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Now For Something Pleasant

felisha_alla_twinsGoing into this week's episode of The Apprentice, a certain level of suspense hung in the air. At least for me. After all, it was the final four, and we had basically three capable people and, well, Felisha. The odds were that Randal and Rebecca would surely dominate Alla and Felisha (or A&F, as I like to call them. I'm a big Abercrombie & Fitch acronym punster), but seeing that this is The Apprentice, you never really know which team will ever win any given task. Let's not forget when a quadruple firing turned the Excel dream team into the Excel reamed team. So would such a surprise happen again? Would Randal and Rebecca inexplicably falter, letting sweet but weak Felisha sneak into the final three?

The episode began with Alla eagerly awaiting the return of her teammates up in the suite. She asked Randal and Rebecca who they thought would be coming back, but Randal simply replied, "If anybody could have any insight, it would be you." Shut up, RANDAL! Just answer the question!

Well, Alla was soon put out of her suspense as Felisha returned all full of tears and giant-foreheaded emotion. The two surviving Capital Edgers embraced tightly, and when this Lifetime Intimate Portrait moment ended, the final four headed off to Grand Central for a celebratory dinner. The quartet chatted it up over oysters and various crustaceans from the sea, and Randal asked the table what everyone had given up to be there. Alla commented that she's been missing her ten-month old taking his first steps. Aw, that's sort of sad. As for Randal, "Clearly, I've given up time with my wife." CLEARLY. Don't try to one-up the baby. It just won't happen. Baby always beats wife.

The next morning, Rhona called up on the banana dildo phone and told the teams to meet Trump at Nasdaq. Sure thing, Rhone-meister! We then cut to Trump at Nasdaq talking to various unnamed executives. "Well, I use a lot of Microsoft, and it works; so I'm very happy," he said, apparently never having tried the new XBOX 360 (Zing! Video game dis! Hey Microsoft, maybe you should prove me wrong and send me a complimentary system. What do you think?).

Well, the teams eventually filed in, and the bad news was that Bill Rancic was filling in for George again, but the good news was that Trump was in full hyperbole mode. Actually, when you talk about Microsoft, there really isn't such a thing as hyperbole, is there? Nevertheless, Trump told us that Bill Gates's little company "has a value of almost $300 billion." Wow. Incidentally, just talking about Microsoft is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!

Anyway, Trump introduced us to two charming execs, and hey, is that Cathy Moriarity? Oh wait. Never mind. That's just Janice from Microsoft. Really got excited there for a moment. But I digress. This week's task was to make a sixty-second promotional video for Microsoft Live Meeting, new software whose functionality we'd have hammered into our heads fifty million times by the end of the hour. Well, Felisha wanted to be Project Manager, which meant we had to sit through her and Alla saying "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I am. Unless you want it. But I really want it." "No, I want you to have it. I just want you to be sure." "I am sure. Are you okay with that?" "Yes, as long as it's something that you want to do." And so on for about ten minutes.

Eventually, Felisha assumed the throne, and then she and Alla went off to meet with their production staff. Oddly enough, they brought with them two large suitcases. Were they planning on spending the night? A little slumber party in the editing suite? Well, as soon as the two women arrived at the production offices, Alla pretty much took charge. You see, in the commercial, Felisha chose to be the actress because she claimed she was the better thespian, and as a result, she tasked Alla with being the director. "That was a tough decision because being an actress is a subordinate position to being a director," Felisha said. "I mean, I was the Project Manager. I didn't want someone else having all the creative control." Um, so... be the director, not the actress.

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Comments (87)

Steve:

Great recap B-Side. This weeks episode is going to be great, I think Randal will take it and Rebecca will be slowed down too much by her permenatly broken foot.

jash:

they need to get rebecker a RASCAL. you know, a motorised wheelchain type thing.


i was shocked he fired alla and a little sad too--i always enjoyed her curt, stern, and characteristically eastern bloc attitude.

