Worst. Candidates. Ever.

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Well this week's episode of the Apprentice taught us something that I think we all figured out two months ago: this year's candidates completely suck. Gone are the days of people who seemed marginally competent and halfway intelligent. We've officially hit the bottom of the barrel. If any of these candidates get put in charge of putting up a building for Trump in the next few years, I'll be surprised if it's made out of steel and not toothpicks and glue.

Anyway, last week's boardroom featured Tim finally getting the axe, due largely in part to his bizarre and inexplicable infatuation with Nicole, who becomes more and more detestable every week.

Apparently, while the boardroom was going on, Nicole reads some note that Tim had written to her before heading in. His note appears to be 20 pages long, which is about how many pages I could write about how much I hate Nicole. I can't explain in words how happy I am that we don't have to follow along with this romance storyline anymore. Now if only Nicole could get fired this week...

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"See...Dick...Run..."

Heidi returns to the mansion and gives Nicole the bad news - Tim's been fired. Boo hoo. Nicole can't believe the news when she hears that Frank called Tim "Wet behind the ears." I couldn't believe it either because I have never heard anyone under the age of 90 actually use that expression.

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Shut up.

Outside at Tent City, Frank spots a mouse and everyone freaks out. Oh Tent City, what will you throw at us next?

Apparently, nothing. Because soon afterwards, the teams get a phone call from our favorite reality receptionist Andi, who tells Arrow that they're moving back inside and nobody will ever have to sleep in tents again!

So let's take a moment and share a few seconds of silence for Tent City, the worst reality show "innovation" since the Real World/Road Rules challenges starting putting fans of the show into the actual competition.

Alright, moving on.

Aside from the demise of Tent City, Andi's got other news as well. The six remaining candidates must separate into three teams of two, with no more project managers.

So let me see if I've got this right. This season because of the "if you win as PM you stay PM" rule, of the remaining six candidates, two of them have never been PM, and Frank hasn't been in charge of anything since the very first episode (which he lost by the way). Meanwhile, Kristine has only been PM once, which she ALSO lost. In fact, of the remaining candidates, only James and Heidi have had successful runs as project managers. Way to go Apprentice, this "innovation" is nearly as bad, if not worse than the whole Tent City idea.

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Worst. Secretary. Ever.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'll continue.

As the teams each learn the news, Frank tells us that he's going to miss Tent City because it has "character." Yeah, sure. Arrow gathers around outside and join hands to share a moment as "friends forever."

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Conjuring up the ghost of Carey.

Back inside at the dinner table, Kristine mumbles "I'm not going to stand up when they come in here," and Nicole agrees. Oh snap, that's cold! God these women are useless.

Arrow joins them in the dining room for the now inevitable "we need to make teams" discussion. James says he wants to just be straight up about who they should partner with and he immediately chooses Stefani because of her hands. Oh wait sorry, that was two weeks ago.

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"What can I say? I love her hands!"

Frank says he wants to be with Nicole, without any explanation. I too have no explanation, although if the two most annoying people left in this show want to team up together, more power to them. They could team up and become an unstoppable force of idiocy and Italian stereotypes. I'll let you figure out which one is which.

Unfortunately for Frank, Nicole doesn't feel the same way as she's unhappy with the way Frank treated Tim near the end of Tim's Apprentice career.

Finally Kristine speaks up and she too wants Nicole because, as she tells us, she doesn't want to pair up with Heidi, win, and then have it look like Heidi is a shining star once again.

So we're down to our three teams: James and Stefani, Frank and Heidi, and Kristine and Nicole. These three groups are all so bad, I wouldn't even know who to wager on.

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Comments (24)

JasonR [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Jordan, I can't believe you didn't mention how the Donald and Don, Jr. spoke of their growing respect for Frank at the end of the boardroom. Yes, Frank's kind of a meathead, but depending on what exactly Trump would be looking for in an apprentice he might be the guy. If he's looking for a construction manager/project manager for a building, where creativity isn't an issue,and it's all about following a schedule and communicating with contractors, I think Frank's the guy. The guy can stand up for himself. Watching Tim last week and Heidi this week basically fall apart under Frank's withering verbal attack was almost painful to watch. Trump isn't the most polished guy either, so believe it or not he may identify with Frank the most. Stefani and James both appear at least minimally competent, and the fact Stefani is way hot also works to her favor. Nicole is just a loudmouth and probably the worst person to make it to the final four.

