Matt tells us that there has been a clear winner this evening and that he's actually gutted that he's not leaving with just her. He pulls Chelsea aside and gives her the rose for wanting someone to share life with, just like he does. Thankfully there is no jumping around and waving of the rose this time. Shayne, however, is still in the midst of her existential crisis because she is used to receiving a million roses and she just can't stand not being number one all the time. She storms into the bathroom threatening to leave. Oh Shayne, just go! It's all going to end up the same no matter what you do in the next hour. And I'm so tired of listening to how popular you are. Amy tries to comfort her and ultimately she decides to stay... shocking.
"Forward all my fan mail to rehab."
And it's on to the Pre Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party! Pouting Robin takes Matt outside and proposes a game. They pretend that they are meeting in some sort of legitimate manner and that all these other girls aren't around. What would he do? Matt makes up a story about seeing each other on a train and asks if Pouting Robin would let him do all the work. She says she'd meet him halfway and then they totally make out - or "snog" as Matt would say.
"How's this for halfway?"
When she comes back inside all the other girls are mad and Marshana decides it's time to take a stand. She goes outside and tells Matt about how hard her heart beats when he's around and he tells her that she has all these attributes he's looking for and then they get up and dance to no music. Matt tells us that he wanted to kiss Marshana but he felt stupid with all the other girls watching. Oh get used to it, British Bachelor.
Beer-can-biting Carri sits Matt down and announces that she sings opera. Really? Then what was with the beer can trick? Well, she offers to make up for it now and bursts out singing "Summertime." This is so freaking embarrassing. Even Lucy990's Deaf Dog was embarrassed when Carri started singing. Ladies, guys don't choose a spouse as if they were judging a talent show. At least not this kind of talent show.
Where's that beer can when we need it?
We get to hear again about Amanda's hiccups and then goody gumdrops, we get to hear from Shayne again. She takes Matt into a different room and doesn't exactly apologize as much as she just recaps her hysteria in Vegas. Matt seems to have softened a little on his distaste for drama (who'd have ever guessed?) and he tells Shayne he was too hard on her and that he "fancies the pants off her." That last phrase is the only good thing to come out of this encounter. I'm going to start using it. Other than that I'm really over Shayne.
Ew, Marshana gives Matt a public lap dance and then Amanda tries to teach him the Soulja Boy dance. Where is Chris for the love of mercy? Oh here he is. Hooray! So! Chelsea and Leelee got roses on their dates and there are 10 more roses to give out. Let me get my adding machine... ah! Three girls are out of here. Matt thanks everyone for the last two days and says this hasn't been easy. Here are the roses:
Pouting Robin, Holly, Erin S. (mmm, hot dogs), Amanda (who hiccups), Kelly (who can handle her alcohol), Amy, Kristine (who?), Marshana (who is not of a different race), Noelle... Ladies, Matt, this is the final rose tonight. When you're ready... Shayne (Noooooooooo!)
Erin H. chalks up her shameful ousting to not running after him like some of the other girls (Leelee!). Carri is sad but says she supposes she's not what he's looking for. Michelle bawls and says she's going home to her cat. She can't wait to hear her purr again and lay on her legs again because the cat is the love of her life at the moment. Well, you know who your next song should be written for then, Michelle.
Disgracefully cast out. No chance at love.
Next week the Bachelor has a date at a movie premiere. I'm not exactly sure how that fits into anything. Maybe Matt is star struck, staying in L.A. and what not. Someone massages Matt's back with her feet, Robin pouts and threatens and the girls play rugby. Ugh, then it looks like Shayne hogs more of our screen time and makes all the other girls mad. Here's hoping she goes home.
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Comments (13)
GREAT recap!! (as usual)
Ew! Shayne is SUCH a prima donna. How much you wanna bet Papa Lorenzo gave her anything/everything she wanted growing up?
And how sick am I of hearing how these girls "have feelings for him". Dude, you JUST met the guy a week or two ago. Give me a break. And must we hear the line "here for the wrong reasons" EVERY season? I mean, isn't everyone there for the SAME reason? To hook a sugar-daddy?
Marshanna bugs me for some reason. She bitches and moans about girls throwing themselves at Matt, then does a big, old booty lap dance for him. Hmmm...little bit hypocrytical perhaps?
Looking forward to next week! Blood on the rugby field! Of course, it will probably be nothing...ABC does a masterful job of creating drama where there is none.
1 of 13 | Posted by KikiC | Posted on March 27, 2008 1:00 PM
So far, I like this Bachelor, but my fear is that he ends up with Shayne... Before this episode, I had read somewhere (who knows where, could be some stupid forum where someone made something up) that he was spending time in real life with some blonde actress... Who knows?
On the other hand, it would be a great 'meet the family' episode! Perhaps Billy Crystal could do a cameo playing her grandfather...
2 of 13 | Posted by rjfrankel | Posted on March 27, 2008 6:03 PM
Honestly, your recaps are so much better than the show. I laugh myself to tears with your nicknames and descriptions of these bimbos.
So far Matt has been pretty much a British gentleman, can't wait to see how things evolve, especially with Shayne.
Thanks for the great fun.
