You're Hired!

Well, this is it, the season (series?) finale of The Apprentice. It's been a real test of patience, will, and determination to make it all the way to the end. For us that is.

Seriously, is this show done forever? Without question, this has been the worst season to date. Was it the crappy tasks? The shitty rewards? The completely mediocre candidates? The missing George? The predictable boardrooms? The tents? The Hair? Frank? A mixture of all of the above? In any case, we're LIVE at the Hollywood Bowl, where I'm assuming they've paid a LOT of people to show up to pretend like they give a shit about who wins this year. They're all chanting "Trump! Trump!" but it sounds more like "Chug! Chug!" which is exactly what I'm doing to help myself enjoy this finale. Did I mention I was drinking gasoline?

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Paid Extras.

Trump enters, side by side with his devil-spawn Don Jr. and Ivanka. To be totally honest, I think Ivanka was one of the only bright spots of this season. I think she's come across as very intelligent, articulate, and rational. Maybe they should give the show to her next year. The Apprentice: Ivanka. Don Jr. however is about as charismatic and interesting as Rosie O'Donnel's vagina.

Trump gives some speech about how excited he is to be at the Hollywood Bowl and introduces us to...yes, a montage. You gotta have a montage.

Hey, remember 13 weeks ago? 18 people showed up and built a tent! It was about as exciting as that sounds.

Heidi and Frank became the first project managers of two teams, Arrow and Kinetic, and led them in running a...car wash? This is the Apprentice, right? Not Donald Trump's Marching Band Fundraiser? We sure?

In a new twist, the winning team would live inside their mansion (all sleeping in the same room mind you) with the losers sleeping outside in tents! Oh the humanity! Not tents!

In addition, winning project managers would help Trump in the boardroom as well as stay PM until they lost. This helps explain why of the four remaining candidates, only ONE of them has a winning record as PM (James), while two of them were only PM once (both with losses - Frank and Nicole), and with Stefani NEVER EVEN HAVING BEEN PROJECT MANAGER. In seasons past, the final two candidates had always been PMs multiple times, usually with solid winning records. This year? Not so much.

Martin was the first candidate fired, which is too bad because we never got a chance to see what other pieces of furniture he liked to dress up as. Would he make a good coffee table? A lamp? A tacky couch? Alas, we would never know.

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"Hi. I'm a picnic table."

Next to go down? Why that would be Carey, the gay man with horrible fashion sense. Carey's banana hammock bathing suit didn't fit with anyone's taste and thus he got the boot.

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"Hi. I'm an idiot."

The following week gave us...a bus tour! Wait, a car wash AND a bus tour? Hey, if you can wash a car AND give a bus tour, you can put up buildings as well in my book. Michelle ended up resigning after her team of waiters failed miserably.

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"Hi. May we take your oder?"

With Michelle gone, Team Arrow won their next task...managing a fast food restaurant! Wait a minute. You're telling me that to be an Apprentice for Trump you need to be able to wash cars, run a bus tour, AND manage a fast food restaurant? Standards have really, really dropped.

Oh, and lest you forget, while celebrating on the beach, Tim caught Nicole's eye, in what would soon become the lamest, worst, subplot ever.

Over the next four weeks, more candidates were fired - Marisa, Aaron, Amy, White Trash Derek, and Jenn.

In week 9 the teams shot a webisode, which turned out to not be that much different from the final task, where Nicole's "expert knowledge" of soap operas helped her team win. Oh, so THAT'S why she's still here! I've been wondering.

Next to go was The Hair himself, Surya, whose team pretty much hated his overbearing and buzz-word using ways. Synergize this, buddy.

Muna went down shortly after for reasons I can't remember but I'm sure it was probably racist. Angela bowed out next, even though Trump's love affair with her had given her a free pass for quite a while. I hate to break it to you Donald, but I'm pretty sure she's gay.

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Trumps type.

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Comments (17)

carol [TypeKey Profile Page]:

is it just me, or did Stefani get some work done? She looked a little off and it wasn't just the hair.

ThereBeNoShelterHere [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I didn't watch this season, nor read any of the recaps before this one, and if this recap is any indication, I didn't miss much (not knocking the recap itself, which I enjoyed quite a bit).

In reading the recap, I kept reading Stefani the same way Gwen pronouces her last name, though I presume her name is pronounced the same as the more mundane "Stephanie", correct? I'm sure she gets pissed when people spell it "Stephanie", much like the girls who say "It's Jen with two N's".

Casey [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Usually Melania attends the finale - was she there this time?

princesspeapod [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Worst finale EVER.
Please let it be the end of this painful series.

Autumn_Reeser_is_hot [TypeKey Profile Page]:

This was my first season of "The Apprentice" which is probably why - unlike most of you - I quite enjoyed it ;-)... I'm happy that Stefani won because I had the best impression of her out of all the final four candidates. I liked James, too, but he annoyed me a little with his over-enthusiasm.

As someone who has only just started getting into the show I would like to know which season you would consider the best?

After I read over here that most of you considered this the worst season so far, I started getting into last season. I already like it much better than this one but then again I read people on last year's recaps commenting this also was the worst season so far *lol*...

I'm just one episode short of season five's finale and I'm a huge fan of Sean. He's just hilarious :D. Every time he appears on screen and makes some of his weird faces and gestures I pee my pants... literally...okay, maybe not "literally" ;-). I also enjoyed the catfights and the most annoying self-delusional bitch ever - that is Allie. Very funny and entertaining season. Can't unterstand why people wouldn't like it. If former season were really that much better maybe I should get hold of them...

I've also already got season 1 which I will start as soon as I've seen Sean getting hired ;-). The fact that, of course, I know all the Apprentices (Apprenti, is that seriously the correct plural form?) doesn't really make things less interesting for me.

