- Stacey seems like she knocked a few back in the limo on the way over. She's a little dazed and tells Matt he's "so gorgeous."
All of the girls - except Holly - are nervous, and most of them figured out that Matt is British. They are all pleased to meet him and will talk to him more inside. No porta-wives this time. I guess neither a nursing license nor a teaching certificate will transfer over to England, so it wouldn't have done them any good anyway. Matt is blown away, of course. His wife may be in there! Chris explains the concept of the First Impression Rose and sets Matt loose on the women.
The girls all scream and run up to Matt as he walks into the mansion. He toasts them all to getting the party started and there's more screaming. The girls take turns gushing to the camera about how absolutely perfect Matt is. They just know that he is the one they've been waiting for - all of them. Chris strides in with the First Impression Rose and you know what that means - it's on.
As promised, Chelsea arm wrestles Matt and it actually looks like she's standing a pretty good chance. When Matt loses he claims it is because he is an English gentleman, and not because Chelsea is strong. Whatever, Matt.
Unemployed Denise launches into that perfect first-impression topic - politics. We don't get to hear much except that she's yammering about working for the Bush administration. Bush is still in office, so I'm not really sure why all of this is past tense, but okay. Carri decides to lighten the mood from all the political blah-blah so she bites a beer can in half. She then claims that this move makes her all that and a bag of chips. Well, if that doesn't say "English Rose" I don't know what does. Besides, chips are french fries in England.
Smashing!
Rebecca is an attorney, and figures that the best way to make her clients take her seriously is to dance like a coked out ho on television.
"Let's call that a half hour."
Michele R. challenges Matt to a match of rock paper scissors and promptly loses. Marshana takes this opportunity to announce to us that she is a beauty queen - Miss Earth New York to be precise. What is that you may ask? I have no idea and do not care. Apparently it involves making and wearing your own costume sari.
Leelee Sobiesky corners Matt and forces him to listen to a song she wrote for him. Matt tells her she's far away, which confuses her a little since she's almost on his lap. Then he clarifies that what he actually said was, "Fire away," an English term which means show me. Um yeah, Matt? Leelee? We say it in America too. She plays on her guitar and sings the following:
I want you
No one else could ever want you more
I'm crazy for you
Yeah baby, I'm so crazy I'd compete with 24 other girls... yeah
Well, I guess "you" rhymes with "you." Other than that I'm stumped. Give it up, Leelee. We all know you're an actress.
Amanda R. lets us in on a fun fact about herself - she has chronic hiccups which are extremely loud. Luckily she stifles them long enough to ask Matt how tall he is. Michelle P. breaks out a box containing her dismantled clarinet. She puts the reed in her mouth and tells Matt that it has to be wet in order to vibrate. An hour later, after the clarinet is assembled, Michelle licks the mouthpiece and plays Matt a little ditty. It's actually quite lovely, just really out of place.
"I have no ulterior motives here.
Get your mind out of the gutter."
By this point Stacey has gotten pretty wasted and she's slurring at the other girls that Matt is her man and they're all going home. Then she says something that requires about a 15 second bleep. Then a 10 second bleep. I also think her hair is fake. None of the girls seem to like her, particularly Erin H., who is assigned as Stacey's partner for a conversation with Matt. Stacey talks some trash to Erin before Matt arrives and when he gets there she starts rubbing his knee and thigh drunkenly while Erin tries to explain her job. Stacey's slurred explanation of her job is priceless:
I have my Bachelor's in nutrition and nothing and no one will ever stop me...? I want to find a pharmaceutical that will cure something that no one has thought of...?
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Comments (13)
single? but i saw his pics with a girl on intimatemingle.com which is a dating site for interracial singles. i think they are dating? do you believe it?
1 of 13 | Posted by shangshine | Posted on March 20, 2008 8:55 PM
This comment above me made me laugh out loud and I don't even know why. All I could think about was Dawali and Matt Grant, and Michael Scott was also involved.
Really funny recap - i was so excited to see that you are recapping again.
Shayne/Anna Nicole comments were hilarious. I also that that little pink dress from Vegas looked like a really really angry baby in the face. Weird.
