Thanks for the recap, HG! I did post this in another forum, but I have to say that when I saw Shayne's "dress", I thought of the scene in Grease where Frenchie's boyfriend tells her she looks like a beautiful blonde pineapple...and someone else pointed out how fitting it all was, since Shayne's dad was actually in Grease.

jesus. cynical much?

You know, the moment he gave Shayne a pet name (literally) way back when, it was pretty obvious who was going to win.

I actually like Shayne a lot--at least the way she's portrayed in the editing. The way I see it, she's completely upfront about what she is, including all the actorly pretentiousness.

At any rate, she definitely outshone all the other 'ladies' on this show. Who were really too provincial to hold any interest for anyone. Much less a foreigner. You do realize how boring and inane American women, are, don't you?

Oh, and did you catch the little reference he made to getting to know her sexually?

i pegged shayne as the winner a while ago, if only so they can continue their love of being on tv with a ryan and trista-like heading towards the altar special. they so want to do something like that.

i really really hope they do it because i'll totally watch it.

I agree this was very snarky and cynical, but I understand it: it is all part of the "journey" of The Bachelor. Moving from wide-eyed optimism (ooh, maybe this time it will be real, he seems really nice and sincere!) to some skepticism (is he really making out with every single woman? but I like him!) to out-and-out cynicism (he's just looking for fame and for someone to sleep with). As a devotee of these recaps, I understand this journey well.

Somehow, this one feels like a real let down to me. After all, Shayne may be an actress, but not a good enough one to actually cry actual tears during her 'most romantic proposal ever'. Maybe I'm wrong - I want to be wrong! - but I didn't see the slightest moisture around her eyes when she was "crying" and baby-talk-whining "Ma-aatt".

Why do I get sucked in, season after season?

Every single Shayne voice over sounded like she was auditioning to do audio books. My eyes were strained from rolling.

Of course it's cynical. It's the Bachelor and no one ever gets married and stays together. That's what we read it for - the cynicism.

Shayne is so ridiculous. I don't think he and Chelsea would have worked out but the way people kept tauting Shayne as some sincere, genuine person was ridiculous. Her voice annoyed the ever living hell out of me, and she sounded like a dumbass trying to convince herself that she was actually falling in love. Too bad In the Blue 2 went to Audrina; Shayne would have been perfect for it!!

Did you see she has a 6 page spread in "Girls Gone Wild" magazine to celebrate her "engagement"? Beautiful. Wouldn't THAT be the best gift ever?

I agree with you that the way she kept saying "do you see what it says??? it says i love you matt!" in that horrible voice of hers - i wished i had a stuffed animal monkey with me so i could choke myself out with it.

By the way, I call my 2 year old son "monkey." So the fact that he proposed to her like that...made me die a little bit inside.

Great recap - the whole season you have been really funny. I really didn't like DeAnna so i'm not sure how i feel about the bachelorette, without even a week in between this season and that one!

Great job again HG. I called it weeks ago. It was sooo obvious that he would choose Shayne.

I think we all start out the Bachelor with a little optimism. After all, who doesn't like a good fairy tale? But as the weeks go on, we all realize this is a fairy tale of a different kind and we get more cynical. Actually, HG, you just voiced what most of us were already thinking, but in a humorous way.

It's been fun to read your recap again this season. I look forward to future columns.

LOL.. I can't believe I didn't think of the "beautiful blonde pineapple" comment myself.. Love it.. yes, I did take note of matt's use of the word "lovah" when talking about shayne. Ick. I liked shayne, actually, though she's way too immature, and talks like a four year old. And everything she says sounds like it was written (horribly) "for the screen." I think matt's hot. and this show is just nonsense, so cynicism is a-ok -- he's unsure like the day before who he wants to spend the rest of his life with??!?! WTF?

Is there no "after the final rose" special this time around?

Shayne: "I started out in soaps, then worked my way up." lol yeah, that's it.
IMDB shows that she was on GH for a whopping 18 episodes. But, the most impressive part for me was her role of "Red Bikini Girl" in "Endless Bummer."

Both girls were just awful, in my opinion. Shayne's baby talk just drove me up the wall.
Him calling her monkey made me want to puke every time.

And Chelsea never seemed genuine to me. It felt like she was trying to do and say whatever it would take to "win." It just felt so forced with her. Also, she didn't seem too broken up when he dumped her off in the car.

On to the Bachelorette. I'm not sure how I feel about this since Deanna didn't have much of a personality.
Maybe she'll surprise me.

lol That's how it always starts...right before I get sucked in.

Anyone see the clip of the Chelsea's 'exit interview' in the limo? I think it is on the ABC web site. She definitely talks about how Matt sort of trash-talked Shayne when they were together. I don't think she made that up -- too soon, too raw. I wouldn't say she seems heartbroken, but definitely hurt.

Matt basically referred to the lack of intelligence in the 'other woman I've been spending time with', etc. So that is kind of, well, sucky.

I don't get why people get so cynical and disappointed by The Bachelor. What are you looking at this for? To see a fairytale come true? To see real people fall in love? You're watching it but cursing the people out for giving you good reality TV. Stop watching! I can't take anymore complaining about how these people are fame whores. If you don't like people playing it up for the cameras, turn the freakin' channel.