3 of 13 | Posted by malimar | Posted on March 27, 2008 10:02 PM
Holy moly..."LeeLee" PISSED me off. Awful weasel she transformed into with the help of a single flower. I would have turned around and snatched the damn rose back if I was English.
4 of 13 | Posted by hillrunnersarah | Posted on March 28, 2008 11:37 AM
TMZ is reporting that Matt is out trolling bars in Hollywood trying to pick up chicks, so he's either made no love connection with any of these bimbos, or he's trying to throw us all off the show's ending. Discuss.
5 of 13 | Posted by Memememe | Posted on March 29, 2008 2:41 PM
Great recap!
Leelee deserved a slap for her obnoxious behavior after Matt gave her the rose. She sucks. Shayne is ALREADY an emotional wreck after one week?? Come on, how do you develop deep feelings for someone within 7 days? I guess she's probably just used to men falling at her feet and begging her to go out with them by the way she tells it, lol. Marshanna bugs me too for some reason. Actually, at this point I still don't know who I like. Matt seems like a decent guy (even though I read those things about him on TMZ too)...time will tell I guess.
6 of 13 | Posted by jojobear | Posted on March 30, 2008 8:38 AM
So funny! I love your recaps. I didn't get to watch this show till yesterday so i had to come read your recap right away.
If Shayne is so popular and important that she has been to Vegas "a thousand times) (she's only 22 right?) and is used to getting millions of roses, then why does she need to be on this show? Unlucky in love? I find that so hard to believe! And I especially would hope she's not trying to drum up interest in her lackluster "acting" career by being on this show. She sucks.
Leelee is awful. I laughed at how one 25 year old talked about how immature 22 year old Leelee was, but she did seem pretty pathetic. It didn't seem like Matt was too turned off by her throwing the rose in the other girl's faces.
I may be wrong, but I think Carri's profession was listed as "church marketing" -- I wonder if she helps to market churches by showing her gigantic sharp-toothed beer crushing capabilities.
7 of 13 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on March 30, 2008 11:01 AM
another gut busting recap. hate the show. love your recaps!!
8 of 13 | Posted by bjzollinger | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:26 PM
Hello!
Thanks so much for your awesome comments. I love, Love, LOVE hearing from you.
So it sounds like we are in agreement regarding Leelee and Shayne. Shayne, by the way, keeps BEGGING Matt to forget about her being an actress - it's just her JOB! Yeah, no better way to make people forget than by constantly bringing it up. I don't hear anyone else talking about it, sweetie. Plus, I've never even heard of her. I think this Bachelor gig is the most exposure she's ever gotten.
As for Matt being out and about in LA, I wouldn't be surprised if it's in his contract. Those sneaky ABC producers - always trying to trick us...
Stay tuned for much more ridiculousity!
Much love,
-HG :)
9 of 13 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:26 PM
OMG, Deaf Dog got a mention in HG's recap! His input on tonight's show is that Robin is very scary, especially her crazy eyes. Also, he likes Shayne since he can't hear all the crazy stuff coming out of her mouth.
10 of 13 | Posted by lucy990 | Posted on March 31, 2008 7:59 PM
The fashion show as a date was weird. Plain and simple. Too much time for Matt to wait for the girls to get ready, and then for what? To watch them nervously try to show off? Weird.
Marshana is bizarro herself - she's so full of it and she's not that cute.
Its so funny too, this little song and dance they do with the one black woman every season (except last). I'd really like to see a more diverse group of women, I mean, don't some men have Asian fetishes? And how about a Latina or an Indian woman??? Why are they so obviously appeasing a stereotype and throwing in ONE black woman?
"he just kept going – song after song. My mom told me I should have joined in" That's awesome...join in. I am now picturing Matt singing "I want to find you, I want you to find me..." with his eyes closed in synchronicity with Michelle. Yep, its awesome!
In contrast - Vegas is like the best date idea EVER! I would have liked to been on that date, and take my thousand bucks and bet the house that Matt "never thought it would be this difficult" or that he "can really see himself with one of these women" or that Chris will announce at least 5 times this season "coming up...its the most dramatic rose ceremony EVER!!!!!!"
Amazing recap and even more amazing are the captions - louvre it.
11 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 31, 2008 9:43 PM
2 more things - I KNEW he would pick Shayne despite him being turned off by her dramatic effect simply because he's under the impression that she's way out of his league looks wise. No brainer. Hands down, I knew that was totally going to happen. In fact, I wouldn't be one bit shocked if she's still around in the final 3.
Second - I've actually seen this with my own eyes work magically: “I am trying so hard not to kiss you right now.”
12 of 13 | Posted by gnomecorp | Posted on March 31, 2008 9:55 PM
HoneyG, I love your recaps! I swore I would wean myself off of this show but now I can't!
Gnomecorp, I'm totally with you on the "Token Sista Gurl" thing. I'm dying to know if this is the farthest a black woman has ever gotten in the competition, because it seems to me like they always get booted the first night.
I've seen them include Latinas, Asians and Indian women on prior shows...alas, the white boys ABC picks aren't ready for a little flavor and get rid of them pretty quickly. "The heart wants what it wants", I guess.
13 of 13 | Posted by Snarky | Posted on April 2, 2008 1:04 PM