Due to a DVR mishap, I watched this week's episode of The Apprentice over at NBC.com. Every episode has a one sentence description, and somewhere along the line someone got really, really lazy. Last week's one sentence description was "Romance blooms sweet like the honey harvest challenge." This week's? "Romance blossoms during a travel website challenge!" That second one isn't even clever. What about, "Romance takes a honeymoon when the teams compete in a travel challenge," or "Romance is...hey wait a second, isn't this The Apprentice?"
Seriously, does anyone even care about this "romance" between Tim and Nicole? And when did the Apprentice turn into The Bachelor anyway? For three goddamn weeks they've been pumping up this supposed "romance," further proving that this show has lost a lot of what made it good in the first place.
Anyway, last week Aaron was fired despite trying to throw Surya under the bus in the boardroom after their failed honey challenge.
Upon returning to their tent, Surya goes ballistic. He feels that there was a lot of lying going on in the boardroom and he doesn't want his reputation ruined. Tim, fearing for his life, tells us "I didn't know if he was going to punch someone or cry or kick the wall and my first thought was...how am I going to bang Nicole in this goddamn tent?" Well, all but the last part.
Surya immediately decides he needs to Step Up and become the Project Manager for the next task. Strap in, The Hair's in charge now! Surya's first order of business after becoming PM is shouting, "You guys are freaking brilliant!" Um, not really. He continues, "I'll bleed for this team if I have to! We will win! We will win!" I think Surya might have left his Prozac inside the mansion.
The next morning the teams gather at LAX to learn their task. This reminds me, what has happened to the early morning phone calls and completely disheveled appearances? Once a staple of the past, these great moments seem to have left us forever. What has happened to the once great editing of this show? I NEED to know what Jenn looks like at 5 in the morning and what Tim wears to bed. This is integral to this show and now it's apparently gone forever.
Anyway, Trump arrives at LAX in a limo with a couple of suits, Suit #1 and Suit #2. Even though Suit #2 looks like he's 15 years old, it turns out that they're a couple of executives from Priceline.com. As you might be aware, the travel industry is a MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY. Suit #1 explains their new task: the teams will be going to two different malls, setting up kiosks, and signing up mall customers to a Priceline.com sweepstakes promotion where they can win FREE trips. The team who signs up the most people becoming the winner. Sounds easy enough, right? Oh, lest you forget that Aimee and Surya are in charge so we know that anything can happen. And since Surya is willing to BLEED for his team, who knows what kind of madness will ensue.
On the ride to the mall, Aimee goes into full PM mode, which apparently consists of her arbitrarily designating tasks to the rest of the team. Not surprisingly, this immediately turns into a disaster. This quickly turns into nobody knowing where they're supposed to be or what they're supposed to be doing.
Kinetic arrives at their mall where we're shown a foreboding montage of mall customers, all of whom appear to be Hispanic. As if the montage of Hispanic people wasn't enough, we're also treated to a salsa musical soundtrack Okay, we get it. This mall is full of Hispanic people. Hispanic people who speak...Spanish!
Derrick and Jen break away from the team to go on a tour of the mall with their mall contact, Deepa. When Derrick asks what the ethnic makeup of the mall is, Deepa tells him "about 50% Hispanic." That's a lot less than I had thought based on the previous montage, but Deepa IS the mall contact so I guess she knows what she's talking about. I wonder if this information is going to be useful...
Well, now that it's blatantly obvious that there are a ton of Hispanic people in this mall, what is Team Kinetic going to do about it? That's right, nothing!
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Comments (18)
Fantastic recap, better than the show itself.
PS. Am I the only one who noticed how much the editors LOVE to focus on Stefani's breasts? We see them more than her face!
1 of 18 | Posted by Zharak
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Posted on February 20, 2007 12:12 AM
"Is that a p***s in your shorts or are you just happy to see me?"
God, that was funny.
2 of 18 | Posted by nerrawllehctim
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Posted on February 20, 2007 8:09 AM
Great recap, really concise and funny!
That kiss was really bizarre.
3 of 18 | Posted by soflat
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Posted on February 20, 2007 8:21 AM
If Nicole was concerned about being stung by a jellyfish while surfing, she should have been more worried about that wily octopus in the hot tub trying to attach his tentacles to her face.
4 of 18 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha
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Posted on February 20, 2007 8:45 AM
Okay, watching the kissing in the hot tub was painful; he just kept going in over and over, and holding her head in an awkward way each time.
This recap was great, I'm impressed! This show seems to have no hope for getting any better in the future, so it's nice to at least be entertained by the recap!
5 of 18 | Posted by Ash
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Posted on February 20, 2007 9:13 AM
Zharak, you are completely right. Stefani's boobs are in the foreground of champagne flutes, hanging out the bottom of bikinis and basically all over. But then again, they're smarter and more interesting than half the cast so I can see why the producers went that route. Although I must say it's a shame, because Stefani seems to be one of the only people on the show who has a brain and uses it regularly, and not just to humiliate Surya. Let's see if the next couple of episodes highlight Stefani's REAL attributes.
