This week Jillian stops squealing long enough to take us on an extended look at each of the remaining guys' journey to the Final Four. First, though, she tells us all a-boat how she thought at this point there would be one guy she really liked and then three other ones she didn't really care for. Well, surprise, surprise, The Bachelorette thinks she's falling in love with four guys at once! And even if she didn't think that, you'd better believe she'd tell us that's what's happening or else it just wouldn't be a reincarnation of every single previous season. This is what they have to say at this point. Probably later she'll be singing a different tune, but tonight, this is Jillian's story and she's sticking to it. The only interesting thing here is that she's telling us all of this from Madrid, Spain.
Now if anyone has been paying any sort of attention over the last few weeks, then they should already know everything in this opening montage of each guy's journey, so I'm skipping it. Feel free to skim back over Bachelorette archives if you have any questions.
What we have going on this week is what I like to call The Superfluous Episode. As if they aren't all superfluous. This is NOT QUITE the exotic dates yet, but we're one past the hometown dates, so we're going to spend an episode in Spain wasting some time. Why the filler, ABC? Why? Oh well, we might as well get through this and try to remain sane. First up is Krypton, with whom Jillian is enamored. Jillian worries, worries, worries that Krypton is way out of her league and that he doesn't like her as much as she likes him. Good grief, Jillian, insecure much? I mean, he came on TV to woo you, didn't he? Don't turn it around and chase HIM down. Have a little dignity. By the way, with Jillian's little oat-fits picked for the hot Spanish sun, I'm noticing that she is frighteningly tiny. I mean, I've noticed before that she's petite, but seriously - this girl looks like a tween in her tight little clothes. Okay, so here is Krypton and he tells us he thinks he might be able to fall in love with Jillian. That sounds promising. They stroll around Madrid together marveling at the culture and beauty. Hmm, a little different than old Canada, eh Jillian? She tells Krypton that his hometown date was awesome, his mom was hilarious (or rude, as I would call it) and that the caution tape was just brilliant. Obviously Jillian would make a perfect Kryptonite. Krypton tells her that he and his sister discussed the progress of his Bachelorette relationship and while things are going well, he feels that at this point a proposal is far off. Jillian's face falls.
As they discuss, Jillian says she's definitely looking for an engagement, and while some of this has to be a leap of faith, there is still PLENTY of time for her and Krypton to spend together to see if they should get married. Like that one day you'll spend together in Hawaii? Right, that should solve everything.
They head into a dance studio to watch some flamenco dancers and then to take a lesson of their own. But of course, before we start anything, Jillian needs a hearty helping of sangria. I think this is supposed to be an erotic exercise because of the gazing and twisting, but honestly it's pretty awkward with Jillian's leotard and Krypton's skin tight matador outfit and both of them trying hard not to look like total losers. Jillian tells us how much fun she's having (that's her forte!), but neither of them can dance for crap.
Later on Krypton and Jillian reunite for dinner and more pre-marital conversation. To me Jillian's outfit this evening looks like a miniature Snow White costume.
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Comments (12)
What a difference between this and The Bachelor. At this point in any Bachelor season, the girls are already 100 percent in love, "ready to be engaged" and practically handing over their uterus.
I dont see any sort of chemistry with any of these guys, but I think Ed will "win" -- if you can call being the last one standing in this case winning.
1 of 12 | Posted by Brenda Walsh | Posted on July 10, 2009 6:42 AM
Jillian eliminated the guys who are truly interested, and kept those who make her feel insecure. This is how she relates to 'being in love'.
Reid: commitment issues.
Wes: career and girlfriend issues.
Kip: out of her league issues.
Ed: gone and back again for how long? issues.
If she doesn't have to work for it, she doesn't want it.
Meanwhile, the remaining 3 are tepid at best. Reid might be into her, and Ed could be, but I don't think Kip really is...
2 of 12 | Posted by WizeChiklet | Posted on July 10, 2009 9:12 AM
I, too, like to catch up.
And I kind of enjoyed the hot pants this episode.
But I definitely felt lost without the Host Dude pointing out the last rose. I was convinced Wes would get one too.
3 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on July 10, 2009 1:43 PM
Jillian finally walked out one of the guys she rejected...aren't they supposed to start doing that with 8 or so guys left?
