Time for Kinetic's turn. They bring the Bland Execs a full paper, allowing them to revel in the beauty of their supplement as soon as it is unfurled from the shining beacon that is the L.A. Times. It's clearly much better than Arrow's, because it's cut in the shape of a Smart Mouth bottle. Get it? The smartness is in the science! Heidi delivers a knock-out presentation and flashes that million-dollar smile of hers, and it's in the bag. The leaflet is also very nice. Bland Execs are practically creaming their pants over the damn thing. I wonder what it must be like to be a marketing executive and get all excited over things like this. "Hi honey, I'm home! Yeah, rough day at the office and all, but you would not BELIEVE this FANTASTIC Sunday paper supplement my minions made for me today! It knocked my SOCKS off! Hey, let's make love RIGHT NOW! The smartness is in the SCIENCE!"
Both teams and Trump are called in. He immediately blares "TIM, WHERE ARE YOUR SOCKS?" Or maybe that happened in my head, but either way it made me chuckle. The Bland Execs inform Trump that Arrow's ad was confusing and disjointed, whereas Kinetic's was totally fantastic. "Kinetic, you win!" gushes Dr. Bad Breath. Oh man, she's not going to be coming off this high for DAYS! Plus, the ad is so great that she's going to walk it right over to the president of the L.A. Times and DEMAND that it be run in this Sunday's paper! This is the best day ever in the history of oral hygiene!
Happiest mouthwash ad executive doctor EVER!
The teams switch places at the mansion once again, and Nicole proclaims that since this is her first Kinetic win, they are about to see her "unleashed". Please, put the leash back on. And also a muzzle, for the love of God. Over in Tent City, Frank loudly snacks on a bag of Ruffles while his team stares at him, perturbed. It's pretty funny. Eh, I guess you had to be there. "At least we're not missing out on a really fantastic reward," pouts Stefani.
The Fountain O' Hair has been deflated.
Cut to the reward, which consists of...family! Huzzah! I love when family is the reward on reality shows, because not only is it quite touching to witness the sacred human bonds that hold us so closely together, but it's also a fantastic opportunity to viciously mock those that have spawned these obnoxious contestants. This installment is made up of Heidi's mom, Nicole's mom, and Kristine's husband. Nicole tells us she couldn't be "more happier." Nice job, Nicole's mom! Hooked on Phonics worked for her!
Shut up.
Kristine informs us that her husband Bluto (I think that's his name, and if not, it's still hilarious) is one of the top 50 chefs in the world, and he's going to be cooking them dinner. Kristine sounds a little delusional, if you ask me. Tim peeks through the bushes via the hole that they've worn through by now, and meets Nicole's mother. Ah, that's a story for the grandkids. Tim amusingly notes that Trump has added an "extra complication to my life right now" in the form of the future in-law. Nicole then goes on to dish with mom about the entire Tim debacle. This is Really Fascinating.
Heeeeere's Timmy!
Heidi is especially thrilled that her mother is here because Heidi has lived in Southern California for seven years and her mother has never gotten a chance to come out and visit her. Additionally, Mom is a hospice nurse, and she was a single mom for many years, and she also had to walk to school in the freezing rain uphill both ways. Oprah has already bought up the rights to her story, so be on the lookout for Heidi's Mom: A Time To Heal coming to a Lifetime Network near you.
There's that full moon again! L.A. must really have a serious werewolf problem.
We get a nice little montage of L.A. Times papers being thrown at various houses around the neighborhood. How quaint. One of them torpedoes its way onto the mansion porch, where the Kinetic girls take it in and proudly show it off to their loved ones, who are probably thinking "Really? I paid for a college degree and she made a book about mouthwash?" Nicole, who apparently missed out her mother's Intelligence and Quiet genes, badgers her mom for advice on Tim. Mom tells her to forget about Tim and just focus on the tasks. Nicole's mom is a better candidate than Nicole! Somebody inform Mr. Trump!
Way to ignore the Pink Shirt With White Pants Memo, HEIDI!
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Comments (13)
this show is so lame, but i enjoy your recaps. too bad you have to expend your efforts on a bunch of total re-re's!!!
1 of 13 | Posted by IDon'tGetIt | Posted on April 4, 2007 12:56 PM
Snartness in the science is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR A YEAR INDUSTRY!!!
2 of 13 | Posted by sadie | Posted on April 4, 2007 1:24 PM
Kristine's husband's name is Ludo - short for Ludovic Lefebvre. And no, she's not delusional, he really is one of the top chefs in the world.
3 of 13 | Posted by r.pupkin
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Posted on April 4, 2007 2:38 PM
Hahaha. You had me at your FNL recaps - but this? This is hilarious too! You're seriously my new fav' around here. Thanks for the laughs!
