So the big scuttlebutt on the television circuit is how much The Apprentice has been slumping in the ratings. It's too bad because if anyone actually stopped to watch the show, they'd find that this tried and true formula still produces some of the most entertaining moments on TV. Haters like to say that the show is filled with too much product placement (true) and that the cast is catty and self-absorbed (true too), but people, we don't tune in to find a stirring depiction of the corporate hiring process. This show is about Trump and the silly things people will do for his admiration. After seeing all the copycats (ahem, Tommy Hilfiger, ahem Mark Cuban), I've grown to fully appreciate The Donald and his seamless ability to hold sway over his own show. Those who enjoy true entertainment tune in for him, which is why this is all a longwinded and snooty way of saying "How's about that Boardroom?"
Yes, Trump's finger gun went off with a literal bang this week in one of the best iterations of "You're Fired" of all time. This show may have lost its novelty but not its poorly combed-over spunk.
This week's show kicked off in the Chinese restaurant formerly known as "the suite" where the cast gathered 'round and tried to predict who'd be coming back -- Melissa or Kristi. Normally, Burnett likes to make his candidates look dumb by airing clips of them insisting the fired person would be returning, but clearly no one was idiotic enough to truly believe Melissa, this season's token crazy minority, would persevere. Sure enough, Kristi came walking through the door, and in a bit of ironic scoring, a peppy, Spanish trumpet blared as this faux Reese Witherspoon rejoined her friends. I suppose had Melissa returned, we would have heard a southern banjo strumming on the soundtrack. Those Apprentice composers are so clever.
The next morning, teams all gathered atop one of Trump's new luxury high rises on Park Avenue. How did they get there? I don't know because as far as I could see, there was nary an early morning phone call from that hot bitch Rhona. Maybe she was out getting another makeover. Or maybe she's moved on to more high profile celebrity receptionist gigs. Nevertheless, both teams lined up for Trump, and I couldn't help noticing that nearly all the women were wearing red or orange tops. Was it Valentine's Day? Would tonight's task involve designing a new Sweetheart for the new millennium? You just know NBC will be hawking "You're Fired" Sweethearts on Yahoo after the show.
Actually, the task had nothing to do with Sweethearts, but before I get to what the big challenge was, we had some self-promotion to take care of. Yes, Trump reminded us that the building they were standing on top of was none other than the same luxury high rise in which Omarosa suffered a near fatal head wound, courtesy of a rapidly descending plaster projectile. Luckily, The Donald was quick to find humor in the situation: "A year ago, Omarosa got hit in the head with a piece of plaster, and if you listen to her, it was a brick!" HILARious, Donald! Just hilarious. Has Carlos Mencia been writing your material again?
Anyway, this entire discussion about his building was really just a preamble to general musings on luxury, which then led to this week's task: put together a thirty-second promotional video and print ad campaign for... Lamborghini. I had to admit, this was a pretty impressive product placement. Why Lamborghini needs to extend its brand through The Apprentice, I don't know. Something tells me the Lamborghini execs wanted to put last season's paltry Pontiac Solstice in its place. It was kind of their way of saying, "Step the f*ck down, Pontiac."
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Comments (40)
And Martha's Apprentice recap coming tonight! Quick, make sure you read it as NBC may be canceling the show!
(I have an excuse for the late recaps. Not that anyone has been clamoring for Martha anyway).
1 of 40 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on October 4, 2005 4:02 AM
I AM CLAMORING sg-dub! BTW, great recap B-Side. I had my George Foam Finger out as well.
Sg-Dub- Are they really thinking of cancelling Martha? NO WAY! They cannot do this! Last week was my first week, and I am in LOVE.
"I am so embarrased I could just cry..."
"Cry, my dear, and you are out this second. Women in Business Don't Cry."
2 of 40 | Posted by Brett | Posted on October 4, 2005 6:03 AM
I loved how the female 'Deter's' from Sprockets and their cheesy and underwhelming ad campaign Trumped (haha) the guy's even worse attempts at marketing.
As for the Boardroom, I had multiple TVgasms, from George Ross's verbal smackdown to Trump's finger gun (I so miss the cobra strike) and the final SNAP...the post boardroom comments. Now, that is 2 weeks in a row Trump has knocked the 'winner' of the boardroom off their pedestal and embarrassed them on national TV.
This one might better than season 2 guys.
