The belle of the ball
APOLOGIES, beloved readers, on the arrival of this recap. The job that actually pays my bills took up an inordinate amount of my precious time this last week, but it shan't happen again! And before we start, I have to vent to you a tiny frustration about this season of The Bachelorette. ABC must have it out for me because they have decided to go and make each and every episode TWO HOURS LONG!!! I am only one woman so I am forewarning you now that there will be condensing of the episodes in this, my latest adventure in recapping. Please feel free to mention your favorite moments in the comments if I happen to gloss over them. My brain can only take so much searching for true love in one sitting. Okay, let's see how DeAnna's doing!
The Fortunate Fifteen gather outside the Mansion of Desperation to learn that this is not, in fact, where they will be living while they vie for DeAnna. They will be living in the shack out back down the path. However, three lucky guys each week will be invited to live in the Mansion of Desperation along with DeAnna. This week Jeremy, The Riddler and Richard are the chosen ones. This is, of course, because they were awarded the three First Impression Roses. In they trot to the other guys' dismay. DeAnna welcomes them inside and tells us that seeing each other first thing in the morning and last thing at night is the best way to find love. Interesting theory. The remaining chumps head down the path to their shack of bunk beds. Turns out that staying in the mansion isn't exactly glamorous. The guys get one tiny bedroom crammed with three twin beds. Oh the opulence.
Livin' in Beverly Hills
On the plus side, the guys in the bunkhouse get cowboy sheets. And a freezing cold outdoor shower with no curtain.
Camp Coldwater Canyon
The Mansion Three head down to the Bunkhouse Twelve to read to them the Date Card they've received. Card? The guys don't get a box? Why don't we just drop them into a pig sty and smear the manure all over their faces? Clearly ABC is trying to take them all down a notch or two. The Riddler reads the card and here's who is going on Date #1: Jason, Ryan, Twilley, Sean, Paul, Fred and Richard. "Do you believe in magic?"
Date #1: Magic Boys
We learn that this is DeAnna's first date since Brad. That's quite a dry spell. The super secret destination is the Magic Castle in Hollywood. I've driven past this, but I've never been inside. Apparently it's a magician's club and when you go there you get to see all kinds of illusions. The first magic trick Ryan wants to try is making the other guys disappear - hardy har. There is a mini magic show where the magician makes DeAnna and Jason get into a box and then disappear, sending them into a private room for some one-on-one time. We learn that Jason is from Seattle and that DeAnna's favorite food is Mexican. The guys speculate as to whether DeAnna is ready to kiss anyone yet. Jason dances around the issue of kids, but ultimately chickens out - yet again - on telling DeAnna about his little rug rat.
"Kids? Who said anything about kids?"
Back home, The Riddler and Jeremy head down to the bunkhouse again, this time with an actual date box. There's just a note inside and it says, "Graham, let's head to the shore to get swept away. Love DeAnna." The rest of the guys are mad.
« Hell's Kitchen: Recipe for Disaster | | Real Housewives of NYC: Just When You Thought You Were Over Them... »
Comments (10)
I get the feeling you recappers are like human shields for the rest of us, catching all the goo and gunk so we don’t have to. So thanks!
The Canadian: Gay. Or just looking to get on TV. Or both.
The Riddler: Ditto. (Not the gay part, the TV part. I can easily see him as the dumb-but-well-meaning sidekick on a bad Fox sitcom).
Ron: Definite anger issues. Never trust a person with no lips.
Jason: I knew a guy with the same smarmy smile. Most insincere, self-righteous kissass I’ve ever known. So it’s hard for me to look at him, let alone judge. But there’s zero chemistry between him and Deanna anyway.
Twilley: Cannon fodder.
Science Teacher Guy: Possible surprise candidate. Probably the only intelligent guy in the group. And say what you will about Deanna, she comes off as not too stupid. (Pretty too, although she reminds me a lot of the heroine in a Disney film).
Ryan: Why is it that all the ‘Christians’ on these shows are the biggest snakes of all? Guy spent most of his time taking potshots, setting them up in front of the others.
Bearded Brad guy: Blind alley. Either that, or he and Deanna are already together and the show is designed around them.
