"I'm so near to fame I can smell it!"
Tonight on The Bachelor Matt goes on his hometown dates! For the first time in Bachelor history, we meet a celebrity father. Okay, maybe not really a celebrity, but at least someone who was on the show "Are You Hot?" No, come to think of it, I've heard the name Lorenzo Lamas many times, but I have to admit, I wouldn't know him even if I ran over him with my car. But I digress. Let's do this!
So Matt starts out by meeting Shayne's family. We all know he's hardly been able to contain himself since day 1 looking forward to this moment. His first big time Hollywood movie star! Of course, Shayne's family lives in Los Angeles where Matt has been staying this whole time, but in honor of hometown dates, Matt takes a Southwest flight from LAX to Burbank and then drives back over the hill to meet Lorenzo Lamas. Shayne is waiting for him in a restaurant and tells us that she knows Matt is still skeptical about the fact that she's an actress. I have to pause here and share the fact that Gnomecorp found Shayne on imdb and half of her credits are episodes of "The Bachelor." I verified this and she's been on more episodes of "The Bachelor" than "General Hospital." It's literally half of her résumé! She really needs to cool it on the actress claim.
When Matt sits down Shayne tells him a story about introducing another guy to her dad and this other guy admitted - to Lorenzo Lamas, mind you - that he and Shayne met at a club! The horror! Great story, Shayne, now pipe down. Matt worries that Lorenzo Lamas may drill him over meeting Shayne on television, Lorenzo Lamas, Lorenzo Lamas. And here he is, ladies and gentlemen, the man we've all been waiting for, Mr. "Are You Hot" himself... LORENZO LAMAS!!! Lorenzo Lamas, Lorenzo Lamas!
Who's the lucky viewing audience?
Here we go. Matt meets Lorenzo Lamas, take one. Lorenzo Lamas tells us that he got married when he was 21 which was a huge mistake, and then he tells Matt that Shayne is very important to him. Then he drops a huge bomb. He tells Matt and America that Shayne only went on "The Bachelor" to further her acting career. He says that she wants to be a good actress, but even more than that, she wants to be a star. That is too hilarious. First of all, Lorenzo Lamas, no duh. But secondly, way to sell your daughter out! Looking to grab a little screen time for ourselves, are we? Shayne tries to argue, but Lorenzo Lamas has his story and he's sticking to it! Shayne makes a very serious announcement to the effect that she is only here for Matt and nothing else. Then Lorezno Lamas says, "That's the important thing we got out of this." What?! Do these people even have any clue themselves of what they're saying? Do they only make sense if they're reading from a script?
Speaking of scripts, now Lorenzo Lamas takes Matt into the other room and gives a speech that is clearly pre-planned about how he regrets not being in his daughter's life more than he has been and that Matt better not toy with her feelings. Matt is awestruck in the presence of such impressive acting. He practically calls Lorenzo Lamas "Dad," as he pictures himself attending an endless schedule of premiere parties and Ivy lunches. Seriously, Matt is almost beside himself telling Lorenzo Lamas how excited he is to be his son-in-law. Now Lorenzo Lamas tells Shayne that he can tell that Matt really likes her, that she's his "big girl," and to follow her heart. I'm going to request a rewrite on that one. Big girl? Shayne tries really hard to cry on cue and then pretends to be surprised at how well this meeting went. And next we're off to rehab, also known as Shayne's mom's house.
"Can we try the hug again? I wasn't feeling it."
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Comments (12)
I just have to say that Lorenzo Lamas is very cool. He played the jock that Sandy dated to make Danny jealous in Grease. So even though I wouldn't recognize him and am not familiar with any of his other acting gigs, in my eyes being in Grease makes you very cool.
Love all your recaps HG!!
1 of 12 | Posted by rt12345 | Posted on April 24, 2008 10:36 AM
It didn't even occur to me that the producers were involved with the big practical joke at Amanda's house! Duh.
