And elsewhere turns out to be the penthouse suite at some hotel in Hollywood. It looks like we're moving on to the hard liquor now so that we can see just how much these girls really want their faces on TV. Oops, I mean the chance to win true love. Marshana is first to snatch Matt away for one-on-one time and she sits him down to find out his views on interracial dating. Matt is flabbergasted to learn that Marshana is of a different race than himself. He never even noticed! Uh huh. Matt says that these things are different in the UK, which is probably true, and Marshana is so grateful to hear this that she almost falls to pieces. She says that she could care less about race, and Matt says he picked her because she's beautiful and has an "aura."
"Praise be to my beautiful aura!"
Next up is redhead Michelle, who pulls Matt over for a chat. Apparently playing her wet vibrating clarinet last week wasn't enough because now she has followed in Leelee's footsteps and written Matt an original song. AND she sings it. Here are the words:
I want to find you
I want you to find me
I want to touch you
I want you to touch me
And I wanna feel you
I want you to feel me
I want to find you
In front of me
Okay! That was the most awkward moment so far. Matt just sits there looking at her while she grasps his hand and sings as if in some sort of a trance.
Please don't do it, Michelle.
"This would never happen in London."
The other girls are three feet away watching and trying not to freak out. I mean, seriously. What would YOU do? I once had a guy play his guitar and sing to me and maybe this makes me the odd female out, but I was ready to come out of my skin it was so uncomfortable. I would look at him, then at the ceiling, then at the floor, and he just kept going - song after song. My mom told me I should have joined in, but I would have rather died. Is there something wrong with me?
Anyway! Back at Pathetic Mansion the leftover girls are receiving Date Box #2 and it arrives in the form of one of those big metal suitcases, like the kind a gun would be in. Turns out there's some cash in there that they scatter around and then Erin S. reads the card. "Take a gamble on love and show me the city of sin." Scream! Jump around the room! Drink your champagne! Vegas baby!
Over in Hollywood, Leelee Sobiesky cleverly takes Matt into the bedroom portion of the penthouse. She asks if he's into her and Matt tells her that yes he is, and she was one of the top two on the catwalk. Of course, all Leelee wants to know is why not top one? She gushes all over Matt telling him how wonderful he is and then tells him she's been staring at his lips all day. Now, if I learned anything from Mystery and his Pick Up Artist show it's that the way to get someone to kiss you is to say, "I am trying so hard not to kiss you right now." Try it! It totally works. Anyway, Matt bites on Leelee's line, tells her she has beautiful lips and gives her a small kiss. Of course, the soft music plays like this is so tender. Leelee thinks she's just been crowned Princess of the World. She's almost right, too, because Matt immediately jumps up and goes out to fetch her the rose for this date. When he offers it to her she wants to know why and he tells her they have a connection, to which she giggles insanely. Matt then takes her back out to the other girls and begins to thank them all for a wonderful date when Leelee cuts him off, yelling, "It's mine!" and dancing around with the rose. Matt looks at her then tries to explain to the others that it sucks to only have one rose to give out and Leelee interrupts again, saying, "No it doesn't!" Oh my gosh Matt, are you happy now? Look what you've done. He tells us privately that he gave Leelee the rose for being the most forward. See how quickly forward becomes obnoxious?
"I win! I am the winner! The winner is... me!"
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Comments (13)
GREAT recap!! (as usual)
Ew! Shayne is SUCH a prima donna. How much you wanna bet Papa Lorenzo gave her anything/everything she wanted growing up?
And how sick am I of hearing how these girls "have feelings for him". Dude, you JUST met the guy a week or two ago. Give me a break. And must we hear the line "here for the wrong reasons" EVERY season? I mean, isn't everyone there for the SAME reason? To hook a sugar-daddy?
Marshanna bugs me for some reason. She bitches and moans about girls throwing themselves at Matt, then does a big, old booty lap dance for him. Hmmm...little bit hypocrytical perhaps?
Looking forward to next week! Blood on the rugby field! Of course, it will probably be nothing...ABC does a masterful job of creating drama where there is none.
1 of 13 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on March 27, 2008 1:00 PM
So far, I like this Bachelor, but my fear is that he ends up with Shayne... Before this episode, I had read somewhere (who knows where, could be some stupid forum where someone made something up) that he was spending time in real life with some blonde actress... Who knows?
On the other hand, it would be a great 'meet the family' episode! Perhaps Billy Crystal could do a cameo playing her grandfather...
2 of 13 | Posted by rjfrankel | Posted on March 27, 2008 6:03 PM
Honestly, your recaps are so much better than the show. I laugh myself to tears with your nicknames and descriptions of these bimbos.
So far Matt has been pretty much a British gentleman, can't wait to see how things evolve, especially with Shayne.
Thanks for the great fun.
3 of 13 | Posted by malimar | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:02 PM
Holy moly..."LeeLee" PISSED me off. Awful weasel she transformed into with the help of a single flower. I would have turned around and snatched the damn rose back if I was English.
