So Jillian shows up at a jewelry store to pick oat four diamond necklaces - one for each team - that they will choose from when their clues lead them here. Then she makes a call to each of the four cars, startling the guys as they realize there is a phone in their car - to tell the guys to keep going because she's waiting for them. Michael and Tanner squeal and bounce. Then Michael tells us he peed his pants a little. Oh for pete's sake. Honestly this isn't as clearly edited as The Amazing Race and it's difficult to tell where the guys are going and why. I need Phil Keoghan strolling out of nowhere to explain the challenge to me.

Phil.jpg

Oh thank goodness. Phil.

Basically all we get here are flags with roses on them indicating that the guys are on the right track. They get to a restaurant where they have to go in the back and change into tuxedos, then roam around the restaurant having no idea what to do. Finally one of the guys (Brad, I think?) finds a note in his tuxedo pocket that says, "If you want to win Jillian's heart you're going to have to lay it all on the line." Well, that explains everything. Does this mean a line in the sidewalk? A line at the door? What? What? It turns out that it means the cooking line in the kitchen and all that is there is another blasted clue card that says "My 'best friends' are waiting for you down the street. Head through the front doors and turn left. If you can't find the flag ask Neil for directions." Okay, so front door, turn left. Wes and Brad get back into their car and drive around the strange city, getting more and more lost. Brian sees some tequila shots on the "line" and helps himself. Great idea, Brian, especially while you're driving. Do you really think Jillian's best friends are shots of tequila? Well, maybe. Anyway Brian and Ed get to the jewelry store first (I think it's called Neil Lane?) and they choose a necklace and get another clue. Meanwhile Wes and Brad are circling the Beverly Center in their car, totally confused. Mathue and Sasha are next to locate Neil and pick another necklace. Brad and Wes finally get it together and find the necklaces, but by now they are at each other's throats. They each want a different necklace and boo hoo hoo. The next clue is something cryptic with the word "spring" and a stopwatch, but Wes deciphers that it's an address and he and Brad run into the Crocker Club where Jillian is waiting in an evening gown. Hmm, they've picked the ugliest of the four necklaces so Jillian has no choice but to put it on. She says she has to choose only one of them to eat with her and surprise, surprise she chooses Wes, who "wrote a song" for her. I knew it! Girls are suckers for that crap.

So Jillian and Wes head into an old bank vault to dine and Brad is pretty miffed, but he slumps over to the bar to drink and wait for the other guys to finish the race and join him. Wes isn't here for the right reasons! Wes has a singing career to launch, Brad, so just back off. As we watch Wes and Jillian eat, Jillian tells us that Wes is very attractive because he is this honkey tonk Texas boy who makes her laugh. The laughing part is good, but honkey tonk? Really? Am I missing something here? Outside Brian and Ed come racing down the stairs only to discover Brad and the bad news that Wes has already won the challenge.

Back home at the barracks, Date Card #2 arrives. A guy I don't recognize reads it and it says, "Jake, I'm looking for someone who can cut loose." Jake jumps around screaming and the other guys make attempts at being good sports.

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Comments (10)

pixyamiga:

great recap! I found Tanner P and Michael absolutely hilarious, they definitely have a bromance going on :)

ThisShowRocks!:

First off, your screen caps on the first page with Tanner and the other guy cracked me up!

Secondly, I'm already annoyed with Jillian.
I think I managed to watch an hour, and normally, I stomach the entire 2 hour episodes.
She is so set on proving she's a party 24/7. Yeah - that's real.
And don't even get me started on the accent.

Was anyone else surprised by her picking Brad? Blech.

I guess Jake is my top pick at this point. But then again, I didn't watch the 2nd half.

