By Jordan
Before watching this week's episode of The Apprentice, I made sure to check out NBC's website because I had read that every wannabe apprentice is labeled with a one word description. Instead of legitimate descriptions (The Idiot, The Kiss-Ass, The Guy With Half a Brain) we get things like "The Philosopher," "The Believer," and…"The Hair?" What the hell is that supposed to mean? Maybe we'll find out this week…
Anyway, last week on The Apprentice we met 18 new Type A's and Heidi led her team (now named Kinetic – did I miss something?) to victory. And at the end of the day, Martin, The Philosopher, reminded us of the old adage, "If you dress like a picnic table, you will be fired." Was that Plato? Socrates? I'm not really sure.
We open in Tent City where the losing team is wondering who is coming back to live outside for another day. Frank returns to a chorus of cheers and goes into this long celebration speech about how he's full of fire and New York attitude and whatnot, all the while apparently forgetting that he lost the last task. But then again, NBC's website has nicknamed Frank "The Mouth" so I guess he's just trying to live up to his one word nickname. I think the cheers are more for Martin's departure than for Frank's arrival because everyone was getting tired of hearing made-up African sayings.
Opening credits roll. Money Money Money!
Two phones ring at what looks like 4:45 in the morning, and what I believe is a very scary-looking Kristine and Aaron learn they have to meet the Donald at Pacific Palisades Park at 8:30. Was a 4:45 wakeup call really that necessary? I guess it might be for the folks living in…Tent City! We get to a few shots of the newly named Team Arrow struggling to live outside, and Carey bitches to us how hard it is living in a tent. Whatever.
And to the park we go, overlooking Santa Monica beach. Trump announces that the bathing suit business is a "MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS." What, no specifics? How many billion? This will torture me all week. This task is to design and manufacture a line of bathing suits for bathing suit manufacturer Trina Turk, and the team that makes the most money selling to the buyers wins. And as an added bonus, the entire winning team will be exempt from the next challenge! Wha? Trump is really getting crazy this year.
Kristine, looking a lot less disheveled than she did at 5 in the morning, reiterates what we already know. The stakes are huge.
Back at the beach, Nicole is ready to take over Team Arrow, even though she has no voice. At least when they lose again she's got an excuse. "But Mr. Trump, nobody could hear me."
Team Arrow gets in their van and begins discussing strategy. Carey, the Perfectionist, begins sketching some…designs. Aaron describes the sketches as "Short, tight, trunk cuts. The men's swimsuits that Carey wears are probably not the same that most guys in America wear because Carey is gay." Let the stereotyping begin. Aaron added, "I'm surprised Carey isn't in jail or selling crack to your children because Carey is black." But Aaron does have a point. Those sketches do look pretty er…gay.
Over at Team Kinetic, Heidi, The Hottie (no seriously, that's what it says over at NBC.com) is still PM after leading her team to victory last week. Jenn tells us that their theme is "beachwear, but kicked up a notch." What, like flames shooting out from the nipples? Bam!
Heidi doesn't like the first bathing suit at all, and I mean, she would know. She is a hottie. Marisa and Heidi get into a little tiff but in the end Heidi lets Marisa keep it so she can be blamed later if it's a failure. Yay scapegoating!
Back at Team Arrow, Carey's abortion of a bathing suit is coming to life and he couldn't be prouder. Carey comes out modeling his creation and it's kind of this tiny, pinkish thing that NO MAN IN AMERICA WOULD EVER WEAR. Perhaps Carey thinks this competition is being held in Barcelona? Carey tells us that "This design is designed for one type of consumer." Yeah. Women. And himself. Carey thinks there is a market for his design. I'm all for equal opportunity and everything, but I'm starting to really see Aaron's perspective on this. That is one gay bathing suit.
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Comments (24)
Guest Columnist, an excellent column from
I doubt that Carey "ramrodded" his idea so much, but no one really stood up to him. Carey was just really excited, and the rest of his team was willing to let him take the blame if the suit was a complete failure, which it turned out to be.
My question for next week is: do we get a break from Heidi in the boardroom, if her team doesn't technically participate in the challenge?
1 of 24 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on January 15, 2007 5:43 PM
I believe I say Carey's suit on a contestant on New York's show. Actually there were two versions...one in pink and one with what appeared to be the Brittish flag motif. So Mr. Trump, there's more of a market for this suit than just gay guys....don't forget the man whores!