I was so annoyed that she turned down all the over night dates. Who says you have to have sex with the guys? Has Jillian ever heard of talking all night and maybe getting to know the guys better? She seems desperate enough to get engaged, so why wouldn't she want to spend as much time with the guys as possible. This reminds me of how she canceled the cocktail parties. She doesn't deserve to find a good guy or a "husband" in her case. She's an idiot. The only person I wouldn't have spent the night with is Wes. I bet someone told her she would look classy if she turned down the fantasy suites but she just ended up looking dumb and annoying. Every time the card came I was like I have to hear this speech again???
4 of 12 | Posted by winks523 | Posted on July 10, 2009 1:48 PM
Great recap! I didn't want Jillian to walk Wes to the limo - and as it turned out, was pointless.
Ed - no eye contact! What's that all about?
Krypton - yuck!
Reid - seems like the most normal there, it actually looked like they had fun.
Re the overnight dates.. if she had, everyone would be calling the s*ut card. Maybe it's not worth it!
5 of 12 | Posted by tommy girl | Posted on July 10, 2009 2:07 PM
"Did you know that she is here to find the person she is going to spend the rest of her life with?"
You know, Honey, I don't think she ever mentioned that!
"Now, my question is: Did Wes actually see a deformed bird, or is this some sort of Texan metaphor that only people who are comfortable localizing with the Spanish in Mexico understand?"
I'll clear the table for all you non-Texans out there and run my Texas-talking Babbelfish for y'all.
What Wes was trying to say in a language any commitmentphobic male Texan would have instantly got is that "footless bird" means "this bunny-boiling, probable ice pick-wielding, no-sex-without-promises-of-love-and-marriage-and-eternal-devotion-spouting broad wants me to talk about MY feelings? Does not compute. When I am not getting laid out of this? Or a beer? Or sex and a beer? And a bit of college football would be nice? Cheerleaders have grat tits. Tits. Shit. Will I be forced into having to fake passion with this chick to further my career *without* getting laid? Can she not tell by the fact I haven't washed myself or my clothes in weeks that I am totally not into her and think she's an idiot? How lame is she?"
The last bit of which easily translates into "That bird has no foot."
And she clearly doesn't have a foot -- or leg -- to stand on to keep him around any further. SO WHY DID SHE?
Any Texas girl would have gone, "Why, yes, Wes, it *is* a footless bird. Why don't you go lend it your third leg, you peckerhead, because you are so out." And then grabbed the nearest hot Spanish man to snog, because Spain's men are a lot better looking on the whole and I'm sure the city had plenty of hot tubs.
She's a couple of marbles short, is our Jilly, so no hot Spaniards, dang the luck. But thankfully not even *she* could not keep Wes around after a footless bird appeared more interesting than her questions of love and marriage and probing for eternally-devoted-to-her male types. (Or maybe he really was starting to get Frenchman-ripe there because he sure looked it.)
Poor Jilly. She came down to the Rose Ceremony dressed as Oksana Bayul skating to Swan Lake to show exactly how much of an Olympian effort it was for her to have to make the easiest decision ever to be decided like ever and get rid of Wes.
Even Chris can't bare to watch. I know ya'll think he wasn't sent to Spain at all, but I'm betting he was and got drunk on a lot of Sangria listening to Jillian deliberate before the Ceremony and threatened to strangle her if she DIDN'T JUST KICK THE DOUCHE INTO THE FRICKIN' OCEAN ALREADY BECAUSE HE IS TIRED OF HEARING THE MORON SING HIS "LOVE" SONG TO HER.
So, she does, because truly she needs Chris to be by her side in the next episode because kicking off potential lovemates is hard, y'all, and she was a lost little lamb out there.
And the first thing Wes did is -- burst into tears?
Oh Hell, no. He shook the other guys' hands, job well-done beating him, turning his back on the footless bird, who waits patiently and anxiously to walk him and give him her prepared speech.
He didn't care, you idiot. Wes was leaving his way and his way was turning to the guys -- the only people he marginally "respected" first place as they might still get to have sex with her. Have fun with that one, dudes, and sleep with a knife under the pillow b/c chica is a bit needy the way "Fatal Attraction" is merely a story of two star-crossed lovers with a failure to communicate.
A Texas girl would have put a hand on his shoulder, swung him around and punched his lights out, as he clearly deserved to have done.
