"It's a royal bloody red cah-pet!"
It's another romance and suspense filled episode of The Bachelor! This week Matt dabbles in show business, the girls showcase their athletic ability, and Shayne ponders the origins of the universe. The girls are starting to get possessive and Matt is starting to get generous with his lips. The dates are super special, but there is only one future Mrs. Grant. Let's get one step closer to discovering who she won't be. Cheerio!
We begin once again with the Bearer of All News, Chris Harrison. He greets the girls (who seem to be wearing a lot of purple) and tells them that this week there will be two one-on-one dates and one group date. There will be roses up for grabs on each date, so if a gal goes on a one-on-one and doesn't get a rose, it's Sayounara. The maybe-lucky one-on-one girls must go on their dates with bags packed.
Time out for a Shayne moment: Shayne appears in costume before the camera to tell us that if she goes on a one-on-one date and doesn't get a rose, can you imagine? She will DIE. And please disregard the fact that she is an actress. It's just her job.
Strike it.
Date Box #1 is in da house and this one is for Holly - the not-nervous children's author from Ohio. The Date Box looks like a film canister and Holly learns that she will be joining Matt at a "private premiere" of Columbia Pictures' Made of Honor. A) Nice plug, Columbia Pictures. B) Private Premiere? I'm betting this is going to be one of those classic Bachelor pseudo-events, where they show up at some big thing and end up being the only ones there. Holly tells us that she is confident in the chemistry that she has with Matt, but not confident in getting a rose. She drags her packed suitcase down the stairs wearing some sort of animal print wrap. Matt tells us that he's really excited about the "preh-MEE-uh" because it's massive and you don't get to live the life of a Hollywood star every day. Can you imagine if he were taking Shayne on this date? We'd never hear the end of how she's done this a million times and it's just another day in her life. But please don't focus on the fact that she's an actress.
Matt and Holly pull up in a limo in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard, where there is a red carpet set up and several production assistants puttering around with cameras waiting to take their picture. Holly calls them paparazzi, but I think not. Even if they were, they'd quickly leave upon seeing who emerges from the limo. Speaking of which, Matt is wearing a fabulous purple suit, and that reminds me of the fabulous purple sweater he wore last week. Maybe that explains the ladies wearing so much purple when Chris Harrison showed up this morning. Matt may have a fabulous purple fetish. He gives Holly a little kiss for the cameras and then they "do" the red carpet, followed by making handprints in cement for Holly to take home as a souvenir. There's no way those handprints are going in the ground in front of the Chinese Theater.
Alert the media!
The "paparazzi" ask them stupid questions like, "Is this your first premiere?" and "What do you think of American women?" Then Holly gets, "What made you fall for this guy?" and she tells about Matt being the most charming man she's ever met on television. Now on to the movie. I was right, there's no one there. This is not, in fact, the Made of Honor premiere, this is just an empty theater for The Bachelor.
Next we have a giant commercial for Made of Honor as we see clip after clip, with Holly telling us she cried during the movie, but Matt comforted her. He comforted her? Over a Patrick Dempsey movie? Good move, Holly. Once again Matt has gained entry into a penthouse suite at a Hollywood hotel - this time the Roosevelt. He takes Holly out onto the terrace where there is a little bar set up for them and a view of the city. Matt sits Holly down and wants to know about her children's books. Turns out that Holly used to babysit and she wrote a book for her former charges. That's simply precious.
Back home at the mansion, Miss Earth New York has donned more Hindu jewelry and goes outside to collect Date Box #2.
"Aum Asato mā sad gamaya."
(Translation: From ignorance, lead me to truth.)
or
From anonymity, lead me to fame.
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Comments (12)
Great recap!
It is SOOO obvious that Matt has a huge hard-on for Shayne. He won't get rid of her until he consummates the relationship. She is SOO immature!
These girls are all so pathetic and sad. Therefore, I MUST watch them and mock them every week!
1 of 12 | Posted by KIkiC | Posted on April 2, 2008 4:17 PM
Every year, I get sucked into this show!
Shayne has got to go...and am I the only one completely surprised Marshonna (sp?) was picked?
I thought I'd like this bachelor, but the more I watch him, the more phony he becomes. blech
2 of 12 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on April 2, 2008 4:37 PM
Great recap -- I may not always comment, but I always always always enjoy your recaps.
