This time on The Shitty: The gang heads to Miami, where Jay runs into an ex, causing tension (mild tension) with Whitney; Allie acts unstable like always and she and Adam come to an impasse; and Olivia isn't in this episode at all! Mwahahahahaha!
Kiss!
All right, kids. I've got my Cascabel energy drink (it tastes like grape Nerds! And it says, "Drink if you dare!" on the can!) and my pinot grigio, so I'm super-ready for this recap of The Shitty.
Allie and Erin are at . . . some place . . . where Erin says she's excited to go to Miami for the weekend. Yeah, me too! Oh, that's right, I'm not going anywhere. Okay, MAYBE a matinee on Sunday. We'll see. Allie, who is apparently not excited about anything from the vacant stare on her face, can't go because she has a photo shoot with some hot model dude. Alright, let's get this out of the way: Some of you see warning signs of a.) an eating disorder, b.) drug abuse, or c.) all of the above. Since I have no experience with either a, b, or c, I can't say. But I will say this: Home-girl don't look so good today.
Stop talking. I handed you the ugly stick. Get them straight.
Maybe she's just super-tired, but wow. I've seen more energy in roadkill than in Allie right now. Erin asks if Adam gets jealous, and Allie says that he does, but basically eff him. Then Allie says that Adam and Jay get crazy in Miami, and Erin's all, uh-oh, are you cool with that?, implying that Adam might do something with some other girl when they're in Miami. Allie says she trusts him, then does this sort-of cute eye movement to imply that she really doesn't. And you know what? She shouldn't. But no, you guys, she totally does! Ugh, when is that Cascabel going to kick in?
I am so sick of this theme song. This ep is called "The Past Catches Up." Catches up with what? The future, that's what. Or the present. Or the . . . wait. I don't know. Apparently, the producers think that we only needed those 2 minutes with Allie and Erin discussing Miami before they violently hurl us across the eastern seaboard, because when the episode starts we're already in South Beach. What, no packing montage? Whatevs. Welcome to Miami.
Thank god this show isn't on 10 years ago, because you know they'd totally play that crappy Will Smith song about goin' to Miami (welcome to Miami), and something about partying til the break of dawn. And you're so welcome for getting that crap stuck in your head. The gang pulls up to The Fontaineblah hotel in some S.U.V. and . . . What the hell does Erin's t-shirt say? "I Ate Wham?" I don't know. Also, the people at The City think now is the appropriate time to introduce us (by caption) to . . . damn . . . "Pottsy," Jay's bandmate, and his girlfriend Jess. "Pottsy?" We see some girl's random ass, and then we're off to the beach, where Erin talks to some albino girl about . . . What's that? Oh. Oh, I see. The albino girl is actually Whitney. Poor kid, stuck in the city without sunlight for so long. One word, Whitney: Tancun. I'm sure there's one somewhere in the city. Oh, I guess Jess is Australian. Is everyone in Jay's band Australian? They talk about Jay and moving in.
Nickname: Flushsy
Meanwhile, over at the homoerotic pool, Jay asks if it's time for a flex-off. Looks like Judah Friedlander's brother has joined then. And everyone's wearing sunglasses in the pool, which is a pet peeve of mine. By the pool? Sure. In the pool? Lame. Talk soon turns to Jay moving in with Whit, which Jay turns into Adam getting his puss-on last week and making him move out. Jay then makes some thinly-veiled comment about Adam cheating on Allie. I don't think it's going to happen, actually. Or rather, I'm sure it will happen, but we won't see it onscreen.
Back to the girls lounging pool-side, where Whit blahs about how last time Jay was in Miami, he met Danielle. Remember Danielle? We haven't seen her, but in episode one, she was the one Jay said he'd call to prove that he wasn't with her. Ooh, Danielle lives in Miami. Apparently, according to some other girl (is it Sam? I don't know), she was "psycho" about Jay.
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Comments (6)
Yeah, man, what is up with Allie looking particularly bad this week? She's so sullen and sallow and totally the color that I turn when I have the flu.
And my thoughts EXACTLY on Danielle's clothes at the club! I was mortified FOR HER that she was dressed like an Iowa pedestrian.
1 of 6 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on February 26, 2009 9:30 AM
I feel all unfulfilled without my weekly Olivia.
2 of 6 | Posted by alex_w | Posted on February 26, 2009 3:09 PM
Don't worry. She'll repay you in spades next week.
Hope she's on the aftershow, too.
Another stellar recap, Hypno.
3 of 6 | Posted by nicevibe | Posted on February 26, 2009 5:58 PM
Hahahaahaha - "Um seriously? How many years were you on The Hills Sweetie?" I had the exact same thought!! I can't believe Whit-neh is THAT naive to NOT KNOW when something is STAGED!!! Oy ve is RIGHT!
Did anyone catch the aftershow? I saw it for the first time this week. Was it the first one (probably not)??? Anyhoo, who saw the deleted scene from The Hills where Lauren and Stephanie were discussing Whitney and Jay's first meeting? I can see why it was deleted. Lauren seemed stoned and COMPLETELY unable to form a coherent complete sentence! It was like she kept forgetting her line!!
4 of 6 | Posted by thatswhatshesaid | Posted on February 26, 2009 7:08 PM
I read somewhere that gap-toothed Jess is in the current Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Couldn't she do better than a dude named Pottsy?
She used to live with Jay, I believe, but I don't know if they were roomies or more (knowing him, probably more, unless it was an Adam/Allie sort of deal).
I think that the problem with this show is that everyone is so undernourished (and drugged) that they haven't enough energy to have emotions. I was amazed that Allie's tiny frame could hold up that big fur coat.
5 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on February 26, 2009 9:23 PM
Giselle Bundchen just married Tom Brady, Jess. It's time for you to get a clue and dump Pottsie before your prime model years are behind you.
Of course, Giselle makes $38 million a year, so she doesn't need Brady's money. Still, I'd rather look at him than Pottsie.
6 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on February 27, 2009 9:33 PM