Ahem, moving right along, the next morning we have breakfast on the train and Jillian basks once again in the glory of all these male eyes on her. She's like, "Who wants to go on a date tonight?" Shut up, Jillian. She leaves a group date card behind and heads back to her "room" to find a flask. Foot Fetish Tanner, Wes, Michael, Jesse, Jake and Krypton get the group date, which means Reid gets the remaining one-on-one. And it takes Reid a minute to figure that out.
It turns out that the gang is going snow shoeing. In other words, they're getting off the train and walking around in the freezing cold. Fun! The part about shoes has Foot Fetish Tanner beside himself because do you know what goes in shoes? Feet. Well, as you can imagine, this is just a great big barrel of laughs with everyone stomping through the snow and throwing snowballs, and as always, Jillian's "personality" is at an 11. She is so much fun! See how she laughs at everything and just enjoys life? What a girl! While playing hide and seek Jake tackles Jillian in the snow and takes the opportunity to roll around a little. And pretty soon it's time to go to a lodge and get some liquor!
Inside after some hard stuff warms her belly, Jillian decides it's time to have those all-important five-minute conversations that will reveal to her whether these guys are marriage material. She pulls Jake outside to pontificate with him and Jake tells her that she reminds him of his mom. What a bonehead.
He tries to tempt her with descriptions of his family and just as he is building to a pinnacle of romantic declaration, the rest of the guys burst through the door and ruin Jake's moment. He keeps telling us how DESPERATE he is for things to work with Jillian and how much he ADORES her. He is way too worked up about this all the time.
Krypton takes Jillian inside and she immediately dissolves into silly smiles while she lets him talk before climbing all over him. Krypton tells Jillian he likes her and he's not the type to go after what he can't have, so this whole situation has been tough. Babble, babble. Who cares what he's saying? Certainly not Jillian, who just wants to make oat. And they do. Do these two even know each other's names?
Next it's group sharing time and Michael asks Jillian what she sleeps in. She says that she sleeps in underwear and a tank top, unless it's a night when she's been drinking, in which case just underwear. Going on that information, I'm guessing Jillian's sheets haven't seen a tank top since the 90's. But isn't she fun and playful? Michael likes to sleep in the nude and Foot Fetish Tanner decides to demonstrate what he sleeps in. He stands up, pulls his pants down, and models his tighty whiteys. Good grief, what is wrong with him? If there is one thing I don't need to see, it is male thighs. If he had been wearing boxers all would be well, but this is just wrong. Jillian mentions that she didn't need to see Foot Fetish Tanner's "huge" package yet. This is so lame. Foot Fetish Tanner gets some alone time to give Jillian a foot massage and tell her he wants a hometown date. To us he can't stop talking about her feet. Okay, we get it, he likes feet. He's a weirdo, a tattle tell, an exhibitionist and he likes feet. Enough already.
Jesse gets alone time and says he's not used to having to fight for someone's time. They reminisce about their fun-filled day on the glacier and Jesse says he wants a hometown date. That's enough talking, Jesse. They kiss for a while, blech. Jillian is just thrilled that Jesse is so open with his feelings. Now Michael goes outside with Jillian to roast marshmallows. He tells her again how much he likes her and PS he would like a hometown date. There's no kissing with these two, and I think Jillian just keeps him around for entertainment purposes. And maybe to stop her from falling into the fire in a drunken tumble.
« True Blood: Who Loves Vampires? | Main | I'm a Celebrity: Sanjungle Love »
Comments (17)
Jillian is so frustrating. I call BS on that is what she wear to bed, puh-leeze. And when i've had a few cocktails, just underwear. Oh Jillian you are so fun and carefree! blech.
Why can't she just tell Jake, um yeah buddy you came on to strong and i don't feel the same way, its not that difficult.
I also agree about her outfits, what the? How about that big purple shirt with the belt. Not cute.
I think it would have been better if she just left Robby in the caboose and then un-hinged it.
1 of 17 | Posted by welcometothepartypal | Posted on June 26, 2009 8:58 AM
Ok I'll stop complaining about all the helicopter rides... PLEASE, no more trains!! I guess Jilly is wearing plaid shirts because she's Canadian and that's what we wear eh.