I'm not sure if Matt said he had 400 shoes -- I thought he was confirming that Shayne had, like, 400 shoes. Could be wrong... but if he actually does have 400 shoes, then he goes many notches down in my estimation of him.
Shayne is ridiculous and inane, but I will say one thing on her behalf: I liked that she led the trio to take Matt away from Robin and then walked away again saying, "I already have a rose." (did she also say 'enjoy', or am I remembering incorrectly?) I thought that was a very thoughtful move on her part.
Even though I think she is completely out of my league. After all, couldn't that also mean she couldn't keep up with ME? She may be more beautiful, but I bet I could make fun of her to her face and she wouldn't even know it.
3 of 12 | Posted by rjfrankel | Posted on April 2, 2008 4:38 PM
rjfrankel - I just rewatched the "shoe scene" and I think you're right - Matt was estimating how many pairs he thinks Shayne has. Dang it! My misinterpretation was so much more interesting - a GUY with 400 pairs of shoes?!?!
Alas, hopefully as time goes on Matt will give us something equally disturbing to make fun of.
Much love!
-HG :)
4 of 12 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on April 2, 2008 10:46 PM
Honey Gangsta -- there is so much to make fun of, and you already have... the thing I am currently most disturbed, and frankly grossed out by: how many of the women he has made out with ALREADY! And on the same night -- I literally was thinking, "Has he brushed his teeth and used listerine since the last kiss?"
Also, what about how he was holding Shayne -- or, how she was curled up like a baby? That is also worth making fun of!
And here is something to make fun of Holly for: who has a spray-tanner? Really? They sell these things? And no one noticed she had it with her? How much closet space do they have?
I look forward to your next recap, if not the next episode!
5 of 12 | Posted by rjfrankel | Posted on April 2, 2008 10:54 PM
Love your recaps, Honey!
Rjfrankel, I was also baffled by the spray tanner. I couldn't help but wonder why Shayne would keep her top on for the spray but not her bottoms. If anything, I'd go with no top and keep the bottoms, or go with neither. An odd choice on Shayne's part.
I'm surprised too that Marshana is still around. These bachelors usually let the non-white girls through for one round and then cut them loose. I guess being Miss Earth New York counts for something!
6 of 12 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on April 3, 2008 6:50 AM
HG - I'm glad you mentioned the whole saw/"soll" thing...I couldn't believe it when she said that. Girlfriend needs some diction lessons for her acting career!
7 of 12 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on April 3, 2008 9:26 AM
I was laughing hard that you thought Matt said he had all those shoes.
Marshana annoys the begeezers out of me. She thinks because she's 'New York' Miss Earth she's the Sexiest Thing Ever. I think we should just drop the Earth Part and call her 3rd Cousin to Miss New York. Has anyone ever even SEEN a Miss Earth pageant? I know there is a Miss World...it would please me greatly to think for a few more moments that she made it up. I mean---if's it's on Myspace it's Real, right?!
8 of 12 | Posted by hillrunnersarah | Posted on April 3, 2008 11:58 AM
I too thought Matt had 400 pairs of shoes. But I wasnt' sure if he was just exaggerating the number to impress his lady friend.
I nearly choked on my water (remembering to stay hydrated, like Captain Baldwin taught us!) when it said that Robin was 22 years old. No f-ing way. But, maybe all her frowning and brow-furrowing has aged her considerably. The girl that all the other girls hate never wins. I bet Chelsea will be around at the end, Shayne may get an overnight so he can get laid, and then the third is a toss-up. I honestly dont know if i know any of the other white girls' names. At least there's still marshawna!
9 of 12 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on April 3, 2008 8:40 PM
Loved the recap! I must say that I'm equally disturbed at the whole "Shayne" character and all the drama that comes with it. But please remember, she is JUST an actress. A job, nothing else! LOL! You characterize their relationship perfectly and like you, I'd be highly surprised if she didn't make it to the final... after all, she's WAAAY out of his league! :)
10 of 12 | Posted by kris | Posted on April 5, 2008 12:47 AM
Anyone else see a problem with candles so close to the damn strategically placed towels by the rooftop hot tub?!?
11 of 12 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on April 8, 2008 12:05 AM
Matt sure throws the word "love" around. Anyone else notice?
12 of 12 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on April 8, 2008 4:14 PM