Chelsea sits down with her dad and tells him that she doesn't think she wanted this to happen. Meaning she didn't want to find herself liking Matt this much, but wouldn't you know it. Amid the isolation and intense Matt-focus forced on her by the producers, she's ending up really starting to like him! Kerry advises Chelsea that if she likes Matt, she needs to let him know how she feels. Bad advice, Kerry. Matt tells Mom Addie that he fell in love with Chelsea the first time he hung out with her (yeah, right), but could never tell if she liked him back. Addie reminds Matt that Chelsea knows he's dating other girls and that makes it hard to be very open. Oh yeah? Not for Shayne. Chelsea walks Matt out to the car and they tell each other how much fun they've had and then make out. I'm getting really nauseated.
Matt's next stop is Loveland, Colorado where he will be meeting Noelle's farming family. Interestingly, there is no snow in this portion of the state. Matt has the most clever line to open the scene: "Today I'm in Loveland - home of love and Noelle." Oh, how does he come up with these? He is just "brilliant!" Matt tells us that he doesn't know Noelle as well as the other girls, but he's hoping to rectify that situation. Noelle is waiting for him wearing a belly sweater - yes you read that correctly. We can see her midriff. She tells us how real this if for her. You know with all the cameras and the cue cards and the retakes. Real. Matt and Noelle go horseback riding and Noelle tells Matt that he has a lot of the qualities she lacks, so they compliment each other perfectly. Oh that is so profound.
Those are two ticked off horses.
Today we meet Noelle's Dad Larry, Mom Teresa, and sisters Alicia and Rachel. Larry drags Matt away to play horseshoes and the girls sit around a picnic table to discuss Matt. One sister says Matt's cute, and Mom Teresa says he's tall. Well put, ladies. Dad Larry and Matt just tell each other how excited they've been to meet each other and then we go back to the girls where Noelle is babbling about putting herself out there. Over dinner the family wants to know where Matt will live and he tells them that he doesn't care because he's flexible - both about where he lives and getting his legs over his head. Zing! One of Noelle's sisters talks to the camera and the idiots in production put a subscript under her that says "Teresa, Noelle's Mom."
Poor Rachel, Noelle's sister.
Then both sisters take him outside and want to know if he's getting close to falling in love. Matt says that he's bizarrely falling in love with more than one person - and one of those people is Noelle! Inside, Noelle's parents tell her that they like Matt and then Noelle complains some more about finding it hard to open up to anyone. Then she walks Matt outside and tells Matt that he passed the family meeting with flying colors. Matt tells Noelle that he desperately wants to kiss her so they make out. I throw up.
Our last stop is Tallahassee, Florida to meet Amanda's family. Amanda tells us that she wanted to play a prank on Matt so she hired actors to play her parents and trick him. I'm sorry, but we're really supposed to believe that this was Amanda's idea? Give me a break. The producers knew they had to do something to top the Grand Lamas Debacle and Amanda went along. She claims that this will show Matt that she has a good sense of humor. I think it shows that she is a puppet. This next segment is pretty insulting. These people are downright obnoxious. The mom keeps laughing like a crazy person and the dad asks really intrusive questions about Matt and Amanda's physical relationship.
"And this is how I register 'anger.'"
Amanda keeps narrating to us, calling them "fake mom" and "fake dad." This idiocy culminates with the fake mom crawling on top of Matt, telling him he smells good, trying to kiss him and grabbing his nipple. All right! We get it! Please put us out of our misery!!!
This woman actually tried out for The Bachelor Season 10.
Milliseconds before I scratch my own eyes out, Amanda brings out her real family and we skim over dinner because we wasted so much time watching "Amanda's" prank. Matt and Amanda have a private conversation where Matt tells her how extraordinary he thinks she is, but most importantly, they make out.
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Comments (13)
I just have to say that Lorenzo Lamas is very cool. He played the jock that Sandy dated to make Danny jealous in Grease. So even though I wouldn't recognize him and am not familiar with any of his other acting gigs, in my eyes being in Grease makes you very cool.
Love all your recaps HG!!
1 of 13 | Posted by rt12345 | Posted on April 24, 2008 10:36 AM
It didn't even occur to me that the producers were involved with the big practical joke at Amanda's house! Duh.
Seems like quite a risk for her to take. What if Matt had gotten pissed off?
(By the way, Durango is way south in Colorado and Loveland is north of Denver.)
