Welcome to The Beautiful Life. I still don't know what the TBL is for, besides annoying me which Ashton Kutcher is exceptionally good at. I also still don't think this trick's making it past four episodes, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts!
The story of Cruella DeVille's youth has been in the works for decades, people.
Well, the first part of this show is a winner because it's a fake Zac Posen fashion show with real Zac Posen clothes! And they are gorgeous, stunning, fabulous, amazing, very modern day Elizabethan clothes. I want to wear all of them. This is already starting to remind me of the only Top Chef recap I ever wrote, when I spent the first five paragraphs carrying on about Padma's mini dress and white go-go boots.
Clowns attend formal events too.
So we're loving the fashion show, and like three seconds into it, here comes the bitchy model. "Don't trip on your Jimmy Choos," she sing-songs to the new girl as some other fashion show person runs around yelling, "I need a sewer!" Oh, the drama! Someone else mentions that it's New Girl's first show, and Bitchy follows up her original advice with the added sentiment "Break a heel!" New Girl ignores her, and struts her happy ass down the runway.
But onto bigger issues - there's a problem with Sasha. I don't understand why we can't just call her Mischa. But anyway, she's late. Something about some imaginary weather. We hear the people at the show telling us that there was some sort of dramatic disappearance six months ago, and then we see Mischa in the cab popping some pills. That's what I'm talking about!
For my teeth.
Back at the show, Zac's having a very poorly acted hissy fit, which is actually kind of a good thing when you think about it, saying that he needs Mischa here now! She's meant to wear his signature dress. Bitchy makes some crack about rehab, and the New Girl sticks up for Mischa. Do you see how we establish characters? It's good vs. evil. Very simple.
Over in a generic looking restaurant, there's a guy in a flannel shirt with a very...white family. In case the flannel shirt in New York City didn't clue you in, we are then assaulted with Mr. Midwest's solid family values when he loudly and angrily complains about an overpriced, overcooked porkchop. Flannel, righteous indignation about overpriced porkchops - this is where the heart is, folks. But let's stick one more bit of hay into the stack - he reminds his son that they'll be paying off this family vacation with the "next four harvests".
These prices are ridiculous! And how am I supposed to color on this menu without crayons! I'll bet they'll try to charge me a hundred dollars for those, too.
Back to the fashion action, where Mischa has finally fought through the imaginary weather and arrived at the show! She grabs her dress, pretend model walks into some back room...and pretend model walks right back out. "This dress isn't tailored for me!" she snaps. Oh, I so get that. Size Twos aren't tailored for me either. Anyway, Zac looks like he's going to let the dress out cause he's a sweetie, but some mean backstage lady whispers to him that "it's about the dress, not the girl". Bitchy runs up to him and volunteers to wear his signature creation, but of course she's ignored once he gets a look at New Girl. And the decision is made. "We need the entire team here now!" yells someone. Now, I appreciate a fashion show as much as the next superficial ho, but really? We need a team to get someone dressed and walking?
And we've also got to make a quick detour to Mr. Midwest and his son, Iowa. As Iowa's leaving the scene of the offensive overcooked porkchop, he happens to hear a sleazy looking guy with slicked back hair (See? See? Slicked back hair! That means he's the bad guy!) being an asshole to a waitress. Iowa being Iowa, he sticks up for the girl. Oh, and he also gives her some cash cause his cheapskate farmer Dad stiffed her. I get it. Making Dad an asshole makes Iowa look even more saintly. Anyway, Sleazy turns out to be a modeling agent, natch, and invites Iowa to his agency the next day.
Can you fit your fist in your mouth? Cuz the internet's where it's at right now.
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Comments (3)
Chickbomb,
way to take one for the team on this one, and great job. Just a question, but do you think if they started doing punked again Ashton Kutcher would stop producing stuff like this? I know nobody wants to see Punked, but it does look like the lesser of two evils.
Great job, this one will be over soon.
1 of 3 | Posted by waffleboy09 | Posted on September 24, 2009 10:59 PM
Loved your recap - this show is the worst - but I'll stick with it if I know you will be recapping
2 of 3 | Posted by ohionancy | Posted on September 25, 2009 9:00 AM
Your wish came through. A friend of mine who works on the show just got her walking papers. The show was cancelled.
Not sure how many have been filmed and not shown so you may have a few more recaps to do. If you bother. :p
3 of 3 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on September 26, 2009 7:00 AM