2 of 24 | Posted by MTV4ME
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Posted on January 15, 2007 6:50 PM
Frank's nausea of losing again was nowhere nearly as mine after seeing Trump's pasty white feet when he flung off his socks at the beach onto that unsuspectly female assistant. I also vomited a little in my mouth to boot.
That assistant has a better case for suing Trump than he does against Rosie.
3 of 24 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha
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Posted on January 15, 2007 8:11 PM
Is it me or does Surya look like Kaysar from Big Brother?
4 of 24 | Posted by nerrawllehctim
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Posted on January 15, 2007 9:32 PM
That marketing strategy was a new one - "A GAY suit, A STRAIGHT SUIT...", I didn't hear the rest because I was laughing too hard.
I absolutely HATE Heidi. HATE HER. Luckily, even with the two wins, her team hates her too - and now she's a snotty-pants with a bullseye on her big, pasty forehead. I'll bet Hef hates her too.
Best line though:
Frank - "I hate the tent Mr. Trump."
DT - "Don't worry Frank, you'll be
back in the Bronx soon."
Frank - Silently Panics and Sweats...
BTW - Great Recap!
5 of 24 | Posted by Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict
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Posted on January 15, 2007 11:02 PM
Most confusing line ...
DT: "I have a great body. I really do. But, Carey, other than you and I, no one in America can get away with wearing this suit."
Delusional.
6 of 24 | Posted by veronicalodge
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Posted on January 16, 2007 7:51 AM
OK - so Carey's suit wasn't the success he had hoped. But at least he threw some ideas out there, which no one else on that lame team seems willing to do. (Apparantly Trump only likes risk takers if they don't have anything to do with pink mankinis.) If the team didn't like it and were SO against it, why didn't PM Nicloe step up, do her job, and veto it? And she was sure willing to sit back in the boardroom. They need to change their team name to Team Weenie. Nicole should have been fired for not making the ultimate decision to nix the pink suit.
And Kinetic shoud change their name to Team Smug. Heidi is ridiculously annoying and superior in the boardroom - interesting that she talks more than Donald and Ivanka put together. Oh well, good to hate her, as her downfall will be that much more fund to atch.
7 of 24 | Posted by sadie
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Posted on January 16, 2007 9:26 AM
oops - i meant 'fun to watch.
8 of 24 | Posted by sadie
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Posted on January 16, 2007 9:28 AM
Oh, gag! Trump actually said he has a great body! Is he delusional or merely a poor comedian?
I'm treating this season as a parody of seasons past. These challenges are preposterous, the idea of having the winning PM sit in judgment is awful, if only because she (or eventually he) gets to shoot down anyone from the opposing team she may consider a threat. I do like watching Heidi feeling empowered, though. The bigger they are...
Poor Frank. He's an idiot. He actually bragged about being able to beat out the stuffiest dummy ever (yes, worse than Raj) in this show. Loved the look on his face when Trump so casually mentioned his impending return to the Bronx.
This will definitely be the last season for the Apprentice, but I'm going to savor each and every bit of idiocy and hubris from the contestants and the Trumps. Oh, yeah, I love to see Ivanka taking things so seriously.
9 of 24 | Posted by Tony A.
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Posted on January 16, 2007 10:12 AM
I love Carey's swimsuit was great. I really liked it. It would look fabulous with the right top. I would totally wear it. Then again, I do have a vagina.
10 of 24 | Posted by ClariceStarling
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Posted on January 16, 2007 11:36 AM
I think the repeating sayings of ramrodding down someone's throat was probably one of the dirtiest things ever uttered on primetime network tv, especially in the context of all the gayness that was front and center throughout the episode. Interesting that they used Derek, the obviously less flamboyant gay guy, to comment on Carey's gayness, to provide cover for any criticism.
Carey's suit was no worse than the stuff I've seen in that "International Male" catalog, but he was completely clueless about his customers. I somehow started getting the "International Male" catalog in the male many years ago . . don't know how I got on the mailing list. Don't know if they're still around but Google it and see. I recall it was a pretty gay selection of mens' underwear and bathing suits.
11 of 24 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on January 16, 2007 11:55 AM
I used to get the catalog in "the mail", not "the male". I'm straight, I swear!
I checked, International Male is online, and yes it's as gay as I remembered.
12 of 24 | Posted by JasonR
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Posted on January 16, 2007 11:58 AM
LOL, Foxbase Alpha - I thought the same exact thing about Trump's scary-ass pasty feet! Gross!