Poor Wes. He'd reached the point where he was tiring of lying. Even liars ca be exhausted by someone as needy as Jillain apparently is. I was exhausted listening to her try to wrangle compliments and the "l" word out of those poor men, so I can empathize a bit there. How insecure can this woman be? These guys came on the show to be with her, whether it was "for real" or not. Can she not just lead them on the merry chase a way and stop being so danged worried about what they think about her? They are the ones who should be insecure of their position, not her.
Can you tell I've reached the point where I can't stand this woman and was cheering for Wes to make it one way or another? He all but had to Taser her to get himself offed so he could promote himself at the Dallas' House of Blues as "Wes From The Bachelorette."
6 of 12 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on July 10, 2009 3:07 PM
Oh Honey, Just a few more to go . . . Hope the pain isn't too too!
I think turning down the cards was her only way to play hard to get, and make the guys question it and want her. It would seem Ed is the chosen one at this point . . . TG, if you ask me . . . I feel rather sorry for our girl Lushy here . . . . this is not how it was supposed to turn out. I fear Reid's gonna be the guy with the prob's in the fantasy suite . . . he is a germ freak, and call me crazy, but germ freaks might not want to get down and dirty . . . if you catch my drift. I'm so glad I ate dirt as a child . . .
Wes is so discusting to me, in every way, but at least he was making her push him away, in his usual backhanded douchy way . . . even that Laurel is a lying sack of shit . . . she's on some site claiming she's not his gf . . . mmmhmmm . . . I guess a bachelor ho gets what she deserves.
7 of 12 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on July 10, 2009 3:10 PM
Jennaboa -- best comment ever! lol You made me laugh out loud.
Honey -- you do realize that you Americans are the ones who pronounce sorry completely wrong! It's sorry not "sah-ry", sheesh!
Jillian is still an embarrassment. She seems so proud of herself for getting rid of Wes by her own decision -- but umm....wouldn't it have still been her decision if she had paid attention to all the danger signs he gave off in addition to what the other guys were telling her? It wasn't until he basically smacked her in the face with his indifference that she woke up and got him gone. I bet she uses this episode in the future as more evidence that she's a "good judge of character".
Wes is simply a loser. Even without the lying and cheating, I could never understand what Jillian saw in him and his new-style comb-over (grease and spike that hair so no one notices you're losing it!). I expect he might have a potential career in porn, but definitely not music. Doesn't he realize that if you're a talentless hack of a "musician", first you have to make people like you so that they'll be hooked before you reveal your a-hole side so that they'll be willing to forgive you anything? To ask his potential audience to forgive bad music AND bad character right off the bat...yeah, good luck with that!
Seriously, this girl needs to get herself some therapy though. I agree that she basically eliminated any guy who might have a genuine interest in her. That's a whole lot of damaged self esteem. I feel sorry for her, but she does not need to be on tv exposing herself to more shame and ridicule!
8 of 12 | Posted by Lizbot | Posted on July 10, 2009 4:19 PM
OMG, you guys I'm laughing so hard reading all your comments. It brings me such joy to know that I'm not alone in my Bachelorette anger cloud. Hilarious! Lizbot - you are a trooper, my sweet, for putting up with all the Canada bashing.
Love you guys!
9 of 12 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on July 10, 2009 5:47 PM
Least climactic rose ceremony ever. will she finally get rid of Wes? well duhhh. It would have been way intersting if she kept him. Reid is the only one she has any chemistry with at all, which means she will probably eliminate him next. I always kind of liked that girl Jilly, but now I hate her. You're right Honey G, when did she get so small. When will she grow up. meh. who cares. Good on you for watching the show enough to comment on it.
10 of 12 | Posted by NegativeNancy | Posted on July 10, 2009 7:25 PM
lol Honey
Well I stick it out and forgive you because I enjoy your recaps so much --and we share a joint disgust/fascination of this ridiculous show! Joining hands across North America lol
11 of 12 | Posted by Lizbot | Posted on July 10, 2009 7:55 PM
This is definitely the best blog out there - way to go Honey! Love you!
My friend who doesn't watch the show (but I made her watch this time) said "she doesn't even have boobies"! So true! Little girl clothes...
Those out there are saying Wes had a bad edit - *ull*hit! He is bad to the bone and she couldn't see it!
12 of 12 | Posted by tommy girl | Posted on July 10, 2009 9:47 PM