I didn't mind Matt that much; I actually thought it was funny that he said he usually armwrestles only women, and they usually have to be pregnant. That part with him humping the phone booth when the lady walked out of it was a little unsettling though. Maybe he was trying to go to the Ministry of Magic!
What is up with these girls impressing the bachelor with arm wrestling and clarinet playing?? The worst had to be the girl who was "really good" at rocks/papers/scissors. Oh really? You're really good at a game that requiress no intellect or skill? How are you still single???
Looking forward to the rest of the season!
2 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 20, 2008 9:19 PM
I would much rather read your blog than watch the show (way more entertaining.) Keep it coming Honey Gangsta!
3 of 13 | Posted by HBabe | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:57 AM
I would much rather read your blog than watch the show (way more entertaining!) Keep it coming Honey Gangsta.
4 of 13 | Posted by HBabe | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:59 AM
They keep repeating that Matt is the first international bachelor, but wasn't there an Italian prince on a few years ago?
5 of 13 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on March 21, 2008 12:52 PM
This is my first time watching The Bachelor from the beginning. Boy howdy am I apparently in for some fun.
Great recap. I loved that drunk woman with the panties. Bet she felt wonderful at her Northwestern grad school watching party (or wherever she's from).
I also kept thinking of Brad Womack, and the two women he jilted at the end of last season. Do you think he's watching this one?
6 of 13 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on March 21, 2008 1:21 PM
This was my favorite line of the whole show:
Marshana: "I don't want to say anything negative, but...Stacey's a bitch. I'm sorry. She's loud, belligerent, tasteless, tacky, classless, she's riding my nerves like a pony!" And she has her eyes closed with passion.
Hmm, that does like someone who doesn't want to say ANYTHING negative.
This sounds like someone I've been having to spend time with - I don't want to sound like I'm....but here I go doing it.
7 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 21, 2008 5:04 PM
You know the producers encouraged the ladies before they even arrived to impress the bachelor with their special skills (ie rock paper scissors) hahaha. So they pack their clarinet and aluminum beer can.
I wonder if they also encourage them to wear long prom dresses. There's a way to be cute in a little cocktail dress - no need for the floor length wedding dresses for their TV Debut.
I'm undecided about Matt Grant. I think his douchy-ness might be awkward goofiness which I am a big fan of. But its too soon to tell. They've all pretty much sucked, so not sure what can be diff this time.
8 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 21, 2008 5:14 PM
My god, where do they get these women?
At the same time, I had to feel for the panty lady, as you know, I think I would drink too much at the party as well, and try to french the Bachelor or something.
I mean, don't you want him to remember you?
Well, yes of course, that is why I will now play "If I Were A Rich Man" on the spoons and do an interpretive dance expressing my feelings about the sub-mortgage thing.
Wow.
This is going to be fun.
9 of 13 | Posted by FuriousFlipper | Posted on March 22, 2008 10:02 PM
I love your blog! This is my favorite Bachelor show so far and I can't wait to follow with you for this season too!
10 of 13 | Posted by CW San Diego | Posted on March 23, 2008 10:56 PM
I swear I'm not making this up. I have a deaf Australian Shepherd (he has a real name, but most people just call him "Deaf Dog"). Anyway, I'm sitting here watching episode 2, with Deaf Dog sleeping at the other end of the couch. Then Carrie starts her opera singing and Deaf Dog all of a sudden pops his head up and looks around the room in confusion. I think Carrie's opera was so high pitched and awful that even a deaf dog couldn't stand it.
11 of 13 | Posted by lucy990 | Posted on March 24, 2008 7:56 PM
This dude is terrible... he's not cute and seems to have no personality. These girls aren't that cute either (so I guess it's a good match!). I think we're in for a boring season but we'll see.
12 of 13 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 25, 2008 3:07 PM
OMG, Lucy990 I'm laughing my ass off picturing your dog trying to figure out how he can find/silence that hellified noise! ("What in the hell...?")
Great recap, Honey G!! Every season I swear I'm going to wean myself off of watching this stupid show, but I fear that I'm hooked yet again. *sigh*
I'm curious to see how far the token "sista" gets...we always seem to be cut in the very first rounds, alas.
13 of 13 | Posted by snarky | Posted on March 26, 2008 9:56 PM