. It was even worse than the "smoking mom and smelly bum" effort. If you want less class than the Francole effort, BBDO gave you "Dog taking a dump on a toilet reading a newspaper and smoking a cigar." I kid you not!
Did you also notice that Andy never makes eye contact when she opens the door? Its the Andytron 2000 - the only 24/7 receptionist bot in LA!
But as lame as this season has been, thanks Scream for your recaps. Like here4beer, the only real reason for me to continue watching was in anticipation of your recaps where you "capture, contain and destroy" the smelly odors that now make up "The Apprentice."
6 of 10 | Posted by Channel Dasher![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 2:27 PM
I agree, your recaps are brilliant, and I enjoy them, whereas the show itself has become awful.
I wasn't going to watch the finale, but I will probably give in, since it's only an hour, instead of the previous three-hour finales.
7 of 10 | Posted by Casey![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 4:42 PM
By far the LAMEST episode yet. Where is the conflict???
Give me a break, two mediocre movies about Renuzit and nobody is sent home?
Frank actually chooses Surya to be on his team, and no fireworks? no angry explosions? only a lame mumbling conversation by the pool and Surya complaining only to the confessional?
AND nobody fired? Only trump's promise of "fun games" for next week's finale.
How much more anticlimactic can it be. One of four losers will be hired, with the only twist being that maybe two of the losers will get hired?
Wow, I can't wait.
At least we have a Jordan recap to look forward to.....
8 of 10 | Posted by lovedoctor![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 9:12 PM
I was getting bloody dizzy watching Frank and Nicole's pathetic excuse for a commercial. There were so many cut-aways and all used the same fade in/fade out transition. What a joke.
This whole season has been a joke. Last week's episode was the only one even relevant to the job they're actually APPLYING FOR. You know, working for Trump? What happened to the more real-estate focused challenges from earlier seasons?
And a 4 person finale? What a joke. For a season finale, this was weak and it all felt rushed. Where was the dramatic build-up to the finale and a TWO PERSON, head-to-head showdown?
9 of 10 | Posted by NateTheOkay![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 20, 2007 10:21 PM
Is having the worst show on TV a 30 BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY?
Trump needs to hang it up.
10 of 10 | Posted by jay![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on April 22, 2007 5:33 PM