Seems like quite a risk for her to take. What if Matt had gotten pissed off?
(By the way, Durango is way south in Colorado and Loveland is north of Denver.)
2 of 12 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on April 24, 2008 11:30 AM
so...wait. is the finale next week? or the week after? or was it last week? liars!
3 of 12 | Posted by efk2020 | Posted on April 24, 2008 12:21 PM
I can't watch the show because it is such a hot mess. It never works out for anyone. I guess half the fun is watching the women put themselves out there like that on TV.
Shayne's mom --eek!
Honey Gangsta, you save me the hour each week I waste on other horrible stuff. I am hooked on your recaps.
4 of 12 | Posted by bbjunkie | Posted on April 24, 2008 12:39 PM
You are SOO right when you say "the moment he's been looking forward to second most from the beginning - sleeping with Shayne."
And I forgot about Lorenzo Lamas being the jock Sandy dated in Grease. It must have been because of his blonde hair for the part. I used to watch Lorenzo in Falcon Crest when I was young. I think his acting career peaked right about that time.
Shayne's mom was truly a sight to behold. Creepy. And if those ridiculous headbands ever DO become trendy, I'm scared.
Great recap, Honey!
5 of 12 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on April 24, 2008 1:16 PM
I was wondering if Lorenzo even knew Shayne existed before being asked by the producers to come on this show.
Did I hear correctly that her mom said Shayne bought her that house ?
6 of 12 | Posted by Brenda Walsh | Posted on April 24, 2008 5:54 PM
HATE Shayne. Hate hate hate. Since day one. She's acting, and not even well. That whole family charade made me ill.
And I'm with you Honey G, on Shayne's mother...I laughed, I cringed, I laughed again.
7 of 12 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on April 24, 2008 6:30 PM
Hurray for Gnomecorp mention!!
Oh wow - what an episode. Amanda's real parents had seriously like 2 minutes of on air, I wonder if the producers knew they would be a snoozefest so they had to mix it up with the actors.
I actually didn't really know they were actors for a few minutes because I fast forwarded through the commercials, and lately I've been cutting into the show a bit fast forwarding cause it has become that intolerable. So I was right there with Matt, thinking this was for real. But surely after she grabbed his nipple, I realized this was not right.
Also...with Shayne's mom, I kept watching Matt if he was avoiding looking at the freaky mess she was, I mean, I can only imagine how bad that must have looked like mere inches from your eyeballs. But he wasn't. He looked right at her, several times.
I have to say, this was one of the funniest recaps this season - made me laugh out loud several times. Well done HG!!
8 of 12 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on April 25, 2008 3:37 PM
Not finished the recap but funny so far...
I do have a nitpick, though. In recapping the LL/Matt scene, you totally left out how LL acted like his earlier comment about Shayne being a fame whore was a fake-out. He mentioned that if Shayne's feelings for Matt weren't real, then she wouldn't have defended them after LL called her out on just being on The Bachelor for exposure. And you left out the whole "I'm here for YOU, Matt" Shayne speech.
9 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 26, 2008 7:34 AM
Brenda - When Matt got to Shayne's his voice over included the interesting tidbit that Shayne bought her mom's house.
The acting parents bit was weird; it seems like he didn't spend much time w/Neep's real folks.
I think he'll pick Shayne.
10 of 12 | Posted by C MacKenzie | Posted on April 26, 2008 5:51 PM
Great job HG.
You are hilarious. The show however, was a real snoozer except for Shayne's mom...YIKES!!! The actor parents were just plain embarrassing.
I bet on Shayne too.
Thanks for the laughs.
11 of 12 | Posted by malimar | Posted on April 26, 2008 10:28 PM
Now, I was under the impression from the episode-before-last that the hiccup chick told Matt that her parents lived in a trailer. Or maybe that was another girl? So maybe the folks were just too white trash to get air time on this utterly sophisticated quest for true romance.
12 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on April 27, 2008 9:49 AM