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Recap: The Apprentice: Look Kids! It's John Belushi's Bloated Corpse!

apprentice_012107n.JPGThis week's episode of The Apprentice left an odd taste in my mouth. I can't quite put my finger on why, since there were many gems bestowed upon us by both The Donald and his legion of squabbling minions. But as it ended I just felt a little emptier inside. Like Rosie O'Donnell without a Chinaman to insult.

That's not to say it wasn't absolutely hilarious. The evening started off with a bang thanks to an impromptu Comedy Hour over at Team Arrow. (Is anyone else really pissed about not getting to see the ridiculous team-naming ceremony? I always loved that, watching these idiots shout out what they believe to be strong names, crap like "Endure!" and "Gibralter!" and "Bowflex!") Frank, James, Tim, and Aaron are stupidly giggling over what will happen if "Johnny" returns from the boardroom. You see, Frank explains, Johnny is the name that they gave Michelle, because "she's an annoying person." Huh? Wtf? He continues, "Johnny-come-lately, that annoying, non-productive girl." Ah. Thanks Frank! All clear now!

Well, "Johnny" (HI-larious!) does return, and not to a rousing welcome either. In fact, the men are completely silent. Subtle. Meanwhile, back in the mansion of luxury and pool toys, Heidi informs her team that Carey has been fired, and they all groan. Either because they were sad to see him go, or they were sad he wouldn't be around to model any more chewing gum wrappers, it wasn't clear which.

Tim is telling Nicole that Michelle is "just insane" and "icy cold". Now, I'm not sure whose fault this is, mine or the producers, but I don't really see any reason for him to be saying that, other than the fact that perhaps he's a total moron, which I'm not throwing out the window just yet either. Pretty much the only thing Michelle even did in the last task was insist that Carey's swimsuit sucked. And she was completely right. And this equals insanity? Shut up, Tim. Go back to The Office.

The next morning, both teams receive a call from some chick named Andy, who I assume killed Robin in a vicious fight to the death by viciously beating her with a telephone. The teams are to meet Trump at the Loews Hotel in Santa Monica. Oh, and Kinetic, because of your win last week you will not be competing today, chirps Andy. Damn, she even gets more lines than Robin. Poor kid's probably living in a box somewhere now.

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Hark! What wench doth sit upon thy throne of fair Robin disgraced?

The teams prepare for the morning. The Kinetic folks roast fresh coffee and take showers while a jaunty, fancy tune plays in the background, whereas the poor Arrow saps struggle with a backed-up toilet/bucket while xylophone music foppishly plunks away. And just in case you're a little slow on the uptake, Tim reiterates that "this is becoming the separation between the haves and the have nots. The team that wins has everything, while the team that loses has relatively nothing." WE GET IT. FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING CLASSY AND LUXURIOUS, WE GET IT.

Over at the hotel, Trump is having the traditional forced conversation with the owner in order to plug the product/business/service that that person provides. But to the untrained eye, it only appears to be a friendly chat! Hollywood is full of magic! The teams arrive, and Trump jokingly yells at Kinetic for showing up, since they don't have to participate. AAANDY!! He sends them off to enjoy a day at the hotel, free to indulge in endless amounts of food, massages, spas, leprechauns, and self-congratulatory smarminess.

Trump, decked out in a fabulously orange tie, informs Arrow that they must divide themselves up, for they will be competing against each other. Aaron volunteers to be a project manager, and when no one else steps up (what a team of losers), he asks Michelle if she would like to. She replies with an intense, slightly scary, YES. In the interview she whines that she can't say no to Trump in front of everyone and that she feels cornered into the position. This can only lead to good things.

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GO 'CUSE

They begin to pick teams, and Michelle picks Tim first. No, Michelle! He thinks you're icy cold and insane! Apparently this girl never took How To Recognize Obvious Hatred 101 because she then goes on to choose the two other team members that loathe her the most, Nicole and Frank (the genius behind the "Johnny" hilarity). And Aaron gets James and Stefani. Fantastic. On to the task.

Recap: The Apprentice: Look Kids! It's John Belushi's Bloated Corpse! Section's:  1  |  2  |  3  |  4  |  5 

Comments (20)

Jojobear [TypeKey Profile Page]:

OMG, Michelle's team's tour was actually painful to watch. LOL, I thought Tim was gonna start explaining the intricacies of shooting speedballs. Real appropriate family subject matter!

I thought Michelle handled herself really well in the boardroom, considering Donald's hate of "quitters" and "losers". I don't know if she did the right thing. I mean, she was surely going to get fired anyway, so maybe in a way, it WAS a cop-out.
I didn't get that whole "Johnny" thing at the beginning...it made like, no sense. Maybe all that outdoor livin' is affecting their mental health.
Great recap!

melaniemag [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I was impressed with Michelle's eloquence and composure when she quit. No doubt she was going to be fired anyway, but she managed to take the wind right out of everyone's sails, didn't she? Love it! The whole tent city concept is ludicrous, and she did a good job of getting that across. For Trump respond that it's "a real process" -- priceless! I can't wait to hear what kind of spin Trump is going to put on it when The Apprentice is finally put out of its misery.