Izzy:

Wait, I thought Randal's wife was named Zenthura.

megan:

As always B-Side, a great recap...(recapping is a THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!) it never gets old.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Trump fired Alla this round because after this it was out of his hands so to say. Here’s my theory....I bet his associates, colleagues, etc. advised him against hiring the ex-stripper. Although I felt she was one of the strongest...strippers I've ever seen!

Firecat:

I think Trump will hire both of them. Of course, he might end up firing both as well (Which would be par for the course).

Best final 2 eva!

Page:

Great recap.

I was surprised to see Alla leave last week. It would have been great to see her up against Randal.

I read in an interview recently, that Melania was asked if she would have married Donald if he were poor.
She quickly responded by saying. "Do you think that Donald would have married me, if I were ugly?"

beccs98:

anyone else notice the (male) microsoft exec get quite excited when alla and felischa came in in their doublemint-twin uniforms? quite funny.
i was praying for a shot of randall when he smiled and got all goofy looking when he was talking about hugging and kissing ZATHURA! it was level 9 on a squidward scale.

pc:

it's all good, but where's our martha stewart apprentice recap?

British:

I stil can't get over the previous week's "Moment with trump" where he screamed at someone on the phone, and they called back. He awkwardly said "no, I hung up on you." Best..trump..moment...ever..

Yeah that commercial went way too fast with all the text zipping by at a million miles an hour.

Is it me, and i know this is bad to say, does Felisha's face, um, protrude in the chin department a bit? Add the 1950s-Carolyn-like hair and well, she's not so lovely. Yeah she was a nervous wreck from the beginning.

Donald looked like he was lurching a la Frankenstein when he made his way to the suite, complete with music(which was an odd sight). Ah, I get it, HE's going to the suite instead of the not-fired candidates. Nice variation!

So, with the double firing here, we were thankfully spared the boring "interviews" episode. Still this season we were chumped out of 4 episodes, 5 if Rebecca bowed out.

Felica was the Chris of this season. She straggled along for a record # of weeks, and cried in the boardroom, an Apprentice sin.

Now if you don't mind, I am gonna buy a subscription to Alla's website. :)

British:

Oh and don't forget to go to Felisha Mason's website, where you can download a browser-choking PDF 2006 calendar. Her cheekbones spill over into April of 2007.

d.cook is my Dane-gel:

b-side i thought you were going to say something about the slo-mo walk of the donald towards the suite like

"watching da donald walk in slo-mo is a 50 billion dollar industry!!!"

i serioulsy had a tvgasm when i saw that part. laughing out loud like im crazy and whatnot

mike nyc:

Wait a minute. He must of known he was going to fire two, right? In the previews he goes to the suite and tells them that "tomorrow's going to be very difficult." Obviously they've had the final task planned for a while.

RealityTV4Me:

^ Martha Stewart recap?! Now we know the one person out there who watched that ship sink.

d.cook is my Dane-gel:

heyrealitytv 4 me

*this is alexis stewert here, bleep bleep boop boop, i was actually me with that type key asking about the stewart recap, bleep bleep boop boop, mission acomplish shutting down, zhouumm.*

Casey:

You're right about the infomercial-ish look of Alla and Felisha's video. Maybe Alla is used to late-night TV.

Great recap, as always!

Zenthura:

Microsoft- $300 billion/year.
60 second promotional video- $10,000.
Trump taking the slo-mo walk to the suite- PRICELESS!!!

I'm rooting for Crutches.

sarcasma:

I think he fired Alla so that he would have no problem hiring Squidward. I think Alla would have beat him in a final task hands down.

kaneetra:

Megan- I completely agree. I think Alla bit the dust based on her stripper past. She was clearly the best candidate hands down.

jmchez:

Well, did anybody see Alla in Access Hollywood (or was it Entertainment Tonight?) She went back to the (topless/bottomless) Palomino Club and showed the host where she did her lap dances at $40 per. She then showed the parking lot where her old stalker cash machine moron threatened her with a stun gun and a pistol.

Recounting the events, Alla actually lost it and begun to cry! I'm not sure I buy it, I think she was acting. She should have let Felisha direct.

ooda:

Great recap.