4 of 13 | Posted by dainsey
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Posted on April 4, 2007 2:44 PM
Great Recap! Seriously, one of the first recaps since b-side left that made me laugh out loud. Well done!
I'm glad you mentioned that Trump was totally the one who kept bringing up the showmance. I was yelling that at my tv during the show.
5 of 13 | Posted by Emilita33
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Posted on April 4, 2007 2:59 PM
Your recaps are the most entertaing part of the show but I'm surprised you didn't grey out Tim's picture at the end. It would've been HUGE
6 of 13 | Posted by 626
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Posted on April 4, 2007 4:50 PM
i love the red moon shot too! havent' we seen that before? seems like the weather is often overcast when we see the apprentice folks at work,but the generic LA shots are sun-splashed and perfect,right out of the same archives where the red moon shot was pulled.
Tim, hope your un-relationship with nicole was worth it!!!
nicole seems to be under the impression that she might actually be an actual contender for apprenticehood. sorry nicole, but it will never happen!
7 of 13 | Posted by lovedoctor
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Posted on April 4, 2007 6:14 PM
James whines in his interview that when a person complains about the idea at the last minute, it's bad for the team. Yeah, kind of like you've done EVERY WEEK, James?? Yeah, that's what I thought. Get off of my television. Take your Fountain O' Hair and go.
I was sooooo glad that you picked up on that too!! I guess James only does it when he is NOT the PM!! It was okay for him to do it every task, but he doesn't like to be second guessed. Looks like he should have listened to Frank after all....
I was glad that Tim finally got the boot. His "relationship" with Nicole was getting old. And a little creepy!!
8 of 13 | Posted by Featherhead
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Posted on April 5, 2007 6:04 AM
Great recap! It is definitely more interesting than the show. I too think it's weird that Donald Trump fired Tim for being distracted by his 'romance' with Nicole when it was Trump who kept bringing it up all the time. Of course, Tim didn't do himself any favors with his humina-humina-humina defense, so he probably deserved to go. And I hope this is the last we hear about his and Nicole's 'romance', although I'm sure there'll be plenty of mention of it during the finale/reunion show.
9 of 13 | Posted by Aries | Posted on April 5, 2007 11:50 AM
When the winning team got their prize, did anyone notice how grating Nicole's voice was when she said "My mehm, Heidi's mehm, and Kristine's husbend." And no I did not spell them wrong, that's how she said it. My boyfriend wanted to shoot the tv.
I hate Frank with a passion. I think that James and Stephanie wanted Tim gone instead of Frank because Frank is no competition whatsoever. Why the f*ck is Frank still there? I ask you.
10 of 13 | Posted by Reese Witherspoon | Posted on April 6, 2007 7:28 AM
Reese,
EVERYTHING that comes out of nicole's mouth grates on my nerves. i've made claim before that due to her accent alone (aside from any other reasons) she'd never be the apprentice. donald would want to shoot himself by the end of the day listening to her jabber along with that irritating accent
Frank amuses me and I think he amuses trump too. he HAS to keep someone there for either comic relief or for future episodes where he can LATER showcase someone's idiocy and incompetence. you can't really get rid of all the ones who suck too soon or the show loses some of its fun.
thats my theory anyway
11 of 13 | Posted by lovedoctor
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Posted on April 6, 2007 1:09 PM
Screampillar, I started laughing at the title and didn't stop until the end. Hilarious. For as much as I have knocked this show, I have to give credit, because the last couple episodes have been good tv. Are these candidates fairly mediocre? Yes. Do I care? No, not if I'm entertained. They're not coming to work for me. Stefani impressed me this week with her presentation. So I guess there is more to her than her hot librarian routine. Screampillar, you also correctly pointed out that she is smart enough to keep her mouth shut in the boardroom when she's not in the line of fire. This should be obvious to everyone by now but people time and time again just can't seem to help themselves.
12 of 13 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on April 7, 2007 9:18 PM
This show gets more lamier (as Nicole might say) with every passing season. It seems to me that all these contestants would be better suited for a job at the local pizzeria than as the Project Manager of Trump anything. What happened to people like Bill or Amy of the first season? They were smart and professional. They also made for good TV but this has just turned into a circus. Frank?? Nicole?? Idiots!
Still, I have to admit I love to see them squirm in the boardroom. And what the hell does Tim find so fascinating in Nicole? Do these people even have college degrees or is a GED sufficient nowadays to become an "apprentice" to Donald Trump?
Great recap! Laughed my ass off through the whole thing but the title was the best!!
13 of 13 | Posted by UglyCutie | Posted on April 8, 2007 10:44 PM