JasonR [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I meant Nicole is one of the worst to make it to the final four ever, not just the worst this season.

neverenuftv [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Holy crap this show sucks. But I did laugh when he turned to Kristine and fired her and she whined. I think Trump kept Frank because he can deal with construction workers and Nicole because she sells condos for a living so he can put them somewhere in the Trump organization if they win. When Kristine mentioned that Nicole did that for a living I thought Kristine just shot herself in the foot by reminding him of that.

mg:

Has anyone noticed that Kristine looks a lot like Joan Cusak (sp?)

Jordan [TypeKey Profile Page]:

hmm, yes, on further review i did miss all of the compliments given towards frank at the end, i think because i cut the show off a minute early because i couldn't believe that Nicole made it to the final four. frank definitely can hold his own in the boardroom, something i can't really say for any of the other candidates.

i still think it's completely awful that of the final four candidates, Nicole has NEVER been PM, Stefani has NEVER been PM (i think?), Frank has been PM once and lost, and only James is 2-0. awful. i'll still be shocked if this show comes back for another season. when i found out i was going to be splitting duties for the apprentice, i was originally thrilled since this is one of my favorite reality shows. but now i'm only watching the show in order to write recaps, so i imagine that a lot of the rest of the fan base has given up completely.

giffordsaz:

I have not given up completely but I am into pain and suffering apparently.

Jordan, after a long day and horrible night I just want to thank you ... you brought a smile to my face and a chuckle even..... I really needed it and after watching the show yesterday you recapped it nicely.

I think the 'season' is actually beginning to recover a bit because the candidates left are so crapable. I predict James to win because the other three couldn't pull together a single floatable idea on anything.

Mo:

I think that what may have mostly gotten Heidi and Kristine fired was that they started crapping on their team mates even before the presentations. They both said that Frank and Nicole needed watching and lacked focus. And when it suits Trump, he's all about being loyal to your team. After Heidi badmouthed him, Frank actually was classy and complimented her, so that's one point for him (I can't believe I am giving that loudmouth points for classiness!) All that said, I never understood what people saw in Heidi. She didn't seem like all that. Of course, the fact that Nicole is still there is a travesty. Her voice sounds like somebody's using a cheese grater to grind some metal nails, and what comes out of her mouth is always about how cute and awesome she is. She's just as cute and awesome as Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie rolled together, if they had bullhorns permanently attached to their faces. I'll say Stefani and James were very polished in this task, and that was even before you could compare their work to the others'...

joyfulchicken [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Stefani is going to win this thing. She's the only detail-oriented player left in the game, and she should have a clear advantage if the final task is the usual "organize an event" stuff.

soflat:

The whole season could be condensed into this one episode. The contestants were exposed for the losers they are and the stupid tent city concept was abandoned.

The only surprise is that Trump actually seemed surprised at how poorly the teams did. Apparently he did not spend much time in LA to oversee things.

lovedoctor [TypeKey Profile Page]:

As usual, an entertaining recap on an even more ridiculous episode.

Jordan, I agree w/JasonR above, I can't BELIEVE you didn't mention Don Junior! I was more interested in his little giggling smirks during the boardroom when Dad said his various remarks and when Heidi pointedly asked Don Jr about whether she was contradicting herself. he answers something like, "it appears that way" and then giggles again and almost (almost) looks apologetic.
I absolutely loved watching his reactions!
I also loved when Frank makes some remark and then refers to him AS "Don Jr." which seemed very funny to me too.

And don't forget, Donald and Don Jr. both began to wax poetic about frank at the end, BUT they were talking about his polish and Don suggested that while he may not fit in at the top, he certainly would fit in at one of their construction sites. seems like a compliment and veiled insult in one.

yes Jordan, ridiculous that the "final four" have barelly led anything, though I think the results speak for themselves

Pappy44:

Isn't James 3-1?


I think it is Steffani and her amazing twins and The Bronx Bomber for the title...

Tony A. [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Used to watch this show faithfully. Now I can't bear to watch the trainwreck, but I do read the recaps because they're so entertaining. Just note that all recaps and comments continually dwell on the amazing and meteoric fall of what once was a clever show premise. What I'd like to see is WTF the previous winners are doing now, since they seem able to pop in and out of the current edition. You telling me Rancic still works for Trump? And what about the chick that went down to Palm Beach? And last year's winner?

