Next is High Hair Adam who reveals that he has a twin named Grant who is also on the show. I wish Stacey would rename them like Flavor did with Thing 1 and Thing 2 on Flavor of Love. She could call them amphibian and fungus mailnly because Adam keeps calling her a fox! The name of this show is not "The Fox" dude. Get your mammals straight.
We meet Jim who asks how Stacey's doing and then we go straight to Austin. I guess Jim's going home. Four guesses to go. Austin says he's waited so long to meet Stacey and hasn't been able to sleep. A whole 2 weeks since the audition. How could he stand it?! The next guy, Silent Rich, says he's nervous and walks away. Ok, two down and three to go. Jim is a personal trainer and he gets down on one knee to say that there are 20 guys there and only one will win her heart. He then leans in and whispers "Me." I hate when people ask and answer their own questions. Ryan is 29, a marine and a little too old to be on this show. He promptly tells Stacey that she looks way too old to be a cougar. Damn Ryan! What's older than a cougar? A pterodactyl? Methuselah? Joan Rivers? But then he realizes his blunder and says she looks too young to be on TV Land - I mean a cougar.
Next is Officer Nick. He tells Stacey that she's under arrest (how original) for stealing his heart (barf) and she has the right to remain delicious (huh?) Then he licks her.
David presents Stacey with that big ass tree he disguised as flowers, Dan says he has everything in the world except a woman and Pool Boy Bodie tells Stacey he'll be her pool boy. Well of course you will because that's what you are, a pool boy. What else could you possibly offer the 48 million dollar woman who can tie her shoes without looking? But hold up; he says he'll be her pool man by the end of this. I guess it'll be unique to lose his virginity on TV.
The next dude is a martial arts instructor named Johnny. He awkwardly spins Stacey around and holds her in the downward dog position while he introduces himself. Kevin is UNEMPLOYED and has ONLY had two loves of his life. Isn't the love of your life supposed to only happen like once in a lifetime or maybe twice if the first one dies. Also, he's 23 and unemployed. Stacey doen't need a fifth kid to put through college. Third one down, two to go. Brad the Bear is next. He says that they'll get along great because that's what cougars and bears do. And then he does the "booty shake."
That's a little gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Maybe he should go on The Bachelor instead. I'm just saying. Anyway, Joe puts on a hunter hat, looks around for about 15 seconds and then asks Stacey if she's the cougar he's looking for. She says yes. He says he looks forward to getting to know her and walks away. He took a potentially corny pickup line and made it downright dumb.
JD is next. He gets uncomfortably close to Stacey and recites some creepy poem. Stacey further cements her place in the Bimbo Hall of Fame and asks if that was Shakespeare. Yes because who can forget such classic lines as "How will you taste me if I'm not what's on your plate? How could we conceive if our feelings could ever wait?" Unless you hear a thou shalt, thine, or henceforth, it ain't Shakespeare honey. He's kinda got a serial killer look going on too.
Colt, the ukelele/guitar owner, sings a song about how Stacey likes little boys over 17. The introductions are finally over and I'm hoping she'll eliminate 19 of them and just pick the pool boy so she can find her man and he can become one.
Stacey chooses Travis "I like girls, I swear" to be safe from elimination and they go off on their one on one time. He's just way too pretty in my opinion. The rest of the guys pile into the house and they are really excited to see the pool table, the fireplace and this.
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Comments (17)
I didn't (and won't) watch, but I really enjoyed your recap.
I think you nailed the situation. None of those guys would want to be a serious father figure to four step kids... nor would she be satisfied with any of these shallow specimens.
I hope the space aliens aren't judging our planet based on our TV shows. If so, we are surely doomed!
1 of 17 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on April 18, 2009 12:09 PM
this show is just wrong, why are these guys on the show? There are tons of older women wondering around out there that would date younger guys (i'm guessing). This sort of feels like a casting call.
the whole 'kiss me (insert name here)' this just gets creepier with each kiss, there is just something so dirty about it
2 of 17 | Posted by carol | Posted on April 18, 2009 1:29 PM
There already was a show that pitted older women against younger women vying for the 'heart' of some tennis player. That show really sucked.
