The Bachelor: Opening Up a Can of Crazy

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Don't forget the tongue, Jason.

Are you all ready for the Hometown Dates on The Bachelor? As a special Valentine's Day present to you all, this recap is extremely tardy. You're welcome.

We open with Jason packing with Ty yet once again. This poor little boy isn't even going to remember who his daddy is by the time Jason finally prances in toting his new woman. Jason asks Ty how many shirts he should bring with him on his hometown dates and Ty says, "Can't you just be my daddy?" Okay so he didn't say that, but he would if he were cognitively advanced enough.

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"Who are you again?"

Here we go with a big flashback of Jillian and her food games from the earlier episodes. I guess we're heading to Canada first to eat some hot dogs. Did you know that Jillian is smart and funny and Jason's life with her would be one non-stop adventure after another? Oh puh-lease. One food test after another, more like. Oh wait, we're doing summaries of all four girls it looks like, and Molly is next. Molly has the prettiest eyes Jason has ever seen, so he better get over to the jewelry store quick. He also likes the fact that she was willing to sleep with him on the first date. He's worried, though, that he can't get deep enough with her, but meeting her family should help with that. On to Naomi. Naomi is incredible and loves to travel. She is a free spirit and very passionate. She's like, totally serious about getting married and being a mom. But is she really ready for Jason's life? Can she fall in line and shut up about it? Well, Jason will be the one to decide that. And as for Melissa. Well Jason just couldn't imagine someone so beautiful and fun actually being serious about being a mom. But guess what. Melissa wants to be a mom, too! She also cried on the General Hospital date because she likes Jason so darn much. But are things too perfect with Melissa? Could it be true that she doesn't have one fault in the world? Let's find out.

First stop, some city in Canada. It looks drizzly and depressing, go figure. As Jason gets out of his car Jillian pounces on him with hot dogs. Just kidding, no hot dogs. Apparently this city is not exactly Jillian's hometown, but it's where she spent all of her summers and holidays growing up and it's where her parents live now. There is a story about some loch ness monster that lives in the local lake and how Jillian once touched it when she was little. This must be an example of the non-stop adventures Jason mentioned earlier. They tour a winery (which is beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful as Jillian - barf). They sit down with some wine in front of a fireplace and Jillian dives into a story a-boat her family.

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"Cheers to us, a-gane."

Apparently Jillian's mother suffers from severe depression and has even tried to commit suicide. Welcome to the family, Jason! The point of all this is that everything is all better now and Jillian's parents are amazing. Jason is happy to finally see Jillian cry.

Now it's on to meet Jillian's parents. The happy couple pulls up to the house, which is painted red and white with a huge red maple leaf in the middle, and when they walk in the door they are immediately surrounded by huge Canadian flags and welcome home banners. The dad runs up to Jason and wraps him up in a Canadian flag. Why are Canadians so proud of themselves? What have they ever done? What?

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"You ever hear of Canadian bacon?"
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Comments (12)

itchy:

Well, here's my take on what went down this episode:

Molly's family: "Well, you know honey, you know that Jews aren't really allowed to become members of the country club."

Melissa's family: "T'ain't know way we're letting some Jewboy into our trailer park."

Naomi's family: "Maybe we can still save him from going to hell, honey."

And lastly Jillian's family: "Eh?"

Quean CeCe:

Never ever ever will I ever again think my family is weird.

BlahBlah:

I'm starting to think ABC just hires actors to play the bachelorettes' families.

There are just too many similarities between this season's families and the families from Brad's season.

Molly = Tina = country club, golfin' family

Naomi = (?) = crazy new agey astrology mommy on a boat family

Jillian = Jenny = warm & lovable with the fiesty granny family

Although Melissa pulled a new one by substituting friends for family. I don't think she told her family she's on this show...Either that, or her family is completely unsupportive of anything she does (can't come to just one Dallas Cowboys game?). Maybe they're Christian fundamentalists or Mormons who think she's a sinner (aka "black sheep of the family").

The bachelorette with the crazy family always gets the hometown axe.

BlahBlah:

And why does Melissa have such low self-esteem? Usually, cute girls think they're "worthy". What kinda damage has her family done to her that she would settle for guys who treat her like an appendage? Long-term relationships where the guys never meet your friends or family???

tikibar:

still trying to figure out if wearing the hats or the dead dove was worse.

melissa...i think she's really into what others think and trying to appear perfect. maybe she's embarassed of her family? it's not just the tv thing, as her close friends hadn't met them either.

am i the only one that thinks naomi looks like a boy in drag?

pixielated:


"Ty says, 'Can't you just be my daddy?' Okay so he didn't say that, but he would if he were cognitively advanced enough."

"Why are Canadians so proud of themselves? What have they ever done? What?"

Two of my favorites from a funny recap!

Poor little Melissa is a sad case. She may be just what Jason is looking for, however. Didn't he say something about not being sure about Jillian because she is so independent, and he wants somebody to "rely" on him. Someone with low self-esteem like Melissa will sure as hell "rely" on him.

dani2526:

Ha, Itchy, my husband was saying the same thing last week.

I just don't see Jason with any of these girls. I like Jillian so much, but she's just way too cool for Jason.

itchy:

I thought Naomi looked more like a muppet.

I think Molly is sufficiently bland to fit in perfectly with Jason's lifestyle. Just don't know she'd want to. She's, what, 24?

Melissa seems to be the only one who doesn't cringe when she kisses him, so I'm guessing she's the one.

juddfan:

after the home visits, I'd say Jillian is my favorite. There's something very strange about Molly's dad, but I think she's okay. It's funny that I do believe in reincarnation (and UFO's, and ESP and a few other initialed things) but that was soooo crazy with the dove, even though I only paid half attention to this 2 hour train wreck. Do you know Jesus? gee, I dunno, I wasn't really around 2000 years ago, and you!? Religious zealotry always gets me down, as religion is only one aspect of a full person, and to make it the most important part, to me, is lame-o!!! I don't care what anyone believes as long as they don't care that I believe in past lives, UFO's and ESP . . .

Anyhoo, thanks for filling in the blanks, Honey!!! Can't wait till next scintillating recap!!!! xoxoxoxo

NotWithoutMyTV:

When I adopted my Ecuadorean child, I had to fill out many forms. On one, the adoption agency asked me the "reason for adopting child". I wrote down "to attract single women with white teeth and prominent breasts who can't wait to be mommies".

dani2526:

Funny, NotWithout!

Anwyay, last night was a major let down. Boy was I fooled...I really did think we were going to see the whole Deanna thing. I was so hopeful that it'd be last night that I couldn't stop looking at the clock...like, uh oh, Deanna only has 5 minutes to come back?!

tikibar:

well this ought to be an interesting finale, no? i'm hoping he doesn't take deanna back - seems a bit unfair for it to go this far before she decides to surprise him in new zealand. on the other hand, that makes for good ratings. maybe we ought to line them up and let ty pick? : )

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