"Fancy a rose?"


So! Chris calls all of the girls into the living room to tell them how it's going to go down. There will be two group dates and one individual date this week. Unlike previous seasons, no roses will be given out on the group dates, but to mix things up, Mayo will get to choose one lucky girl to stay behind and have Special Quality Time with him while the other girls go home. Chris then announces that the individual date goes to First-Impression-Stephanie. When he says this, First-Impression-Stephanie claps and cheers for herself, changing her name to Smug Stephanie. She is this season's Smug Lisa. Smug Lisa got the first-impression rose last season, so I'm seeing this really irritating trend of the girl who gets the first-impression rose being unreasonably haughty and snotty toward the rest of the girls throughout the entire process. Like Smug Lisa, Smug Stephanie seems to disregard the fact that all of these girls got a rose last week, not just her, so they're pretty much on equal ground. The only difference is the individual date, where Smug Stephanie will either receive a rose or be sent packing. Now Chris leaves the girls to open their first date box, which is a large round hat box with a Hollywood Walk of Fame star on top. I bet it says "Mayo."
Inside the hat box is a note to Nicole, Tiffany, Alexis, Stephanie Kansas, Bevin, Amanda and Tessa. It says, "Let's find love on the Sunset Strip... -Mayo." The girls all "oooh" and "ahh." We don't waste any time getting right down to business. Mayo hops into the DeLorean to come and meet the girls for their first outing. When he arrives, the girls spill out of the front door squealing and shrieking in amazement, and I can't really figure out why, except that this is always how the girls act on this show. There must be a production assistant standing there holding up a huge sign that says, "SQUEALS! SHRIEKS!" Mayo tells the camera, "Operation Soul Mate is about to begin!" Oh dear, dear no. Please tell me he didn't really just say that.


Group Date #1 - Bull Crap

Well I've always been of the opinion that there is no more romantic way to go on a first date than in a gigantic tour bus. Mayo pops open some champagne because we can't do anything on this show without being a little tipsy. The bus passes Mel's Drive In and one of the girls says, "Mel's Drive In, you guys, this place is famous!" Um, yes - do you have any idea why? Next Mayo reads off "House - Of - Blues!" Nicole confessionals that Mayo is the total package and the guy that you dream about. It must be his ability to read large signs that is impressing her at the moment. The bus pulls up to the Saddle Ranch Chop House, which is usually quite the crowded venue of a weekend evening, but is totally deserted in the middle of the afternoon. The main attraction here, of course, is the mechanical bull. So each girl gets to take a turn being shaken, tossed around, and ultimately hurled to the ground while Mayo takes mental notes of definitely seeing himself finding his future wife.

Ah, now we get to hear Mayo Wife Qualification #1 for the evening: Mayo tells the camera that he likes a girl who can go out, get down and dirty, and break a nail. Okay, so no princesses. Check. We aren't in Pet Beautician Land anymore!

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Posted in The Bachelor by Guest Columnist at 4:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: nubile hag on Apr 18, 2007 10:56 PM.

Comments (6)

GnomeCorp:

Oh my gosh - can this guy pick more random wife qualifications? Running around a pool makes for a good partner in life? Wow. I'm dumbfounded.

Thanks for the recap, it's way hilarious. I love how he called the girls 'Stephanies.' Hilarious.

1 of 6 | Posted by GnomeCorp | Posted on April 15, 2007 5:45 PM

DP Hooker:

No way in hell is Bevin 28.

2 of 6 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on April 15, 2007 9:00 PM

NolaO :

Is anyone else bothered by his big fake teeth??? It was the first thing I noticed and I laughed when "Lindsey" called them out.

The hot tub scene was so cringe-inducing I had to change the channel, and it was all due to the coupling of the Bach's gigantic teeth and Smug Stephanie's overly visible gums.

I like to watch this show for the ridiculousness of it, but I don't know if I'll be able to watch this season - seriously, those chompers, they freak me out.

By the way, did anyone notice Susan's odd twitching during the rose ceremony? Maybe she was short-circuiting from too much time in the pool?

3 of 6 | Posted by NolaO | Posted on April 15, 2007 10:55 PM

Jess :

Maybe I'm just sensitive to the six-pack, but didn't it seem like there was an extra bubble of muscle goin' on between the ribs and the pack? I was seriously distressed by his chest.

Mayo! Still love that moniker.

4 of 6 | Posted by Jess | Posted on April 16, 2007 10:01 AM

Honey Gangsta:

Hey Guys - thanks for reading! I'm going to pay special attention to Mayo's teeth, but I have to admit, I thought fake teeth for everyone was just a given on The Bachelor. The girls always have impossible teeth.

Love the comment about Susan short-circuiting. Ha ha ha.

5 of 6 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on April 16, 2007 1:28 PM

nubile hag :

Great recap, Honey G! I'm so psyched you're doing these. I have a habit of calling all guys whose name I don't know "fred." From now on, I'm going to use "stephanie" for the girls! Sheer perfection.

Keep up the good work - you make me laugh!

6 of 6 | Posted by nubile hag | Posted on April 18, 2007 10:56 PM

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