The girls discover that someone is here for the "wrong" reasons.
Welcome back to The Bachelor! I'm so happy to have you guys with me again! Thank you so much for all of your comments last week. I love having my cohorts along for the ride. This week the girls are really starting to show their personalities, and that's never a good thing. We have an L.A. fashion show, a Vegas casino night, and lots of embarrassing moments. Join me, won't you?
We start bright and early the morning after the first shameful display with Chris Harrison explaining to our Fortunate Fifteen that this week there will be two group dates with the British Bachelor. Hmm, I guess no single date for First Impression Amanda and her hiccups. There will be one rose up for grabs on each group date. How will they know who goes on which date? Thank you for asking - they will know when the Date Boxes arrive! Oh look, one has already arrived and it is a leopard print Kaboodle. Screaming and clapping ensue as Holly steps up to the Kaboodle to read the special note that Matt labored over. Here's who is going: Leelee Sobiesky, Kristine, Marshana, Noelle, Michelle, Amanda, Erin H., and Holly. The card says "Come runway with me. -Matt." Aw, that's special. Marshana screams that they're going to a fashion show. Oh great, that's just what I want to do with a guy I'm trying to impress - go stare at a bunch of models.
Date #1 - Runway Girls
Matt rides in a limo with the Runway Girls over to Smashbox Studios. Hooray for Smashbox! I love their eye shadow more than life. Of course, each girl has been provided with plenty of champagne in order to be her most charming self. As they enter the studio Matt announces that the girls are not actually going to watch a fashion show, they are going to be the fashion show. I'm trying to figure out if that is actually better than watching real models with a guy. It's hard to say. I'm beginning to see why they are giving the girls all this liquid courage. Marshana is naturally thrilled because she, as you know, was Miss Earth New York! This will all be old hat to her - strutting around being judged on her looks. Wait, I think I just summed up the entire female experience.
Matt waits out in the studio for what must be hours as the girls get their hair all teased up and their faces painted, then assigned individual skimpy outfits. I'm amazed he still cares by the time they finally get the show on the road (or runway), but he tells us privately that he will not be bestowing the rose based on who is the best model, but on who really "goes for it." Fair enough, let's see how they do. Aw, Matt's really sweet standing at the end of the runway clapping and encouraging each girl. It looks like ABC has rounded up a bunch of production assistants to stand behind Matt with cameras to make the girls feel like they are in a real show instead of just Matt's playground. I wonder if there's any film in those cameras. Kristine tells us she'd personally rather jump out of an airplane than walk down a catwalk. Holly decides to make her performance memorable by moon walking down the runway. I don't think it was a perfectly executed moon walk, but nice effort. Then she tells us that if the other girls aren't careful she may just moon walk away with Matt's heart. Oh boy.
Wow, they let Michael Jackson on The Bachelor?
I'm pretty sure Leelee's walk has been edited because on all the previews we hear her doing an Austen Powers, "Do I make you horny baby?" And Matt responding in the affirmative, but here we just see her strutting around and sticking out her tongue. Boo for inconsistent teases, ABC. Amanda decides to make a splash by removing her top and modeling the gold bikini underneath. It's not exactly Princess Leia, but at least it was memorable.
"Help me, gold bikini. You're my only hope."
After the show Matt tells everyone how blown away he is and now they're going to change clothes and continue the fun elsewhere.
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Comments (13)
GREAT recap!! (as usual)
Ew! Shayne is SUCH a prima donna. How much you wanna bet Papa Lorenzo gave her anything/everything she wanted growing up?
And how sick am I of hearing how these girls "have feelings for him". Dude, you JUST met the guy a week or two ago. Give me a break. And must we hear the line "here for the wrong reasons" EVERY season? I mean, isn't everyone there for the SAME reason? To hook a sugar-daddy?
Marshanna bugs me for some reason. She bitches and moans about girls throwing themselves at Matt, then does a big, old booty lap dance for him. Hmmm...little bit hypocrytical perhaps?
Looking forward to next week! Blood on the rugby field! Of course, it will probably be nothing...ABC does a masterful job of creating drama where there is none.
1 of 13 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on March 27, 2008 1:00 PM
So far, I like this Bachelor, but my fear is that he ends up with Shayne... Before this episode, I had read somewhere (who knows where, could be some stupid forum where someone made something up) that he was spending time in real life with some blonde actress... Who knows?
On the other hand, it would be a great 'meet the family' episode! Perhaps Billy Crystal could do a cameo playing her grandfather...
2 of 13 | Posted by rjfrankel | Posted on March 27, 2008 6:03 PM
Honestly, your recaps are so much better than the show. I laugh myself to tears with your nicknames and descriptions of these bimbos.
So far Matt has been pretty much a British gentleman, can't wait to see how things evolve, especially with Shayne.
Thanks for the great fun.
3 of 13 | Posted by malimar | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:02 PM
Holy moly..."LeeLee" PISSED me off. Awful weasel she transformed into with the help of a single flower. I would have turned around and snatched the damn rose back if I was English.
