Well, we knew it would happen eventually. On tonight's episode of The Apprentice, the hemmoraging on the women's side finally ceased. Thanks to challenge that seemed to be all but catered towards women (and gay men), the Apex Corporation finally let out a squeal of relief when they learned that they had not in fact sucked. Amazingly enough, it was the careful aegis of Maria that led women to victory. Who would have thunk it? The robot came through clutch, or as clutch as can be in the easiest mission ever for women.
The show started off with the oh-so-classic imagery of traffic lights changing and steam billowing from manholes. You'd think by now Mark Burnett would move onto other sights such as peanut vendors or homeless people. But the most variety we get is usually just a shot of pigeons.
Back in the loft - which has nothing to do with traffic lights, steam, or pigeons - Stacy and Maria returned triumpantly from the boardroom. Upon hearing Pamela's fate, Raj struck up a chorus of "Ding dong the ice queen is dead," which would have been funnier had Stacy not gone for the same joke a week ago with Jennifer C. Seriously, these people need better post-boardroom material.
The teams soon split into their groups, with the men electing John as project manager. As the guys talked about management strategies, the girls stood from afar and rolled their eyes. There go those stupid men, talking clearly with each other, not being passive aggressive, laying out strategies. Who do they think they are? The women, meanwhile, took the time not to elect their project manager, but their scapegoat of the week. Filling this week's void? No, not Stacy, but Elizabeth! Yay! I think Stacy dodged the bullet with her motivational comment, "We've been hardcore, but now we have to be harder core." Similarly, they've been embarrassing to women, but now they have to be more embarrassinger to women.
The next morning, Trump's secretary placed her obligatory 7 AM call to alert the crew of the next mission. This episode's lucky bedhead? Kevin, who seemed to be shaking off a few late night beers as he stumbled over to the phone. The groggy guy seemed to be completely unaware that his PJ's were about a centimeter away from falling off on TV. Nevertheless, the teams met up with The Donald at Trump Modelling Agency (aka Trump wife factory) where they learned this week's task: design a fashion line, display it at a fashion show, and earn the most money. Not bad. Of course, the guys's first impulse was to fantasize about greasing up the models, a notion that Frau Maria quickly sneered down. "Shut up!" she scoffed, secretly thinking "but if we do have to grease down the models, we can use my hair. Advantage: Ladies!"
Speaking of Maria, we discovered that she was made project manager of Apex because she has, among other things, a minor in Home Economics. Granted, most CEOs have minors in History or English or Economics (the business kind, not the home kind), but hey, I'm sure every boardroom could use a few homemade brownies and an overhead projector cozy.
Anyway, the groups all went off to interview designers. The women pounced on a guy named Darren who seemed to be the second coming of Isaac Mizrahi. The guys, however, were drawn to Ilsa, who appeared to be the forgotten lovechild of Lindsay Crouse and Martinia Navratilova.
With the mission underway, it was time for the women to tend to their highest priority: ostracize Elizabeth. Maria, who clearly holds the passive aggressive chops of the group, worked quickly and effectively by literally sending Elizabeth away from everyone else. If it weren't so obvious that the women would school the guys on this, I'd say we have a new Stacie J. on our hands. You just know the women were lining up with their official psychological assesments of Elizabeth.
Getting Elizabeth out of the way meant the girls could focus on the fashion line, which for Ivana meant all pantsuits, all the time. Unfortunately, pantsuits are sooo Hilary Rodham Clinton 2001. No, for Team Apex, the signature look was the capelet. The capelet? I'm not even sure what that is. Oh, but these women know what they're talking about. I'm sure they won't surprise us with any amazingly dumb looking accessory later this episode...
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Comments (12)
this was really an outrage. I mean John was bar none the best looking guy on the show. I'm very angry. >:-(
1 of 12 | Posted by Ananda Fan | Posted on October 15, 2004 2:08 PM
I think we've seen enough of Trump's execs to know looks ain't got nothing to do with it.
B-Side, now seriously, even you have to admit bed-rumpled Kevin is highly preferable to bed-rumpled Raj. He should answer the phone every week.
2 of 12 | Posted by Lady J | Posted on October 15, 2004 7:21 PM
I totally second that Ananda Fan! John was hot, but he did deserve to go, he really did a crap job as leader. But maybe he would have survived it if he had brought Wes in the boardroom as well.
Awesome commentary as usual B-side!
3 of 12 | Posted by Jenn | Posted on October 15, 2004 7:27 PM
Yes Lady J, bed rumpled Kevin is much more tolerable than Raj. But now I feel guilty for skipping the gym...
4 of 12 | Posted by b-side | Posted on October 15, 2004 10:49 PM
Those capelets sure are pretty ugly and that pink one doesn't even match the rest of the outfit. And I would have to agree that the dubbing was quite obvious. Maybe they think people who watch reality TV are stupid. During Trump's long spiel they didn't even cut to him once. It makes you wonder what Andy, John, and Kevin were listening to when they showed close-ups of their faces. The reason people on reality shows always say they were edited unfairly is because they were.