The Cook: Huh? Looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Bruce Lee with the Elvis haircut: Not a chance in hell.
1 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 2, 2008 12:17 AM
"The girls always boo hoo and wonder what's wrong with themselves. It's interesting to see the guys - they get really pissed off and wonder what's wrong with DeAnna."
This is like enough to write a thesis on.
Oh and seriously, you have to wonder about the people that go on this show. Men and women alike. How do say to yourself...I'm going to go on an ABC reality show to find love. How does that thought even form in your head?
2 of 10 | Posted by lawyerjenn | Posted on June 2, 2008 7:59 AM
HG-
Don't be too impressed with the home runs, they brought the home run wall in to half-field.
I like Jeremy. Ron's a douche.
I have to agree with Chris too, I would have been insulted to have creepy Twilley and Sean and his mullet stay over me.
Also, for making such a big deal of having guys live in the mansion we sure didn't see any of it, which makes me think it's not that big of an advantage.
3 of 10 | Posted by leenie | Posted on June 2, 2008 8:16 AM
Thank goodness that the recap came!!! Whoa, I was gettin' desperate!
I got really annoyed at Sean during his piano scene with Deanna. Bleh, he is SO uptight! It would have turned me off if a guy couldn't just go with it. If he can't deal with an interrupting toy, imagine how he'd be with an interrupting human! So ANAL!
I don't like Ron, either. He's got definite anger management issues. I wonder why she doesn't see that...yet.
I like Science teacher guy the best. I like Jeremy, too, but something seems a bit off about him. I don't know what it is yet!
Anyway, much to my surprise, I REALLY like this season. Two hours and all!
4 of 10 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on June 2, 2008 12:24 PM
Something must have been wrong with that Chris (aka Greg Brady) in order to keep a couple of those other jackasses.
Praise Jesus the bible basher is gone.
Ragin'Ron is going to go beserk.
The fugly Greek guy that thinks he is so hot got booted - serves him right, that egotistical twat.
I could go one about the other fellas, but I'll leave it at the douchebags that got kicked off and:
Puppy Dog Jason - it's like his friggin show. And I'm telling you he could be the last one standing. Ruff, ruff, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, pant, fart.
5 of 10 | Posted by bitchristine | Posted on June 2, 2008 12:55 PM
Does anyone know why Jason is a single Dad? It's not that common, so it sticks out...
6 of 10 | Posted by dani2526 | Posted on June 2, 2008 4:24 PM
Dani, probably because his wife dumped him for being an insufferable douchebag. It's the smile. Ick. Anyway, he didn't say he's raising his kid, just that he's leaving him for six weeks. Which probably means the kid misses a total of three actual visits. If he makes it to the end.
7 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on June 2, 2008 11:05 PM
Hey HG! Great (late-spank-spank) recap! I still didn't see this one, but I've caught up with this week. I'm with you on the 2 hours tho--Tivo was paused many, many times, and I had to push through to finish.
Ron was the biggest *ss to me, but probably the one I'd do in a dark alley. The riddler, Twilley and the mullet are, huhs!?
I don't have a favorite, nor to I particularly care, hope she finds who she wants, and I agree that Jeremy, Teach, Jason, and stubble are the front runners . . . .
8 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on June 3, 2008 12:32 PM
My favorite thing about Ryan was how overly dramatic he was. At the magic house: "If i don't get this rose tonight, I'm definitely going home!" then during the push-up competition he was like "I have to win this, i will win this." Then he promptly lost. It just made me laugh, and then the comment about friendliest 8th grader. Wow - I wish he was still on the show.
These guys are lame.
9 of 10 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on June 3, 2008 7:55 PM
Love the recaps, but I have to object to the bashing of Jesse or "The Riddler". Honestly he seems sweet, supportive of the other guys and overall there for the right reasons. Just because he's a snowboarder doesn't make him a slacker. He was on MTV's MADE where he taught a girl to become a snowboarder.
I'd rather give him a chance than Jason. Something about him just doesn't sit right, too needy...
10 of 10 | Posted by golfgirl | Posted on June 4, 2008 12:27 PM