
Tonight's episode of The Bachelor starts off with Host Chris Harrison meeting the six ho-pefuls in the den. This week is going to be bit different, he tells them. There will be two one-on-one dates and one group date. Nobody needs to remind them of how important the one-on-one time is, but Host Chris Harrison does it anyway. Cuz that's how he rolls. So who gets to decide who goes on which date? I'm glad you asked…
In walk Silo and Jennifer, both spurned by The Amazing Travis last week. All in all, the remaining girls take it about as well as can be expected. If they were expecting the Spanish Inquisition. And as we all know, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Moanica says having Silo and Jen back is like being trapped in "the night of living dead nightmare in that house." Okay… Silo and Jen will ask questions of the six remaining B'ettes and decide who gets to go on which date. Jennifer feels she should be there over some of the other girls, and is planning to be brutally honest with them. But since she's been in the house and privy to information that The Amazing Travis hasn't been, this is also "the time for the girls to get honest." I hope she starts off the questioning with DrunkTara, because everyone is dying to know if her carpets match the drapes. (And by everyone, of course, I mean EdHill and myself.)
PlainSaraH is asked is she can see herself married to Travis. Of course she can. Why? Because they have things in common! Hell, they have so much in common, they're practically the same person. Yeah, the Thing With One Personality. Silo is upset that Jihad hasn't opened up to anyone. "So when are you going to stop playing it safe?" she asks. Jihad says she's 29 and she's outgrown having a crush on someone. Plus, she's just not a fan of going bareback this early in a relationship.
Next, SiloJen both gang up on SaraH-eh?, telling her they're concerned with her age and (im)maturity. SaraH-eh? remains nonplussed, however, telling them "I'm really gonna have to go with my gut and say it doesn't intimidate me." DrunkTara is next. And the girls tell her that three out of the four times she's been with The Amazing Travis, they couldn't help but notice she was drunk. I don't think that's fair at all. You light one fart at a cocktail party and you're labeled forever. Girls can be so mean.
Susan gets grilled on her dreams of moving to L.A. and becoming an actress. Silo tells her The Amazing Travis doesn't like the Hollywood scene. That's fine with Susan, who says she doesn't want a carbon copy of herself and has no interest in dating an actor. Right there, I know she's lying, because who doesn't want a carbon copy of themselves? That would totally rule! Unless you have white furniture.

PASSION!
Of course, SiloJen have been saving their bitterest vitriol for Moanica. "Are you scared?" asks Silo, "Because you should be," finishes Jen. "I ain't afeared," Moanica says, and tells them to go for it. Yes! The girls remind Moanica that all along she's said Travis isn't her type, and that she wouldn't chase a guy, but suddenly she's done a 180 and is going after Travis. Moanica says yeah, so what, which angers Silo. "If you're asking me for honesty, and I give it to you, do NOT reprimand me for it," Moanica fires back. She says a bunch of other crap that had to do with feelings and stuff, but all my notes say are blahblahblah feelings blahblahblah my heart blahblahblah…" Gee, think Moanica has a shot at getting a one-on-one?
Time for a visit with The Amazing Travis, who says the next few dates are really important, because he has to decide whose families he wants to meet. He appreciates SiloJen's coming back and picking the dates for him. Especially after he dumped them both. "I think they probably want the right woman to be there at the end," he says. Yeah, as long as that woman isn't Moanica.
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Comments (28)
I cracked up when you said-It's not like she used to date Fabio- That was classic!
1 of 28 | Posted by Emily
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Posted on February 2, 2006 8:57 AM
personally, i think it is the funniest thing that everyone hates moana, and he keeps picking her. and plainsarah? i just don't see it...i see her with a closetful of holiday themed sweaters and matching earrings. for entertainment's sake, GO MOANA!
2 of 28 | Posted by bluesmith
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Posted on February 2, 2006 9:03 AM
So true bluesmith about the themed sweaters.
I think he should go with Canadian Sarah. She is young, but I think they have the most chemistry.
Also, did anyone hear about Chris Harrison kinda spilling the beans?
3 of 28 | Posted by Emily
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Posted on February 2, 2006 9:07 AM
This was a HI-larious recap, copygodd. Makes the show almost bearable to watch....
Gawd, Travis sucks. How they actually managed to come up with someone blander than Andrew Firestone is beyond me. Oh yes, setting the show in Paris sure makes it exciting, especially when they go up the freakin Eiffel Tower every date. But after his reaction to Jehan being married before, I officially HATE him!
Awwww, I felt badly for Moanica. I don't doubt that she can be unpleasant. And I really don't buy her having genuine feelings for Travis, basically because he just sucks that much. But the "guys" were nasty to her on a level that went way beyond any of Moanica's transgressions, which to my knowledge never involved personal attacks. It's a shame none of the "guys" managed to rise above it. So now we're left with no B'ettes to root for either.