KermitGirl22 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Heidi definitely botched this one, big time. I like how she kept saying "I am 100%..." or "I believe 100%"... which really added nothing to her case. Nicole just needs to shut up, her voice is soooo annoying. So was Kristine's, for that matter, she reminded me of a mother who constantly nags her children. I think Stephanie will win this, James looks competent in Mr. Trump's eyes, but he is also quite annoying.

Why do I even care?!

r.pupkin [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I think someone got to Stefani this week and told her to drop the "reading" glasses. She didn't have them on during her presentation. Of course, she probably will use them as a prop for her playboy spread.

Dan:

I really recommend checking out the UK version of the Apprentice. The new season just started last week (you can find the episodes on various torrent sites). It is a vastly superior version. The contestants are actually not asshats and seem to be trying to get a job. The UK version is like japanese pro wrestling-- it just seems more real than our stuff.

tulip618 [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I also couldn't stop laughing with all of heidi's "100%..." comments and thought to myself "100% worst. candidates. ever."! And I too loved Don Jrs facial expressions and comments during the boardroom. Great recap!

p.s. when i saw the little model of the building, i thought "The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!"

andy:

Nicole was actually PM during the bathing suit task (and lost), and Kristine did win once as a PM. Stefani hasn't has an opportunity to be PM yet because it's always the person who was called out in the previous board room, and she's never even been criticized in front of Trump.

JasonR [TypeKey Profile Page]:

r.pupkin (#15), amen to that. I could watch Stefani put on the glasses and then remove them for dramatic effect, emphasizing her hotness, all day. Hmm, maybe she could have her hair up in a bun, then undo it and flip it back seductively . . . Excuse me, I need to be alone for a while.

Die_MediaWhores [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I swear to you, I feel like hurling myself out a window whenever Frank opens his big fat mouth.
Yelling over someone and never letting them finish a sentence is NOT "holding your own" in the boardroom.

But, nothing was funnier than when Trump asked Frank, "do you think you're polished enough to work for me?" Like all of a sudden Trump is all refined. Yeah, douchebag, Frank is polished enough to work for you. Larry the Cable Guy is polished enough to work for you.


lovedoctor [TypeKey Profile Page]:

At least this episode we didn't have to hear nicole in her annoying voice waxing poetic about how CUTE and BEAUTIFUL she and her teammate were.

By the way, did anyone notice how horrible Kristine's skin looked when they were busy working and talking things out in the van? Looks like a nasty case of melasma to me, and in the confessional she looked like she had the world's thickest coat of make up on, she practically looked air brushed since I think she was covering over her nasty skin eruption

no matter WHO the apprentice turns out to be, he/she prob won't last out the year. i think bill is the only one trump really cares for

Tony G:

Don Junior really needs to do something with his hair.

Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I haven't been posting much over here, but I've watched every episode and read every recap! :-D

I agree that Frank is the best fit for the Trump organization. He's perfect for dealing with suppliers, estimators, site-supervisors and foremen. I think he's got the perfect personality for it, and in many respects he reminds of Trump himself! LOL! Brash, blustery, confident and a real shark.

Although I wasn't really ever sold on Heidi, I was really surprised at how quickly she disintegrated! She just totally ran out of steam... That presentation was ABYSMAL!

Christine and Nicole should have both been canned. Nicole should take the short bus home.

sweetleaf [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I totally agree with this recap, where did they find these people??
As a business major, I love this show- ummm I USED to love this show because I learned from it. Lately I've been learning that most of the kids at my community college have thier act together better than these applicants.

Is it just me or does Stefani look like a poor mans Faith Hill?

1LPride [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Stefani is supremely confident in these episodes and has proved herself many times as the best candidate. Her class, grace, and lack of idiocy separates her from all other candidates. I think the producers just have not shown her brilliance all season b/c they knew she was going far and didn't want this thing to be a blow out. As for her glasses, I think it's a stage prop controlled by the producers as well. And I disagree with the post that she looks like a tranny. And yes I will concede that she has a phenomenal chest, but certainly no different than what's on every other channel. But look for her to cream the competition and take the Apprentice title.

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