4 of 13 | Posted by hillrunnersarah | Posted on March 28, 2008 11:37 AM
TMZ is reporting that Matt is out trolling bars in Hollywood trying to pick up chicks, so he's either made no love connection with any of these bimbos, or he's trying to throw us all off the show's ending. Discuss.
5 of 13 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on March 29, 2008 2:41 PM
Great recap!
Leelee deserved a slap for her obnoxious behavior after Matt gave her the rose. She sucks. Shayne is ALREADY an emotional wreck after one week?? Come on, how do you develop deep feelings for someone within 7 days? I guess she's probably just used to men falling at her feet and begging her to go out with them by the way she tells it, lol. Marshanna bugs me too for some reason. Actually, at this point I still don't know who I like. Matt seems like a decent guy (even though I read those things about him on TMZ too)...time will tell I guess.
6 of 13 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on March 30, 2008 8:38 AM
So funny! I love your recaps. I didn't get to watch this show till yesterday so i had to come read your recap right away.
If Shayne is so popular and important that she has been to Vegas "a thousand times) (she's only 22 right?) and is used to getting millions of roses, then why does she need to be on this show? Unlucky in love? I find that so hard to believe! And I especially would hope she's not trying to drum up interest in her lackluster "acting" career by being on this show. She sucks.
Leelee is awful. I laughed at how one 25 year old talked about how immature 22 year old Leelee was, but she did seem pretty pathetic. It didn't seem like Matt was too turned off by her throwing the rose in the other girl's faces.
I may be wrong, but I think Carri's profession was listed as "church marketing" -- I wonder if she helps to market churches by showing her gigantic sharp-toothed beer crushing capabilities.
7 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 30, 2008 11:01 AM
another gut busting recap. hate the show. love your recaps!!
8 of 13 | Posted by bjzollinger | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:26 PM
Hello!
Thanks so much for your awesome comments. I love, Love, LOVE hearing from you.
So it sounds like we are in agreement regarding Leelee and Shayne. Shayne, by the way, keeps BEGGING Matt to forget about her being an actress - it's just her JOB! Yeah, no better way to make people forget than by constantly bringing it up. I don't hear anyone else talking about it, sweetie. Plus, I've never even heard of her. I think this Bachelor gig is the most exposure she's ever gotten.
As for Matt being out and about in LA, I wouldn't be surprised if it's in his contract. Those sneaky ABC producers - always trying to trick us...
Stay tuned for much more ridiculousity!
Much love,
-HG :)
9 of 13 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:26 PM
OMG, Deaf Dog got a mention in HG's recap! His input on tonight's show is that Robin is very scary, especially her crazy eyes. Also, he likes Shayne since he can't hear all the crazy stuff coming out of her mouth.
10 of 13 | Posted by lucy990 | Posted on March 31, 2008 7:59 PM
The fashion show as a date was weird. Plain and simple. Too much time for Matt to wait for the girls to get ready, and then for what? To watch them nervously try to show off? Weird.
Marshana is bizarro herself - she's so full of it and she's not that cute.
Its so funny too, this little song and dance they do with the one black woman every season (except last). I'd really like to see a more diverse group of women, I mean, don't some men have Asian fetishes? And how about a Latina or an Indian woman??? Why are they so obviously appeasing a stereotype and throwing in ONE black woman?
"he just kept going – song after song. My mom told me I should have joined in" That's awesome...join in. I am now picturing Matt singing "I want to find you, I want you to find me..." with his eyes closed in synchronicity with Michelle. Yep, its awesome!
In contrast - Vegas is like the best date idea EVER! I would have liked to been on that date, and take my thousand bucks and bet the house that Matt "never thought it would be this difficult" or that he "can really see himself with one of these women" or that Chris will announce at least 5 times this season "coming up...its the most dramatic rose ceremony EVER!!!!!!"
Amazing recap and even more amazing are the captions - louvre it.
11 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 31, 2008 9:43 PM
2 more things - I KNEW he would pick Shayne despite him being turned off by her dramatic effect simply because he's under the impression that she's way out of his league looks wise. No brainer. Hands down, I knew that was totally going to happen. In fact, I wouldn't be one bit shocked if she's still around in the final 3.
Second - I've actually seen this with my own eyes work magically: “I am trying so hard not to kiss you right now.”
12 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 31, 2008 9:55 PM
HoneyG, I love your recaps! I swore I would wean myself off of this show but now I can't!
Gnomecorp, I'm totally with you on the "Token Sista Gurl" thing. I'm dying to know if this is the farthest a black woman has ever gotten in the competition, because it seems to me like they always get booted the first night.
I've seen them include Latinas, Asians and Indian women on prior shows...alas, the white boys ABC picks aren't ready for a little flavor and get rid of them pretty quickly. "The heart wants what it wants", I guess.
13 of 13 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on April 2, 2008 1:04 PM