Seems now that Travis is actually starting to think who might actually be a legitimate prospect, that narrows it down to PlainSarah. And although Dr Rotteneggs was arguably nuts, she did have a point. Why did he get rid of most of the wife-material types first episode and keep the party girls and arm candy, if he's not even going to have any fun with them.
It's like the freakin The Bachelor: Family Edition. Whoever picked this guy should be sacked pronto.
(btw I think that's actually the same portrait "artist" they used for the "fallen players" tribute on the Survivor finale.)
4 of 28 | Posted by chronic
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Posted on February 2, 2006 9:23 AM
Copygodd - this recap was AMAZING!!! I don't watch this pathetic show but am thankful for your amazing sacrifice in watching to provide all us guys with amazing laughs.
"Stop! Mandanna time."
Too frigging funny!
*Hoists a shot of Jaeger to you*
5 of 28 | Posted by subgenre
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Posted on February 2, 2006 9:32 AM
Freaking hilarious recap!! Loved "stop! mandanna time" - but now I can't get that song out of my head. Thanks for the shout out, momma would be so proud!
6 of 28 | Posted by OD-TV
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Posted on February 2, 2006 9:51 AM
"It's not like she dated Fabio"--freaking hilarious! My husband (who, of course claims to HATE this show but watches intently every week with me) said the same exact thing! We like to say things like, "See, if I was on this show I would..." I usually fill in the blank with "get plastered." Looks like these girls are taking a page from my book.
Now, does ANYONE think that Jennifer looks familiar? I'm sure that she's been on another reality show, but I can't figure it out. Anyone know her last name??
7 of 28 | Posted by LRo9
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Posted on February 2, 2006 9:57 AM
THE "PASSION!" joke never gets old.
Never.
8 of 28 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on February 2, 2006 10:02 AM
Copygodd-
Moanica = Brenda = Awesome!!
Thanks so much for that!
9 of 28 | Posted by Aim
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Posted on February 2, 2006 10:09 AM
I like Plain Sarah! They fit well together, both low key. Moana would just be to much drama!
10 of 28 | Posted by mistichristi
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Posted on February 2, 2006 11:16 AM
First off, great re-cap!! I also noticed how he said "Tour de France". He pronounced it Tour DAY France. The little things we notice! Also, I think that it's hilarious that the "guys" get mad at Moanica for hogging all of Dr. Stork's time. What do they think they are there for?!!! Not to make nicey with all the other girls. I don't care much for her, but I do understand her motives. The whole point is to make it to the final rose ceremony. I also agree that this season is very G-rated. Big snoozefest! Where are all the steamy hot tub scenes??!!
11 of 28 | Posted by Nikki
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Posted on February 2, 2006 11:37 AM
Jackpot! http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=1983447
Moana's myspace.
12 of 28 | Posted by LRo9
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Posted on February 2, 2006 11:40 AM
I swear that Drunktara said 'someone is trying to pull the fool with yer head', so they added to subtitles to make it make sense.
13 of 28 | Posted by kelley
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Posted on February 2, 2006 12:30 PM
"Because you should be,"
I just had a flashback of Mrs Weaver with that one.. and thank the lord every minute that we have a little over 3 weeks to go..
Loved the recap.. as usual almost had soda up my nose !
14 of 28 | Posted by Pyper
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Posted on February 2, 2006 1:10 PM
What did Chris Harrison spill the beans on, Emily?
15 of 28 | Posted by April
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Posted on February 2, 2006 1:31 PM
here is the spoiler people are talking about:
http://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/archives/the_bachelor_8/2006_Jan_29_travis_woman_sighting
16 of 28 | Posted by ldini79
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Posted on February 2, 2006 2:47 PM
I don't feel a bit sorry for Moanica. I sometimes feel that she is a bit like me. I would be the sensitive one on the inside, but a bitch on the outside. If I were in the house with all those women, I know I would be the one that they didn't get along with-there is always one. The difference being I would never put myself in the situation where I had to live with all those women and we were all going out with the same guy. Not the best of circumstances for someone who is so "sensitive."
Good work LRo9 on finding her my space. That just solidifies my point. Under general interests she has about a million things listed and #1 is silence. Huh?
My LOL moment of the recap was Travis is coming out with a "cheesedick" line of cards for Hallmark. Now that is quality.
17 of 28 | Posted by Victoria
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Posted on February 2, 2006 6:14 PM
I think it's fair to say that anyone with a brain stem probably wouldn't get along with the other women in the house. She definitely made it be known she was superior, not good, but I still thought they were mean. Myself, I would and could just lie low and get along. Or yeah, like you say, not go on the damn show in the first place!