There is no way they were the only ones on that big long train they kept showing. Maybe Jason is the surprise who shows up at the rose ceremony next week!
2 of 17 | Posted by NegativeNancy | Posted on June 26, 2009 10:25 AM
ah, wes, I can taste bile in the back of my throat every time I see your face--way to get famous bud--this will work!!!! You'll be more loved than Jason after this . . .
I actually missed this epi, I'm surprised she kept Michael over Jake--I'm sure the family visit would have solidified or changed her view on him, and he's hella closer to H material than the bi break dancer . . . call me crazy!
Hope Kryptonite is really into her and not just being on TV.
Can't wait to see Wes get served!!! Juicy!!!
I do hope they bring Ed back, and frankly, if I was Jillian, with this lot, I'd be drunk all the time too!
3 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 26, 2009 11:02 AM
I read elsewhere that someone suggested FFTanner as the next Bachelor. Now THAT would be hilarious.
If he has 25 ladies, that's 50 feet he'd have to judge as being there for 'the right reasons'. Imagine his selection criteria! Deciding on whose families to visit is dependent on the prettiest FEET.
I'd just love to see that, AND how it would be recapped here.....
4 of 17 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on June 26, 2009 12:54 PM
Great recap, Honey Gangsta. I mean, sure, I share your pain at having to watch this (hopefully you watch it without the commercials, like I do. It's only about 25 minutes that way....), but you're reaching a crescendo of awe-inspiringly bitter greatness. Can't wait 'til next week.
As for Wes, I have to believe that the producers (and Jillian) are in on the publicity thing. No doubt they're positioning him in the bad boy C&W. All he needs now is a good bar fight.
I definitely vote for FFTanner for next bachelor!
5 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 26, 2009 1:30 PM
"If they EVEN try to make next week longer than two hours just because there are five hometown dates instead of four, so help me I will destroy something."
And you know, despite having FIVE hometown dates AND Ed coming back AND all that Jake/Wes drama, the episode will be chock full of filler!
That's what I don't get about "reality shows." Supposedly, real people and real life are so damn interesting, but they still have to script half of it to be duller than dirt. And THEN they have to repeat the same 10-20 minutes of footage a gazillion times. I'm sure they have loads of outtakes and FFTanner footage and drunken partying footage that would be way more entertaining.
Bitter enough for ya, itchy?
6 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 26, 2009 1:57 PM
Here here on the bitchy crescendo Itchy, I agree whole heartedly!!!! Goooo Honey, you're the best!!!!
Pix, I believe they spend a long time splicing that shit up to give us coherent bitch edits etc, so I bet they don't use anything raw, as it may not give them the mis leading that they desire . . . does that even make sense--I need more sleep!
7 of 17 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 26, 2009 2:04 PM
ive never watched one eppy of this show because im so disgusted with the concept of it
but that being said i havnt missed one of your recaps - I love them! thats just testament to how wonderfully talented a writer you are!
thank you for the laughter you bring to my life!
xo
rebecca
8 of 17 | Posted by Rebecca1968 | Posted on June 26, 2009 4:15 PM
I am guessing this has been said many times, but Jillian totally has a new nose. I was getting a pedi earlier this week and there was an ad for the show and a picture of Jillian was in it with a rose. Her nose was HUGE, now it is still on the big side but not at as big at is was.
9 of 17 | Posted by jmportia | Posted on June 26, 2009 9:10 PM
Except...if one were to pay to have a nose job, why would anyone choose THAT nose?
I think it's more a case of the nose being permanently swollen from crying over Jason (or having to be around Jason) all the time.
On this show, her nose is in better shape because it's constantly working out, what with all the cute scrunchy faces...
It's like watching Nose Aerobics (TM) with Richard Simmons: "Okay, ladies, wiggle-twitch-crinkle-scrunch, wiggle-twitch-crinkle-scrunch..."
10 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 27, 2009 1:00 AM
Say what you want about De-annnuhhhh, but at least I wanted to bang her. This chick is nothing you couldn't find at your local lumberjack bar.