Wish I could watch this one, but TVLand won't let me (fuckers)...looks like it'll make a great trainwreck.
Why is the cougar's face always twisted up?
3 of 17 | Posted by itchy | Posted on April 18, 2009 2:17 PM
L Boogie! I'm glad you found a new show to recap, but I am sad you have to sit through this every week. haha.
I may have to start watching it, too, so I can follow your recaps, because in the infamous words of Mr. Guy Patterson: "You. Are. My. Biggest. Fan!"
4 of 17 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on April 18, 2009 3:13 PM
here4beer, the fact you just made a "That Thing You Do!" reference makes me totally want to marry you (you know if it weren't for the I'm already married thing).
LBoogie, funny recap, although I'm going nowhere near this show.
5 of 17 | Posted by JasonR | Posted on April 19, 2009 11:14 AM
Kevin ripped off the "Australian Kiss" joke off the youtube video titled Martine's "Australian Kiss" for Mark Furze (@ 1:53!) SSep6
6 of 17 | Posted by andrinaluvsmart | Posted on April 19, 2009 11:48 AM
JasonR:
C'mon. So far no one's willing to watch with me! Guess I'll have to suffer alone. I used to have a bf named Jason R. I hope you're not him....you're not from jersey and unable to commit are you? :-)
7 of 17 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 19, 2009 4:47 PM
itchy:
You're not missing much but did you try tvland.com? If you really want to suffer, try to watch the episode there. And yes, there is something up with her face but I didn't want to say anything and risk sounding jealous or ageist. Yikes!
8 of 17 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 19, 2009 4:52 PM
here4beer:
You're back! You have to watch, no one else will so far.
9 of 17 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 19, 2009 4:53 PM
carol:
That kissing thing is beyond gross. Plus these guys are young so you know there's STDs floating around not to mention mono, cold sores etc...These guys are in my age range so it's ok for me to stereotype - right? :-)
10 of 17 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 19, 2009 4:58 PM
Glad you enjoyed it! If she had one or two kids, maybe she'd have a shot; but four kids! None of these guys are looking for that kind of responsibility.
11 of 17 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 19, 2009 5:10 PM
here4beer & JasonR: Swingin's good, right?
I TiVo'd this show in the perverse hope that my wife would watch it, and I could a) make fun of her and b) satisfy my morbid curiosity. But I came to my senses and decided to just read the recap instead. Sounds like I chose wisely.
12 of 17 | Posted by Copyhacker | Posted on April 19, 2009 6:30 PM
Sorry so late to chime in here, but this was some funny-ass stuff! Way to go L-Boogie, I hope this show doesn't destroy your faith in reality-TV stupidity.
love, J-Mo :)
13 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on April 24, 2009 9:00 AM
Thanks fam; this show has only increased my faith in the depths of stupidity allowed on TV. I'm a believer!
14 of 17 | Posted by L Boogie
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Posted on April 25, 2009 6:14 PM
Clearly the biggest winner is the twin brother (Grant) who took himself off the show. He escaped STD-free and salvaged his cougar reputation. Lets be honest, if "winning" this show gets you a senior citizen and 4 kids....NO ONE WINS!!!
15 of 17 | Posted by steph | Posted on April 27, 2009 6:43 PM
Have any of these people ever heard of mono?
Or oral herpes?
They have now.
16 of 17 | Posted by Paper Street | Posted on May 13, 2009 10:15 PM
40 isn't exactly "senior citizen!" But, this reality show is probably the most difficult to watch. The kiss off--eewwww! It seems if they really wanted to do a "cougar" show, they should have had someone a little more edgy, not a overly botoxed soccer mom.
17 of 17 | Posted by HaileyBo | Posted on May 31, 2009 7:06 PM