Great idea, Stacey! Then she says to Matt, "I don't know much but I want you to teach me," to which he pats her once on the knee and says, "Okay! I appreciate that," and turns back to Erin. Ha! As Matt and Erin discuss a perfect day in London, Stacey pipes in with her own suggestion saying she loves the ocean. Poor Stacey, as London is nowhere near the ocean. Matt asks her what she does know about London and she says, "The new upbringing cars..." which, of course, is jibberish, but it turns out that she's meaning hybrid cars, because who doesn't automatically think of hybrid cars when London is mentioned? Matt goes, "Is that all you know about London?" and starts laughing.
"Wow, you're from Egypt? That's sexy."
Now Erin S. the hot dog vendor walks in clinking her glass and takes Matt away for a chat. Stacey doesn't like this at all so she staggers after the two of them and slides in on the couch next to Matt, then she proceeds to try and cram something in his pocket. It turns out Matt doesn't have any pockets so she sticks it in his waistband and staggers back out. Both Erin S. and Matt think that it must be some kind of note, but when Matt pulls it out to read it, it's lace panties. C-L-A-S-S-Y. Matt holds the panties up to the camera and tells us that he doesn't care what country you're from, that's not cool. Hmm, I'm beginning to sense that British men are different than American men.
"I can't believe she went through my suitcase!"
The girls sit around giggling about giving Stacey the First Impression Rose, but they can't find her. Turns out this evening has been a little too much for Stacey and she's passed out on a mattress in what looks like a bathroom.
"I'm just looking for my contact."
Next we sit down with Shayne the actress. As Matt follows her into a room she turns around and says, "Do you like my dress?" and it's eerily reminiscent of Anna Nicole slurring, "Do you like my body?" Matt tries to impress her with tales of being an Adventure Scout and Shayne is thrilled. Well as thrilled as one can be when under the influence of valium. She tells us privately in slow motion that her family is made up of all actors, including her father, Lorenzo Lamas, but this has nothing to do with her - she's just here to get to know Matt. All this is accompanied with grand hand gestures. Interesting development - the daughter of Lorenzo Lamas competing for the Bachelor? Is there a man shortage in LA like the woman shortage in London? Wait, I know this: yes there is.
"Trim Spa, baby!"
Noelle, a photographer wearing a really cool dress, is next up for alone time with Matt. They bond over being the babies of their families, but really old people at heart. Wow, that's fascinating. Robin tells Matt about her fabulous summer living in England and offers to teach him French.
And now for the bestowing of the First Impression Rose. Matt saunters all around the mansion, first to fetch the rose and then to carry it to some lucky lady. Will it be the arm wrestler? The politician? The beer-can-biter? The clarinet player? No. None of the girls who put on a talent show made the best first impression. Matt tells us that if he could sketch his ideal woman this girl would be it. Oh, so he's choosing based on looks, not personality or ability. And it's Amanda R., the first girl out of the limo. Welcome to Smugville, Amanda. It's nice to have you here.
"Thanks! I studied really hard to get this pretty."
Matt showers her with compliments on her beauty and says he feels something special. I'll bet he does. Needless to say, the rest of the girls are put out. But there's no time for that now because Chris Harrison is here to tap the glass and bring on the first Rose Ceremony.
Naturally Matt is torn to shreds because he is so impressed with everyone and this is the hardest thing he's ever done. Whose dream of marrying an English gentleman will be crushed forever? Well, he has 14 more roses to give out and here's how it goes:
Chelsea, Shayne, Michelle P., Marshana, Leelee (Ashlee), Noelle, Erin S., Amy, Carri, Kristine, Robin, Kelly, Holly... ladies, Matt, this is the final rose tonight... when you're ready... Erin H.
Lucky, lucky ladies
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Comments (13)
single? but i saw his pics with a girl on intimatemingle.com which is a dating site for interracial singles. i think they are dating? do you believe it?
1 of 13 | Posted by shangshine | Posted on March 20, 2008 8:55 PM
This comment above me made me laugh out loud and I don't even know why. All I could think about was Dawali and Matt Grant, and Michael Scott was also involved.
Really funny recap - i was so excited to see that you are recapping again.
Shayne/Anna Nicole comments were hilarious. I also that that little pink dress from Vegas looked like a really really angry baby in the face. Weird.