The show's concept is inherently flawed. Same bullshit lines about "falling in love", "being here for the right reasons", "ready to take it to the next level"... Ugh! These guys get maybe 5 dates with Jillian and they're supposed to be ready to pop the question? Then again, that's probably 4 dates more than it usually takes to get into Jillian's little maple leaf.
Wes is a cockbag, but at least he's an honest cockbag. I hope he wins. He's here for the right reasons!
11 of 17 | Posted by Dirty Sanchez | Posted on June 27, 2009 6:33 AM
I'm not sure how Dirty can make derrogatory comments about someone he {?} doesn't even know. As for the posts about Jason coming back...all the info suggests that he and Molly are still together so I doubt that he will be the spoiler. Would serve him right though, to be the one ditched at the end. As for Wes, how can you say he's honest?!! He hasn't been honest with the one person who matters in all of this and that's Jillian. A**hole! Jake might seem perfect but what's wrong with that? He'll come back, show some flaws and maybe Jilli will have a change of heart where he's concerned. Kyptin? Not so sure where he ends up in all of this but...final three in my opinion? Kyptin, Jake and MAYBE...Ed.
12 of 17 | Posted by tokei2 | Posted on June 27, 2009 12:41 PM
Um, Tokei2? You do understand that TVGasm simply would not exist if no one here made derogatory comments about people we don't know, right?
Although I disagree with Mr. Sanchez. Sure, Deanna was pretty in the face, but her butt was scary -- in a "just you wait, in five years this thing is going to go supersize" kind of way.
Jillian, on the other hand, is the type of girl you do indeed marry.
Speaking of which, no one caught that comment from Reid about usually dating blondes?
That's Jewish guy code for "I'm still playing the field, not ready to get married just yet" ;-D
13 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 27, 2009 12:57 PM
No no Tokei2, as soon as Jake said that thing about Jillian reminding him of his mother, he was outta here. NOT a good pick up line. She'd better get rid of salmonella boy Reid soon too, as that could get old real fast in a relationship.
Also, you know, Jilly looks like Sarah Palin if you make her taller and give her glasses and red shoes.
14 of 17 | Posted by NegativeNancy | Posted on June 27, 2009 6:49 PM
I think most people totally judge others' appearances without knowing them.
Itchy, I don't think Dirty was talking about staying with Deanna for five years--he just wants to bang her.
It suddenly occurred to me that the inherent problem with this show is that dating is boring, except for the two people on the date (usually). Even if they're ziplining or riding in a helicopter, dating is just not interesting to watch. Maybe there's a little cute, funny flirting, but basically it is two people getting to know each other and blathering about "relationships."
15 of 17 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on June 28, 2009 8:48 PM
Pix--I never thought about that...yes, I suppose watching 2 people on a date could be boring...but this doesn't feel like watching two folks on a date at all: there's nothing that indicates that the two are getting to know anything past an ice-breaking question. I think this show would be much more interesting if we could actually hear the conversation, rather than a spliced two minute version of the same question over and over again. They MUST ask about families and habits and histories and dynamics, RIGHT?! THAT might actually be interesting...could be neat to see what dynamic would erupt with who and why...
16 of 17 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on June 29, 2009 12:04 AM
What is with Jillian dumping the guys and not walking them out? I thought when it got down to 8 people, the bachelor/bachelorette walked each person out to say goodbye in private. It's kinda shitty on Jillian's part to make them ask "why" in front of all the other guys.
Also, what is with her canceling the cocktail parties? That is a chance for the guys to hang out with Jillian, it's a time where they can be casual and not on a schedule, I think it's stupid of Jillian to limit her already limited time with the guys.
I don't know if you guys watched last night's yet (SPOILER!!) but when she sent home Jesse, that was the last straw for me. She does not want to find a husband or love. I don't feel bad for her at all that Wes is making her look like an idiot.
I think Jake is trying to be the next bachelor with his railing performance.
17 of 17 | Posted by winks523 | Posted on June 30, 2009 9:27 AM