3 of 40 | Posted by boondocksaint | Posted on October 4, 2005 6:32 AM
Great recap. George and Carolyn were on fire!
Um, haven't any of this season's "candidates" ever watched the show. Like last week, if your marketing campaign consists of handing out flyers on the street... you will lose. And this week, if you're a bunch of pumped-up, backslapping men, thinking your gender is automatically going to win you any competition dealing with cars... you will lose. Morons.
That arrogant bonehead deserved to be fired though. Even in his cab comments he still could not get the simple fact that Markus rowing in the other direction, or talking to the captain, or whatever the hell that extended metaphor was, had absolutely NOTHING to do with the massive suckage of their ad campaign.
4 of 40 | Posted by chronic | Posted on October 4, 2005 6:41 AM
Uh... It took those women TEN HOURS to edit that ad? Was their editor autistic or something? I could have crapped that spot out in iMovie by lunch... and it's going on 10am!
Is Markus related to that jackass from last season who sang songs about everything while strumming on his campfire guitar? Certainly someone in screening has an outstanding sense of humor!
5 of 40 | Posted by Lew | Posted on October 4, 2005 6:45 AM
jackass from last season is right. i still hate that guy.
6 of 40 | Posted by mantle | Posted on October 4, 2005 7:09 AM
The Trump in Motion is awesome. Too bad you couldn't start it with the table slam so we could watch the whole glorious thing over and over within the recap. The Trump triumvirate was hot as fire, cold as ice, and smooth as silk this week.
7 of 40 | Posted by callygirl | Posted on October 4, 2005 7:29 AM
It was truly amazing how quickly he escalated to that "*SLAM* YOU'RE FIRED!" The Donald was mega-pissed. Rightly so, he pretty much gave him explicit instructions on who to bring back to the boardroom, and the doofus didn't listen.
PUH-LEEEEEEEZE, can we have a quicktime clip of the whole thing?
8 of 40 | Posted by chronic | Posted on October 4, 2005 7:47 AM
I'm still laughing my ass off from this boardroom. But I think you overlooked what was perhaps Trump's finest dismissive/throwaway line of all time:
Trump: "And Markus, I don't see you lasting long, I'll be honest with you."
Markus: "I'll prove you wrong, Mr. Trump."
Trump: "Yeah, alright... okay."
9 of 40 | Posted by m_ruv | Posted on October 4, 2005 8:22 AM
I missed the whole episode and I am dying to see the table slam!!
10 of 40 | Posted by Emily | Posted on October 4, 2005 8:27 AM
LOVED the over-the-topness of the ladies' presentation! The delivery got more and more forceful with each stupid adjective, and when that last girl pounded out "LAAAAAMBOOOOORGHIIIINIII!" I swear, it sounded just like she was cranking out the biggest, rock-hard turd. It was so great, I rewound and watched it like 8 more times.
11 of 40 | Posted by scott | Posted on October 4, 2005 8:38 AM
am i remembering things wrong, or didn't the promo for last week show caroline 'taking over' the boardroom?
12 of 40 | Posted by anon | Posted on October 4, 2005 9:22 AM
I am deliriously laughing at your writing.
George killed in wk 2 Boardroom!
This should get real interesting when Markus returns and the college frat is upended. You know that Chris and Co. thought they had Markus all but gone.
13 of 40 | Posted by Joe | Posted on October 4, 2005 9:48 AM
umm yeah... I just wanted to let you guys know that I was on last Thursday... you know in case you forgot... yeah well just, you know, thought I would umm... oh never mind let's, let's just skip last week and maybe you'll have time for me this Thursday. OK bye.
Love,
Survivor
14 of 40 | Posted by Survivor | Posted on October 4, 2005 10:32 AM
anon - That's what I was looking forward to. But the George & Carolyn Show was stupendous, even without Carolyn in the center square.
15 of 40 | Posted by scottbr | Posted on October 4, 2005 11:01 AM
One of the best boardrooms to date in my opinion. I could have yelled at Chris for bringing in only one other person even after your would-be boss told you not to bring in the ONE that you did. It is exactly what Ereka did on season one and she was fired too.
As for Carolyn taking over the boardroom -- that snippet was in the "on this season of the Apprentice" segment so we still have that to look forward too. I am glad that it wasn't this episode because the Donald was in top form during this boardroom. As great as Carolyn will be, it would have been hard to top the firing this week.