I've only seen 3 seasons of the Bachelor, so I guess I'm not jaded yet, but I don't watch this hoping the couple will last forever. I watch to see the decision-making process and what women/men will do "for love". If they break up the second after the cameras stop rolling, who cares? That's how real life works. You don't marry the first person you date. So why are there such high expectations for these people to live happily ever after? I could see if the show happened over the course of a year..but it's only 6 weeks. People realize they like each other enough to date after the show, but no one wants to watch "The Dater".

Don't get mad at the couple because you can't get your vicarious thrills through them.

B4 I forget to write it, thanks for recapping the season HG! Your snarkiness is much appreciated. But enough with the one-note fame-whore jokes. It's a given that these people want to be on TV for reasons other than love. They did audition for a reality TV show, after all. Be more creative than going with the obvious jokes is all I'm saying.

One more thing: I think I have figured out why the Bachelor likes to lead the bachelorettes on (which seems to upset the female viewers to no end). This is not real life. It's a TV show that's based on 25 women vying for this one guy's affections. If he told the women early on when he didn't like them, would they still try as hard to "compete" for him? Of course there would be some low-self-esteem-having chicks and some really competitive chicks who would continue to chase after the Bachelor, but many others would just give up. And that's not an interesting show to watch. So I don't mind when the Bachelor says stuff like "I'm feeling such a connection" or "I'm falling for you". It may be an exaggeration of his feelings but it may not be.

For those who don't quite understand how someone can be falling for multiple people at the same time, I'm a woman and this happens to me all the time. I like certain qualities about different people and pray I can put them together into one Mr. Potato Head man, but it doesn't always work like that. I happen to like contradictions: sweet, sensitive guys with a clever wit who are smart but not intellectually snobby. Do you know how hard that is to find in one person? Very! So I could potentially end up liking 2 or 3 people at the same time.

Tangent: I read an article awhile ago that talked about how on this one island, the custom is for the women to choose their mates. They propose to a man by bringing him fish. His "yes" comes in the form of accepting the fish and then building a house for them to live in. His "no" is turning down the fish. Their divorce rate is less than 2%. What does this tell us? Women are better judges of lifelong mates than men.

HOWEVER, in the recent months right before article was written, the divorce rate has started to increase. Why? Because of the increased exposure to tourists and different customs, the men are now protesting, wanting to reverse the order of who chooses whom first. It's a disaster.

Hey HG!!! Great to read you here, I didn't follow the show, but I tuned in this last epi. Actually, what Shayne said to mom's was very mature and realistic--I actually felt bad for her coming from a multiply broken home--her insecurities run deep, IMHO, and when she gives her heart, I believe it's whole hog, and I was NOT going to enjoy seeing him dump her if he did--would have been very ugly, and sad for me . . . guess she reminds me of someone with a similar backround, so maybe I'm projecting . . . whatever it was, Chelsea made me uncomfortable when on screen with him, very uneasy, and I'm not sure why, but I'm gonna guess, intimacy issues . . . .

Anyway, back to you HG, how I love your snark, and I'm off to dance down the Path of Delight!!!

I will watch B-lette! Looks like a surgeon's knife did the casting . . . can't wait to see the fallout!!!

HEART

So I guess no After the Final Rose? I think they have skipped that before, maybe the season with the doctor and the girl who he only lasted a few weeks with. I actually would be interested to see Matt and Shayne and if they are still planning to get married. I don't know what it is about that girl, but I just love her! Total girlcrush. She is so beautiful and there is something endearing about her. I think she stood out for sure among the other girls. I know she and Matt probably won't last long, but I wish they would.

Bring on Blinky! Can't wait to see how she does.

I was hoping for an After the Final Rose as well, but I read somewhere that they were going to be on Ellen yesterday so I recorded that on my DVR. It was just a quick interview, nothing too interesting came out but it did seem like they had some other inside jokes, etc. We'll see once the cameras are officially off if it'll work. Interestingly enough when Ellen asked where they were going to live Matt said he really liked LA...really?!? You don't say...

Great recap, as usual.

Did the picture that Shayne gave him change from the 1st time we saw it and the last time? I could swear that the bottom picture at first showed her writing in the sand and at the last it shows her sitting in a heart on the beach. But I could be wrong...

I think 6 months is fair. Forever is ridiculous.

Ooh, did you hear it? I threw the friggin' television out of the window when Shayne won. Although I must say it wasn't a surprise--very lax editing this year, ABC! Weeks ago they showed in the promo that the coveted diamond ring went on the hand of someone wearing a big, obnoxious sparkly bracelet. As soon as they showed the two women getting dressed, I was done.

I'm writing this sober (as opposed to a previous posting), so I won't go into the depths of just how much I hate Shayne, and how ridiculous he is for picking her.

I thought Deanna was actually a pretty cool chick on the Bachelor, but I don't know if even I can stomach another round of this. I'll never, ever, get those brain cells back, you know?

Great job Honey G!