Crustacean Nation?? If you're a little confused by that statement, let me clarify a little bit. NBC bowed season two of The Apprentice tonight, and man was it finger lickin' good. Donald and George and Carolyn and that random receptionist were all back for another round with some overly ambitious job applicants, most of which should be too smart to besmirch their impressive resumes on reality TV. It had been a while since we'd been in that wonderfully fake board room, and man did it feel good to be back. The Apprentice 2 remains just as strong as it did the first time around, if only because it introduced us to the ill-fated line of toys known as, you guessed it, Crustacean Nation.
The episode started off with the obligatory meeting of the candidates and then a brief explanation of the rules by The Donald himself. There are a few new twists this season. First, the project manager of a winning team has immunity in the board room should his or her team fail the very next week. I don't really see the benefit or need for that twist, but it doesn't bother me so whatever. The second major move was that the teams were divided by gender again, but now each side had to surrender a member permanently to the opposition. Furthermore, this person would lead for the first week. This meant that Bradford became the King of Queens while Pamela took over on the guys' side. It was the perfect sort of twist - it shook up the dynamics without compromising the game in the least.
The first task was for each team to name itself. The guys blurted out a few ideas with Raj, the annoying Sam wannabe, insisting heavily on the insurance company-esque moniker, Empire. In the end though, the team opted for the kinder, gentler name, "Mosaic". I personally liked the name, but it was quickly made the object of derision by all the women. Okay, maybe the it wasn't the most dynamic name, but it's not like these guys called themselves "The Rainbow Tampons of Corporate Glory".
Meanwhile, Bradford attempted to get a word in edgewise as his team powwowed over its name. Maria, who apparently had dunked her hair in a vat of crude oil, read down such a large list of adjectives and nouns that I was convinced this group had spent the past hour playing Boggle instead of doing any actual work. Ultimately, the ladies opted for Apex, a lovely name... for a technical school. Other close contenders were Team ITT and the Chubb Group.
The next day, the teams made their way over to the gargantuan Toys 'R' Us in Times Square where they learned their first mission: design a toy. Oh wow. That's awesome. Seriously, that's one of the best reality challenges ever. Of course the guys would all hone their inner child to create the perfect toy, right? Um, well, no. Team Mosaic held a frantic brainstorming session that kicked off with John suggesting some sort of backpack super soaker contraption that at first seemed silly but then looked genius after what was suggested next.
Someone threw out the idea of a magnetic aquarium or something like that. It was a scintillating idea to reach that all important quiet loner population. Building off the aquarium idea was Andy, the recent Harvard grad, who insisted that crustaceans are awesome and the toy should revolve around that central 
concept. As we at home were in mid laugh, we soon came to realize that he was not only serious, but he had sold the team on it. Next thing we knew, Andy was showing off weird drawings of figurines that boasted lobster torsos and interchangeable parts such as fins and claws. The grand slam name for this oddball toy? Crustacean Nation.
« Karen Can't Take the Backdoor | Main | I Can Tell That You're Jealous Just By the Look in Your Eye »
Comments (6)
I'm sorry, but that kid did have a horrible haircut!
And what is up with Carolyn's face? Major facelift/botox going on there.
Crustacean Nation sounds too SpongeBob rip-off.
And the tucks sucked. I mean, remote-control cars are hardly new. Except these had parts that you could put on and then they just fell off when the truck was moving. I though it was DUMB!
Last but not least, I would imagine one of the best jobs in the world has got to be inventing toys.
1 of 6 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on September 10, 2004 7:07 AM
I think Carolyn is the best part of the show. Instead of "Joey", they should make a Carolyn spin-off show where she just goes around scowling and wrinkling her nose at people on the street. Then she can judge and criticize their everyday lives. She's priceless and everytime someone talks back to her I yell, "DON'T MESS WITH CAROLYN!"
And I love that crazy Stacie. I hope they don't get rid of her too fast, cause a little meth was the only thing missing last season.
Finally, it should be noted that it seems Maria really does enjoy laughing and having fun as she seemed to have taken a good dose of her prozac after taking that scowling maneater photo on her friendster profile.
2 of 6 | Posted by Zoox | Posted on September 10, 2004 8:23 AM
I'm sure all you Dartmouth alums at TVGASM are pleased to see Harvard's reputation further tarnished by another knuckleheaded recent Cambridge export whoring his $200,000+ education on reality TV.
And B-side, I'm disappointed that you completely bypassed our latest invitation into the garish apartment previously seen only by "presidents, kings," and Trump's trophy-babe, Melania, who may very well be eastern Europe's answer to the Chenbot. Trump's luxury pad is the tackiest pastiche of wasted dough I've ever seen. In case anyone out there is wondering, classy, old-money types do not have GOLD PLATED DOORS. And furthermore, the real estate business is NOT COOL. It just has easy licensure exams.
There's nothing about 'The Apprentice' that amuses me more than listening to these helpless sycophants use terms like 'class' and 'taste' in reference to a guy who got his start taking over his old man's slum tenements. Trump has since taken Nouveau Riche behavior to new lows. These jackasses talk about him like he's John Jacob Astor or J.P. Morgan.
3 of 6 | Posted by jack | Posted on September 10, 2004 9:08 AM
Jack you are so right on with everything you said.
4 of 6 | Posted by Genevieve | Posted on September 13, 2004 11:08 AM
I think the immunity for the project leader is a good idea, because it actually gives some incentive for people to put up or shut up.
5 of 6 | Posted by Bonggargler | Posted on September 15, 2004 10:29 AM
Hey interchangable toys can be done and just like the cars they are customizable. If only they had real toy designers on the show.
Shocker Toys
See the Shockini customizable mini action figure.
6 of 6 | Posted by Geoff Beckett Jr. | Posted on September 16, 2004 2:52 PM