When the season started off, I was really hoping that Alla would win it, as she seemed like a hard worker, and a good person. Though as of late I was really starting to tire of her, and was hoping she would get fired. It was ever since the episode after the four person firing that I started to dislike her.

Randall isn't amazing, but he still is pretty good. Same as Rebecca. This is one case where I'll be happy whichever one wins, though it would be good to see a black guy become The Apprentice for once.

Personally I like having Bill Rancic sit in, though this is the last season that will be happening.

America's Next Top Fan:

Luved the Trump walk to the suite. Classic Trumpaction. This season has been the best because of Trump, Carolyn, George, Bill & The Boardroom.

Brad:

I read an interview with Trump early in the season where he said that Alla's past as a stripper would come out in the show, did I miss that? Great recap, but what about Rebecca's boyfriend? We need a fake back story on that clown.

Vee:

I'm not sure where all the Alla love is coming from. She almost single-handedly lost the last task. She directed it and it was her idea to have the world's fastest power point presentation. She deserved to be fired just because of her performance on the task, let alone her poor boardroom behavior. However, it will be interesting seeing Rebecca on her own. I think she's drawn support and cover from team members, most notably Randal on that last task. I'm not sure she's truly been exposed yet and this final task will do just that.

British:

Does Rebecca know she's dating John Heder, aka Napoleon Dynamite?

Lauren:

I was very disappointed with the fact that Alla's stripper past did not come out in the boeardroom.

Also disappointed in you B-Side for not making any comments about Rebecca's goofy ass boyfriend.

Go Crutches!

Jess:

It drove me nuts that Randal and Rebecca had the wits to know to dress professionally (though somberly) for a business presentation, while Felicia and Alla overdressed for the club they must have been going to afterwards. Did you see that huge honkin' jewelry case Alla was packing? YUGE! She has cheap plastic earrings in every color! Seriously, those two need fashion help.

G:

I used to try and do Felicias bangs to my hair when i was in 6th grade, it was the cool thing to do...

glam0rama:

hahah fuck the final four, or even the final three. i'm just glad someone called that freak of nature out on her big forehead. KUDOS!

Lady J:

I can't believe Felisha took Alla down with her. Alla was the only real competition to Randal. Plus she had a sterling record.

What happened to Trump's whole "I can't ignore the past" attitude. Alla won at least to PM tasks. Felisha is a very fatal element. Steer clear.

Taradash:

I think Alla will make more money on her own..
(She'll been quoting how many billions her company makes)

and she finally made Donald have terrible FLASHBACKS of IVANNNNNNNNNNNNAAAA!!!!!!!


....(Im scared) wait stay youre fired!!!!!!


OH THANK GOD IVANNNNA I MEAN ALLA'S GONE

holyterror:

Didn't Donald walk into a closet when he was "leaving the boardroom"? He opened the door and there was a black void. Maybe he slid down a chute to get to the Suite, like Batman or Maxwell Smart.

Emmy:

I am so rooting for Rebecca. She is smart and professional without being a jerk like the others and has way more personality than Randal. But Trump has hired all white people so far, do any of you think that will be a factor?

georgia:

I agree with sarcasma... ALLA would have won against Randall...pants-down!

holyterror:

Beccs98: You're right, the giggling Squidward was the best -- no wonder Spongebob likes him even when he's cranky.

Rebecca didn't seem to like her boyfriend much.

allafan:

alla was ROBBED. But Rebecca and Randall are just the bland insignificant wet towels Trump likes to hire.

russian:

Trump likes if somebody kiss’s his ass Randal it is your opportunity do it right
Rebecca so stupid she says what you want to hear and does what you want to see

Don’t worry Alla we don’t need this American shit

Ubangy:

See ya later, Alla-gator! Glad that dirty tramp is gone. I look forward to the total blood bath that is sure to follow between R & R. They make a good team but are sure to make better enemies!

is:

I agree....IF not fired due to her stripper past, Alla would go ALL THE WAY.