Thanks for sitting through 2-hours of non-sense to bring us this recap. I pity you!

welcometothepartypal:

Hilarious!
"He tries on a couple of shirts and then gets totally carried away and jumps out of the dressing room in a fur trimmed vest making gun signs with both hands. Why, Jake, why?"
When i read this part i was eating a chip, it made me laugh out loud, which cause a small piece of chip to be lodged in my keyboard. Ah, but it was worth it.
I change my mind about Jake, he's a tool. I'm surprised you didnt comment on how he kissed her right in the middle of her sentence, and his mouth was all open, it grossed me out.
Speaking of kissing, isnt she going a bit quickly with that? She basically kisses every guys he has a one one one convo with.
And how about that kiss with Krypton, she totally started it and it was awwwkward!
And Wes is a creep.
ok thanks!!

juddfan:

well I guess my heart is not totally busted and jaded, I actually thought the Jake date was fun and sexy, tho I was surprised we weren't subjected to the cap of her trying to pull out his pants while belting him. I always like seeing evidence of her being a horny slutina!!!

and yes, welcomettpp, she's coming on strong in all those ways, making them strip, tempting them to run in speedos to the (I doubt very clean or safe) venice beach ocean.

My picks of Jake, krypton and Juan were a little better than I thought--I'm just so proud of how I can see right through this overwrought trainwreck of a reality show . . . as I'm sure my mom would be too!

Mike is looking hot bodied in that one piece cap . . . I also think Ed looks hunky . . . wes is a complete tool.
HATE.
can't wait to see him walk! Serenading her, erm yeah, he's totally doing that out of love for her, and totally not for his fans in mexico . . .

Really glad she sent light switch packing, now she must see through fire eyes and his gaybashing, hate tendencies . . .

Thanks ever so much Honey!!! Good call on the gayest team ever--they were too much for me . . . bipolar anyone, or at least manic (sans depressive)

Also agree on Brad "the brains of the operation" if he's so smart, couldn't he see she would pick the hot one to dine in her safe with . . . I'm just sayin'

itchy:

Okay, so now I know how Jillian's going to make me hate her before the end of the season: those goddamn cutsey scrunchy faces she keeps making.

And that stupid Amazing Race segment...what was the point of that? No doubt Wes's team was helped along the way to make sure he got there first. They know he's a douche, so they want to make sure he gets plenty of time with her so that he 'breaks her heart' for the ratings.

Besides, we already know Jillian's type, since she "fell in lurve" with that douchey should-be-gay douchebag Jason. So it stands to reason that she'll choose Guano at the end, doesn't it? He comes closest to meeting the wussy sensitive don't-ask-don't-tell model.

Although Jake's definitely got that over-eager twinkie thing going.

Dave would probably be happier on Daisy of Love. Man code, indeed.

pixielated:

Yeah, I think we are in for a big ol' trainwreck. I hope so, anyway.

This girl has some bad taste in men. Keeping Tanner P. after finding out he's creepy? Keeping Michael? Keeping Wes? Well, I guess it's no surprise since she was "in love" with Jason, as itchy so astutely observed.

This is the problem with using a castoff from a previous show. Of course, I don't think any of the others had quite the horrible taste in men (or women) that our girl Jillian has.

J-Mo:

"Coyote Awkward"

LOVED that!

I'm also in love with how you've been able to subtly throw a few heavily accented words oat and aboat here and there, it's totally charming. Awesome job, Honey, keep it up!

love, J-Mo :)

P.S. Personally I'd have snagged a stranger's Speedo with no hesitation at all, but I'm just weird like that.

wintersux:

Does anyone else think Juan bears a strong resemblance to David Arquette?

NegativeNancy:

I hate them all, but I hope Kiptyn stays around until 'meet the parents night' because I'd like to see the kind of people who would name their kid Kiptyn.

bitchristine:

lovin' it HoneyG...
"The homoerotic tension is palpable."

That WES guy sucks a lot. He reminds me of that other "bad boy" from Deanna's season - another tall, skinny dude from the south with messed-up hair that had some kind of product to sell, just like WES. Typically these girls aren't seeing through the con job.

The guy was that "pro basketball player" - even his mother was like run as fast as you can away!

Jillian is still not bugging me that much though and i usually have strong opinions on all these tools on these shows. For example, I LOATHED Jason on the Bachelorette and couldn't believe he became The Bachelor. He was about as exciting as a turd and whiny as a little bitch from the moments I laid eyes on him and then they picked him for the Bach. Pleeeeeeese. And that Deanna sucks balls so bad, I can't stand her ass either and never could even back when she was on the show with Brad. But Jillian, she seems alright to me.

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