4 of 13 | Posted by hillrunnersarah | Posted on March 28, 2008 11:37 AM
TMZ is reporting that Matt is out trolling bars in Hollywood trying to pick up chicks, so he's either made no love connection with any of these bimbos, or he's trying to throw us all off the show's ending. Discuss.
5 of 13 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on March 29, 2008 2:41 PM
Great recap!
Leelee deserved a slap for her obnoxious behavior after Matt gave her the rose. She sucks. Shayne is ALREADY an emotional wreck after one week?? Come on, how do you develop deep feelings for someone within 7 days? I guess she's probably just used to men falling at her feet and begging her to go out with them by the way she tells it, lol. Marshanna bugs me too for some reason. Actually, at this point I still don't know who I like. Matt seems like a decent guy (even though I read those things about him on TMZ too)...time will tell I guess.
6 of 13 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on March 30, 2008 8:38 AM
So funny! I love your recaps. I didn't get to watch this show till yesterday so i had to come read your recap right away.
If Shayne is so popular and important that she has been to Vegas "a thousand times) (she's only 22 right?) and is used to getting millions of roses, then why does she need to be on this show? Unlucky in love? I find that so hard to believe! And I especially would hope she's not trying to drum up interest in her lackluster "acting" career by being on this show. She sucks.
Leelee is awful. I laughed at how one 25 year old talked about how immature 22 year old Leelee was, but she did seem pretty pathetic. It didn't seem like Matt was too turned off by her throwing the rose in the other girl's faces.
I may be wrong, but I think Carri's profession was listed as "church marketing" -- I wonder if she helps to market churches by showing her gigantic sharp-toothed beer crushing capabilities.
7 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 30, 2008 11:01 AM
another gut busting recap. hate the show. love your recaps!!
8 of 13 | Posted by bjzollinger | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:26 PM
Hello!
Thanks so much for your awesome comments. I love, Love, LOVE hearing from you.
So it sounds like we are in agreement regarding Leelee and Shayne. Shayne, by the way, keeps BEGGING Matt to forget about her being an actress - it's just her JOB! Yeah, no better way to make people forget than by constantly bringing it up. I don't hear anyone else talking about it, sweetie. Plus, I've never even heard of her. I think this Bachelor gig is the most exposure she's ever gotten.
As for Matt being out and about in LA, I wouldn't be surprised if it's in his contract. Those sneaky ABC producers - always trying to trick us...
Stay tuned for much more ridiculousity!
Much love,
-HG :)
9 of 13 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:26 PM
OMG, Deaf Dog got a mention in HG's recap! His input on tonight's show is that Robin is very scary, especially her crazy eyes. Also, he likes Shayne since he can't hear all the crazy stuff coming out of her mouth.
10 of 13 | Posted by lucy990 | Posted on March 31, 2008 7:59 PM
The fashion show as a date was weird. Plain and simple. Too much time for Matt to wait for the girls to get ready, and then for what? To watch them nervously try to show off? Weird.
Marshana is bizarro herself - she's so full of it and she's not that cute.
Its so funny too, this little song and dance they do with the one black woman every season (except last). I'd really like to see a more diverse group of women, I mean, don't some men have Asian fetishes? And how about a Latina or an Indian woman??? Why are they so obviously appeasing a stereotype and throwing in ONE black woman?
"he just kept going – song after song. My mom told me I should have joined in" That's awesome...join in. I am now picturing Matt singing "I want to find you, I want you to find me..." with his eyes closed in synchronicity with Michelle. Yep, its awesome!
In contrast - Vegas is like the best date idea EVER! I would have liked to been on that date, and take my thousand bucks and bet the house that Matt "never thought it would be this difficult" or that he "can really see himself with one of these women" or that Chris will announce at least 5 times this season "coming up...its the most dramatic rose ceremony EVER!!!!!!"
Amazing recap and even more amazing are the captions - louvre it.
11 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 31, 2008 9:43 PM
2 more things - I KNEW he would pick Shayne despite him being turned off by her dramatic effect simply because he's under the impression that she's way out of his league looks wise. No brainer. Hands down, I knew that was totally going to happen. In fact, I wouldn't be one bit shocked if she's still around in the final 3.
Second - I've actually seen this with my own eyes work magically: “I am trying so hard not to kiss you right now.”
12 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 31, 2008 9:55 PM
HoneyG, I love your recaps! I swore I would wean myself off of this show but now I can't!
Gnomecorp, I'm totally with you on the "Token Sista Gurl" thing. I'm dying to know if this is the farthest a black woman has ever gotten in the competition, because it seems to me like they always get booted the first night.
I've seen them include Latinas, Asians and Indian women on prior shows...alas, the white boys ABC picks aren't ready for a little flavor and get rid of them pretty quickly. "The heart wants what it wants", I guess.
13 of 13 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on April 2, 2008 1:04 PM