5 of 12 | Posted by Lisa | Posted on October 16, 2004 1:17 AM
My god, B-side, your Maria screen-caps are superb this week. This gal really knows how to fill up a frame. That weenie shot is almost desktop wallpaper-worthy. But you misidentified Frau Maria's Nazi prison guard uniform as UPS duds. You must receive discipline! Ach-Ja!
Ah, dear John. You were definitely Mosaic's premier piece of eye-candy, and you're actually able (just barely) to pull off the retro-mirrored shades look (though having Long Island John standing next to you in the same shades shooting shit-eating 'don't I look hip' grins around at everyone in sight sort of blows it). But banking on sex appeal to get in good with the Donald only works for Austro-Hungarian supermodels.
Did anyone else notice how much John seemed to be appealing to Carolyn to save him? He kept talking her up so much, Trump had to remind him who gets to do the firing. Could it be that young John has been working the sugar-mama angle? Carolyn seemed so reluctant to see him go. I'm sure she's got some uber-frau friends who'll be happy to take John on as a kept man now that he's been cast out of Trump-land.
This episode was like the special olympics for the ladies. They couldn't have stacked the deck more clearly against the men if the challenge was to design a more comfortable tampon. I hope we are due for a mixed-gender team shuffle, since the men seem blandly agreeable even when they're losing and the women are a bunch of bitchy pageant girls fighting over the same crown.
6 of 12 | Posted by jack | Posted on October 16, 2004 7:31 AM
Wow Jack, those comments were just as good as B-Side's recap!
I too nearly gagged when I saw Maria sucking on that giant Tube Steak! That picture you have up may have helped you get your jollies off, but how about a pic of John sucking on them Tic Tac's for the rest of us?
What? No mention of Ivana's Quote of the Week? Her "I don't mean to be a bitch" preface was recited flawlessly and effortlessly, revealing that she absolutely intended to be a bitch. It's no "You're raping me right now!" but it'll do.
The Hugo Boss party was definitely lame! The promised Cirque Du Soleil featured just ONE performer! WTF?! And I didn't even realize that was Lil Kim, cause u know, she's THAT famous.
7 of 12 | Posted by jaded | Posted on October 16, 2004 11:56 AM
B-side...i heart you.
John...poor bubby...Now he can take my EMails on Gothamist and come out to what my Gaydar percieved. BTW...John and Kelly are from San Fran...John called the models women while the rest foamed at the mouth in incoherant un-easiness...and they (The models) were no Evangilista's! Did anyone notice that little Stacie's gazonga's were spilling out @ that "opulent" event that even Cindy Adams (only in NY!)and her dead unfunny husband failed to cover? Liz Smith was muff diving. This is the appertif to the brilliant Amazing Race, and B-side, I wish you a freakin great career in whatever you choose. Now go watch and report on America's Next Top Model, will ya! Exscuse the spelling errors people......Yours, Mick
8 of 12 | Posted by mick | Posted on October 17, 2004 12:22 PM
I couldn't believe John whined like a bitch with a skinned knee at being in the boardroom. "Ohhh, it's just devastating to be here Mr. Trump". Pulllleeeezzze.
I did notice Stacies' cute jugs make their appearance, as well as JennMs' when she bent over while talking to John. Thanks girls! The breastesses are the bestesses.
Trump and Carolyn really bitch-slapped Raj when he opened his mouth!! Hound-dogging on the models Raj. Tsk, tsk. Better to keep it in your pants than let it out and step all over it.
Maria needs to have someone stand behind her and pin her arms to her sides when she talks, before she hurts someone. I bet she's seen a lot of Jerry Lewis movies. Oh Lady!!
I bet even Darren got excited when she downed that weiner while he was sitting next to her.
Ripoff!!! No extended boardroom on Saturday.
9 of 12 | Posted by Vince | Posted on October 18, 2004 7:26 PM
Who knew Kevin was hidding that body underneath those pressed suites!?! Wait the blood is rushing to my head..
10 of 12 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on October 19, 2004 7:53 AM
According to Entertainment Weekly, I think, Kevin sidelined a career in the NFL to help his brother who had leukemia. Hence, the muscles.
11 of 12 | Posted by b-side | Posted on October 19, 2004 8:42 AM
And we also discovered that The Donald has a sense of humor!!
John: "Mr. Trump with Carolyn as my witness and with George as my witness, I want to say.."
Trump: "How about me? Am I a witness too?"
John: "Well they're there every day."
Trump: "But let me be a witness also."
John: "And Mr. Trump as my witness."
Trump: "Ok."
12 of 12 | Posted by Vince | Posted on October 20, 2004 1:20 PM