Some of those shlong-spotlighting "men's" suits were just wrong. I mean, the average guy would not wear what Carey had designed. Oh, except Trump with his "great body". Please tell me his was joking. He had to have been.
Heidi is getting on my nerves with her smug face. I can't wait until she screws up. And what was up with the reward? Uh, the girls must have been like "Oh wonderful, we get to go to the Playboy Mansion and hang out with half-naked girls, that fossil Hef and his brainless trio of "girlfriends" LOL, whatever!
Great recap! :)
13 of 24 | Posted by Jojobear
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Posted on January 16, 2007 1:24 PM
i THINK trump was joking when he said he could have worn the mankini...he's not that delusional, is he?
14 of 24 | Posted by Jordan
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Posted on January 16, 2007 1:31 PM
Haha! I knew you'd use 'ramrod' in your title. Props for using it as a noun instead of a crazy, invented verb.
Fantastic recap. Really great.
Yes! A rickshaw would be so appropriate! As pulled along by the previous loser!!
It's funny, I was thinking if I was designing a swimsuit, I would do a Pucci-inspired floral/print (but not in pink) for the girl's bikini.
So, I quite liked the pink mankini, but it was wrong wrong wrong! I could see it making an appearance as part of a costume in the Gay Mardi Gras parade (Sydney) but that's about it.
Without actually coming out and saying it, Carey was right that the buyers, the show's team and his colleagues were completely overlooking the gay marketplace. But he did go too far. Flaming down the runway indeed!
"Pink is the new black?" yeah, right Demi Moore...
15 of 24 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on January 16, 2007 1:50 PM
JasonR -- you get a gay swimsuit catalogue "in the male" ?? ROFLMAO!
(I'm gonna check it out -- I don't mind a bit of hunky eyecandy from time to time.)
16 of 24 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on January 16, 2007 1:54 PM
Do you think Trump is little jealous of ol' Hef and his lifestyle?
What would you rather have?
TRUMP ICE or PLAYBOY MAGAZINE
ROBOWIFE or THREE GIRLFRIENDS
A PINK TIE or A VELVET BATHROBE
THE BOARDROOM or THE GROTTO
A BRASS-COVERED HIGH RISE or A BUNNY-COVERED MANSION
17 of 24 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha
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Posted on January 16, 2007 3:17 PM
^ I know -- seriously!
Like Trump is hunky enough to wear that pink mankini. No way, no how.
I reckon Hef could buy and sell Trump without blinking.
And yeah, where does Trump get off chucking his smelly socks at his poor PA?
So. Damn. Crass.
18 of 24 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on January 16, 2007 7:37 PM
Ryan the Temp from The Office!!! That's who he reminds me of! I can't tell you how relieved I was to read that. It's been killing me thinking about why he looked so familiar.
Also, I went on the NBC website, and I'm rolling on the floor laughing at these two word descriptors.
Just as bad as "The Hottie" is Jenn's label: "The Blonde." (I kid you not, folks. You can't make this up.) I'm sure she'd be proud to have her entire career to this point summed up by her hair color. That's when you know you've made it in this world.
19 of 24 | Posted by NateTheOkay
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Posted on January 16, 2007 11:28 PM
How did The Trump get hold of Rosie's pink underwear?
20 of 24 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on January 17, 2007 4:06 AM
Hey Ivanka, you highly educated, top of Wharton business school bitch, it's pronounced manUfacture, not manAfacture.
21 of 24 | Posted by Rob
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Posted on January 17, 2007 4:09 AM
Ivanka's new rack -- she's gone Hollywood it seems:
http://news.yahoo.com/photo/070116/ids_photos_en/r3408975557.jpg
22 of 24 | Posted by Foxbase Alpha
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Posted on January 17, 2007 12:17 PM
I loved this recap!! Bravo, guest columnist!
>>Surya comes out and models one of their men's suits, and I think I just figured out why NBC has decided to call him "The Hair." Surya's got this weird arrow of hair pointing up to his neck as if to say "This guy needs a wax."
Holy crap, that was funny!!
23 of 24 | Posted by mom_to_travis
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Posted on January 19, 2007 1:18 PM
Umm hello! You mentioned the phones ringing but not who was on the phone?!?! There's a new assistant! Pink may be the new black, but Andie (sp?) is the new Rhona/Robin. I think she's gorgeous (Trump seems to pick the pretty ones) but pretty nice too.
Is that his real assistant? Has she been on previous seasons? Does anybody know anything about her?
24 of 24 | Posted by Apprenticede
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Posted on January 21, 2007 7:29 PM