I didn't mind Matt that much; I actually thought it was funny that he said he usually armwrestles only women, and they usually have to be pregnant. That part with him humping the phone booth when the lady walked out of it was a little unsettling though. Maybe he was trying to go to the Ministry of Magic!
What is up with these girls impressing the bachelor with arm wrestling and clarinet playing?? The worst had to be the girl who was "really good" at rocks/papers/scissors. Oh really? You're really good at a game that requiress no intellect or skill? How are you still single???
Looking forward to the rest of the season!
2 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 20, 2008 9:19 PM
I would much rather read your blog than watch the show (way more entertaining.) Keep it coming Honey Gangsta!
3 of 13 | Posted by HBabe | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:57 AM
I would much rather read your blog than watch the show (way more entertaining!) Keep it coming Honey Gangsta.
4 of 13 | Posted by HBabe | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:59 AM
They keep repeating that Matt is the first international bachelor, but wasn't there an Italian prince on a few years ago?
5 of 13 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on March 21, 2008 12:52 PM
This is my first time watching The Bachelor from the beginning. Boy howdy am I apparently in for some fun.
Great recap. I loved that drunk woman with the panties. Bet she felt wonderful at her Northwestern grad school watching party (or wherever she's from).
I also kept thinking of Brad Womack, and the two women he jilted at the end of last season. Do you think he's watching this one?
6 of 13 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on March 21, 2008 1:21 PM
This was my favorite line of the whole show:
Marshana: "I don't want to say anything negative, but...Stacey's a bitch. I'm sorry. She's loud, belligerent, tasteless, tacky, classless, she's riding my nerves like a pony!" And she has her eyes closed with passion.
Hmm, that does like someone who doesn't want to say ANYTHING negative.
This sounds like someone I've been having to spend time with - I don't want to sound like I'm....but here I go doing it.
7 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 21, 2008 5:04 PM
You know the producers encouraged the ladies before they even arrived to impress the bachelor with their special skills (ie rock paper scissors) hahaha. So they pack their clarinet and aluminum beer can.
I wonder if they also encourage them to wear long prom dresses. There's a way to be cute in a little cocktail dress - no need for the floor length wedding dresses for their TV Debut.
I'm undecided about Matt Grant. I think his douchy-ness might be awkward goofiness which I am a big fan of. But its too soon to tell. They've all pretty much sucked, so not sure what can be diff this time.
8 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 21, 2008 5:14 PM
My god, where do they get these women?
At the same time, I had to feel for the panty lady, as you know, I think I would drink too much at the party as well, and try to french the Bachelor or something.
I mean, don't you want him to remember you?
Well, yes of course, that is why I will now play "If I Were A Rich Man" on the spoons and do an interpretive dance expressing my feelings about the sub-mortgage thing.
Wow.
This is going to be fun.
9 of 13 | Posted by FuriousFlipper | Posted on March 22, 2008 10:02 PM
I love your blog! This is my favorite Bachelor show so far and I can't wait to follow with you for this season too!
10 of 13 | Posted by CW San Diego | Posted on March 23, 2008 10:56 PM
I swear I'm not making this up. I have a deaf Australian Shepherd (he has a real name, but most people just call him "Deaf Dog"). Anyway, I'm sitting here watching episode 2, with Deaf Dog sleeping at the other end of the couch. Then Carrie starts her opera singing and Deaf Dog all of a sudden pops his head up and looks around the room in confusion. I think Carrie's opera was so high pitched and awful that even a deaf dog couldn't stand it.
11 of 13 | Posted by lucy990 | Posted on March 24, 2008 7:56 PM
This dude is terrible... he's not cute and seems to have no personality. These girls aren't that cute either (so I guess it's a good match!). I think we're in for a boring season but we'll see.
12 of 13 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 25, 2008 3:07 PM
OMG, Lucy990 I'm laughing my ass off picturing your dog trying to figure out how he can find/silence that hellified noise! ("What in the hell...?")
Great recap, Honey G!! Every season I swear I'm going to wean myself off of watching this stupid show, but I fear that I'm hooked yet again. *sigh*
I'm curious to see how far the token "sista" gets...we always seem to be cut in the very first rounds, alas.
13 of 13 | Posted by snarky | Posted on March 26, 2008 9:56 PM