16 of 40 | Posted by TWilliams | Posted on October 4, 2005 11:27 AM
Go B Side
Watch out for Kristie the new and improve blonde fembot *itch
She's NOT a team player
Wait till she is in charge
I think Dawshawn did very well, even if it "seemed" she wasnt hands on
Markus, well youre are right is reality gold
Please write a MARTHA review, there even more evil there, please!!!
17 of 40 | Posted by Taradash | Posted on October 4, 2005 11:27 AM
Markus looks like he may have been a contestant on Extreme Makeover. Hairplugs, fake tan, porcelain veneers. That guy is the biggest ass clown.
18 of 40 | Posted by Murph | Posted on October 4, 2005 11:31 AM
Move over Bill Sapphire! It's all about the Josh show now.
Not to be a grammar-lovin' NY Times geek, but it's Safire, not Sapphire.
Whatever, I'm a geek.
19 of 40 | Posted by Dave J. | Posted on October 4, 2005 11:46 AM
[quote] Trump: "And Markus, I don't see you lasting long, I'll be honest with you."
Markus: "I'll prove you wrong, Mr. Trump."
Trump: "Yeah, alright... okay." [\quote]
omg that was gold jerry. gold!
20 of 40 | Posted by anna | Posted on October 4, 2005 12:21 PM
name for the 'fly away' hand gesture.. how about the 'be gone'? patent is pending by the way..am i the only lady who was hot for Trump on thursday night? i thought he was dead sexy
21 of 40 | Posted by mariana | Posted on October 4, 2005 1:15 PM
I think she was attempting to sound italian (lower case i)!
22 of 40 | Posted by qbmom | Posted on October 4, 2005 1:31 PM
Great recap B-Side, it was worth the wait.
I loved the Omarosa dig from the Donald as well.
Sgdub, I am glad to hear that you haven't given up on Martha, and will be recapping LAST weeks episode tonight. The contestants on her show are even more disfunctional, and hilarious to watch.
23 of 40 | Posted by usnrnpage | Posted on October 4, 2005 1:34 PM
Sorry about the previous post, I was referring to the LAAAMBOOORGHIIINIII gal.
24 of 40 | Posted by qbmom | Posted on October 4, 2005 1:36 PM
Did anyone else hear echoes from Bradford's firing on Season 2? A fully capable leader makes a DUMBASS mistake in the boardroom from cockiness. Though, Bradford's firing was #1, and Erin, from last season, was #2 for the dumbass awards, I believe Chris just took the coveted #3 slot for not bringing in someone Trump basically BEGGED him to.
...PASSION!!!
Sorry, I've been at work all day and have been itching to let that out in some form. ;)
25 of 40 | Posted by boondocksaint | Posted on October 4, 2005 2:06 PM
David J. - thanks for the heads up. I wrote this on a plane, so I had no ability to fact check. Will change now...
26 of 40 | Posted by B-Side | Posted on October 4, 2005 3:24 PM
Hilarious recap as usual. Glad I wasn't the only one dying at the women's "LAAAMBOOORGHIIINIII" campaign.
27 of 40 | Posted by Courtney | Posted on October 4, 2005 3:50 PM
Reese Witherspoon should have kept her mouth shut after all that bad job she did last week. She looked like a total hater being the only one saying MArshawn (what an awful name) should not have immunity after she did so poorly with the XXX workout class. That was lacking in all common sense.
28 of 40 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on October 4, 2005 4:35 PM
They didn't give enough explanation about why the guys' ad was so bad and the girls' ad the clear winner. The girls' ad was crap and not even anything close in quality to a real TV commercial. The guys at least met with the client. They should receive some credit for that.
Also, why did Trump fire a difficult woman last week over an incompetent project manager and then flip-flop this week? Chris should have brought up Markus' dumb smooth as silk idea. I mean, this isn't soy milk. And what man wants to drive a car that's smooth as silk? He probably wears silk boxers...
29 of 40 | Posted by suebee | Posted on October 4, 2005 4:47 PM
OK, I know every season seems to have it's "quirky" character, like the goofy singing guy or the bow-tie guy, but Markus is not cutting it. He's just a creepy little twit who was clearly dropped on his head at some point early in life. As much as he may make good TV, he's too painful to watch. I hope he gets put out of his (and my) misery soon.
30 of 40 | Posted by ATCmurph | Posted on October 4, 2005 6:21 PM
While he's certainly annoying, it's ironic that Markus was chastised for his "Smooth as Silk" cliche while the whole men's team, especially Chris and Mark, employed the cliche almost nonstop.
