Ah, here we go with week two of The Bachelor. We have whittled it down from the Trashy Twenty Five to the Fortunate Fifteen and this week it's time to start nit picking those ones to death and sending them off one by one, forever ending their chances of ever finding true love. Let's go!
We join Jason this week helping Ty pack his little suitcase. Oh what a paragon of charm and family our Bachelor is this season! He has a little boy with a little suitcase and he's helping him pack it - just like any perfect father would. But wait just a darn second. I thought that Ty was here in Los Angeles accompanying Jason on his quest for a stepmommy because Jason couldn't stand being away from him. I could have sworn that's what ABC sold us last week. So here it is, only one day removed from the first Grand Elimination and Jason is already helping Ty pack? What happened? Did Ty refuse to be perfect? Did he have an accident in his big boy underpants? Or did someone finally come to their senses and realize that this is an absurd situation to bring a small child into? Jason tells us that even though he wishes Ty could stay here for the whole thing, the best thing for him will be to go home to Seattle and spend some time with his mom. Ah, Ty's mysterious mother - the one who ruined the life of the most perfect man on earth and did it with such panache that said man got full custody of shared offspring. Will we ever find out what went on there? But now Jason is back to business! Which of these 15 amazing women will be special enough to bring into Ty's life?
First things first, and that means that the Fortunate Fifteen move themselves right on in to the Mansion of Desperation guided by none other than your favorite host and mine, Chris Harrison. The girls all scream and run through the house, looking at the pool where they will spend most of their time (with Jason nowhere near), and checking out the stairs that one or more of them is sure to fall down. Chris gives them about 10 seconds and then calls them all into the living room for a chat.
You see, here is how things work on The Bachelor. There are group dates and there are one-on-one dates. On each date there will be a rose in question. A rose? What on earth could that mean? Glad you asked. If you are presented with a rose that means that you will live to see another date with Jason - and that date, too, will contain a rose. And so on and so forth until one of you is twirling in Jason's arms atop the Proposal Platform wearing the product placement engagement ring. Cross your fingers, girls! One more thing: if you are so extremely fortunate as to be invited on a one-on-one date with Mr. Wonderful, you must have your bags packed because if you do not get the rose you are OUT. Game over. (Collective gasps at this news - apparently these girls haven't paid as much attention as we have, beloved readers.) And now instead of whipping out the first of many date boxes, Chris Harrison makes YET ANOTHER startling announcement... Not everyone will go on a date with Jason every week, which leads to even more astounded gasping. All right girls, that's enough screaming and gasping. Now off to the pool with you! Cocktails await!
Thankfully Jason has a sneaky surprise up his sleeve and that is that he is going to drop by unannounced to join the girls in their poolside inebriation. Why not? Ty's in Seattle with his mom! As he saunters into the backyard, screaming hysteria ensues. OMG, some of the girls aren't even wearing makeup! I could just die! Jason says he's excited to get to know everyone because one of them is going to be his wife. At this announcement Cyber Stalker Shannon almost faints and drowns in the pool.
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Comments (10)
Great review Honey... hey, I bet you'd make a great mom!
1 of 10 | Posted by Quean CeCe | Posted on January 15, 2009 8:46 PM
Has Kari said or done anything yet? (I don't watch, I just read the recaps.)
2 of 10 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on January 15, 2009 9:40 PM
Actually she said 'relationship' not 'boyfriend', so, yeah she was talking about her girlfriend there. Not sure what being 52 has to do with anything, other than possibly explaining why Erika is already pretty wrinkly herself.
Maybe she thinks she's trying out for the next Shot of Love? I smell a hired gun put there just to stir up trouble.
And Megan's really pretty. Maybe one of the prettiest. So of course they all voted for her.
3 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 16, 2009 5:24 PM
There's a theory, on a website called videogum, that Melissa "wins".
4 of 10 | Posted by sheiney | Posted on January 16, 2009 9:49 PM
Well, that would make sense. There were a couple of shots there where she really did look like Deeanna's twin. A softer, gentler version. With a porta-job and a rockin' bod.
5 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 17, 2009 1:26 AM
I've liked Jillian since day one...I was disappointed when they kissed... it kind of grossed me out (didn't really feel their spark).
Stephanie might be cuter and less scary to me if she would just take the make-up off...I liked the outtake of her putting on the fashion show. Don't think she's a match though.
Megan looks way older than mid 20s to me...I can't believe she is younger than me!!
So far, all in all, I continue to be disappointed that they haven't changed the format of the show. I know, I know...I should bask in all the cheesy fun...but I'm also annoyed that they haven't taken aims to be more serious and authentic. I'm sooo over these idiotic dates and group dynamics. What if they had the women live totally separated as we watched him individually date all these women? I don't know...I guess not...
6 of 10 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on January 17, 2009 10:49 AM
Is anyone else mesmerized by Stephanie's gigantic, tight, immobile forehead? I don't think her eyebrows have ever moved in the last two episodes.
Even Jason seemed to be staring at it during his conversation with her.
7 of 10 | Posted by madpuppy | Posted on January 19, 2009 9:45 AM
Annnnd good call on Baya's White Breadness, CB. She's not a horrible dancer, but always looks like she's offbeat or dancing to a different song than those around her. She gets the technical part right, but just not a natural mover at all. It's not pretty to watch.
Btw, she looks good with Ryan - like a brother and sister couple.
8 of 10 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on January 19, 2009 11:54 AM
Oops, I posted in the wrong section. :)
This was probably better than the show I just finished watching...
9 of 10 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on January 19, 2009 11:55 AM
Great recap Mona!!!!! I'm just loving your tone. Sadly, I'm TV less for a while to come, so I will be living this show through your eyes, and I must say, it's going to be better!!!!
I agree dani2526, Megan looks early 40's to me, a well preserved version, but mature for sure, Stephanie looks older too, and yes, loose the lip liner babe, you look like a bratz doll-but perhaps I wouldn't say that if I had seen her revisit her fateful night.
Jillian has given me hope that I might one day "marry" ya know, if ever that's legal again, as I'm a mustard guy! Yay!
I'd be leery of a girl whose had one boyfriend, and only kissed him--I was making out with my whole neighborhood from like 8 years old, is it me!!!!??? (guess I should qualify that as spin the bottle mostly!)
Can't wait for the next recap. I liked Sharon, oh well . . .
10 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on January 20, 2009 12:41 PM