Same as Lisa....IF not fired due to her diaper pissing, she would go ALL THE WAY.

is:

By the way, can we have some new HOTTIES to vote on?

Qman:

LOL........ good one Ubangy! I always hated that "Cossack B*tch"

true:

Do you notice people who hates Alla nothing worth in life cannot make money cannot do anything . Stay on your welfare and shut up

Turd Ferguson:

The Gimpette sucks. I can’t forgive her for her refusal to get rid of Toral when she should have. Napoleon Dynamite can do better and so can the Donald. Fire the bitch!

Vee:

true #41 -

It might be me, but I fail to even notice the sentence in that string of words you posted.

Predictionator:

Prediciton logging: Trump ends up hiring both Randal and Rebecca.

glam0rama:

prediction: trump ends up firing everyone and names himself his own apprentice. top THAT, martha!

holyterror:

Russian (#36): Apparently, Alla needs this "American shit," since she left her baby to be on the show, and was pissed when she didn't win. And clearly you need it as well, since you're watching and reading recaps of it.

holyterror:

True (#41): No, I didn't notice that, but I did notice that you can't speak English, and so perhaps it's you who should shut up. Illiterates are irritating, even if they're not on welfare.

And after you complete remedial English, perhaps you should take a community college course in logic, since your "argument" makes no sense and has no basis in fact.

jasper:

Felicia looks a lot like Tanya from the Real World.

true:

holyterror(#47):Well probably my English not so perfect like yours, but I think people deserve not to be judge by their past or their parents. Don’t you think,so? Why all this sarcasm and laugh?
I want you do something like Alla did and become very successful in foreign country.
Prove me wrong.

k-slice:

Whoa, where did all of the Alla fans come from? Randal and Rebecca rock. I like Alla too, but why was she on like 8 talk shows this week?

#44 - I had the same thought... I hope so!

SaveFerris:

I think Rebecca looks like Kate (Evangeline Lily) from Lost. yes?

I also agree that Trump will hire both. There is supposed to be some twist.

holyterror:

True (#49): You're right, your English is not as good as mine, and all my "sarcasm and laugh" is because you made a completely asinine remark and chose to make a broad and inaccurate statement about how Americans behave.

Maybe my English and reasoning are so good because I went to graduate school at Harvard and now am curator of a priceless rare book collection at another Ivy League University. Hmmmm? Does that qualify for what you "want me do"?

You're right -- no one should be judged by their past or their parents. Then can, however, be judged for idiotic statements which they voluntarily make. How do you know where the fuck anyone works, you shrill, bitter old cunt?

redhaiku:

I am so sour about the lack of corporate interviews... love how they weeded out the pack last year.

shelley:

holyterror,

RELAX! Eveyone is entitled to their opinion. Maybe that's the reason the rest of the world hates Americans, bc people like you are such hippocrates.

Why can't he/she critisize America? Americans seem to have no problem critisising the rest of the world!

And his/her accent or lack of PERFECT english should really not be an issue. In fact, an embarrassingly large portion of people born and raised in the US can't read, write or speak perfect english either! lol

Now, having said all that....I actually couldn't stand Alla.

GO CRUTCHES!!


Augustburns2:

Hire them both! I have no one to root for because I like Randall and Rebecca! Go RXR!

Melisa:

Randall will win hands down. His over qualified in everything due to his education, why not add one thing to it so it can be even more padded?

Trump already has a woman he needs a black man and it just so happens that Randall has the degrees to back him up which I bet Trump can't resist.

I too think Alla would have crushed anyone but that would have really looked bad for Trump to have a former stripper working as one of his executives. She did let her true colors out in the end. She's harsh!!!

I haven't seen anything that leads me to believe that Rebecca has what it takes. But she just might prove me wrong. I'm rooting for Randall.

Leah3t:

This was a great recap- I totaly forgot how bad the music was during Randall and REbeca's commercial.

My vote goes to Randal. Rebecca reminds me of 101 other boring girls I went to law school with. (not you guys, if any of my law school friends are reading this).

true:

holyterror
are you done now ask your russian friends ,if you have one, to translate this --- and I will see where is your fucking Harvard stands

Poshel na xyjj pidaras

XETMOT:

Re #6,

Marrying Donald Trump is a 30 BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY!!