Green with Envy? Punctuation aside, that's as big a cliche as Smooth as Silk.
31 of 40 | Posted by XETMOT | Posted on October 4, 2005 6:48 PM
Chris deserved to go. Didnt he say he was an ad executive, and did that bad of a job?
32 of 40 | Posted by Katrina | Posted on October 4, 2005 7:51 PM
Trump's hand gestures are becoming more and more powerful. I bet all it took was a table slam and an especially potent finger gun to impregnate Melania.
(I much prefer that explanation over one that involves a naked Trump)
33 of 40 | Posted by jt | Posted on October 4, 2005 8:33 PM
I should have posted this part of my comment (#17) from the 'Best Ad Ever?' thread here, so:
"I can't be bothered to look up the lame actual team names right now, so I'll just say that while Omega Team [the women] didn't hit one out of the park by any means (witness the uproarious pre-video presentation immortalized in the TVgasm Quicktime clip), Team Strike Force, or maybe, given the results , I should say Team Discovery Channel [the men], definitely dropped the ball. I don't think their video even had an interior shot of the car; don't they know from "Prestige!" and "Decadence!"?. And when they talked about morphing the old model into the new, I sort of figured the old one would be a gracious ragtop roadster with a running board and maybe a hand-crank: to my unschooled eyes, the older model looked like it was from the 90's. I was a little surprised, because the teams that bother to take a meeting with the client to figure out what they actually want generally rule these sorts of Apprentice tasks."
Was anyone else disturbed by the fact that the camera crews actually accompanied Randal to his grandmother's funeral? It's cool if he plans to continue with the game if it was his understanding that that's what his grandmother wanted, but deciding that it's OK to broadcast the *entire family's* grief that way? I dunno, seems to me like an overstep.
The boardroom was so awesome. The only thing missing was the beloved cobra strike. So great when Donald wears the dinner jacket, it's a sure sign he's got bigger fish to fry, and his patience runs even thinner than usual. And George and Carolyn sure had the long knives out. Damn, I hope they can keep this up.
34 of 40 | Posted by Schadenfreude | Posted on October 5, 2005 1:41 AM
Schadenfreude- I agree! When the cameras showed up at the church I was like "oh gracious no....." at least they didn't go inside or try to interview people, which would have been bizarre.
35 of 40 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on October 5, 2005 5:54 AM
Chris did some old fashioned "Huminah huminahs" to which George yelled, "YES OR NO? YES OR NO?" At this point, I had my "George Ross Rocks!" foam finger out in full force.
I couldn't stop laughing at this!! Thanks!
Also, this has probably been brought up before, but what's with Trump having a picture of himself framed behind his desk?
36 of 40 | Posted by Virginian | Posted on October 5, 2005 7:17 AM
I'm on the fence with Carolyn's new hair. While it has a nice "messy hair after a 3 hour round of sweaty, furniture breaking morning sex" look to it, I think it needs more oomph. Still, its better than her last haircut.
Tho women’s opening presentation was so cringe inducing funny I think I rewatched it about 6 times on my TiVo. And the accompanying Apprentice music to give it some pizzazz. It was great.
I liked the "Do you not respect Italians?" question for its idiocy. I mean how do you answer that? “Yes sir, it’s true. I have no respect for Italians and I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to express it by using a lower case I in a fake Lamborghini marketing reality show task. You have seen through my charade. Some people might be thinking it was just some bad marketing idea I thought would catch your eye, but you sir saw the truth. It was me expressing my cultural hatred for all things Italian. Bravo. "
37 of 40 | Posted by EdHill | Posted on October 5, 2005 7:20 AM
Haha, EdHill, I agree on the question about respecting Italians. Trump & Co. always seem to fixate on the stupidest points. Oh well, I love watching people fight for their survival in the boardroom. Yay!
38 of 40 | Posted by Kathryn | Posted on October 5, 2005 7:47 AM
Markus is so bad it's actually uncomfortable to watch. And besides that, he looks way too old to be on that show.
39 of 40 | Posted by negativenancy | Posted on October 5, 2005 2:51 PM
Anyone notice the guy (too earl to remember names...sorry) kept pronouncing Lamborghini wrong...He kept saying LABROGHINI?
40 of 40 | Posted by September | Posted on October 6, 2005 6:52 AM