So, a couple of questions I have in mind for long-time Apprentice viewers:

Which one was the best season? How did you like Season 1 and its winner Bill? I'm very excited to be watching it soon especially because I weirdly kind of like Bill. And which one is your favourite Apprentice?

If anyone would answer I'd be very pleased, because I really like this show (and I hardly like any reality programs) and I'd like to get into past seasons as there probably won't be many more of it.

BTW, I read that NBC has already renewed "The Apprentice" for another season quite some time ago...

Featherhead [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I agree with carol, Stephanie definately had some work done, I hardly reconized her. And did you notice that Bill was missing from the group of past apprenti as usual. It was the worst season ever!!

kensrus [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Season 1 was definitely the best because none of the candidates knew what to expect. Also, season 1 was before the tasks got so product placement oriented. (The scavenger hunt was wild!) Season 2 was interesting due to the cast of "characters." Who could forget the bitchfest called Maria, or Andy the doofus? TOO fun!

nycid [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Jordan - good job with the recaps! This season was absolutely horrible and I hope NBC is reading blogs like this and bring it back to what the show originally was!

Also - I want to say that I CRACK UP everytime I see a picture of Nicole and "Shut up." underneath -everytime I saw her on the tv, I would imagine you saying that. It's nice to have something to rely on when reading these posts!

Autumn - season 1 is great (mostly because Kwame worked in my group here so everyone at work was rooting for him) and it was the most believeable. The season with Randall was really good too (esp the finale and FREAKIN'! if I'm not mistaken). Overall, all of early seasons were great (prior to product placement) but I would venture to say that every season EXCEPT this one was really good and felt like a real competition.

JasonR [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I'm fuming right now because after typing a very long, funny and insightful post, I clicked submit and lost the whole damn thing because I wasn't signed in, so here's a condensed version:

Jordan (and Screampillar too), thanks for at least giving us a tasty recap milkshake to chase down the shit sandwich of having to watch each dreary episode this season.

The season sucked. The producers got very lazy with both casting and the tasks, which were pretty much throw out there whatever random company ponied up for the product placement.

The move to L.A. added nothing to the show. You're in the entertainment capital of the world, and the only entertainment-related tasks are selling passes at a theme park and a deodorizer commercial?? WTF? How about doing marketing for a low budge indie movie? How about something with the porn industry, which has revenues greater than the GDP of most countries? Talk about a ratings booster!

Also, I think the show really lost something when George and Carolyn left. The show at least seemed plausably legitimate when real longtime trusted employees of Trumps were playing a part. Just not the same with Trump just throwing his kids in there.

It's hard to care about who won, when it didn't even seem to matter to Trump very much. I have a feeling in most cases these jobs are figurehead positions, with the Apprentice probably spending most of his/her time doing promotional appearances, like Miss America or something.

Autumn_Reeser, in response to your question, hands down the best season was #4, which was awesome beyond description: Randall and Rebecca, Toral and PASSION!, Lambooorghiiini!; "Zenthura!", Alla the tough as nails Russian stripper, and the great megaphone caper of 2005. Definitely check this one out.

D'oh, just thinking about how awesome this show used to be has made me depressed.
-JR

Merick [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Yeah, bad season.

Why did this recap appear before the Ugly Betty recap which has been up for at least 12 hours?

slutty_whore [TypeKey Profile Page]:

I'm partial to the Fembots, the magic 8 ball, and the feminine psychosis (the black girl) of Season 2.

DP Hooker [TypeKey Profile Page]:

What was Trump talking about with the comments James made that he didn't like, the ones that "James knew he was talking about."

JasonR [TypeKey Profile Page]:

DP Hooker (#12), this was talked about in the forums:

http://forums.tvgasm.com/showpost.php?p=48799&postcount=49

stacyrocks [TypeKey Profile Page]:

What a disappointing season! I'll be sad if the show is cancelled because, wow, what a low way to exit. I'm okay with Stefani winning even though she has never been PM since she really did hold everything together and actually got stuff done in every task.

-Autumn_Reeser_is_hot (#5);

Definitely check out season 4 if you can. It's my fave and probably the best of the whole series, followed by season 1. I'm actually smiling right now, thinking about season 4. "Ladies, if you see us in the club FREAKIIIIN'... join in, it's the RUBBLE MAN!" And there were many more classic moments!

-Jordan;
Thanks for the recaps. you did great, given what you had to work with! :)

Autumn_Reeser_is_hot [TypeKey Profile Page]:

@#13 JasonR: Thanks, I was also wondering about that comment. Not a very smart move by James. Makes me all the more confident with Trump's decision about Stefani.

And thank all of you for your input on my questions. I've just finished watching the Season 5 finale and reading the recap. And I'm already very excited about starting Season 1 sometime later tonight. Season 4 is next on my list ;-).

Watching the last two episodes of Season 5 and the recaps to them I have one question that I hope you can help me out with. As I'm not a native speaker in English I had a problem with the term "matching funds" that were used regarding Lee's final task. They obviously addressed this with the Pontiac executives but then headed over to discussing auctioning off two of their cars and one of the executives mentioned because of that Lee might have missed out on something. So, what exactly does "matching fund(s)" mean? Sorry for the stupid question ;-) I was just interested and obviously couldn't find it in the dictionaries...

DOBERLADY [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Autumn, matching funds are just what they imply. You put up $1,000 and the sponsor puts up $1,000. Hope this helps.

Autumn_Reeser_is_hot [TypeKey Profile Page]:

Ah, thanks... So that means if Lee's Team would've come up with let's say 40,000 $ in their auction, Pontiac would've donated the same amount of money so Lee's team would've eventually come up with a donation of 80,000 $? I've never heard of that before... Well, I guess you live and learn ;-).

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