But yeah, the myspace thing is a find! Blogging? Take that copygodd ;-)
I'm not convinced she's exceptionally sensitive or interested in silence for that matter, she's just trying waaaaaaaaay too hard trying to be the most interesting, worldly, profound, down-to-earth, and charmingly quirky person on the planet. People who describe themselves as ecclectic [sic] annoy me on principal. But, as usual, it's mostly pretty standard fare, in the end. Typical myspace blend of insecurity and massive narcissism.
18 of 28 | Posted by chronic
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Posted on February 2, 2006 7:26 PM
"I wish I could get a better screen grab, because it looks like Moanica has a 'uge tattoo on her back. " Once again I lost a bet - gotta stop betting on these recaps - thought for sure you'd call it Moana's tramp stamp.
My biggest laugh (of which there were many) "She's so crazy. I wonder if her brother Billy has a matching one?" LOVING the Six Feet Under reference. Nice Job copygodd!
19 of 28 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on February 2, 2006 7:27 PM
I don't see any chemistry between Travis and plain Sarah at all. At least he seems interested in Moana, she's gotta quit bawling though b/c she's losing it! I would like to seem some more passion (kissing) and/or more catfights. It's hard to believe he's gonna propose to any of them at the end of this. As far as Moana hogging Travis on the group date goes, she WON the bike race and so she got REWARDED with private time. Maybe those bitches should have shut their mouths and pedaled harder!
20 of 28 | Posted by zoobabe
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Posted on February 2, 2006 9:34 PM
April- Chris Harrison was doing an interview and said that it was funny that they had to go all the way to Paris for those 2 to meet.
To me that sounds like the girl from Nashville.
21 of 28 | Posted by Emily
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Posted on February 3, 2006 7:42 AM
Actually - I have now read three different articles - each claiming to have the scoop - each with a different chosen woman. Starting to think one must have been real and the PR machine at ABC is issuing fake stories with other names to dilute the message. I'll just wait to see in the end.
Hey Chronic - "So now we're left with no B'ettes to root for either." With such a drab and boring bachelor - I think it's great all the contenders are gone - he doesn't deserve the good ones anyhow.
22 of 28 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on February 3, 2006 9:29 AM
True dat, Tinker.
Oh and forgot before, big ups for getting Monty Python in there too.
Fetch the comfy chair!
23 of 28 | Posted by chronic
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Posted on February 3, 2006 9:40 AM
Very funny recap. Carbon copy comment priceless.
Is this a shorter season of the Bachelor? It seems as though he is getting rid of a lot more women faster, and eliminated a lot more initially.
This season just goes to show, that you can take these fools to a romantic location and still have a very boring show.
I don't see any real chemistry between Travis and any of the girls.
Perhaps its just me, but I feel he hasn't had that much private time with any of them before going to meet their families. I would be very surprised if a ring would be given out at the end of this one.
I could care less who he chooses. Ready for this installment to be over with.
24 of 28 | Posted by USNRNPage
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Posted on February 3, 2006 10:47 AM
I think it's disappointing that he eliminated so many girls already. The show is already down to 4 girls. And I agree with USNRNPage; I can't see any of that 'chemistry' Travis and those girls keep referring to. And I am annoyed with Sarah from Nashville. She is really boring. It's sweet that she's a kindergarten teacher but all I saw her do on her one-on-one date with the man is crack a fake smile and agree with everything he manage to say. They barely talked! "We are so alike, we are practically the same person! We have sooooo much in common! We are robots who only force smiles and nod! Ammmmmaaaazing!!"
25 of 28 | Posted by stacyrocks
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Posted on February 3, 2006 11:36 AM
chronic #18- I agree with everything you said about Moanica trying to interesting. People who are truly interesting don't have to try.
26 of 28 | Posted by Victoria
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Posted on February 3, 2006 7:08 PM
for starters, thanks all.
(lron9 #7): i think jen looks familiar too. then again, maybe it's just my beer goggles... and good find with moanica's site. why am i not surprised it plays shit music?
of course, as chronic says, that find did put me in my place. because if a blog is better than a journal, a myspace space is infinitely better than a mere blog. ;-)
tinkerbellapixie (#19), "tramp stamp" is comedy gold!
and to everyone who commented on the players' lack of chemistry, double true.
27 of 28 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on February 3, 2006 11:38 PM
I think he keeps picking Moana because she seems like the only one who go live in the mountains with him.
Sheesh, he keeps talking about the mountains. If it's the Smokies, he might want to watch how far up he goes.
28 of 28 | Posted by gg
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Posted on February 8, 2006 3:43 PM