6 of 18 | Posted by 1LPride
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Posted on February 20, 2007 11:19 AM
Could anyone figure out what Aimee yelled at Jenn and Derrick while she was getting in the car? Kinda looked like "f*ck you" to me, but I always think that when the networks bleep out expletives.
Anyone know for sure?
Oh and I'm soooo glad Jenn is gone. I got very tired of looking at her intensely wrinkled forehead constantly; does she need glasses or is that her "I want to please everyone" look, or just what what is the reason for that terrible look?
My own forehead started aching in sympathy every time I saw her, ow.
7 of 18 | Posted by Eyepoke
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Posted on February 20, 2007 11:54 AM
If you watched this show on nbc.com wouldn't you have noticed that it's spelled Derek and not Derrick? Just saying.
8 of 18 | Posted by r.pupkin
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Posted on February 20, 2007 12:37 PM
r.pupkin said: If you watched this show on nbc.com wouldn't you have noticed that it's spelled Derek and not Derrick? Just saying.
I know you are directing this to the author and not necessarily me, but since you brought it up, personally I can barely be bothered to remember reality show names at all. Notice how I said in my last comment, "I'm glad Jenn is gone" when I really meant Painful Forehead Girl.
I tend to call them private nicknames, like "Painful Forehead Girl" or "Ewwww" or "Wild Eyed Insecure Black Guy" or "Dyke" (the Olympian) or "Fruity Pebbles". (Fruity Pebbles was for the guy fired last week, cannot remember his real name but he always had kind of a goofy look on his face and he never said a word when he was sitting on Trump's RH side in the board room. That guy. And my husband called him Fruity Pebbles and I guess because it made little sense, it made me laugh the hardest)
Derek, Schmerrick, does it matter?
As Amber said to Rob on that Poker reality show that aired recently, "You're just a reality show guy, Rob, not a REAL celebrity!" (paraphrase)
Oh s-s-n-a-p!
Why bother memorizing their names when there are sooo many reality shows, soooo many players and most of them are soooo utterly forgettable. :)
9 of 18 | Posted by Eyepoke
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Posted on February 20, 2007 1:32 PM
pupkin - I guess I had a hard enough time remembering that Aimee's name is spelled Aimee. Seriously. Aimee? That just looks completely unnecessary.
10 of 18 | Posted by Jordan
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Posted on February 20, 2007 1:36 PM
I call bullshit. Main Place Mall (where Kinetic was working) is my mall. I'm there twice a week. I am a white girl and while it is true that Hispanics make up 50% of mall traffic, I'd further guess that only maybe 10% of those speak no english.
I think they all just pulled the ol "no speak-a english" trick so they didn't have to join a sweepstakes. That's what I try to do, only being a white girl, I usually have to fake being German or French and my accents are horrid.
Anyway, I think Derek (they only show his name under his head about 800 times per episode, it should be at least as easy to absorb as the mall guide's name) is probably my favorite, only because he has managed to keep his gaping maw shut enough to not get on my nerves.
11 of 18 | Posted by Die_MediaWhores
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Posted on February 20, 2007 6:22 PM
That guy's name is Derek? I barely register them as having names at all.
This was a good recap. Now I don't actually have to watch this show anymore.
12 of 18 | Posted by JTContinental
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Posted on February 20, 2007 11:14 PM
SERIOUSLY - this show is dead. R*I*P* End of story.
13 of 18 | Posted by eellsinoc
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Posted on February 20, 2007 11:27 PM
This season sucks so much. Contestants who are personality vacuums; pointless challenges; crappy rewards (surfing at Santa Monica??); ridiculous tent sitch (ugh)... I could go on.
The biggest clanger in this episode is Trump's assertion that Gladstone's is "one of Southern California's absolutely best restaurants."
Say WHAT?!?!?!
Hands down the worst meal I ever had was at this overpriced, sub-par, seaside dining establishment. Where they make chunky tinfoil swans of everyone's leftovers. Riiight.
Gee, Trump, have you never heard of Cut, Spago, Providence, Sona, Valentino, Ortolan, Lucques, Jar, Urasawa, AOC, Angelini Osteria, Max?
Just a handful of some of the actual finest restaurants here in LA.
14 of 18 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on February 21, 2007 12:25 PM
This show blows. The only reason I still watch is that it helps me enjoy the recaps more (nice job Jordan). We used to laugh at the contestants, now we're laughing at the show itself. Very sad how far this show has fallen.
As annoying as Frankie Suits is, at least he has a personality. This is the blandest group ever assembled by far. I will try to enjoy what surely will be the last season of this show.
15 of 18 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on February 21, 2007 1:12 PM
I'm glad Aimee is gone. I got very tired of her sour look and perpetual frown lines.
Someone please jab her with a needle full of botox!
16 of 18 | Posted by lovedoctor
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Posted on February 21, 2007 3:46 PM
Thanks for the recap, I missed this episode, and I have a feeling that's going to happen alot more...not loving this season at all. Lovin' the recaps though!
17 of 18 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on February 22, 2007 1:40 PM
I can't believe there is no screen shot of Aimee's evil eye before getting into the cab. It was like a really bad actor trying to portray anger. Priceless!
18 of 18 | Posted by NateTheOkay
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Posted on February 28, 2007 8:01 PM