JasonR [TypeKey Profile Page]:

This episode did have all makings of a great episode, even though we didn't get a boardroom. I think Trump and the producers were just pissed at Michelle because she was denying them a boardroom scene and they would have to find more footage to make a full episode. I'm certainly no fan of Michelle, but I think quitting was the right move. In government or private industry you always see people quitting "to spend more time with their family" when they're clearly on the verge of getting canned. She was guaranteed to get canned, with her whole team ready to pile on, so why go through the humiliation of the boardroom?

That being said, Michelle was pretty much a zero, and living proof of how good looks and collagen-injected lips alone can get you pretty far in the business world.

JasonR [TypeKey Profile Page]:

It is pretty sad how they've run this franchise into the ground. This season isn't that bad, but it just seems like everyone has gotten sick of the show and of Trump. I think those years when they ran two seasons a year really hurt the show. Then again, "Survivor" still remains popular. Although I still get a few yuks when I watch, I'm pretty much watching out of habit at this point, and because they wisely moved the show to a timeslot where it has no competition.

soflat [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I think it took more balls to tell the Donald she was quitting than to sit through the firing process.

The tent thing is stupid and Trump's kids are a bore. Aren't people on prime time tv supposed to have personalities at least?

JasonR [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Michelle Sorro didn't really have a corporate/business background. She is more of an actress who was good at selling houses. Doesn't seem like she was in this for anything other than increased exposure anyway. Check out her website and see what you think: michellesorro.com

HoneyBunny [TypeKey Profile Page]:

She knew she was otta there and she chose to do it on her terms. Kudos.
The Donald and the Hairettes were way over the top with all their indignation and disbelief that anyone would quit instead of being fired. Piffle.

hb

Apprenticede [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I felt sickly watching the Trump's attack a "quitter" for not having the marbles to cut it in a "real life process." Michelle is obviously a little high maintenance for camping and probably shouldn't be on reality TV but who is the Donald kidding when he looks at his brood and suggests that the family made it through guts and determination? That's plain silly.

Also, Andy-who-killed-Robin has a MySpace page:

http://www.myspace.com/andirowntree

She doesn't look like much of a killer, though it looks like she quit her job because she's still in California (perhaps Trump hates her too)!

WhosYourPapi [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Team Michelle's bus tour was absolutely horrible. Kramer's Peterman Reality Tour looked awesome in comparison -- at least they got pizza bagels and bite-sized Three Musketeers.

Also, excellent job with the screencap of the ugly woman. When James started with the "Beautiful Faces" and the next shot was of that woman, I was hoping you'd put it in the recap. You did not disappoint, Screampillar.

Foxbase Alpha [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I don't know where little Don Jr. has the right to comment about Michelle's quitting her drawn-out interview process aka The Apprentice. Isn't nepotism what got him on that side of the boardroom table next to daddy?

T-Bag [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Screampiller, you're on the same level as B-Side and J-Unit. Absolutely hilarious. Loved the recap. Maybe you're so funny because you're working with such brilliant and already too-hilarious material, but I think if you recapped the growth of a flower I'd still be on the floor.

And the first time I saw Aaron, I thought, "Serial killer." He's got the semi-attractive, semi-gay Jeffrey Dahmer look, with a hint of the chubby, comical John Wayne Gacy.

Molly [TypeKey Profile Page]:

It just so happens that Tim and Ryan the Temp on The Office are both from my hometown--the illustrious (ha) Newton, MA. What can I say, we raise them...similar looking and destined for TV.

John Krasinski of The Office is from there, too, but he's less short and brunette than the others.

G [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Go Cuse!!!

wildbutterfly [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Screampiller, this recap was hilarious! I haven't enjoyed any of the new writers until now. Finally someone as good as B-Side. Keep up the good work

gasm-lover [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I agree, excellent recap.

Yes, it was a little cowardly to quit when she knew she was going to be fired, but I just wish that Michelle had bashed The Donald on the way out. I mean, if he's going to call her a quitter and a loser and all of that, she might have made a few hair comments, perhaps tell him he's a loser too, inherited everything from Daddy, etc., but alas, she was too classy for him.