2 of 13 | Posted by lirpa | Posted on April 24, 2008 11:30 AM
so...wait. is the finale next week? or the week after? or was it last week? liars!
3 of 13 | Posted by efk2020 | Posted on April 24, 2008 12:21 PM
I can't watch the show because it is such a hot mess. It never works out for anyone. I guess half the fun is watching the women put themselves out there like that on TV.
Shayne's mom --eek!
Honey Gangsta, you save me the hour each week I waste on other horrible stuff. I am hooked on your recaps.
4 of 13 | Posted by bbjunkie | Posted on April 24, 2008 12:39 PM
You are SOO right when you say "the moment he's been looking forward to second most from the beginning - sleeping with Shayne."
And I forgot about Lorenzo Lamas being the jock Sandy dated in Grease. It must have been because of his blonde hair for the part. I used to watch Lorenzo in Falcon Crest when I was young. I think his acting career peaked right about that time.
Shayne's mom was truly a sight to behold. Creepy. And if those ridiculous headbands ever DO become trendy, I'm scared.
Great recap, Honey!
5 of 13 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on April 24, 2008 1:16 PM
I was wondering if Lorenzo even knew Shayne existed before being asked by the producers to come on this show.
Did I hear correctly that her mom said Shayne bought her that house ?
6 of 13 | Posted by Brenda Walsh | Posted on April 24, 2008 5:54 PM
HATE Shayne. Hate hate hate. Since day one. She's acting, and not even well. That whole family charade made me ill.
And I'm with you Honey G, on Shayne's mother...I laughed, I cringed, I laughed again.
7 of 13 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on April 24, 2008 6:30 PM
Hurray for Gnomecorp mention!!
Oh wow - what an episode. Amanda's real parents had seriously like 2 minutes of on air, I wonder if the producers knew they would be a snoozefest so they had to mix it up with the actors.
I actually didn't really know they were actors for a few minutes because I fast forwarded through the commercials, and lately I've been cutting into the show a bit fast forwarding cause it has become that intolerable. So I was right there with Matt, thinking this was for real. But surely after she grabbed his nipple, I realized this was not right.
Also...with Shayne's mom, I kept watching Matt if he was avoiding looking at the freaky mess she was, I mean, I can only imagine how bad that must have looked like mere inches from your eyeballs. But he wasn't. He looked right at her, several times.
I have to say, this was one of the funniest recaps this season - made me laugh out loud several times. Well done HG!!
8 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on April 25, 2008 3:37 PM
Not finished the recap but funny so far...
I do have a nitpick, though. In recapping the LL/Matt scene, you totally left out how LL acted like his earlier comment about Shayne being a fame whore was a fake-out. He mentioned that if Shayne's feelings for Matt weren't real, then she wouldn't have defended them after LL called her out on just being on The Bachelor for exposure. And you left out the whole "I'm here for YOU, Matt" Shayne speech.
9 of 13 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on April 26, 2008 7:34 AM
Brenda - When Matt got to Shayne's his voice over included the interesting tidbit that Shayne bought her mom's house.
The acting parents bit was weird; it seems like he didn't spend much time w/Neep's real folks.
I think he'll pick Shayne.
10 of 13 | Posted by C MacKenzie | Posted on April 26, 2008 5:51 PM
Great job HG.
You are hilarious. The show however, was a real snoozer except for Shayne's mom...YIKES!!! The actor parents were just plain embarrassing.
I bet on Shayne too.
Thanks for the laughs.
11 of 13 | Posted by malimar | Posted on April 26, 2008 10:28 PM
Now, I was under the impression from the episode-before-last that the hiccup chick told Matt that her parents lived in a trailer. Or maybe that was another girl? So maybe the folks were just too white trash to get air time on this utterly sophisticated quest for true romance.
12 of 13 | Posted by itchy | Posted on April 27, 2008 9:49 AM
Now that it's all over, I was a little surprised Shayne made it to the final 2, much less the "winner." She just rubs me the wrong way and I guess I thought Matt would've eventually felt that way. And 1 comment about Colorado, my home: There could definitely be 6ft of snow in Durango at Chelsea's parents' place, and be 70deg and dry in Loveland where Noelle lives. These towns are worlds apart in terms of environment: Durango lies in the SW mountains and is a near 9-hour drive from Loveland in the flatter part of the NE foothills.
13 of 13 | Posted by sarahuccs | Posted on May 13, 2008 8:37 AM