Qman:

true......

Woooow !!! People here hate you just as much as they hate Alla....

As for your translation quiz... None of the major translation sites could translate your phrase:

Poshel na xyjj pidaras

So why not tell us the meaning. Bet you it is some nasty - foul phrase that a stripper might use.... like.... let say ... ALLA ! ! ! !

d.cook is my Dane-gel:

nerd fight! nerd fight!
*retreats to play dungeons and dragons*

ooda:

Not liking Alla somehow makes us bad people, or leads you to the conclusion that we will not achieve anything in life? Like what was said above "true", it seems like your power of logic is a bit, ah, lacking.

If I was being critical, she seems a bit too set in her ways to be truly successful. At least of the two remaining candidates (Rebecca in particular), they seem to be able to at least somewhat adapt quickly.

I'm happy that these two are the final two.

askme:

I love this website!! I am LOL. The past 2 weeks have been sucky for me, so I really needed this humor!

Tony A.:

(Sigh) "true" and "holyterror", what a couple of tools! True is obviously an immigrant rooting for a kindred spirit. "Holyterror" is a poseur that feels academic qualifications makes him superior in every facet of life. He would do well practicing more humility. His foul outburst at the end of his post qualified him as asshole of the week. Had he (or she) stuck to a cogent, well-thought argument and stayed out of snobbish territory all would have been well and his stance would have retained credibility. Fluency in a language is not proof of natural intelligence. "True" was right on target in pointing out that, in spite of greater opportunities and far greater wealth, American children rank among the least informed in the world. Compounding our "I'm an American, dammit!" attitude, we resent immigrants that, through hard work and patience, become the true receivers of the American dream. Living in UAW country has taught me that we have become a nation of lazy paycheck grabbers that lack initiative and learn to survive on our own. And doing that is what "The Apprentice" is all about.

Nony Mouse:

I think True has a great future writing Nigerian spam...

holyterror:

Shelley (#54) and Tony A: You're right, everyone does have a right to their opinion, and the reason I ragged on "True" is that she insisted that anyone who doesn't like Alla must be on wefare, and didn't even do it coherently. She also ended her post with the admonition to shut up. This was without any provocation from anyone.

Actually, I like Alla, and very much wanted her to be in the final two. I was simply defending people who do not share True's opinion against her silly and rash conclusion that they somehow must be on welfare. I would never have given my resume had she not dared me to "prove her wrong." (#49)

By the way, I'm an immigrant, too.

And you're right again, Shelley, I will take your advice and chill, and not respond to her other asinine assumption that I have no Russian friends.

Apprentice wanna be:

where's Phakir when you need him,


NERD FIGHT!!!

Lauren:

I can't WAIT for Toral to come back on the show tonight! They'll probably bring back Markus & Clay too, they love to bring back the "difficult" ones.

Once again, go CRUTCHES!

Agent A:

Tony A............ you're a "jackass"! Where did you come up with that post?
Bhaaa...bhaaa...bhaaa...bhaaa...
Heck you sound like "Clay"...

holyterror.... stay strong.... I agree with what your post...

apprentice wanna be:

holy terror go go go!

Leah3t:

this is getting worse than that big fight we had about jonnie cochran dying.

holyterror:

Thank you, Apprentice Wanna Be, but Shelley told me to chill, and I always do what Shelley tells me.

Anyway, "True" (she speaks the truth!) is probably too busy taping up pictures of Alla on the paper-thin walls of the gulag she inhabits to read my humble posts. Perhaps she too can one day be like Alla -- a distant third runner-up on a popular reality show.

holyterror:

Nony Mouse, You get those Nigerian letters too?

Rabbi:

Naaaaaaaaaa..... for True to be like Alla she has to take off her clothes and dance around a pole first. Remember Alla made her $$$ initially the good fashion way. She STRIPPED for it.
[Alla lap dance... table 19... chop chop]