Although I can't help myself and watch the show, I really cannot stand Donald Trump or his kids who pretend they are some kind of authorities, when all it is is NEPOTISM.

conrad5 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Michelle made a Uuge mistake. Her mistake wasn’t the act of resigning from this freak show, but rather believing the ridiculous delusion that she was entering into some sort of legitimate business competition in the first place. Whilst shivering upon a frigid outhouse toilet seat, no doubt constipated from a surfeit of mediocre picnic food, she apparently stumbled upon the following epiphany: A stupid reality television show isn’t a really vehicle for conducting a serious job interview…it’s a low-cost, yet highly profitable, means of pinching out schlocky television entertainment for the masses. Why should such an educated and talented woman debase herself like this? It wasn’t until Michelle realized that she was about subject herself to the added indignity of a televised evisceration in the boardroom, that she rightly turned the tables on the schlockmeister general, and fired HIM.

Junior and the Ivankatron (who temporarily awakened from hibernate mode) were visibly perturbed at her impertinence. "How dare you piss on our sinking family franchise?" I don’t think Trump was really upset at her for "quitting". Rather, he was just angry that the magnanimous emperor could no longer give the thumbs up or thumbs down gesture towards the downed gladiator in the coliseum.

We were led to believe that Michelle’s "punishment" for quitting was to walk home, rather than getting a luxurious ride in the cool black Lexxus (TVG ad rev denied!) sedan. Yeah, right. Immediately after the cameras shut down, NBC corporate lawyers were probably going ape shit at the prospect of a contestant filing suit because she injured herself while walking home, after their network denied her safe transportation. If this series doesn’t improve soon, the viewers may follow Michelle’s lead, and fire Trump’s ass also.

sadie [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Like her or not (I'm in the 'not' camp), Michelle sure took the wind out of that pompous windbag's sails. And she did it with a degree of calm and dignity that made Trump look more a ranting fool than he normally does. His carefully scripted firing speech was rendered useless, leaving him to ad-lib the "I hate quitters" speech ad naseum. It showed what a bellowing idiot he really is. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! Anyway, hated Michelle, loved her managing her own exit. And watching that buffoon Frank leap about like a demeted baboon when he found out no one was getting fired makes me think he's not much longer for tentworld.

BTW - thanks for the shout out about Stephani's glasses in the boardroom. Noticed it, didn't get it. And she doesn't even look cute in them.

TWilliams [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I didn't hate Michelle but she sure was lousy in this episode. We should remember she was the ONLY voice of reason last week regarding that "swimsuit." But honestly, I don't think any of the members of her team were much better than herself -- they all sucked, especially Frank.

He is such an asshole/idiot. Him jumping around like he did after the predictable phone call was stupid. And can he shut up? I guess we didn't hear much from him during the competition; but any other time the man cannot keep his mouth closed. He is one of the most annoying contestants on this show EVER -- worse than Danny (?) the "musician" from Season 3 and even more ignorant than that fame-whore Omarosa.

I actually enjoyed Michelle resigning the way that she did (no Trump, this was her way of saying she was too good for this season of your flailing television franchise). I doubt she'd have resigned had the losers from each week been treated with any amount of dignity from this television show instead of being relegated to port-a-potties and sack lunches. I only wish she was able to voice more of her dislike and disgust towards this attempt at a reality show. I honestly believe this is the worst season EVER on this show -- even worse that street smarts / book smarts gimmick. The challenges are all very high school fund-raising-esque and most of the contestants seem to be very lackluster (namely Frank). The entire Tent City aspect is ridiculous and Michelle obviously believed this. This is NOT what any of these respectable people signed up for -- I would have quit after the first week. This just goes to show that those without have to work ten times as hard to succeed. A couple of weeks with Tent City is enough to get this point across; but I doubt the Donald will give up this lame novelty. He is getting a kick out of sending "losers" (whom he all handpicked as worthy apprenctice candidates) to a makeshift shanty town. You've ruined your own show Donald -- this is worse than Martha handwriting letters to each of her fired candidates.

I am in agreement that Aaron is a serial killer LOSER. The ONLY decent contestant on Team Loser is Stefani (whom, yes, had no reason to wear those glasses in the boardroom -- but maybe they are X-ray goggles and she wanted to get a peek at Donald's "excellent" body).

Sadly this show has peaked. I had greatly enjoyed this show up until now. I am hoping it can turn itself around.

Again, kudos to Michelle for not giving Donald the chance to outright fire her. What he didn't realize is that she showed much more sense and grit by doing it her way. Tent City isn't worth the degradation they are all putting themselves through. What the hell kind of a serious "interview" is this. Oh, that's right -- it isn't. Good job Michelle for turning the tables on the biggest LOSER of the season, Trump himself.

couchpotato [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I wonder if Michelle was planning on quitting because she approached it by saying, "Mr. Trump can I say something..." as if it just popped into her head. Anyway her team hated her and that's what she wasn't cut out for and didn't sign up for, not necessarily the outside living I think. I'd be pissed if I was Carey. He's probably thinking b!tch why didn't you quit a week earlier!

Anonymous:

What the hell happen to michell sorro website? it gone for more than 3 months now and also she has dissappeared.

Very strange...

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